“Where were you?” Amber demanded. “Who were you with?”
“I went over and saw Gina. Why are you asking?”
“Because I know what you’re thinking. You’re going to talk to Sophie, aren’t you?”
Heather’s good mood evaporated. “Maybe if you weren’t stealing from your own cousin, you wouldn’t have to worry about that.”
“I’m not stealing!”
“Mom, please. I saw you.”
“You were sick and I took care of you.”
“That doesn’t make what you did okay. None of this is okay. What if you lose your job over this? What if Sophie goes to the police?”
Something flickered in her mother’s eyes. “Sophie wouldn’t do that. We’re family.”
“You keep saying that but you’re not acting like you care about her. You’re taking advantage of her.”
“Why shouldn’t I? All my life I’ve lived in this crappy house and now my own mother is throwing me out. Did you see how she’s fixing up the house to sell it? She never fixed it up when we lived here.”
“Mom, we lived here rent-free.”
“There were all kinds of bills.”
“Just the upkeep stuff. It was way cheaper than renting a place ourselves. You know that now. You’ve seen what’s out there.”
Heather found the conversation exhausting—maybe because it was the same one they’d had dozens of times before. Nothing ever changed. They were trapped in a circular argument she didn’t know how to win. Worse, she wasn’t sure anyone could win. Amber was always changing the rules.
Was it going to be like this forever? she wondered. Would she ever escape? And how many times had she asked herself that question? Maybe it was time to stop talking and start doing.
“None of this would be happening if my mother wasn’t so selfish,” Amber said. “I’ll never forgive her.”
“For what? For thinking you should take care of yourself? You’re nearly forty years old and you’ve never taken responsibility for anything.”
Her mother’s face darkened. “Don’t you dare talk to me like that.”
“Or what? What are you going to do? Slap me again?”
Heather had no end goal for the conversation, but that didn’t stop her. She was tired of hearing how everything was someone else’s fault.
“How are you going to punish me, Mom? You can’t make it on your own and you know it. All your life you’ve talked about what you would do, if only. If only you hadn’t had me, if only you’d gone to college. But every time there’s an opportunity, you find some reason why you can’t make it work. Something always goes wrong and it’s never your fault. Poor you. No more free ride on the rent, which is incredibly ironic, because you haven’t paid a dime for anything in this house for the past four years.”
“How dare you! Take that back and apologize right now.”
“No.” Heather gathered the frustration and anger and disappointment and fear and channeled it into staying strong. “You only care about yourself. I don’t know why I didn’t see that before, but it’s true. You would happily rent that expensive apartment, saddling me with a lease payment I can’t make. You want me to stay here and be just like you.”
As she spoke, her mind seemed to clear as she understood dynamics that had always eluded her before.
She stared at her mother. “You’re terrified I’ll be successful. You’re afraid that I’m going to actually make something of myself because while most parents want to be proud of their kids, you don’t want me to pass you. You’re happy to use me until there’s nothing left and then you’ll toss me away.”
“You are horrible!” her mother screamed. “You are ungrateful and spoiled and mean and you take it all back right now or I’m throwing you out.”
“Don’t worry about it, Mom. You don’t have to throw me out. I’m ready to leave on my own.”
She started for the garage. Her mother trailed after her.
“If you leave now, you’re never coming back,” Amber told her. “I mean it, Heather. You are dead to me. Do you hear me? You are dead!”
Heather collected as many empty boxes as she could carry and started for her bedroom.
“Fine,” her mother said. “Leave. I won’t miss you. Don’t think you’re going to come crawling back because you’re not. Not ever. We’re done. I’m going out now and when I get back, you’d better be gone. Anything that’s left in your room, I’m giving away. All of it. You’re an ungrateful, spoiled brat and I’m sorry you were ever born.”
Heather set the boxes on the bed and looked around. When it came right down to it, she didn’t have that much stuff. Clothes, her toiletries, a few mementos, her laptop. She was twenty years old and she was pretty sure everything important to her could fit in maybe four boxes.
Amber stood in the hall for a minute or so but when Heather didn’t say anything, she turned and walked away. Seconds later the front door slammed. Only then did Heather sink onto the bed and give in to tears.
She wasn’t sure why she was crying. Not that the situation didn’t warrant it, but she wasn’t sure which part had pushed her over the edge. Everything about their conversation had been inevitable.
If she had to guess, she would say she was crying because she couldn’t lie to herself anymore. Her mother wasn’t going to suddenly come to her senses, and Heather was pretty sure she would never be free of her. Just as sad was the realization that she wasn’t sure there had been any love between them for years now. They weren’t a family and without Amber, Heather wondered if she would always be alone.
A stupid thing to be thinking, she told herself. She should be happy to be escaping. And she would be—just not right now.
She pulled out her phone and dialed. Sophie picked up on the first ring.
“Hey, you. What’s up?”
