by A. L. Brooks
Sylvie snorted and reached for her drink.
Amazingly, for a mild Sunday in late May, lunchtime at Gabrielle’s was quiet, and they’d snaffled the best table, tucked against the window where they could watch the gay world go by outside.
Justine hadn’t intended to share her approach to Alex with them, but Sylvie had asked a direct question about how things were going, and Justine wasn’t about to lie outright to her friends.
She turned to Christina. “I’m surprised, I must admit. I thought you were dead set against this.”
Christina shrugged. “I was. Probably still am. But it’s your life, and if you feel this is what you need to do to move on, in whatever way, then it’s none of my business how you do that.”
“Okay, so you may have a point,” Sylvie grumbled, and Justine laughed as Christina sat back with a proud grin.
Justine was home by three, and a shiver of excitement ran through her when she opened her laptop; there was one e-mail waiting for her, from Alex. As she read it, her excitement jumped up a notch and she smiled to herself.
Alex’s message was brief:
Yes, I’d love to talk—I’m available from 3pm your time today, if you like? Here’s my number.
Alex was free right now. Justine glanced at her phone. This was their chance to finally have whatever this was all out there. The prospect was both exhilarating and a little scary at the same time. She knew if she delayed, she’d only talk herself out of it. Letting out one slow breath, she picked up her phone and dialled.
“Hello?” Alex sounded nervous, a slight quiver in her voice.
“Hey, Alex, it’s Justine.”
“Hi.”
“Are you okay to talk now?”
“Yes. No problem. I… Thank you for calling.”
“Thanks for agreeing to a call.” Justine exhaled, trying to get a lid on her own nerves.
“I know you said you don’t regret my call on Thursday,” Alex rushed in, “but I do want to apologise. It was incredibly unprofessional of me to call you at your office. And I also wanted to make it clear that it is very unlike me to get that drunk, just in case you were wondering.”
Justine smiled. “I wasn’t, but thanks for telling me. Somehow I knew that was not your normal behaviour.”
“It wasn’t. At all.” Alex groaned. “I’m so embarrassed.”
“Hey,” Justine said, “please don’t be. Let’s face it, that call is the reason we’re talking now, isn’t it?”
Alex was silent for a moment. “True,” she said eventually.
“So—”
“So—”
They both stopped and laughed softly.
“You first,” Justine offered.
“Well.” Alex paused and cleared her throat. “I guess, um, I just wanted to say, in a sober way, what I tried to say on Thursday.” Her voice dropped to a whisper, and the softness of it resonated throughout Justine’s body. “That I…I can’t stop thinking about you. And…you said you felt the same way, but I don’t know if you meant that or were just trying to get me off the phone.”
Justine chuckled. “No, I did mean it.”
“Oh, okay. That’s…that’s good.” Alex paused again. “I’m… I think there is something between us that is worth exploring, you know, despite the fact we live so far apart. Is that crazy?”
“Not crazy.” Justine’s voice was quiet. “Not completely. But…”
“I know.” Alex sighed. “There’s…stuff.”
“Yeah. Stuff.” Justine huffed out a breath. “Can I be honest?”
“There’s no point in us having this conversation if we’re not.”
“Yeah.” She took a deep breath. “So the thing for me is, while on the one hand a big part of me understands why you did what you did with me even though you and your partner were still together, there’s a part of me that, well, kind of can’t let that go.”
“You don’t trust me.” It was a statement, not a question, and Alex’s tone was resigned and tinged with hurt.
Justine pushed a hand through her curls. “I don’t think it’s even that I don’t trust you. I don’t know you. I don’t know if…cheating, if that’s something you’ve done before, or would be something you could easily do again. I don’t think that’s really you, from everything you’ve told me about yourself, but not having spent that much time with you, to really know your character, makes me less than one hundred percent sure. Does that make sense?”
Alex sighed deeply, sending a hiss down the line. “It does. I understand. Cheating is not something I’ve ever done in my life before that night. I hope you can believe that, but as you say, you don’t know me, so why would you believe me? All I can say is that it’s the truth, and I cannot imagine a circumstance where I could do that again. But then, that’s probably what I would have said before that night anyway.” She was silent for a moment, just breathing softly. “I never would have imagined doing what I did,” Alex continued, sounding resigned. “Not in a million years. I suppose that showed me that you can really never say never.” She huffed out a sound between a sigh and a grunt. “The biggest problem with what happened between me and Terri, and why I ended up where I did with you, was because we didn’t talk. If there’s one thing I can promise you, or whoever I next have a relationship with, that won’t happen. I’m not making that mistake again. I want to be open, and honest, even if it means bringing something to an end quickly.”
“I told you what happened with my ex, Nadia,” Justine said, trying to keep her voice level and calm, despite the wave of nausea the memories still stirred. “She kept her affair from me for months. I felt so…stupid, once I found out. I actually think the embarrassment of that was worse than the cheating itself. I never want to feel that again.” Justine closed her eyes briefly against the remembered shame.
