by Judy Blume
After the assembly Miss Rothbelle made an announcement to our class. “Everyone except Linda will stay after school tomorrow … and if this ever happens again you will all fail music!”
I knew she’d say something like that.
I showed Tracy my tooth on the way home from school. “It’s neat,” she said. “How much do you think it’s worth?”
“I’m not sure,” I told her. “Last time I got a quarter.”
“If I were you I’d try for more. We haven’t got that many baby teeth left.”
“I’ll try,” I said.
I didn’t know which to tell my parents first—that I have to stay after school tomorrow or that I lost my tooth. I decided on the tooth. I handed it to my father.
“Very nice,” he said, inspecting it. He passed it to Mom.
“Don’t forget to put it under your pillow,” she said.
“I won’t.”
Mom handed the tooth back to me. “I went shopping at lunchtime,” she said. “I found the bar mitzvah dress. It’s in a box on my bed.”
“I hope I like it,” I said.
“I hope it fits.”
The dress turned out to be a short knitted thing, with tiny sleeves, a round neck, and three stripes on the skirt. “It itches,” I told my mother after she’d made me try it on.
“It can’t,” Mom said. “It’s acrylic, not wool.”
I wiggled around. “It itches all over.”
“There’s probably a scratchy tag inside. I’ll take it out later.”
When Mom and Dad came into my room to kiss me goodnight Mom said, “Did you put the tooth under your pillow?”
I patted my pillow and said, “Of course.”
“I hope the Tooth Fairy comes,” Dad said.
“Me too. Do you think she could leave me a check this time, instead of cash?”
“A check?” Mom asked.
“Yes.” I twisted the edge of my blanket. “Made out to the Winthrop Stamp Company for $2.87.”
“That’s a lot of money for one little tooth,” Dad said.
“I know it,” I told him. “But I haven’t got many baby teeth left and I’m sure the Tooth Fairy will understand if you explain it to her.”
Mom and Dad looked at each other. “We’ll try to get the message through,” Mom said. “Now go to sleep.”
The next morning I felt under my pillow. The tooth was gone and in its place was the check I’d asked for. I found Dad in the kitchen, squeezing oranges, and I thanked him.
Then I went looking for Mom. I heard the water running in her bathroom. I figured she was washing up so I tried the door. It was unlocked. “Mom, thanks for the …” I stopped right in the middle. Mom wasn’t at the sink. She was crouched in the corner of the bathroom, smoking a cigarette! “Mom … what are you doing?”
My mother tossed the butt into the toilet.
Then she stood up and fanned the air, trying to get rid of the smoke. “I couldn’t help it,” she said. “I really needed one this morning.”
“You promised …” I began.
“I promised to try and I am trying!”
“But …”
My mother held up her hand. “Please get ready for school. I have a very busy day coming up and I don’t have the time to drive you if you miss your bus.”
“Oh, that reminds me,” I said. “I have to stay after school today.”
“Well, this is a fine time to tell me,” Mom said, as she pulled on her pantyhose.
“I forgot to tell you last night because, I was so busy trying on the dress and thinking about my tooth and all …”
“Damn!” Mom said. “I just got a run. Now I’ll have to wear pants.”
“And anyway, the whole class has to stay after.”
“Why?”
“Oh … we were fooling around in music.”
Mom went to her closet. “Damn again … they’re at the cleaners.”
“I’ll get a ride home with one of the mothers, so don’t worry.”
“You’re sure?” Mom asked, looking for another pair of pantyhose. “Because I could call a taxi.”
“Oh no … Wendy said either her mother or Caroline’s will drop me off.”
“Leave a note for Mrs. Sandmeier.”
“I will.”
On the way to school I told Tracy about my check and that now I have enough to buy a whole bunch of approvals from Winthrop. When Tracy heard that she started wiggling both of her loose teeth.
9
“So who won the game?”
Mrs. Minish told us to hurry and settle down as we walked into our room because she had to collect the money for our class trip. We’re going to the Planetarium next month. I’ve already been there four times.
I knew it would take Mrs. Minish forever to get our trip money straight so I pulled my chair over to Wendy’s desk. She and Caroline had a couple of books spread out in front of them to make it look like they were hard at work on some assignment. But really, they were making up a list. They showed it to me.
HOW TO HAVE FUN WITH BLUBBER
1. Hold your nose when Blubber walks by.
2. Trip her.
3. Push her.
4. Shove her.
5. Pinch her.
6. Make her say, I am Blubber, the smelly whale of class 206.
Before I’d had a chance to read the whole thing the office called on the intercom, asking for a messenger from our class and Mrs. Minish looked up and said, “Jill, will you run down to the office please.”
Ms. Valdez—that’s what the clerk likes to be called—handed me a notice that had to be signed by all the fifth-grade teachers. By the time I got back to our room my class was saying the Pledge of Allegiance. I waited outside the door until they were through. Bruce picked his nose the whole time, which wasn’t a very patriotic thing to do.
