by Ellie Hall
This was getting creepier by the minute.
“It was a stupid young dream I had which quickly faded as I got into real life. I didn’t expect to see you walking towards me at the airport and when I did, the gangly teenage years came flooding back to me and I suddenly wanted you to notice me again. The more we talked, I knew I couldn’t call things off. And since Brandon and I look very similar I decided to deceive you.”
My eyes started to water at his admission of willingly lying to me.
“I know it wasn’t right and I was going to tell you, but the moment never came.”
“So you were going to have your brother tell me?” I asked.
Zach looked at Brandon, irritated. “I didn’t tell her. She saw me talking to Laura and put the pieces together herself.”
Zach looked back at me, seemingly satisfied that his brother had remained loyal. “I was going to tell you tonight. My boss has been nagging me to come back to the office and I’ve been putting this off for too long. There was no way I could push it any further even if I wanted to.”
“So you’re from Florida then?” I asked.
His lips curled into a smile, though it didn’t reach his eyes. “Yes. From Spring Hill.”
“I’m surprised we never met each other there,” I said, talking to myself.
“It is a small town but not that small.”
“Were you expecting me to be happy about your lies and follow you back to Florida so I could pick up my life again?”
“I was hoping you would forgive me. Yes,” he admitted.
I tried to push the tears from my eyes, blinking them back. “This isn’t just some little white lie that can be fixed with an apology, Zach.”
“I know, but the feelings I had for you back in high school pale in comparison to how I feel about you now. I don’t think it was a coincidence that we met again like this. I’ll do anything to earn back your trust, please just give us a chance.”
“I’m not even sure our wedding is legal, Zach.”
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“I married you thinking you were a different man.”
“I used my real name on the marriage certificate. We are legally husband and wife.”
I closed my eyes. “I just can’t do it Zach. I feel betrayed, hurt, and the weight of a thousand bricks being placed on my chest. I can’t handle it right now. I need to go back to Florida so I can make a decision without you clouding my mind.”
He nodded. “Let’s go back together and when you’re ready to forgive me, give me a call.” He pulled my hand into his, rubbing the top of it. I yanked it away quickly, sniffling then wiping at my eyes.
“I’ll take a separate plane. I don’t want to look at you right now.” The anger had been replaced by an aching I had never felt before. I could hardly breathe, and I needed some time alone to think.
He nodded and stood up. “Brandon, can you take care of her ticket?”
“Yeah,” he said quietly. “And for the record, I think you make a great addition to our family.”
“Will you try to get me a plane ticket for today?” I asked Brandon. I could do it myself, but Zach had already asked his brother for help and I wanted as little contact with them as possible.
Brandon stood and went to the computer that was sitting in the living room, the computer that Zach had never used. The computer that Zach said was broken. Another piece of the puzzle clicked into place. I never thought I’d have all my questions answered in one fatal swoop. It marked the death of our ill-fated marriage.
9
Emma
I sat in my best friend’s apartment with no job and nowhere to live. And it was all Zach’s fault. Why did he have to lie to me when he saw me at the airport? He knew I was from Florida, and if he really wanted to pursue me, he could have told me the truth and followed me back. It would have worked. He was cute and adorable and now I was hopelessly in love with him after only two weeks. It wouldn’t have taken that much to persuade me. Especially if he was being truthful.
I kicked my teenage self for not noticing him when we were younger. All this could have been avoided if I had been less shallow in my youth. Now though, every way I looked at it, our marriage couldn’t work. I had to get an annulment because his lies were a deal breaker for me. I had known too many jerks throughout my life who had lied to me. So many, I couldn’t even count. To know someone I had trusted so thoroughly, and almost given myself to, had lied to me on a level I had never been lied to before. It was a new low for me.
“What are you going to do?” Jessica asked.
I shook my head. “I don’t know.”
“Go apply for your old job. I know your position hasn’t been filled yet.”
“Do you think they’ll take me back?” I asked.
“I know they’ll take you back. Your position is not an easy one to fill and John has been cursing himself the entire two weeks you’ve been gone.”
“That’s good news at least.” It was a comfort to know I didn’t lose my job even if I had lost my marriage.
“And you have a place to stay as long as you want. I have an extra room so it’s not a problem,” Jessica reassured me.
“I know, but I hate to inconvenience you like this.”
“It’s not an inconvenience. Plus, I happen to know there are several apartments available to rent in my building.”
I laughed. Jessica had been trying to get me to move next to her for years, she might actually get her wish now.
It was surprisingly easy to get my old life back. My boss was thrilled that my marriage didn’t work out, which I wasn’t sure was a good thing or not. Only now, my life felt empty. The satisfaction I used to get from my career was completely gone and most of my thoughts were filled with wondering where Zach was. He was still my husband, and yet I hadn’t talked to him in a week.
“You want to go to lunch?” Jessica asked.
I looked at the time on my screen. “Lunchtime came fast.”