“I cannot imagine doing that to anyone. Ever.” Alex’s tone was intense. “I had…an abusive partner, before Terri. Nothing physical, just nasty mind games. I know, having been on the wrong side of that, I could never inflict that on another person.”
“I realised after Nadia that I couldn’t trust anyone except my two closest friends. She ruined that for me.”
Alex was quiet for a moment. Then she cleared her throat. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“That night, when you took me back to your place. Was that…is that a regular thing for you? It’s just, in one of our exchanges afterwards, you hinted that one-night stands were your…game.”
Justine shifted uneasily on her stool. Well, they said they would be honest. “Up to that week, yes, they were. Like I said, I didn’t trust anyone. I couldn’t imagine giving my heart to someone again. So I just took what I could.”
“So when we met in the bar after the training, and you said you wanted to spend more time with me that week…”
“Yeah, that was new for me. I was really trying to break my habit of only taking the physical from someone. Trust me, in the past, I’d have pounced on you that first night we met. But holding back from that, trying to get to know you, that was a big change. And being with you and the way you made me feel was…new for me, for the first time in over eighteen months.”
“Oh.”
The silence that fell between them was necessary; Justine knew they were both processing everything they’d told each other so far.
“Does that mean one-night things are no longer something you do, or need?” Alex’s voice was so quiet, Justine strained to pick up her words. Her hand ached from clutching the phone so tightly to her ear.
“Yeah. Not anymore. That week…what we had…changed me. I’ve…I’ve tried dating again. I met one woman, but it didn’t work out.”
“Oh?”
Justine laughed wryly. “Yeah, that was just about the time I
got handed your project to manage. As soon as we were in contact again, it…well, it changed things for me all over again.”
“Would you still be seeing her if that hadn’t happened, is that what you’re saying?”
“No! No, that’s not what I mean. She…she was nice, and we had some good times out together, but there was no…spark. Not like there was between you and me,” she finished quietly.
“Oh,” Alex breathed, and the ache the word contained sent tremors rumbling through Justine’s limbs. “So are you still single?”
Justine smiled. “Yes, I am. I wouldn’t be having this call with you if I wasn’t. I assume you’re not dating at the moment?”
“No. I haven’t…since Terri and I split. I needed time for me, to deal with the aftermath of all that.”
“Are you okay?”
“I’m getting there. Living on my own has helped. Lots of thinking time. I’m seeing a therapist too, once a week.”
“Good for you. I should have, after Nadia, but I was too angry. I…buried it all.”
“Do you think that’s something you could do now? You know, see someone.”
“Possibly. Christina and Sylvie have always been there for me, but even they didn’t really understand what I was doing with all that…the one-night stands. Hell, I’m not even sure I knew what I was doing.”
Alex’s laugh was gentle. “Hiding, it sounds like.”
The truth of it was sharp. “Yes,” she breathed. “Exactly.”
“Justine?”
“Yes?”
“Is…can we talk like this more often? Maybe Skype next time?”
The warmth flooding through Justine took her breath away. “I’d like that,” she said, her voice husky as it dropped an octave.
“I honestly don’t know if this…something is going to be possible between us. But…”
“Yeah, I know. It kind of feels like we should see, doesn’t it?”
“Yes.”
Chapter 25
Alex smiled to herself as she dodged around the slower commuters on the pavement in front of her. The spring in her step was ridiculously corny, but she couldn’t help herself. It was Friday, which meant she only had about eight hours of work to get through before she would be rushing home again to get ready for her date.
She snorted. Date. She doubted Justine thought of their Skype calls as dates, but somehow Alex had started thinking of them that way in the last week or so. They had two video calls a week now, one on a Friday and one on a Sunday. The Friday one was always shorter, as it didn’t start until eleven her time, just after Justine had got home at six her time. But they would briefly talk about their week and what they planned to do for the weekend. The Sunday calls were longer, at around eight or nine her time, and on those they’d share more personal information, family history, past relationships. Anything and everything to get to know each other better, to build up a foundation of knowledge she hoped would lead to them trusting in each other. And more.
Hearing how…casual Justine had been with sex prior to their tryst hadn’t been easy. It had never occurred to Alex to think about safe sex when Justine had her pinned up against that door, and she realised how naive she had been about so many things. Justine, to her credit, seemed remorseful of her past ways, acknowledging she hadn’t used her best judgement at all in that awful eighteen-month period of trying to get over what Nadia had done to her.
They were taking baby steps around each other, but so far it seemed to be working. Neither had specifically talked about the future, but Alex suspected it was on Justine’s mind just as much as hers. The video calls and the sharing of lives was great, but where would it take them?
She threw her bag on the floor beside her desk and started up her laptop. Before she could get too comfortable, Richard stepped into her office.
“Good morning,” Alex said brightly.