“Mom and I had a fight and I can’t live here anymore. Can I stay with you?”
“Oh, Heather, I’m sorry. Of course you can, although I have to warn you, all the kittens have reached the exploration stage so it’s kind of a madhouse.”
“Death by kittens?” Heather asked, her voice cracking a little. “I’m okay with that.”
“Good because I’m excited about having a roommate. Need me to help you pack?”
“No. I’ll be about an hour.”
“Then I’ll head home right now and get things ready.” Sophie hesitated. “It’s going to be okay. I promise.”
“Thanks. I’ll see you soon.”
Heather hung up and reached for a box. She had no idea what okay looked like, nor did she know how this was going to end. She wanted to get away but she had a feeling it wasn’t going to be as easy as she would have thought.
Even worse was the niggling fear that she might have a little more of her mother in her than she’d been willing to admit. And if that was true, was getting away even an option?
* * *
“I’m sorry,” Jerry said, his voice raspy from what sounded like a bad cold. “I’m sick, my guys are sick. We’re falling behind everywhere.”
Including at her place, Kristine thought, standing in the middle of her store, aware that his falling behind meant pushing out her grand opening.
“Okay,” she said slowly. “Let me know when you’re going to be back.”
“I will. Sorry, Kristine.”
They hung up.
She walked to what would be the retail space. The new counter and display case had been delivered but weren’t installed. The old flooring was ripped up but nothing was in its place. The walls were patched but not painted. She couldn’t get her health inspection until she had everything installed. She couldn’t open until she had a finished retail area.
Every day she put off opening meant she wasn’t making any money. Not that she could put off her lease payment. That was due, regardless. She could c
ook in her kitchen, but with only her regular oven, she couldn’t begin to bake enough to cover her lease payment.
She had new orders from the Blackberry Island Inn, but that money was going to cover what she’d spent on the mixers. The flooring for the remodel had been more than she’d expected, due to some subflooring repairs. And the wall patching had been more extensive than she’d hoped. Money was going out, very little was coming in, and what if Jaxsen was right and she failed? A lot of new businesses did.
She looked around once more then told herself her time would be better spent at home where at least she could be baking. The way Jerry had sounded on the phone, she wasn’t going to see him until next week. A disaster she hadn’t planned for at all.
She headed for the front door, only to see Jaxsen pull up in front of her place. She briefly thought about bolting out the back, but told herself that would be childish. Instead, she unlocked the front door and let him in.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, afraid he knew about the delays and that he’d come to gloat.
“Jerry told me he was sick.”
Dammit. “Why are you talking to my contractor? What are you telling him? Is he really sick or did you put him up to this?”
Jaxsen looked startled by the question. “Is that what you think of me?”
“I don’t know. It’s not as if you’re being supportive.”
He seemed to deflate. “Come on, Kristine. I wouldn’t do that. I’ve been talking to him because I want to make sure everything is done right. You have to believe me.”
“Why? You’ve been against this from the beginning. You don’t want me to have this business and you certainly don’t want me to be successful. You’ve made that really clear.”
He nodded. “Okay, I deserve that. But can you let it go just for a little while?”
“Why?”
“Because I’m here to help. When Jerry said he was sick and falling behind, I knew your job would get pushed to the side. It’s small and he’s fitting it in around other work. I took a couple of days off so I could come here and get things moving for you.”
She couldn’t have been more surprised if he’d sprouted wings. Okay, yes, wings would be more shocking but not by much.
“But you don’t like what I’m doing. Why would you help?”
“Can’t you just go with it? Please?”
If she’d had the strength she would have shaken him and demanded to know what he’d done with her husband. Nothing about this made sense. But as he spoke, he looked sincere—more like the Jaxsen she knew than the man who had left her. As she didn’t have a bunch of people lining up to work on her space, she was going to shut up and be grateful.
“Thank you.”
He offered her a brief smile. “You’re welcome. Now, where are the plans?”
She showed him the rudimentary sketches Jerry had been working from.
“The flooring can’t get installed until the counter and display case are in place,” she said. “Plus, there’s painting and the baseboards, and the shelving units in back. It’s a lot.”
He walked over to the display unit and studied it. “This will go quickly. I can get this and the counter done today. Call your flooring guy and get on the schedule. While we’re waiting on that, I can prime the walls.”
“You’re really going to help me?”
“I am.”
They stared at each other. Was this a peace offering? A guy way of saying he was sorry? She didn’t want to assume the worst, but she couldn’t seem to trust him. Only this was Jaxsen—the man she loved. They shared a life...at least they had.
“Do you miss me at all?” he asked, his voice quiet.
“What? Of course I do. I didn’t ask you to leave and I sure didn’t want you to go. You were just gone. You’re my husband and I love you. I want us to work, but it can’t just be on your terms. I’ve tried to explain that so many times. I can’t figure out if you genuinely don’t understand or you just don’t want to understand. Maybe it doesn’t matter. In the end, I still need something more in my life.”
