Rise From the Ashes

by Noah Harris

  “You’re not... mad?” Adam asked, almost disbelieving, even as his feet moved automatically to follow Josh into his apartment. The door closed behind him.

  Josh’s small smile had yet to fade. He brushed hair back from Adam’s face, fondness radiating with his warmth. “No, not anymore. I don’t like being upset with you, and I don’t like you being upset with me.”

  “Me, neither.”

  “We’re both idiots, you know that?”

  Adam laughed. It bubbled up out of him, loud and warm and genuine, surprising them both. “We are,” he said, his small smile feeling foreign but good. “We are.”

  “Come on,” Josh said, pulling him further into the small apartment. “Let’s get you warmed up.”

  They ended up taking a warm shower, in which Adam showed Josh exactly how much he’d missed him and how sorry he was, worshipping the omega’s body and drawing out his pleasure with slow, tender touches. They fell asleep on the couch that night, wrapped up in warm blankets with the television playing in the background, scents and warmth mingling, content and happy.

  When Adam woke up, his headache was gone, and he felt at peace for the first time in days. If this was what being with Josh was like, he never wanted to let him go.

  That realization hit him hard, shaking him to his core but building his resolve back up stronger. Josh was what made him happy. Happier than anything else he had in his life. And he realized, with a shiver of dread and fear and strange exhilaration, that if he had to choose between Josh and his pack, he would choose Josh in a heartbeat.

  A tiny foot landed on his chest, not quite heavy enough to hurt but with enough force that he had to tense to keep the wind from being knocked out of him. He kept his eyes closed, tongue lolling out of his mouth comically, even as the young voice roared, “Raaaa! I am the Alpha now!”

  He cracked an eyelid, peeking out at the child standing above him. His name was Ryan, and he was only twelve years old. He hadn’t even had his first shift yet. He was skinny and small, as most kids tended to be when they had wolf blood in their veins and a metabolism that worked far too quickly. Once the kid hit puberty, the hunger would kick in. He would eat more as the wolf awakened, giving his body more energy to burn and more mass to mold. His puberty development would change depending on how he presented, but the hunger was always the same.

  For now, however, he was a skinny kid with far too much energy that no doubt drove his human teachers insane.

  Ryan planted his fists proudly on his hips and looked around at the other kids, grin wide and toothy. “Challenge me, if you dare!”

  He was immediately tackled from several angles as the other boys tried to pin him for the title. They rolled around nearby, flopping over Adam and tripping over his limbs. He tried to stay as still as he could, biting back grunts as they stepped on his stomach. It wasn’t any sort of pain that would last longer than a couple of stinging seconds.

  “Adam!” a voice said. It sounded like Terry, a younger child who wasn’t quite big enough to wrestle with the others. He crouched next to Adam’s head, poking his cheek and shaking his shoulder. “You gotta get up and get your title back!” Bless him. He actually sounded worried, like somehow, the pack would actually be led by whatever twelve year old came out on top.

  “I can’t,” he whispered, cracked an eye and trying not to smile. “I’m dead.”

  “You’re not!”

  “I am.” He closed his eyes again, flopping his head to the side and speaking around a lolling tongue. “I’m dead, and I can’t fight anymore.”

  “What if you come back as a zombie?”

  He raised a brow but kept his eyes shut. “Would a zombie Alpha really be better than Ryan?”

  “Yes!”

  “Fair enough. Bite me.”

  Terry picked up his arm and chomped down on Adam’s forearm. He winced because, damn, he hadn’t expected the kid to actually bite him hard. Luckily, he let go pretty quickly.

  “AAAAAaarg!” Adam groaned, loud and rumbly as he sat up suddenly, toppling a couple kids off him. He stuck his arms out in front of him. “I am back from the dead to reclaim my title!”

  The kids screeched, scrambling away from him as they laughed.

  “Zombie Alpha!”

  “Run!”

  “He’ll eat us all!”