“Morning. Do you have a few minutes?” He looked serious, and she toned down her beaming smile.
“Sure.”
“My office, if you don’t mind?”
Frowning slightly at his formality, she stood and followed him down the corridor.
He closed the door behind them and motioned her into one of the easy chairs that took up the left-hand side of his spacious office. As the global head of human resources, Richard warranted an office twice the size of her own and all the extra comforts that entailed.
Richard sat in the chair opposite her and steepled his fingers under his chin. “How’s things, Alex?”
She nodded. “Good. All good, thanks.”
He raised his eyebrows slightly. “Personal life too? I don’t mean to pry, but…”
A hint of a blush stole across her cheeks. She had informed him a few months ago about her change of circumstances, just as a courtesy, but they hadn’t talked about it since.
“Um, yes, thank you. All good there too.”
“Well,” he continued, shifting slightly in his seat, and it was precisely then she realised he was nervous. She didn’t think she’d ever seen Richard nervous. “The thing is, I’m in the middle of some negotiations about a restructuring, and although it’s early days, it seems likely it could impact you.”
Her heart rate jumped up. “Oh? In what way?” Amazed that her voice came out so calmly, she folded her hands into her lap to cover their trembling.
“Well, as you know, we bought out two smaller companies last year, both Canadian. What you don’t know is that we’ve got two more in our sights, much larger, and also Canadian. Like I said, it’s early days, but if those acquisitions do transpire, it would make sense to set up a directorship over there. Essentially, the role you do here but based in Montreal.”
“My role would go?” She swallowed hard against her panic.
He shook his head. “No, not at all. We would have two roles, splitting the responsibility directly down the middle, purely on a geographical basis. You’d both work together, for me, and develop processes and systems that fit regional needs but with a single global focus. Both roles would expand, but I think the one in Montreal would have the edge as we’ll focus a lot more development over there in the next few years.”
“Okay.” Alex relaxed slightly. That wasn’t as bad as she’d first thought. Her job was still safe.
Richard nodded. “Montreal will be an interesting role, I think. Much more challenging than the one you currently fill.” His eyes narrowed slightly, and the corners of his mouth twitched. “And, obviously, the new post would be advertised internally before we looked for any external candidates. If anyone fancied working over there for a couple of years on a placement, for example.”
Alex blinked a few times, making sure she correctly digested every word he’d just said. Was he hinting at what she thought he was? A chance for a job in Montreal, even if on a temporary basis, could radically change her life. And not just for the work.
Justine.
“Something for you to think about, perhaps,” Richard said, this time breaking out into an unmistakable smile.
“Oh. Yes,” she said, aware she was slightly breathless. Her mind was reeling. “When, um, when would you know how definite this all is?”
“Well, not for a few weeks yet, at the least. Maybe a month or so before we know how likely the acquisitions are to come off, but once we know that, then the restructuring will pick up pace.” He paused. “That is why I was asking about your personal life, if there was capacity for you to consider a move overseas. If you happened to be interested in the role, of course.”
Alex couldn’t stop the grin. “Yes, there definitely is capacity.”
“Good.” He sat up straighter. “Now, in tandem with that, how’s the upgrade project going?”
Reining her excitement back in, she filled him in on the progress, not glossing over the stumbl
ing block they’d hit last week with some of the testing.
“Hm. I wonder if now is a good opportunity for you get back over there,” he mused. “See if you can get on top of this testing issue, and meet up with some people around the restructuring ideas. I’d like you to sit down and have a good chat with a couple of the executives I’ve been dealing with. Help them flesh out some of the details while I work on the job description of the new role. Could you go next week?”
Bloody Richard and his last-minute trips. But she wasn’t going to complain, not this time. Because it meant she would be seeing Justine again. Face to face for the first time since they’d started to see what they could be. And armed with the knowledge that Alex had a chance at a future in Montreal.
The thrill that shot through her at that thought left her flushed and on the verge of a very girly giggle.
“Seriously? You’re coming over next week?” Justine’s mouth opened wide in shock. She stared at Alex on the screen in front of her.
“Richard actually wanted me to fly out this Sunday, but we couldn’t get it organised quickly enough. So I’m flying out late afternoon on Tuesday, have Wednesday to Friday in the office, and back again Saturday.”
“Will…will you have time to meet?”
“I was hoping,” Alex said shyly.
Justine exhaled slowly. This would change things, meeting again face to face. So far their video calls and e-mails had left them plateaued at a “theoretical” relationship. And that was kind of safe, almost like make-believe. Now, meeting up for real, standing in front of each other, being able to touch and…
This changed everything.
“Justine?”
She looked back at Alex’s face. Alex’s concern was evident even on the less-than-perfect definition of Justine’s laptop screen.
“Sorry. I… I do want to see you, it’s just…”
“I know,” Alex said hesitantly. “It makes it…real, doesn’t it?”