by Mia Madison
I pause by the door. “And instead of protecting me, you’ve hurt me more than anyone else has, ever.”
I left his office and managed to get make it all the way to the women’s room before the tears overtook me.
16
Kait
Shouting woke me. Blearily, I looked at the clock. It was 3:00 a.m. Lovely.
I closed my eyes and tried to reclaim the dream I’d been having, but it was no use. My mind refused to turn off.
After a few more minutes of trying, I made my way downstairs. Gabi was in the kitchen.
“I liked it better when Joe wasn’t speaking to her,” Gabi said.
“Me too.” I’d listened outside of Sierra’s door on the way down. It sounded like their usual style of arguing.
“Want some hot chocolate?”
“Sure.”
Gabi made it while I sat at the kitchen table. It just didn’t make sense to me. Why did Sierra stay with a guy who made her so miserable? I asked Gabi when she returned with two steaming mugs.
“I don’t know. Maybe she doesn’t want to be alone?”
“Maybe. Or maybe she thinks she doesn’t deserve any better,” I said.
Gabi looked at me sharply while she blew on her drink to cool it. “The same might be said about you.”
The accusation landed heavily in my brain. “I know I deserve good things.”
“Yeah, but to you, that means Tyler.”
“Yes, it does.”
Gabi sighed, taking a tentative sip. “Honey, I’m sorry, but he’s made it pretty clear he doesn’t want you.”
The words hurt, but not because I thought they were true. They hurt because to me, he’d made it clear that he didn’t want to want me. I tried to explain that to Gabi.
“How is that any better?” she asked.
“I don’t know. I guess it’s like… he’s not rejecting me, he’s rejecting the idea of us.”
“Doesn’t that hurt just as much?”
I nodded, taking a sip of my own hot chocolate. Mmm, it was rich. Evidently Gabi knew that calories didn’t count in the middle of the night.
Gabi studied me. “You still think he’s being, I don’t know, noble or something.”
“Sort of.”
“But he’s making you miserable.”
“Yeah.” These past couple of weeks had been awful. Knowing that I had gotten so close to the man I’d wanted forever and then having it ripped away—it was almost worse that never getting close at all. But somehow, I didn’t want to forget the night we shared the dance. Either of those nights, actually. They were still my most treasured memories even if both times had led to heartbreak afterwards.
Footsteps sounded on the stairwell, heavy boots, and then the front door slammed. A moment later, Sierra appeared.
Gabi got up to make more hot chocolate and Sierra sat down next to me. “Sorry,” she mumbled.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“Yeah.”
She looked so small sitting there, shoulders hunched in an oversized t-shirt that had probably been Joe’s at one point in time. I slid her my hot chocolate because she looked like she needed it more than I did right now.
Gabi set the new mug in front of me and joined us. “Was it a bad fight?”
“Just the usual,” Sierra said, holding onto the mug with both hands.
“Which is?” I prompted.
“Just what he’s up to when he disappears on me for days. He says that girl was just a friend, but I just don’t know…”
Gabi and I exchanged a look, like we always did. But this time, neither one of us could remain silent. She went first. “You know you deserve better than him, right?”
Sierra stared at her hot chocolate. “He loves me.”
“People who love you don’t treat you like that,” I said.
“Sometimes they do,” Sierra said. “Tyler’s hurting you.”
“He doesn’t love me.”
“You don’t know that,” Sierra said. “At the very least, he loves you like a friend. Yet I hear you crying in your room at night.”
Gabi reached across the table, her hands outstretched. Both Sierra and I took one. “I’m sorry you’ve both had such a hard time, but Sierra, it’s not the same. Tyler’s doing what he thinks is right for Kait. It’s stupid and misguided, but it comes from a place of concern. Joe… I’m sorry, but it honestly seems like Joe’s only doing what’s right for himself.”
“You don’t know what he’s been through,” Sierra said. “His boss is always coming down on him, and his job doesn’t pay very much, and it’s a really hard time for him right now.”
“The same could be said for you, honey,” Gabi said. “Yet you’re not running around with other men.”
“He’s not! He says she’s just a friend.”
Sierra’s defense of the man causing her so much pain nearly broke my heart. “He’s not been a very good friend to you lately. You deserve better than him.”
“There isn’t anyone better than him. Not the guys I dated in high school or college. This is what they’re all like. This is what men do,” Sierra said, her tone vehement.
“They’re not all like that,” I said, one face very clearly in my mind.
“Enough about your precious Tyler. If he cares about you so much, where is he? Why is he doing this to you? You say Joe’s not being a good friend to me, but what about the way Tyler ghosted you? Seems to me he’s being a bad friend and a bad boss.”
Her words were hard to hear. Was I being as misguided about men as she was? Was I holding onto something that was as damaging to me as Joe was to her? “He’s doing what he thinks is best.”
“So? Probably Joe is, too. He’s hurting you, Kait. Real pain. You need to move on.”