After that, it was time to line up for gym. I like Mr. Witneski, our gym teacher. He treats the girls the same as the boys. This time of year we usually play kickball. I have this great daydream where it’s the bottom of the last inning and my team has two outs with the bases loaded. We are losing by three runs and I’m up. When the ball comes rolling toward me I kick it so hard and so fast that it goes way into the outfield, over everyone’s head. It’s a home run and we win the game. My whole team starts yelling and cheering and then they pick me up and carry me around on their shoulders and after that I’m always the first one picked for a team. So far this has never happened but I keep hoping it will.
While we were walking down the hall Caroline whispered, “You missed a good show. When Blubber went up to give Minish her money, Wendy stuck out her foot and tripped her and Blubber fell flat on her face … and Minish said, From now on try to be more careful, Linda.”
“What’d Blubber say to that?”
“Nothing … what do you think?”
I called Tracy as soon as I got home from school.
“What did Miss Rothbelle make you do?” she asked.
“We had to write, I was very rude yesterday. I will not misbehave in music again.”
“How many times?”
“One hundred.”
“Ugh!”
“You can say that again. Did you hear about gym?”
“No … what?”
“Well … Michael and Rochelle were captains.”
“Yeah …”
“And I was on Michael’s team and Wendy and Blubber were on Rochelle’s. Blubber was the last one picked.”
“That figures.”
“So … on my first time up I kicked a blooper right at Blubber … not on purpose or anything … it just happened … you know?”
“Yeah …”
“And probably anyone else would have just caught it and I’d have been out. But Blubber missed the ball …”
“And?”
“Fell over backwards.”
Tracy laughed.
“So then Wendy started yelling at Blubber, You dummy, you idiot, you smelly whale … because
Wendy really likes to win.”
“I know.”
“So then Blubber started bawling, It’s not my fault and she grabbed her belly and groaned, She hit me right in the stomach … ohhhh!”
“Then what?” Tracy asked.
“So Mr. Witneski dashed out to the field and said, Are you hurt, Linda? which made Blubber start crying harder. She sounded like a sick elephant. And the whole time she kept telling Mr. Witneski that I did it on purpose … that I aimed right for her … as if I could just kick the ball wherever I wanted.”
“Fat chance,” Tracy said.
“Which is what I told Mr. Witneski.”
“Did he believe you?”
“I’m not sure because then he turned to me, of all people, and I was already safe at second base … and he said, Jill, take Linda down to see the nurse, please.”
“Oh no!”
“Oh yes! But I told him, Mr. Witneski, I’m on base.”
“So he didn’t make you go?”
“Wrong! He said, Someone can run for you and next thing I know Caroline was sent in to take my place. And I was stuck walking the smelly whale to the nurse’s office.”
“Go on … go on …”
“Well … first thing she says is, Why do you always pick on me? So I tell her, I don’t pick on you and she goes, You do too. You and all your friends. And I never did anything to you. So I tell her, You’re full of it and she goes, Some day you’ll be sorry. I’ll get you for this. So I tell her, I’m really scared and she goes, You should be. So I say, Yeah … I’m shaking all over and then she goes, I hate you!”
“She really said that?” Tracy asked.
“Yup. So then we get to the nurse’s office and she starts bawling all over again and the nurse asks her where it hurts and Blubber tells her, In my stomach and the nurse makes her lie down on the cot and pops the thermometer in her mouth even though I say, She got hit with a ball. She doesn’t have a temperature. But the nurse doesn’t care what I say because she likes to stick thermometers in people’s mouths which I happen to know because of that time I sprained my finger and the first thing she did was take my temperature. So while the thermometer is in Blubber’s mouth and she can’t talk I ask the nurse, Can I go now? and she tells me, Yes, dear … and thank you for bringing her.”
“So who won the game?” Tracy asked.
“Them … two to ten.”
That night I struggled over my math homework for an hour. I should be great at math since my father is a tax lawyer and my mother works with computers. I don’t understand why I have such a hard time with word problems. Dad explained three of them to me but he doesn’t set the problems up the way we’re supposed to, so even though I got the right answers I knew Mrs. Minish would still mark some of them wrong. But I’d done my best and Mom and Dad always say that’s what counts.
The next morning, when Linda got on the bus, she stood next to my seat and said, “You should see my stomach … it’s all black and blue.”
“I’ll bet.”
“It is. My mother had to take me to the doctor.”
“So?”
“He said you knocked the wind out of me.”
“I knew I smelled something bad yesterday!” I turned to Tracy and the two of us absolutely cracked up. I guess nobody ever told Linda about laughing it off.
Right after group science Mrs. Minish told the girls to line up alphabetically. “We’re going to the nurse’s office to get weighed.”
Everybody groaned. We get weighed every fall and again every spring. If I had known that today was the day I’d have eaten a huge breakfast and worn my fisherman’s sweater. It’s the heaviest thing I own.
I was first on line, with Donna Davidson right behind me and Linda behind her. Wendy and Caroline were near the end of the line since their last names start with R and T.
When we got to the office the nurse said, “Take off your shoes, please.” Then she called, “Jill Brenner.”
