by Schow, Ryan
“Someone has to make sure the SAA doesn’t come through with another surge. And if so, I’ll try to hold them off as much as I can, then get word to you and Quan. This is the stand we need to make.”
Ryker looked like he had just about enough of this copout. He frowned so hard, Longwei was sure the scowl of condemnation would forever be etched on his face.
“I want to know what the hell crawled up your ass and turned you into a giant pussy.”
Logan turned and shot Ryker a look. Ryker waved it off, arms still crossed over his chest, his frown now deeper than ever. Solemnly, Longwei shook his head, then started to get up.
“Sit down,” Skylar said. “Explain.”
Ryker gave a slow, knowing nod. “Roseburg broke him.”
Longwei’s face paled, that firm look he usually wore melting. In a low voice, so his words wouldn’t carry, he leaned forward and said, “She cut the man’s head off. Felicity did.”
“We heard,” Logan said, unimpressed.
“And?” Harper nudged.
“What that young woman must be feeling right now, what she must have felt in seeing her parents’ heads on those pikes, this has been haunting my every thought. It’s like I feel like her and I can’t seem to shake it.”
“This is war,” Skylar said. She’d crossed her arms, too, her gaze narrowed to the point of scorn. Ryker looked at her, transfixed by that sexy, angry look. She ignored him even though he leveled her with those eyes. “There’s no room for feelings in a war.”
“You think I don’t know that?” Longwei barked at Skylar, upset that he was now exposed and on the defensive.
“If you remain in Roseburg, if things go hot again, can you fight?” Harper asked. The woman looked like she’d survived an explosion. Pretty like a painting that had been cut up, burned and put back together.
He gave a firm nod. He did not want the offensive fight anymore. But if his life was threatened, if the lives of those in his charge were threatened, he knew he could take care of himself and the others.
“You’d better be sure, because if we’re going to make Roseburg our new home base, you had best be vigilant,” Ryker said, talking to him like he was a lost cause. “Hesitation equals death, Longwei. You know that, right?”
“Of course, I do.”
“Who else is staying behind?” Logan snapped.
“How do we even know Roseburg is safe?” Harper asked, her eyes on Ryker who was watching Logan who was currently looking at Skylar even though she didn’t know it.
“You going to protect the entire town or just our people?” Logan finally asked Longwei, sharp, unforgiving.
“What about my bees?” Stephani asked, now sitting down beside Ryker. “What about my house? Are we not going to rebuild it?”
“No one is saying that,” Harper said.
“This is our land and I’m not going to just abandon it.” When no one said anything to her outburst, her bruised, battered face bent to admonition. “My father is buried here!”
Clay and Felicity walked up, Felicity holding Rowdy. The young woman was without expression. Same with Clay. Longwei looked from Clay to Felicity. On her, his gaze lingered. He didn’t want her seeing this weakness in him and knowing she was the cause.
Felicity said, “What are you guys talking about?”
“Using Roseburg to launch an offensive,” Logan answered.
“I don’t think I can go back there,” she replied, rocking Rowdy, who was looking at the garden and pointing to a bee. “I can’t just ride back into hell with you guys. I thought I could, but after the SAA, and my parents…”
Her emotions quickly rose to the surface. Clay took the baby when she started to shake. Longwei’s renewed attraction to her dropped and all he saw was a victim. Perhaps she didn’t have the wherewithal to stand side-by-side with Logan, Skylar and the others. Had they misjudged her?
Felicity met Clay’s eyes and the two of them just looked at each other, an entire conversation happening between them. “You need to be with me,” Clay finally told her, quietly, but not so quiet that the others couldn’t hear.
“And I will, when you get back,” she said, wiping her eyes and apologizing.
She couldn’t look at the others. Every single one of them were battle hardened and itching for retribution. They were clenched fists, narrowed eyes, gritted teeth and absolute, bitter resolve. Felicity had that look like she knew she didn’t fit in.