  Adam chased the kids around, purposefully moving slow and making grunting, growling sounds. He managed to get a couple, scooping them up and holding them at his hip around the waist so they dangled at his sides. They screamed their laughter, flailing wildly, but he was stronger.

  “I wanna be Alpha!” said a higher voice, stern and determined.

  It was a little girl, probably around ten or eleven, dressed in ripped overalls and a purple shirt. Her pigtails were uneven, her arms were crossed over her chest, and there was a pout on her lips as she stared them down. He searched his mind, trying to come up with a name. He’d tried to learn the names of all the pack members after his rise to Alpha, including the children.

  Her name was Amy. He was pretty sure.

  He took a moment to simply look her up and down, regarding her curiously. Then he nodded, accepting her challenge, and promptly dropped the two wriggling boys in his grasp. They shouted as they fell, but he knew they wouldn’t be hurt. He started after Amy, pace ragged and zombie slow, and watched as her eyes widened, mouth hanging open as she realized he was going to let her play.

  Then her whole face brightened, and she screeched a laugh as she charged him, determination glinting in her eyes.

  He had to admit. He wasn’t expecting it. All the boys had run from him, but she ran straight at him, going into a slide between his legs before jumping back to her feet. Then she swiftly kicked him in the back of his knee, planting her foot at the weak spot and pushing hard.

  His knees buckled and he went down, half out of surprise and half to humor her. He landed on his stomach, sprawled out and unmoving. She put a foot on his back in an imitation of what Ryan had done and threw out her arms. “I’m Alpha now! Challenge me, if you dare!”

  “Girls can’t be Alpha!” one of the boys said, stomping up to them.

  She crossed her arms, staring him down. “Why not?”

  “Cause—cause—you’re a girl! Girls aren’t Alpha! Girls are mates!”

  She lifted her chin, refusing to back down. “Not my fault you guys are weak. The weak can’t be Alpha. Only the strongest. And I’m the strongest!”

  This girl was going to present as an alpha female. He just knew it. He admired her strength and her fire, reminding him of a young Millie in a way that held fold nostalgia. And while he resented Millie trying to take the title of Alpha from him, he wasn’t about to crush this little girl’s dreams.

  “She beat me fair and square,” he said, and the boy sputtered.

  “But—she’s a girl!”

  Amy stuck out her tongue.

  He was going to defend her right to play, but another voice caught him by surprise.

  “If she’s the strongest, then she gets to be Alpha,” Millie said, coming up behind them. Her smile was the same as always, sly and cunning and charming, but with a soft and kind edge that she got whenever she was around kids. She crouched next to Adam, putting a hand on Amy’s shoulder. The little girl gazed at Millie with wonder, mouth hanging open. Her smile for Amy was soft and encouraging, but when she turned to the boys, it was harder and challenging.

  “But she’s not the strongest!” another boy protested.

  “Oh, yeah?” Millie said calmly, eye brows raised, feigning surprise. She looked between the kids before a teasing smirk curled her lips. “Guess you have to prove it.” She leaned in to loudly whisper to Amy. “Go kick their butts.”

  And just like that, as if she were just waiting to be given permission again to be allowed to play with the boys, Amy leapt forward, tacking one of them to the ground. They rolled and flailed, others joining in as they jumped apart. Adam propped himself up on his elbows, already forgott
en as he watched. He was pleased to see that they didn’t gang up on her. On the contrary, they seemed to automatically accept her into their game without any more protests, all of them fighting each other and wrestling equally in the yard brawl.

  They’d all walk away from the game with new bruises and cuts and aches, but they’d do so with smiles on their faces. They were wolf children. They had a lot of pent-up energy and a lot of pent-up aggression, even in their younger years. Fighting and wrestling with pack mates was part of who they were. Once they reached puberty and shifted with the pack, they’d do the same in their wolf forms on nights of the full moon.

  This kind of playful fighting was in their blood, as was the need to protect and seek revenge against comrades fallen.

  His eyes wandered across the lawn to where some of the other alphas hovered.

