‘Aye aye, Cap’n!’ chirped Cutlass, flapping his wings. ‘I can fly in and peck them all awake.’
‘I can sneak in and steal a crown,’ Monty said stubbornly.
‘No!’ cried Patch and Cutlass at the same time. ‘Please, Monty,’ Patch added, as the Golden Earring pirates began tiptoeing towards the treasure. ‘Trust me on this! Leave the treasure well alone and I’ll … I’ll smuggle some bananas out of the kitchen for you when we’re back on board ship.’
Monty wrinkled his nose. ‘Hmm,’ he said. ‘But I wanted a crown.’
(Meanwhile, slowly and silently, the Golden Earring pirates had reached the chest.)
‘Then I’ll … I’ll make you a crown,’ Cutlass said desperately. ‘A really cool pirate crown, out of feathers … and shells … and …’
‘And fish bones!’ Patch added helpfully. ‘How about that?’ Then her eyes went all glassy for a moment. ‘Mmmm … fish …’ she sighed.
Monty scratched his flea scabs, considering. ‘Hmm,’ he said again.
(Meanwhile, slowly and silently, Captain Halibut was sliding the small golden key into the treasure-chest lock. Click! It fitted perfectly.)
‘Well?’ Patch hissed. ‘What do you think? You’ll help us and you won’t try to take any of the cursed treasure – and in return, we’ll do those things for you?’
‘And I’ll be king of the ship?’ Monty persisted.
Patch growled in her throat. ‘You’ll be king of the ship,’ she promised, just as Captain Halibut lifted the lid of the treasure chest. Patch blinked at the dazzling heap of gold and silver and jewels inside – goblets, trinkets and crowns, all glittering and gleaming in the light.
‘Hello, my beauties,’ whispered Captain Halibut in wonder. ‘You’re mine now. All mine!’
‘Do we have a deal?’ Patch asked Monty urgently.
‘Okaaaaay,’ grumbled Monty.
‘Thank goodness for that,’ said Patch. ‘Now, let’s make some noise!’
‘MEOWWWWW! YOWWWLLLLL!’ went Patch, leaping out into the clearing, her fur on end.
‘SQUAWK! SCREECH! SHRIEK!’ went Cutlass, swooping down to peck the Black Heart pirates awake.
‘OOOH! OOH! AHH! AHH! GIBBER GIBBER OOH AHH!’ went Monty, capering about excitedly, throwing pebbles and sticks around.
‘What the …? Whoa!’
‘Wait!’
‘What?’ yelled the Black Heart pirates as they woke up, one by one.
‘Thieves!’
‘Villains!’
‘Grab the treasure and run!’
Captain Crunchbone leaped to his feet with a mighty roar of rage. ‘Oh no you don’t!’ he bellowed. He slammed the lid of the treasure chest shut with a bone-shaking BANG then pushed Captain Halibut flat on his back.
‘Wargh!’ cried Halibut, whacking his head on the grog bottle.
The Black Heart pirates grabbed the chest and charged off back towards the beach at top speed. The Golden Earring pirates raced after them, thundering through the jungle with bloodthirsty war cries. Patch, Cutlass and Monty had no choice but to rush along too, with Patch desperately hoping that the rival pirates would beat her own crew.
THUMP! BUMP! THUD! Captain Halibut’s team took a wrong turn and tumbled into a deep pit.
‘Ha ha!’ jeered the Black Heart pirates, racing to cross a rocky river and leaving them behind.
But as soon as the Golden Earring crew had scrambled out of the pit, they discovered a nifty shortcut by swinging on vines across the river.
‘Wheeeeeee! Whooaaaaaa!’ cried Patch, clinging on with every claw.
‘Ha HA!’ yelled Captain Halibut as they closed in on the enemy again.
By the time they were back on the sandy beach, the rival crews were neck and neck. ‘Arrrr! You horrible hammerhead! Hand over my treasure or ELSE!’ bellowed Captain Halibut, in such a terrifying voice that Patch’s pointy ears trembled and Butch had a little accident.
‘You’ll have to fight us for it!’ yelled back Captain Crunchbone, shooting a blunderbuss into the air with a mighty BOOM! CRACK! Then came the swishing of silver blades as every single member of his crew pulled out shiny cutlasses and swung them aloft.
‘They mean business, all right,’ said Patch to Cutlass in alarm, as the Black Heart pirates took three steps forward, with menacing expressions on their faces.