“While you’re out there, because you don’t want to stay here,” Felicity continued, “I’m going to be stuck in a city I vowed never to return to, fighting my own internal battles.”
“Just come with us,” Harper said, not getting it.
“We’re going to Roseburg whether you come with us or not,” Logan said, cold and seemingly unconcerned with her feelings.
Felicity stared at him in disbelief, unblinking. Even Longwei thought to speak up. He didn’t though, because he knew one of them, probably Ryker, would make a snide remark.
“You think anyone cares about your personal issues?” Logan asked, obviously worked up. “Grow up, Felicity. This is a war, and we don’t deliver adult diapers.”
“You just deliver death,” Felicity countered, strength and edge returning to her voice.
“God willing,” Logan said, turning back to Ryker. “We need a concrete plan we can kick holes in until it’s indestructible. And we need to do it fast before anyone else chickens out on us.”
When he said this, he looked first at Longwei, then at Felicity.
“We barely survived the SAA,” Felicity argued. “Have you forgotten about the dead people? Your friends?”
“And we’ll barely survive tomorrow, or we won’t,” Logan grumbled. “Man up or pound sand.”
“Take it easy,” Clay warned him.
“Yeah,” Longwei added.
“We don’t need this crybaby crap,” Skylar agreed, looking at Felicity. “Go babysit somewhere else, let the adults work.”
Skylar didn’t look angry, but she was clear: join the effort or get out of the way.
Felicity looked like she was going to cry, but then she managed to pull up her resolve. Taking Rowdy from Clay, she said, “I’ll meet you at the Jeep when you’re done here.”
Longwei expected to see her eyes watering; instead he saw the anger giving her cheeks a rosy glow. The crew watched the twenty-two year old walk down the hill, none of them saying anything. Ryker turned and leveled Logan with a look. He shook his head and realized he’d been too harsh.
Clay saw the exchange and said, “She was coming home from college just a few months ago. She’s not soft. None of us here are soft.”
“All of us started out that soft,” Logan argued. “She’s got it in her, but she needs to make the choice to acclimate or not.”
“She’s not who you think she is,” Longwei argued, emboldened now that Felicity was gone. “Whether she says so or not, she’ll be coming with us to Roseburg, so stop being assholes and let people acclimate at their own pace.”
“Oh here we go,” Ryker said.
“Let it go,” Skylar snapped. “We need a plan, not a bunch of third grade blustering.”
Chapter Ten
Felicity walked Rowdy down the hillside. She barely kept from crying up at the barn in front of everyone else, but now that it was just her and the boy, she let those pent up tears loose.
Crying, walking, she passed the ruin that was once Orbey and Stephani’s home without so much as a second look. Down the hillside driveway, in the cul-de-sac, she avoided the pile of skulls and bones, walked around the Chicom vehicles and waited inside the old Blazer.
She thought about Boone and his wife, about Stephani and her father, Logan and his friend, Noah. Everyone had lost someone. Not like her, though. Where everyone else had been shot to death, her parents had their heads cut off.
Beside her, Rowdy started squirming in his car seat. She saw his hands making little fists, his mouth a tight circle. She gave him her fing
er; he curled his little fingers around it and tried to pull it in his mouth. She smiled at the child, but her heart was not settled. Looking at her reflection in the Blazer’s glass, she saw a scared little girl. No wonder they didn’t want her there.
“I wouldn’t want you in the fight either,” she told her reflection.
The sound of a quad driving up the hillside aroused her attention. She got out of the Blazer, waited. A moment later Boone’s quad hugged the corner and he came to a stop in front of her and the truck. He pulled his helmet off and said, “Thank God.”
“What?”
“You guys just took Rowdy and didn’t tell me where you went,” he said, relieved and angry at the same time. He yanked open the Blazer’s door and checked on Rowdy.
Felicity just watched him, saying nothing.
“What are you doing?” he asked, taking Rowdy out of his car seat and holding the child now. “Why are you out here alone?”