I looked to Gabi for support, but the sympathy in her eyes told me she agreed. “I just can’t… not until I know for sure he won’t change his mind.”
“Change it for him,” Sierra said unexpectedly.
“I’ve tried. He just won’t see that we belong together.”
“Maybe you don’t,” Sierra said bluntly. But then she continued before I could object. “But maybe you do.”
“I wish I could make him see that.”
“Try,” Gabi said. “Try one more time. And then if that doesn’t work—then you move on.” Her words were to me, but her gaze shifted to Sierra, too.
Sierra, however, was only focused on my issue. “Yeah… march into his office today and demand to talk to him. Tell him what a moron he’s being and knock some sense into him.”
“I can’t,” I said.
“This is what we discussed back February. About taking charge of your own life,” Sierra said passionately. “Maybe you both are right, maybe I’m not doing that with Joe. But I know you can do this, Kait. You’ve already made things happen. You got a job in your field in a wonderful company. That was a red-hot move. You took a chance with Tyler. It didn’t pay off, but maybe it’s not over. You owe it to yourself to try again. Do it today.”
“I can’t,” I repeated.
“Yes, you can,” Gabi insisted. “I know you’re afraid of being rejected again, but isn’t it better to know? If he still refuses, then it’s time to move on. Time to put him back in the past where he belongs. You have to do this.”
“I will,” I said, vowing to myself that I would. “But not today.”
“Don’t put this off, Kait. It’s too important,” Sierra pleaded.
“I know.” And while confronting Tyler again filled me with fear at the outcome, I knew they were right. “But I can’t today. He’s in Las Vegas at a trade show, unveiling our company’s new app.”
At work, I was sleepy and couldn’t concentrate. It bothered me that Tyler was so far away even though I knew the feeling was irrational. It’s not like we were close even when he was here in the building. We hadn’t spoken since that awful day in his office when he told me that he considered our amazing evening together a mistake.
Aft
er copious amounts of caffeine, I tried to work on my current project, but the repetitive code was so monotonous for me to focus on. Instead, my mind kept returning to Tyler.
Were Sierra and Gabi right? Should I try one more time? Nothing had changed. If he’d reconsider his hard stance on us being together, then he would’ve talked to me about it. Instead, I’d only seen him at the weekly Friday meetings and once in the hallway. He’d nodded politely as if I were a mere acquaintance.
Guess that meant that I didn’t count as anything to him anymore—not his best friend’s kid sister, not an old family friend. Perhaps I meant no more to him than Patrick did.
Still, just because he didn’t have feelings for me didn’t mean I didn’t have feelings for him. Some days it hurt so much it was hard to believe. But right now, I wanted to remember what it was like to feel close to him. To feel like he was here.
Setting aside my current project, I opened up the program files for the app. I’d spent days analyzing every part of it. It was a good program, one that could really help people organize their budget, their health, their time… basically their lives.
I could almost see Tyler on a stage in Vegas. Would he wear a suit? Maybe just the dark pants, a white shirt, and a tie. He looked incredible like that.
Had the press conference started yet? No, probably not. It was still before nine in Vegas. I wished I could see it. I wished I could see the audience’s reaction when he unveiled the product. They’d all be going home with beta versions, and the news about how well the app integrated into their lives would spread fast.
As my gaze scanned over the now-familiar code, I thought about Tyler. His eyes… his smile… his—wait.
Wait, what was that?
I scrolled up, looking at the data I’d already looked at countless times before.
Only this time, I saw something new. Something I’d missed before.
Something everyone had missed before.
Oh, crap.
“Monica! I’m so glad I reached you.” Relief flowed through me at the sound of Tyler’s assistant’s voice.
“Kait? This isn’t a good time. The presentation’s about to start.”
“I know, but I have to speak to Tyler. It’s really important.”
“He’s busy. He’s about to go on stage.”
I figured that. He hadn’t responded to any of my calls or increasingly frantic texts. I could picture him pacing, going over his presentation, trying to manage his energy and excitement so that it could explode when he took the stage.
“I have to speak to him,” I repeated.
“Kait, I know you have some kind of history with Tyler, but this really isn’t appropriate—”
“It’s not about that. It’s about the app. You both asked me to look into it, and I did. And I found something.”
“It’s been vetted by all our best people,” Monica said, her tone gentler now. “When we let you take a look, it was just to show you what kind of things TR Technologies was capable of. None of us really expected you to—”
“But nevertheless, I did. I found something—something major. If you don’t let me speak to Tyler right now, this company’s reputation is going to take a huge hit. I’m serious, Monica. I have to talk to him.”
There was a long pause, and I drummed my fingernails on my desk.
Finally, she said, “All right, hold on.”
After a long minute, I heard his voice. “What is it, Kait?”
“Tyler,” I breathed, relieved. I was beginning to think I was too late. “You can’t give out the beta version. There’s a bug. There’s a way that third-party developers could access users’ personal information.”
“Impossible,” Tyler said. “We did everything we could to protect users’ data. That was part of our mission from day one.”