“Right here,” I said. I didn’t take off my sneakers. I was hoping that the nurse wouldn’t notice. Then I’d weigh two pounds more and she wouldn’t be able to give me a lecture about being underweight and how I should drink malteds every day.
“Please take off your shoes, Jill.”
“I can’t.”
She gave me a funny look. “Why not?”
“I promised my mother I wouldn’t. My feet get cold when I go barefoot.”
“It will only be for a minute.”
“I’ll get sick if I do.”
“Jill … stop being silly and take off your shoes.”
“Oh …” I kicked off my sneakers and stepped on the scale.
I hoped it was at least five pounds overweight.
“Hmmmm …” the nurse said, wiggling the marker all around. “Sixty-seven and a half.”
I smiled at her to show I was pleased.
She checked the chart. “That’s not much of a gain … only half a pound since last spring.”
“Well,” I told her, “I guess I’m just lucky because I’m always eating.”
“You should try to build yourself up. I’d like to see you weigh about seventy-two. Why don’t you start drinking a malted every day?”
“Okay …” I said, stepping off the scale. I have never had a malted in my life but what the nurse doesn’t know won’t hurt her.
The nurse was pleased with Donna Davidson. She has one of those perfect bodies where everything fits the way it should.
Linda was next. I took a long time getting my shoes back on so I heard everything.
“Are you feeling better, Linda?” the nurse asked.
“Yes.”
“Good … now, let’s see … oh my, ninety-one pounds … that’s too much for your height.”
“I have big bones,” Linda said.
“Even so, according to my chart you should lose some weight.”
“But I’m on a diet.”
“Well, that’s a step in the right direction. Remember, no sweets.”
“I know it.”
After lunch we went outside to jump rope and Donna taught everyone this jumping rhyme she used to sing to the fattest counselor at her summer horse camp.
Oh, what a riot
Blubber’s on a diet
I wonder what’s the matter
I think she’s getting fatter
And fatter
And fatter
And fatter
Pop!
Bruce seemed to enjoy jumping to Donna’s rhyme best of all. It suits him even more than Linda because he weighs over a hundred pounds and when he jumps his whole body shakes like Jell-O. He’s the one who should be on a diet.
Linda didn’t wait her turn on line. She ran back inside and didn’t come out at all during recess.
10
“Not crazy … just different.”
“I think you should know that Mr. Machinist is showing everybody in Hidden Valley those pictures he took of you on Halloween night.” Wendy told this to me and Tracy on the way home from school. She and Caroline were sitting opposite us on the bus.
Me and Tracy looked at each other. We’d forgotten all about that.
“But don’t worry,” Wendy said. “He only got the back of you and with the pillowcases over your heads nobody will ever be able to identify you.”
“You saw the pictures?” I asked.
“Last night … he brought them over himself.”
Caroline said, “When he came to my house I told him I didn’t know who you were even though Tracy’s feathers were hanging out.”
“You could see my feathers?” Tracy asked.
“It’s all right!” Wendy said, and she gave Caroline a look that made her shut her mouth and turn to the window. “Nobody’s going to say anything. Believe me!”
It’s important to be Wendy’s friend, I thought. I only hope that what she says is true.
When we got off the bus me and Tracy stopped at our mailboxes, the way we do every day. I got a letter from the
Superior Stamp Company. Probably the approvals I sent for last month, I thought.
“You don’t think Mr. Machinist will find out who we are, do you?” Tracy asked.
“Definitely not,” I told her. “You heard Wendy.”
“I guess you’re right. But from now on every time my doorbell rings I’m going to faint.”
“Me too.”
“Listen … I’ll call you later. I’ve got to go to the dentist this afternoon.”
“Maybe he can pull out your loose teeth and then you can ask for a check.”
“Maybe.”
“Good luck.”
“Thanks,” Tracy said. “I’ll need it.”
As soon as I walked into the house Kenny said, “Guess what … Mrs. Sandmeier’s going to Switzerland on Saturday.”
I dropped the mail on the hall table and ran into the kitchen. “It’s not true,” I said. “You wouldn’t leave us.”
Mrs. Sandmeier put her arm around me. “Now, now … it’s only for three weeks.”
“Three weeks! We can’t live without you for three weeks.”
“Of course you can.”
“But who’ll take care of us?” I asked.
“Oh … your mother and father will think of something.”
“I don’t see why you can’t wait until summer … when we’re away at camp.”
“Because my mother’s going to be eighty-five,” Mrs. Sandmeier said, “and I want to be there for her birthday.”
“Your mother? I never knew you had a mother.”
“Everybody has a mother,” Kenny said.
I shot him a look. “You know what I mean,” I told Mrs. Sandmeier. I never thought of her as somebody’s daughter.
“Mama’s a wonderful woman. She lives with my sister in Zurich, and I just decided I don’t want to miss this birthday.”
“I’ll bet they get Grandma to come,” Kenny said, shoveling in a handful of potato chips.
“Oh no!” I said. “Not Grandma for three weeks!”