‘Weapons, crew, weapons!’ cried Captain Halibut, patting his pockets as he and the Golden Earring pirates took three steps back. ‘Who’s got our weapons?’
‘Um …’ said Cannonball, holding out a rolling pin. ‘I’ve got this …’
‘And I’ve got … er … these,’ offered Ginger, clenching her puny little fists.
‘And I’ve got … a really, really bad feeling in my tummy and I’m going to run away now. Byeeee!’ cried Butch, turning and sprinting for the safety of the ship. ‘Waahhhhhh!’
‘Er …’ said Captain Halibut desperately. ‘We … er … could toss a coin for the treasure? Arm-wrestle, maybe?’
The Black Heart pirates burst out laughing.
‘Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Toss a coin, he says. I don’t think so, matey,’ snarled Captain Crunchbone. ‘Go on, you pack of chumps, before I really give you something to squeal about. Sling your hooks. We won the treasure, fair and square. And we’re gonna keep it.’ He sniggered. ‘By the way, thanks for finding the key for us. Very helpful of you.’
Captain Halibut’s shoulders slumped in defeat. So did Ginger’s. Cannonball tucked his rolling pin back in his apron pocket with a sigh. Then the three of them turned and trudged towards the Golden Earring with heavy hearts, all thinking glumly about the gold and silver and jewels that had so nearly been theirs.
Patch, Cutlass and Monty followed, glancing back to see the Black Heart pirates loading the treasure chest onto their ship with cheers and another round of singing.
‘YES, crew,’ said Patch in relief. ‘We did it. Between us, we actually did it. ARRRR!’
‘We totally saved the day,’ Cutlass beamed. He gazed upwards as a seagull soared squawking above them, and chuckled to himself. ‘That reminds me. Cap’n, I say, I say, I say: why does a seagull fly over the sea?’
‘I don’t know,’ Patch replied, treading carefully across the hot sand. ‘Why does a seagull fly over the sea?’
‘Because if it flew across the bay, it’d be a bagel,’ Cutlass chortled. ‘A bay gull, get it, matey?’
Patch laughed. Even Monty smirked.
‘Good one,’ said Patch.
‘Talking of bagels …’ said Monty. ‘I’m hungry. Is it banana time yet?’
‘Any minute now,’ Patch promised as they headed up the gangplank.
On board the Golden Earring, the rest of the crew were still rather subdued as they prepared to set sail.
‘Never mind, Cap’n,’ said Butch, trying to cheer him up. ‘We might not have got the treasure this time, but at least we haven’t been cursed. I’m not one to panic, but – between you and me – I was a bit worried about that, you know …’
Captain Halibut gave a snort. ‘Cursed? Codswallop,’ he said … just as there was a huge CRACK! FIZZ! BOOM! from behind them.
They spun round just in time to see a freak bolt of lightning zapping the Black Heart … which immediately blew up the gunpowder barrels on deck. KABLAM! Captain Crunchbone’s hat was blown clean off his head and went sailing through the air. ‘Yikes!’ he cried, leaping off the ship in alarm.
Within seconds, the Black Heart was ablaze. Smoke billowed. Flames tore through the skull-andcrossbones flag, and the burning masts toppled into the sea.
SPLASH! SPLOSH! BADOOSH!
One by one, the crew followed their captain, diving into the sea.
Plop, plop, plop.
Then they were all swimming back to the island as fast as they could.
‘Whoa!’ cried Ginger, watching the scene from up in the crow’s nest.
‘So the treasure was cursed!’ breathed Cannonball, his eyes bulging.
Captain Halibut gave a cough and fiddled with his beard. ‘Which is why, of course, I let the Black Heart pirates have it,’ he declared. ‘Arrrr, didn’t you realize that was my plan all along?’
The other pirates looked uncertain, as well they might.
‘Umm …’ said Ginger politely.
Just then, Captain Crunchbone’s hat, caught on the breeze, flew across to the Golden Earring where it landed neatly on Patch’s head.
‘Meow!’ she cried in surprise.
‘It’s Captain Cat!’ Butch guffawed. ‘Suits you, kitty!’
Captain Halibut snatched the hat off Patch’s head. ‘There’s only one captain around here,’ he said sternly, nailing it to the mast. ‘But this can be a lesson to any other pirates who think they can defeat the Golden Earring crew. Ahaarrr!’
‘Ahaarrr!’ the others cheered joyfully, even Patch, Cutlass and Monty.