“Yet data breaches happen all the time,” I said, remaining calm. “There’s a new one announced on the news every week.”
“We’ve taken every precaution. Do you think I’d risk my company’s reputation by asking users to entrust us with their personal information and then betray that trust?”
Despite the distance, I could hear that Tyler was offended at my questioning his professionalism. But I knew he’d be a lot worse off in the long run if I didn’t hold my ground now. “That’s what I’m trying to prevent. If you give out that beta version as is, you will be betraying the users’ trust. I’m telling you, there’s a bug.”
“Where is it?”
“Buried so deep that I missed it repeatedly. As, apparently, did all your other testers. But it’s there. I promise.”
Tyler sighed. “I appreciate your taking the time to look into it, but, Kait… you’re fresh out of school. You’re new at this. You show a lot of potential, but you haven’t even been on the job a half year yet.”
“Tyler—”
“I know you’re just learning the industry, but can you imagine the kind of bad press we’ll get today if we don’t deliver what we promised?”
“You can still do the presentation. Show them how amazing the app is—because it is. But don’t give out the beta version yet. Tell them it needs a few final tweaks and then you’ll get it to them.” My heart beat rapidly as I willed him to listen to me.
“Kait, I know you’re just trying to help, but—”
“Actually, I’m just trying to do my job.” My voice grew stronger as if steel had entered my veins. “I’m a programmer. You asked me to look at your newest program, and I found a flaw. I’m not calling as your best friend’s kid sister. I’m not calling as the woman you kissed—twice. I’m your employee, you tasked me with looking over a program, and I did it and found a problem. As your employee, I’m telling you that if you go ahead with this, you’ll severely damage TR Tech’s reputation. It’s your company, but it’s also the place where I work. I don’t want to see it take a hit. I don’t want its customers to be at risk.”
The silence on the phone somehow seemed deafening. Was he considering what I said? Would he listen to me? “Please, Tyler, you have to trust me.”
At long last, I heard a noise, a soft exhale from a long way away.
“Okay,” he said.
17
Kait
A week and a half later, the Friday morning meeting looked quite different. Caterers had brought in an array of breakfast dishes, coffee, and pastries. Most people in the room looked exhausted, but happy. The beta version of the app had been sent out yesterday, the bug fixed. TR Technologies had taken a minor ribbing in the industry news outlets for not delivering the beta version at the trade show as promised—but we all knew it could’ve been much worse.
I sat in my usual seat at the end of the row, nibbling on a cheese Danish. Next to me, Patrick had a plate piled high with bacon, scrambled eggs, and a syrup-covered waffle. “This is really good,” he said, his mouth full. And people wondered why I didn’t date men my age.
That thought made me wince. I was being uncharitable. After all, it wasn’t Patrick’s maturity level that made me not want him—it was the fact that he wasn’t Tyler.
“You’ve got to try the waffles,” Patrick said, dripping a large glop of syrup down his shirt.
Okay, maybe it was partly the maturity level.
When most people were finished eating, Tyler appeared in the front of the room, holding up his hands for silence. He looked tired too, but still good. He had on black jeans and a shirt rolled up at the sleeves. The top few buttons were undone offering a tantalizing view of his muscular chest.
Why did he have to look so good when he wasn’t mine?
His smile reached his vivid green eyes as he waited for the assembled crowd to settle down. Then he spoke. “I know it’s been a long week, but we did it. The beta version went out and there are already favorable reports showing up online.”
Applause broke out.
“It’s been all-hands-on-deck ever since the trade show, and I appreciate every single one of you for pitching in. This was truly a group effor
t.”
More cheers greeted his words. In the past week, it seemed like the people who worked here had grown closer together. People from different departments had worked together to tackle the problem.
“I’ve thanked many of you personally, but there’s one person who needs to be acknowledged right here and right now. And that’s Kaitlin Barnett.”
I froze as every head turned to find me. Patrick elbowed me as scrambled eggs spilled off his plate. “Way to go,” he whispered.
Tyler moved to my side of the room, standing a few rows away. “Kait, you proved that no matter how long—or how little—you’ve been with the company, you have something valuable to contribute. Starting on Monday, you’ll receive a promotion and additional job responsibilities.”
I gasped, looking straight into his eyes. I hadn’t been here long enough to be eligible for a promotion.
Tyler met my gaze and winked. “I’m eager to see what other ways you’re going to turn this company upside down.”
Wow. That was quite a vote of confidence. I blinked back tears and focused on the rest of Tyler’s message to the company.
When the meeting was over, people from other departments came over to congratulate me. Many were people I’d gotten to know in the past week as we worked together to fix the bug in the app and to make sure there weren’t any more.
Caterers were taking away the food trays and most people had left when Monica approached me. “He’d like to see you in his office.”
I didn’t have to ask who she meant by he.
Once in Tyler’s office, I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. This was the closest I’d been to him in weeks. He sat at his desk, his posture relaxed, his eyes on mine. He looked amazing, but all I could think about was how I could get him to change his mind.