  He still hadn’t given them the answer they wanted, deciding to push them into submission until he came up with a reasonable compromise. He was putting off the inevitable, and he knew it. A lot of the pack was on edge, alphas, betas, and omegas alike. He could feel it. The pack barbecue was generally a light-hearted and happy affair, but he could feel the tension in the air, feel it vibrating across his skin, see it in the way his pack mates looked at him when they thought he wasn’t paying attention.

  There was a stiffness in their shoulders. The fire was less prominent in the betas and omegas, but it still burned as hot embers in the alphas. They were polite but with an edge that he didn’t miss. He saw the way betas and omegas shied away from the anger of the alphas.

  They were all watching him, waiting with waning patience to see what call he would make. It was still up in the air whether or not they wanted to riot or fight him on it. They wanted to see what he came up with first and how he enforced it. It was a delicate situation, a ticking time bomb, and he wasn’t entirely sure how to handle it.

  There would be a pack meeting tomorrow, and they would expect an answer from him then. Today was only the calm before the storm.

  “You’ll have to face them eventually.”

  Millie crouched next to him still. Her expression was oddly soft with a smile that was almost pitying. It reminded him a lot of the girl she used to be before the wedge was driven between them.

  He sighed, pushing himself back onto his knees, sitting up. “Yeah, I know.”

  She offered him a hand, and he took it, letting her pull him to his feet. “Do you know what you’re going to do?”

  His mouth twisted into a frown as he brushed off his clothes. “I’ll do what I have to.”

  She crossed her arms, looking him up and down. Her alpha side was resurfacing, sliding a calculating look into her eyes. “If you don’t choose correctly, they’ll riot You’ll find yourself losing power and influence quickly.”

  He glared at her, trying to keep the pout out of his words. “Do you think I don’t know that?”

  She shrugged. “I know you know, but I’m not entirely certain that you realize the extent of the situation.” She reached out then, stepping closer and brushing grass off his arms before setting her hands lightly on his shoulders. She was a tall woman, but her presence and the way she held herself made her seem taller. She met his gaze and held it. “If we were together, I could back you up. Together, we’d be strong. I have influence of my own. No one would dare stand against us, and we could force them into submission until they calmed down.” She lowered her voice, like silk and honey as she continued before he could interrupt. “We can keep peace, Adam. Together. We can make sure nothing like this happens again.”

  He stared at her, seeing the determined edge in her eyes, as well as the soft light of hope, and the way she imperfectly tried to shield how much she cared. He could see the shadow of who she used to be, as well, locked away behind someone who’d hardened herself for leadership. She’d done it well, too, and would make a great leader. She was a good leader. She was groomed and preened and trained for this. He had no doubts that she would be a fantastic Alpha.

  And she was right about the pack, as well. He knew that together, they would have a firm hold over their pack. Everyone respected her in her own right, and had he not been in the picture, she might have been able to take over as lone Alpha. She held just as much influence as he did, and together, they could easily hold back their pack’s rage until it subsided. They could easily force everyone into submission before convincing them gently to see things another way.

  He knew they would make a great team. He’d always known they would make a good team. And truthfully, he wouldn’t mind having her as a co-leader. He wouldn’t mind keeping her as his right-hand Alpha, someone to lead when he was away and carry out his orders. He was willing to make her that powerful in the pack. The problem was that she wanted more.

  She’d never take that position because she wanted to be his mate, with all the influence that implied. She’d always wanted it. Even when he’d been young and naive, when they were kids and he’d been blissfully ignorant of his own orientation, she’d wanted it. She had chosen him long ago, holding onto his friendship under the idea that one day he’d accept her as his mate.

  Only he never did, and he never would.

  He was just realizing how deep she was into this fantasy, and he on the heels of that knowledge came the understanding that the only way to move forward was to cut her off completely. That day on the rooftop, when she had confessed to him and asked him to be her mate, it had torn him apart to say no, but he had known it would hurt more to say yes and live a lie.