“That’s just because you’re so busy trying to get caught up on all the work you missed while you were gone.”
I smiled. “Which seems so unfair. You guys should have been handling this stuff while I was gone. You are lucky I came back.”
“Have you talked to Zach yet?” Jessica asked.
I sobered. “No.”
“Are you going to?”
“No,” I said stubbornly.
“How is that going to work?” she asked.
“I’ve already talked to my lawyer. He’s writing up an annulment as we speak.”
“So you’re just going to have your lawyer send him the annulment papers?” Jessica looked at me all judgy.
“Pretty much,” I said, ignoring her disapproval.
“That’s harsh, you know.”
I looked at her. “What’s harsh is that he married me under false pretenses.”
“I know, I know,” Jessica said, trying to calm my ruffled feathers. “Let’s go to Pickles for lunch.”
I smiled. “You’re trying to bribe me with my favorite restaurant.”
“Just think of it as an annulment party.”
“Are you allowed to have a party for an annulment?” I asked.
“You can have parties for anything,” Jessica reassured me.
I chuckled, grabbing my purse, flinging it around my shoulder. “You drive,” I said.
“Got it,” she reassured me.
As we stepped out of the building, we were met with a very handsome Zach, holding a bouquet of flowers. My heart fluttered just at the sight of him. It wasn’t a good sign.
“Who is that hottie? Some girl in our company has got it good,” Jessica said, waggling her eyebrows.
I ignored her as Zach stepped in front of me, extending his hand with the bouquet.
“How are you doing?” he asked.
I didn’t take his offered flowers and he pulled them back.
“I’m doing okay,” I said.
He looked at my buildin
g. “You got your job back.”
“How did you know?” I asked.
“I took a guess. You have only been gone for two weeks and by the way you talked about your job, I knew you enjoyed it.”
I nodded.
“I bet your boss was happy you came back,” he said, trying to make this awkward moment, not so awkward with small talk. When I didn’t respond to him, he continued, “How are you feeling?”
I let out a breath. “Do we have to do this here?”
“No. Can I take you to lunch?”
I looked at Jessica. She nodded her head vigorously.
“Sure,” I said.
Ugg this was awkward. Way more awkward than when we got married out of the blue.
“Where do you want to go?” he asked.
Jessica stepped up. “I’m her co-worker and friend, Jessica. We were just about to go to her favorite restaurant, Pickles.”
He smiled. “That’s one of my favorites too.”
“You take her, and I’ll go back and eat some old Chinese food from the cafeteria.” Jessica nodded at me as if she was looking forward to gross Chinese food.
Zach chuckled while I tried to hold back my smile at her reference to bad Chinese food. There was no way she knew about our first date experience though it seemed a fitting end to our relationship.
“Thanks,” I told Jessica.
“If you need anything give me a call,” she said before leaving us alone.
“My car’s just over here,” Zach said, trying to hand me the flowers again.
I reluctantly took them this time, knowing it would be too awkward if I continued to refuse them.
I followed him to his car. The one that he actually owned this time. It didn’t take us very long to get to the restaurant where we were seated at a small booth near the back.
Before I even had time to gain my composure, he started up again. “You look really good.”
“Thank you.” I fidgeted with the menu.
“Have you been able to find somewhere to live?” he asked.
“I’m staying with the girl you met back at my work.”
He nodded. “That’s good.”
I focused on the menu even though I knew what I wanted.
“I’m not pressuring you or anything, but I have a lot of room in my house. I want you to know that there’s a place for you when you’re ready.”
I swallowed back the lump in my throat. “About that Zach.” I fidgeted with the menu then grabbed my water and chugged it down, finally looking at him again. “I don’t think it’s going to work between us.”
He fisted his hands on the table. “You don’t even want to give us a chance?”
“I’ve thought about it every which way I could and have come up with the same brick wall every time. I just can’t trust you. You can’t be married to someone you don’t trust. The whole foundation in marriage is trust. If it’s not there, there’s no way to have a solid marriage.”
“And you don’t think you will ever be able to forgive me and learn to trust me again?”
I shook my head. “No.”
He swallowed. “So you want to end our marriage?”
I nodded slowly.
He relaxed his fists. “I’m sorry was already said.”
I just nodded again.
The meal was awkward at best. I couldn’t look him in the eyes, and he didn’t have much more to say to me either. The food was tasteless, and I wondered if I would ever be able to enjoy the things I had loved so much before again.
Zach paid the bill then walked me back to his car. The ride back to my work was even more awkward than the meal we had just shared. More awkward then our first car ride. More awkward then kissing a stranger. I probably should have waited to tell him that our marriage wouldn’t work until after we ate.
As I opened my door to get out, he stopped me. “Wait.”
I turned back to him. “I just want to say the two weeks getting to know you were everything I ever imagined it would be, and wanted to make sure one final time that this is really the decision you want to make.”