‘Let’s get out of here,’ Captain Halibut decided as ash started drifting across from the still-burning Black Heart. ‘Hoist the mainsail! Anchor away! To our next amazing adventure … onward!’
Moments later, the Golden Earring was sailing away from the island and, as the sea breeze ruffled her fur, Patch felt as if she and her pirate pals had helped bring about a very lucky escape. In fact, it wasn’t long at all before everything seemed to have returned to normal on board the ship.
Captain Halibut was putting his foot up and snoozing in his deckchair.
Cutlass was busily weaving Monty a crown out of feathers and shells and fish bones, as well as thinking up some excellent new jokes.
Monty was curled up in a coil of rope, nibbling one of the bananas Patch had pilfered for him and looking rather smug. ‘I pushed Patch in the quicksand, I’m getting my very own crown, I’ve got three bananas all to myself AND I’m king of the ship,’ he chortled. ‘It’s my lucky day!’
Ginger was up in the crow’s nest, writing a postcard to her mum and dad to tell them all about her latest adventures.
Butch was at the ship’s wheel, humming a song to himself and making up some new words for it very quietly under his breath, so that he wouldn’t get told off.
‘Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum,
Captain Halibut’s got a big bum.
Our pirate crew is the bravest at sea,
We’re not scared of anything – ’specially not me!’
As for Patch the Captain Cat … well, after a sneaky spot of claw-sharpening on the mast, she had settled down in a warm pool of sunshine on deck for a cosy catnap. The ship was peaceful. Everything was calm. Shush … shush … sighed the sea against the sides of the ship and for once even the screeching seagulls fell silent.
But just then … BANG! went the kitchen door, swinging open, and out came Cannonball. His apron was filthy, and there appeared to be a fish flapping in his pocket, but he looked very pleased with himself.
‘Now I know we were all a bit disappointed about the treasure,’ he announced, ‘so I thought I’d make us some lovely grub to cheer everyone up. To start with, there’s my legendary tentacle stew …’
Butch let out a whimper.
‘And for afters I’ve made some yummyscrummy jellyfish jelly!’ Cannonball went on. ‘Special treat!’
‘Bleeurgh, ’ wailed Ginger.
Cannonball ignored them, beaming across at Monty. ‘As for my favourite little pal … there’s an extra-big bowl for you. I insist. Come and get it!’
Patch couldn’t help giggling at the look of pain on Monty’s face that appeared with these words. ‘Maybe you’re not quite so lucky after all,’ she teased him. Then, as the fish flung its way out of Cannonball’s apron with a gigantic leap, Patch pounced on it with her two front paws, catching it neatly.
Oh YES! Sometimes, life as a pirate cat turns out to be quite purrfect, she thought with a grin.
THE END
Turn the page for an exclusive extract from Captain Cat’s next adventure …
It was a breezy afternoon on board the Golden Earring and the crew was … well, the crew was nowhere to be seen, actually. The pirates had dropped anchor in Ingot Bay earlier that day and were now all enjoying some time on dry land, stretching their sea legs and loading supplies.
Captain Patch the cat was supposed to be guarding the ship to make sure they didn’t have any unwanted visitors. As the FIERCEST pirate cat on all seven of the high seas, she had a terrifying scowl, a bone-chilling yowl and a growl that would make your hair stand on end.
But don’t forget she was also a cat. A cat who really, REALLY liked fish. And the smell from the nearby docks was very hard to ignore.
Mmmm … fish, she thought to herself, nostrils twitching dreamily at the pong.
It wouldn’t hurt to slip away from the ship for a teeny, tiny minute, she decided, watching the fishing boats returning to the harbour with their hauls. You see, as well as being the fiercest pirate cat on all seven of the high seas, Patch also had highly effective tactics when it came to begging for fish.
Sweet little meow? Tick.
Friendly rumbling purr? Tick.
Cute kitty face? Well … she did her best.
Most importantly, she was an expert when it came to winding around a person’s legs. If she timed it perfectly, her victim would almost always stumble and trip, sending a nice fat fish plopping down on to the cobbles. YESSSS!
How could any cat resist? Patch trotted down the gangplank and got to work. Before long, she was having a whisker-lickingly good time. She polished off some plaice. She had a whole haddock. And she scoffed down some swordfish. Mmmmn!