  He would love to run the pack together with her, but not the way she wanted to do it. And he knew she would have it all or nothing. Either they would rule together as mates or not at all.

  He didn’t bring up his reflection of her, knowing that it would just add salt to the wounds and fuel to the fire.

  He sighed, reaching up to gently wrap his fingers around her wrists. “Millie, look—”

  “Just think about it.” Her tone was hard, but with the edge of a plea. She didn’t want to be rejected again, but he knew he had to.

  “I have, and we’ve talked about this, and the answer is still no.”

  Her brows furrowed, and she ripped her hands away from him as if he had burned her. “We would make a good pair,” she hissed, poking him in the chest hard enough to hurt. “Admit it.”

  He didn’t even bother pushing her hand away. “I know we would.” He felt guilty, but he hardened his heart and met her gaze squarely, refusing to back down. “In another life, maybe. But not in this one.”

  She regarded him coldly, then asked in a voice that was carefully void of emotion, “Did you ever love me?”

  He didn’t allow himself to flinch away, and he replied as steadily as he could. “Not the way you want me to, no.”

  They stood in a silent stare off for several long moments. He could feel the flare of her aura, the increase of sour hostility in her otherwise sweet scent. Finally, she stepped away. Without making eye contact, and in a voice that was low with warning, she said, “One day you may regret that. You may not want me, Adam, but I was born to lead this pack, and I’ll do it with or without you.”

  Before he could say anything else, she turned on her heel and walked away, head held high, shoulders straight, hips swaying. Only the tension in her arms gave away her anger. He watched her go, refusing to rise to the bait. She blended seamlessly back into the pack, slipping into groups and conversations like she had always been part of them, and like she hadn’t just argued with him. She’d always been better at that than he had.

  Adam sighed, tension bleeding out of his body as he felt himself able to breathe again. His eyes lingered on the kids playing, a little bit of pride sparking as he saw Amy giving just as good as she got. He had been long forgotten, which was fine. He supposed he had put off dealing with the adults for long enough now. His gaze swept out over the large lawn surrounding their pack house. It was a field surrounded by trees, several large house and more modern apartment homes nestled at t
he center. It was an expensive property, but it had been in their pack for decades, and it was easy to pay for with pack funds and donations made by all who lived there.

  Nestled from sight at the edges of the city, it seemed like they had their own little peaceful bubble of solitude. Adam had never thought much about how the New Moon Pack might live, but he took a moment to do so now. He wondered what their pack house and their property looked like. He’d always imagined them to be violent and rough people, dirty and without the family atmosphere a pack should have. But now that he knew Josh had been a willing member, his perspective was starting to shift.

  He wondered what their pack looked like to others. Did they look just as violent and cruel?

  He had a feeling they did.

  What a mess.

  Hands on his hips, he slowly surveyed his pack. His eyes swept past the children, past the group of teens gathered on their phones, past the fathers at the grills, past the groups of friends crowding the snack tables, past the groups scattering the lawn, past the mothers holding newborns and gossiping, past those who sent him thinly-veiled glares. He then found Josh, gaze locking in on him and feeling drawn to him like a magnet. He was standing with Sarah and a few of the other higher-ranked pack women.

  Before he knew it, he found himself walking toward them, feet moving of their own accord. He weaved through his pack, waving and smiling as he went but never stopping. Josh was smiling, talking animatedly with the women. He looked so natural among them, mingling with his pack. It made warmth blossom in his chest.

  “Afternoon, ladies,” Adam said, sliding up to the group, nodding to them all before looking to Josh. “And Josh.” He smiled, small and genuine and enjoying the spark of warmth he saw radiating from Josh’s pleasantly surprised smile. He had to look away before he gave into the urge to reach for him. “How are you all doing?”

  “Adam!” Sarah greeted, laying a hand on his arm. She leaned in and went up on her toes, pressing a friendly kiss to his cheek before settling back down on her heels, hand on her belly. “We were just exchanging some recipes.”