“I feel the same way Zach. Getting to know you was one of the happiest times of my life. If it were done under different circumstances, I know we could have had a future. I’m sorry it had to end this way, and I’m sorry I didn’t give you a chance in high school.” I wiped the tears from my eyes.
He nodded.
“I’ve already had my lawyer draw up the annulment papers. You’ll be getting them shortly,” I said.
“If that’s the case, I think this is the best decision for us,” he said resolutely.
I turned my eyes to meet his. Was he really done fighting for me, and was I okay with it?
He nodded. “Just like honesty is a deal breaker for you, forgiveness is a deal breaker for me. I started this, and if I could take it back I would in a heartbeat. I can’t change what I did, but I need someone who is willing to give me grace. Marriage is a lot of work, if there is no forgiveness, I’m afraid it was doomed to fail from the beginning.” His eyes held sorrow. “I wish you well, and if nothing else, it was good to fulfill my foolish teenage fantasies. Thank you.”
I nodded, quickly exiting the car, leaving his flowers on the seat behind me, and walking away from what could have been a spectacular future. I sat in the lobby until I got my emotions under control. I could overcome this. I had to overcome this.
10
Zach
One year later.
This was a brilliant comeback, I thought sarcastically. I’d finally accepted a blind date after a year of trying to forget, and I was stood up.
I sat on a seat in the bow of the smallish boat as we sailed towards our snorkeling destination. This was supposed to be a fun date, getting to know someone new, and instead I was the only one on board who was alone.
There were groups of people, there were couples, and there was me. A poor single guy who was probably now fated to be alone forever because of one foolish act I had made on an impulse.
The announcer blared instructions over the intercom, telling us we were about to arrive to our destination. A very small island on one of many in the Keys. This one was rumored to have the best snorkeling.
I stood as the boat came to a stop and looked around. It was gorgeous here, a vast difference from my brother’s ocean, which wasn’t a bad thing. Oregon was now Emma territory. I had been back to my brother’s place once, but all I could think about while there was Emma, and how that fleeting moment of my life was gone forever. I wasn’t sure if I would be able to go back to visit him again, which meant I would likely only see my brother on major holidays in Minnesota. At least until I could find somebody new.
I grabbed my snorkeling gear then lined up behind a small group of people who were giddy with excitement.
I smiled as I listened to their conversation. “Why didn’t you invite Derek?” somebody asked.
“We broke up,” was the answer.
Only this voice sounded familiar. I shook my head. Now I was inserting Emma’s voice into my consciousness. This was not a step forward.
I turned to look at the ocean, trying to block out the conversation, but it kept pulling back at the sound of Emma’s voice.
I didn’t look their way.
“I thought you liked Derek.”
“I did,” was her short answer.
“Then what was the problem?”
“I didn’t feel like he was the one,” she said evasively.
“Honey, you are going to have to get over that idiot sooner or later. It’s been a year.”
The Emma voice was being reprimanded and I was tempted to break into their conversation to defend the girl. I knew exactly how she felt. But it was none of my business.
“I know,” the Emma said.
“Why don’t you call him?”
“There’s no point in trying to go back when there isn’t a future.”
“I’m not talking about Derek. You have been pining over Zach for a year.
In my opinion, you shouldn’t have broken up with him.”
My stomach twisted. Was I in the twilight zone?
“I know.”
“Go back and beg on your hands and knees, if necessary.”
Everything that happened next seemed like it happened in slow motion. I turned my head to focus on the group. Most of them were ignoring the conversation.
Only the girl interrogating was focused as she shifted, giving me a view of who she was talking to. My heart pounded as Emma came into view.
“It’s too late,” Emma said quietly.
“Honey, it’s never too late,” Jessica said.
I placed Emma’s friend immediately.
“He’s probably already moved on and happily married to somebody who was more forgiving.”
“You’re not going to know unless you go find out. If you ask me, you’re being too stubborn.”
“It’s not as simple as that,” Emma said.
“I don’t get you,” Jessica reprimanded.
“Honestly, I hope he’s moved on and is extremely happy right now. He deserves it.”
“What’s stopping you from finding out?” Jessica asked.
“When I told him I couldn’t forgive him for lying to me, he told me he couldn’t be with someone who didn’t know how to forgive. Even if everything else lines up on paper, his parting words made me realize there wasn’t any going back. We both made our decisions. Trying will only bring unnecessary heartache to both of us. I won’t do that to him even if my feelings have changed.”
“If you ask me, it’s a waste,” Jessica said.
“His wounds are probably healed. If I come back, it’ll just open them up again. I can’t risk it,” Emma said.
“So you’re gambling on your future happiness?” Jessica asked.
“I already gambled and lost.”
At Emma’s words everything fit back into place, our lives melded together again with one small conversation.
I cleared my throat, stepping forward. “Zach hasn’t moved on yet,” I said, butting into their conversation.
The whole group of girls turned to me at the same time.