“They want to leave town,” she said. “They want to make Roseburg their stronghold. You can go ask them if you want, they’re all up at the barn planning it out.”
“And no one thought to get me?” he asked, eyes on her.
“I don’t know how the pecking order, or whatever, works around here. Apparently I’m not invited either, so don’t expect me to feel sorry for you.”
He fixed her with a look she didn’t like.
“I got kicked out of their stupid meeting because I didn’t want to go back home,” Felicity said. “I said I’d never go back, not after what happened to my parents, but that was too much for them. So here I am. Ostracized.”
His look changed, like he just remembered what happened to her parents. Was that what she was going to be like? Was she going to be like Boone? So scatterbrained she couldn’t even recall the simple, or even outrageous, details of other people’s lives?
“How do you deal with it?” she asked.
“How do I deal with what?”
“With living without her?” Felicity asked. “Does it get easier?”
He turned his eyes on her and she suddenly felt the true weight of them. They were heavy, dark, depressing.
“Every day is hell,” he said, as if he were offended by the question.
She pushed herself off the Blazer, flashed him a nasty look and said, “At least no one cut her head off.” She didn’t wait for a response. She just started up the hill, walked past the burned-down house, stood over the sloping hillside overlooking the freshly dug graves.
Half an hour later, she heard someone say, “Hey!”
She turned around, saw Clay calling to her. She waved; he came and joined her where she sat. She’d taken off her shoes and socks, dug her bare feet into the meadow grass.
Pulling her into a sideways, seated hug, he said, “I’m really sorry, Felicity. They’re just scared, angry, and…determined.”
“I get it,” she said, enjoying the strength of his body holding hers.
“Not until you’ve lived it with them, you won’t,” Clay said, letting go of her. “That won’t be long, though. You’ll be just fine. Another battle with them and we’ll all be one big family.”
“So are we leaving?” she asked, pulling on her socks and reaching for her shoes.
“Yeah,” he said. “If that’s okay.”
She put on her shoes, then let him help her up. Together they started toward the Blazer. She wanted to answer his question, but she couldn’t find a way to simplify her thoughts, let alone put them into words.
“I need to go with them,” Clay finally said. “You’re welcome to stay at my house. I mean, if you don’t want to go that is.”
“Where will you stay?” she asked, suddenly concerned about him leaving her.
“They were thinking they could stay at your house,” he said, uncomfortable to the last word. “At least they’ll know it’s not being occupied by other people.”
She stopped and stared at him, the shock in her face plain for all to see. “Are you for real right now?” she asked.
“I told them you wouldn’t want that,” Clay replied, calm.
“So first I’m too much of a pansy to fight, then I’m not adult enough to be at one of their meetings, and now they just decide they’re going to stay at my house?”
“It’s not like that,” Clay said.
“It sure sounds like it’s just like that, Clay.”
“Listen, I want to drive through town, see what’s what, and in that time, you can decide what you’d like to do. I’ll remind you of this, they don’t have your address. No one does.”
Her head cleared, the fires dying down inside of her. “Yeah,” she said, feeling sheepish. “I guess there’s that.”
He laughed then put his arm around her and said, “Relax, kid. You’re right where you’re supposed to be, as messed up and shitty as all of this is.”
“You talking about God’s plan or something?” she said, scaling down the front of the dirt driveway toward the bone pile, the Chicom vehicles and the Blazer.
“Something like that.”
Boone was standing there, waiting for them. Apparently he wasn’t going to take Rowdy down the hill on the quad.
“Next time you take off with my kid, can you let me know?” Boone said to Clay.
“I tried to find you, but you weren’t at the house or the cemetery. And why did you just leave Rowdy in his crib? You can’t do that, man.”
“Stephani didn’t stay the night,” he said.
“For obvious reason,” Clay countered. “Did you even go up and see her? No, obviously not.”
When Boone turned his attention elsewhere, Clay just shook his head. “That girl is head over heels for you, you dumbass.”
“Don’t say that,” Boone said.