When he didn’t say anything, she sighed. “Jaxsen, please. All I want is something I did myself. Something I can be proud of, the way you’re proud of the work you do. I love you and need you but I also need more than being a wife and a mother. I need to be myself.”
He half turned away, then spun back. “I can’t live my life scared you’re going to walk out on me.”
She wasn’t sure which shocked her more—the words themselves or the way he shouted them into the quiet afternoon.
“What are you talking about? Why would I leave you? Jaxsen, you’re not making any sense.”
“Oh, come on, Kristine. We both know you were keeping your grandmother’s money tucked away so you could run.”
He meant it. She saw it in his eyes and the set of his shoulders. The way his breathing was uneven. He actually thought she was going to go away, abandoning him and the boys.
She wanted to laugh and tell him he was a fool. She wanted to scream that he had no right to think that of her—that she’d never done one thing to make anyone think she would ever leave her marriage. Only a tiny voice in her head whispered not to do any of that. Jaxsen wasn’t kidding—for reasons she couldn’t understand, he thought she was capable of running away.
“I don’t understand,” she said, careful to keep her voice soft and nonthreatening. “What have I done to make you think that?”
“You kept the money for yourself. You wouldn’t talk about why. What was I supposed to think?” He looked toward the front of the store. “Was it him? Is he the reason you’re doing all this? Are you leaving me for him?”
“Jaxsen, I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here, trying to start a business that allows me to do something I’ve wanted to do for a long time while still being married to you. Is this why you were always trying to spend the money?”
He glanced away.
She sighed. “I kept the money separate because I’ve had this idea in my head for a while. My grandmother always encouraged me to be my best and I knew she would want to be a part of a business I started. In a way, her money let me do that. Plus, I did think of the money as mine. I don’t really have anything of my own, Jaxsen. Not anymore.”
He flushed. “I’m sorry about what I said before. About the money. I shouldn’t have...” He shook his head. “I don’t think that.”
“I want to believe you.” She started to move toward him, then stopped herself. There were still things they had to talk about. The conversation couldn’t be avoided because it was unpleasant.
“I hope you know I could have left at any time,” she told him. “If I was unhappy, all I had to do was walk out. I didn’t need the money from my grandmother. I stayed because I wanted to stay. I love you, Jaxsen. I love our kids and our life. Why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t you tell me what you were thinking?”
“Because it was easier to have you believe I’m a selfish bastard than have you know how frightened I was to lose you. I figured if you were going, you should go so I wasn’t always waiting.”
She was so confused. “But I never said there was a problem. I can’t believe you thought I would leave without talking to you first. That I wouldn’t try to fix things or ask that we go into counseling or something.”
He stiffened. “Why wouldn’t I think that? I left.”
She’d been doing okay until he said that. She’d managed to stay in her head and not react. She’d wanted to listen and learn and deal with her emotions later. But hearing that was too much.
Tears filled her eyes and a sharp pain cut through her heart. “You left me? You left us? Is that what you’re saying? We’re separated? You didn’t even tell me?”
“What did you think was happening?”
“I thought you were mad and staying with your parents. I t
hought you were waiting me out, sulking. You’ve done it before and it was just how you handled things. You never said anything about leaving.” She took a step back and tried to catch her breath. “Are we over? Is that what you’re saying? Is our marriage over?”
Tears flowed faster and quickly grew into sobs. She tried to stay in control, but she couldn’t. Jaxsen reached for her. She turned away, not wanting him to touch her.
“Kristine, don’t. It’s not like that. I was mad. I was scared and I thought I wasn’t enough for you.”
She stared at him. “I thought you were at your mom’s. I thought it was like the other times. I didn’t know you left.”
“I didn’t leave. I’m right here.”
“You said—” She couldn’t speak. Her throat was too tight. She was going to be sick. All this time she’d assumed the choice was hers. That she would have to decide between her marriage and the business. But Jaxsen had been making different decisions and she’d never known.
“I didn’t leave,” he repeated. “It wasn’t like that.”
The words were too late, she thought as she continued to cry. She felt too much and didn’t know where to put it.
“I have to go,” she said, wondering where she’d left her purse. She spotted it on the kitchen counter and ran toward it. “I have to go.”
“Kristine, wait.”
She shook her head and bolted past him. When she reached her SUV, she slid onto the seat and gave in to the sobs clawing at her throat. She cried until she was empty and then fought against the bleeding in her heart.
She’d assumed she could handle the end of her marriage. She’d been so cavalier thinking if she had to choose, she would walk away from what she had because she needed to be her own person.
She’d had no idea what she was telling herself was a complete lie. She’d been a fool to assume she would be fine in her new life, that she wasn’t wholly tied to the man she’d been married to for so long. He was her heart—he always had been. Without him, she was just a shell, going through the motions. He’d left her and she hadn’t even known.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Sisters by Choice Page 30