Just then, Cutlass, the ship’s parrot, landed on a mooring post nearby. ‘I say, I say, I say,’ he squawked. ‘Here’s a joke for you, Cap’n! Why did the baby octopus vanish?’
Patch picked her teeth with a fishbone and burped gently.
‘Did I eat him?’ she guessed.
‘Nope – he was taken by squidnappers,’ Cutlass chuckled. ‘Squidnappers. Geddit, matey?’
‘You’re squidding me,’ Patch groaned. Cutlass might be her best pal, but sometimes his jokes were the worst. She gave the fishing boats a last loving look before she added, ‘I suppose we should get back to the Golden Earring and guard the ship. This place is full of dodgy-looking pirates.’
‘Talking of dodgy-looking pirates,’ said Cutlass, ‘here comes our crew. And what in Davy Jones’s name has Captain Halibut got on his head?’
Patch and Cutlass stared as the Golden Earring crew strolled along the seafront together. They were a motley bunch, all right. Leading the way was Captain Halibut, who had clearly splashed out on a swashbuckling new pirate hat, decorated with very fancy gold thread.
‘Ahoy there, handsome,’ Patch heard him say to his own reflection in a shop window.
Next was Cannonball, the ship’s cook, who was hauling along a shiny new stew pot. ‘Arrrr! This is just what I need for my seaweed casserole recipe,’ he said, beaming. ‘Special treat!’
Patch and Cutlass both groaned.
‘He says “treat”, I say “tummy upset”,’ sighed Cutlass.
Then there was Butch, tucking into an ice cream that was nearly as big as his head. He’d used his last pennies to buy a copy of Pirate Comic too.
‘Win your own real treasure map,’ he read aloud from the cover as he walked along. ‘Cool!’
Patch raised a furry eyebrow at Cutlass. ‘Has he forgotten what happened last time?’ she grumbled. After all, when the crew had found a different treasure map recently, there’d been explosive results!
Finally, there was Ginger, who’d just sent off a new postcard to her mum and dad. She’d also bought some sunglasses, which made her look extremely cool.
There was just one member of the crew missing.
‘Where’s Monty?’ Cutlass asked, looking around.
Monty was the ship’s monkey.
‘He’s at the funfair,’ Patch said, pointing towards a huge, rattling rollercoaster that loomed over the sea. ‘If you listen carefully, you can he
ar his screams on the breeze.’
‘AAAARRRRGGHHHHH! WHOOAAAAAAAA!’ they heard just then. ‘EEEEEEEEE! WOO-HOO-HOOOOO!’
Patch and Cutlass grinned at one another … but the smiles were wiped off their faces the very next second when they heard a sneering voice.
‘ARRRR! Wallowing walruses, if it isn’t Captain Halibut himself!’
Patch’s fur prickled immediately. Her tail puffed up like a bottlebrush.
Cutlass’s feathers trembled. ‘Is that …?’ he asked.
‘Yep,’ replied Patch as they turned and eyed the tall pirate walking towards the Golden Earring crew. It was Captain Crunchbone, a VILE villain and Halibut’s sworn enemy. He had a bushy red moustache, a gold front tooth and a bone through his nostrils. ‘What’s he doing in Ingot Bay, I wonder?’
Being far too stupid to know animal languages, the pirates only heard a meow and couldn’t understand what Patch was saying. But the Golden Earring crew had noticed Crunchbone too.
Butch gave a nervous whimper. ‘Eep!’
Ginger peered anxiously over her new sunglasses. ‘Uh-oh.’
Cannonball whipped a rolling pin out of his apron pocket and brandished it. ‘Grrr!’
Then there was a cross-sounding CLONK as Captain Halibut stamped his wooden leg. ‘Crunchbone, you horrible hagfish,’ he said coldly. ‘We meet again.’ He tilted his snazzy new hat so that the sunshine twinkled brightly from the gold stitching, but if Crunchbone was impressed he didn’t show it in the slightest.
‘Halibut, you poxy poltroon,’ replied Crunchbone, curling his lip. ‘And there was me hoping you might have drowned by now and be just a heap of old bones at the bottom of the ocean.’ He laughed meanly, showing blackened teeth. ‘No such luck!’
‘Ouch,’ said Patch to Cutlass. ‘Now that’s harsh.’
Captain Halibut glared his most fearsome glare at Crunchbone. ‘If you’ve quite finished your gibbering,’ he growled, ‘I’ve got a ship to sail.’
Captain Cat and the Treasure Map Page 4