“Are you really that dense?” Felicity asked. “Even I can see that.”
“Don’t take his side,” Boone warned her.
Clay laughed and said, “You’re the only one who doesn’t see it, brother.”
“I see it,” he mumbled.
“Come again?” Clay said.
“I said I see it!” he barked, causing Rowdy to stir. “I’m just not…I mean, what if she’s watching us right now?” By “she” Felicity assumed he meant Miranda.
“You think she’d want you acting like this?” Clay asked.
“I was always loyal to her,” Boone said.
“Of course you were.”
“So now I’m supposed to just shack up with another woman to take care of my kid? Our kid?”
“No, Boone,” Clay said. “You take the love you’re getting.”
Felicity wasn’t sure she wanted to stay in the middle of their conversation, but she’d been kicked out of the last one and so she decided she wasn’t leaving this one.
“There are no rule books for this sort of thing,” Clay continued. “There’s no right or wrong. Just surviving.”
“I don’t want to talk about this,” Boone grumbled. Changing topics, he asked, “What did you guys decide at the meeting?”
“We’re going to Roseburg. We’re going to try to gather up a few more guys, some armaments, and then go after the SAA and the Chicoms.”
Boone laughed a crazy man’s laugh. Then: “Who’s wildly insane idea was that? Logan’s or Skylar’s?”
“It was a collective effort, but yes, it was Logan’s and Skylar’s idea.”
“Figures,” he mumbled.
Clay walked up to him and said, “You did good when we were killing the SAA, brother. Get that kid back, because this version of you sucks.” Turning to Felicity, Clay said, “You want to take the quad with me?”
She nodded, looking at Boone with heavy, sympathetic eyes. He straightened up, stiffened his resolve and held Rowdy close.
“I’m sorry for everything you’re dealing with,” she said.
“Me, too,” he replied. “For you, too.”
Clay got on the quad, kick started it, then motioned for her to join him. She climbed on the back and snaked
her arms around his waist. She looked back at Boone and smiled. He gave a minimal smile.
Clay then shifted gears and took off. She leaned her body into his back, feeling good being with him. She wasn’t about to tell him this, but she loved it there, and she couldn’t explain why. He wasn’t her father, and he wasn’t her boyfriend. Maybe it was because he was older, experienced in life, gentle and protective. When she thought of him, she thought so many things, but most of all, she thought of him as home. Maybe that was all the explanation she needed.
They rode down the hill, the cool air hypnotic. The asphalt road snaked in and out of the shadows of trees, taking them down through a stretch of meadow and finally into town. The heat of the sun on her skin felt good, the wind in her hair relaxing. But then her mood changed when they rode through the obliterated mess that was the burned down town. Five Falls was gone. The school, main street, most of the buildings…all destroyed. It was difficult to comprehend. That the Chicoms and the SAA hated the people of Five Falls so much that they took everything from them spoke volumes about their character. Then again, that was the nature of invading armies. They laid waste to everything, cutting trails of death and devastation through all the lives of innocents and survivors.
Deeper in the neighborhoods, some homes were destroyed while others were left unharmed. People were milling out and about, but there was a communal daze that seemed to infect the entire town, a numbness that worked its way into her as well. It was truly impossible to see the evidence of so much violence without developing a thick outer crust along your heart.
“It’s horrible, Clay,” she said over the noise of the motor.
“These people…” he said. “This was everything.”
“I don’t want to see anymore.”
“I need to see it, and so do you. This is ammunition, Felicity. You take the hurt, the disbelief, the barbarity you’re seeing, and you tuck it down inside you. A dead body isn’t a lost life, it’s gunpowder. And when you come across a displaced family, this is the hammer you’ll drop when the time is right. It’s motivation to kill. You take all these things you’re seeing and you foster inside you an impenetrable hatred. And then, when the time comes, you pack all that rage into a shell casing behind a bullet, a bullet you’ll put between their eyes. You’re the gun, Felicity, and all this…this is the bullet.”