by Exile
But somewhere, a girl with one shoe and a swing was flying.
WHEATIESFIELDS IN FALL
Geoffrey W. Cole
Maingame log, 2196.5.21 0530
Three quests this AM:
1) Bring Mrs. Olfrichstein OJ and pastry.
2) Empty all bedpans (laughs = bonus gold)
3) Find Mr. Yao old cartridge game (is he Level 29 boss?)
Long day ahead. Much XP, less gold. Maybe see Nurse T?
Dialogue with Moderator Behan when came in this AM re: hockey scores last night, Behan’s daughter (better, thanks new kidney), Behan’s wife (5 months no bonage. Raised XP reward, even some gold. Still no bonage).
Dialogue re: cartridge:
Me: “Impossible, searched online, nothing.”
Moderator Behan: “Tough nuts, Loufis.”
My quest, my time. Much XP, some gold. Level 29 boss? Behan not sure. Behan has own boss fight = wife, no bonage. Level 56.
Me: “Don’t dwell.”
Behan: “Excel.”
2.5 years too long for Level 29. Supposed to be only 6 months, year max, but game hard. Level hard. Admit it: laziness no help. Level also boring. Boring = hard.
Stop. Don’t dwell.
First, OJ and pastry. Then bedpans. Play HammerSmash on crapper and at lunch. Beat the Level 4 prick. Then Yao cartridge. 200 + years old. How the F to find? Should be higher level. 80s, at least.
Maingame log, 2196.5.21 1145
Quest results:
1) OJ has pulp, pastry has raisins. Mrs. Olfrichstein not happy.
Me: “Last time request juice with pulp and raisin pastry.”
Mrs. O disconnect upload line and plug into my brainport. Replay memory: Mrs. O tells Loufis she want No Pulp, No Raisins. Apologize, but no XP, no gold.
2) Bedpans = empty. 3 XP, 0.15 gold. Laughs = mixed.
Me to Mr. Thule: “Constipation? More like can-stipation.”
Mr. Thule: “Har har,” 0.15 bonus gold.
Me to Mrs. Hungerdurn: “I’d make a joke, but all the ones I know are corny.”
Mrs. H: “Disgusting. We’ve talked about your lewd sense of humour.” Mrs. H. ask for new attendant. Moderator Behan apologize, deduct 2 XP.
Me to Mr. Davenport: “…”
Mr. D: “No jokes today, Loufis?”
Me: “Shitty day.”
Mr. D: “You and me both.”
Mr. D. fill bedpan again. 0.2 gold.
3) Yao cartridge = best morning ever. Stop at Mr. Yao room for more info re: cartridge. Nurse T there (!). Nurse T checking upload lines. Best room in residence for Mr. Yao. Corner, all windows. Sunlight on Nurse T brown skin. Eyes shine like LEDs. Hair up in bun, want to sniff. Uniform crisp white in sunlight. Can’t dialogue for seconds.
Yao: “Find it?”
Yao ancient. On 5th life. 5th! And uploading to next.
Once was top maingame player, not so good this life. Squandered, some say. Loufis won’t squander next life.
Plans for next life:
—More tutorials. All tutorials. No distractions this time.
—Wise gold investment. Don’t waste on non-maingame games. On drinks. On clothes. On fixing water pipes for Momma and Poppa. Wise, not waste.
—Less lazy. Work hard, work all the time. Excel. Get 3rd life. Then relax.
—Take Nurse T to warm islands. Thai? Carib? Zealand? Wherever Nurse T likes. Whatever Nurse T wants.
Me: “Didn’t find it. Need more info. Forget game name. Who make?”
Yao eyes closed mostly. Uploading is consuming. Memories packing up for transmission to next life takes all concentration. Yao better off than most in Nordic Winds Retirement and Upload Palace. Most not high level enough. Most only upload, no download, or download into metal body, not real body.
Reminder: visit Grandpoppa in Upland = more birthday gold.
Yao to Nurse T. (Nurse T. checking brain line): “Useless. This is what I get working with a Level 29. But a Level 75.”
Yao grabs Nurse T rump. Nurse T doesn’t look up from brain line. Can see she hates Yao. Hates hand on rump. Yao Level 428, can’t say no. Could revoke whole levels. Hand squeezes fine rumpflesh. Should be Loufis hand. Nurse T wouldn’t hate Loufis hand.
Yao body rolls and shakes. Think he dying – Yao ancient, at least 67 years – but just laughter.
Yao: “The game is Journey to Athenmore, made by Coseca in 1992 for the Super Nintendo. Try antique arcades, museums, auctions. I must have an original cartridge.”
Yao flesh shakes = dying again? No, tears this time. Muddy drops roll down grey cheeks. Nurse T checks vitals. Yao hand reaches, not for rump, but for Loufis hand. And Nurse T hand. Yao eyes shut, lips quivering (weak little baby! frightened little girl!).
Yao: “Find it, Loufis. Please. I can’t face another life without it.”
Eyes open, see hand-holding going on. Yao hands release, dive under covers. Eyes shut. Breathing steadies. Time to leave. Jot down notes in hall: arcades, museums, auctions. Mustn’t forget. As writing, Nurse T comes out.
Nurse T: “Wasn’t that something?”
Me: “Yeah.” Dolt. Mushbrains. Say more! Then: “Drink tonight?”
Nurse T jots down notes on tab. Brown eyes pained, like Yao hand on rump. Remembering? Remembering.
Nurse T: “Working at another residence.” Nurse T finishes writing, snaps tab closed, walks away.
Dolt! Mushbrains! Nurse T level 75, never drink with man too old for level 29. But still. Nurse T = talk to Loufis.
Four quests this PM:
1) Bring Mrs. O lunch (check notes to be sure – think fish bologna sammy with crisps?)
2) Empty bedpans (better jokes this time? No jokes?)
3) Take out garbage from lunchroom, recroom, mediaroom, gym
4) Find Mr. Yao’s cartridge (def level 29 boss)
Maingame log, 2196.5.22 0205
Quest results:
1) Should have checked notes, no time.
Running late after lunch because writing prev log. Get to Mrs. O. room late, they starting nextlife transfer. Nurse T there (!) Two times, one day. Def best day ever.
Nurse T checking new body for Mrs. O. Young body. Man – surprise me. Thought always stay in same sex body. (Loufis next life: try lady body? Pro: boobs, cooch, long hair, wear dresses, maybe be singer? Cons: revise wiping routine, lose arm wrestles, Nurse T no like girls? Or Nurse T like girls? Should know. Should plan.)
Mrs. O old body naked, new body naked. Major upgrade: bye-bye wrinkles, saggy tits, scars, spots, hairy cooch. Hello muscles, tan skin, bald dong & waddle.
Mrs. O: “Don’t stare. Where’s my lunch? I hate to transfer on empty stomach.”
Offer fish bologna sammy and crisps.
Mrs. O: “Fish? But the mercury.” 0 gold, eats anyway. Loufis feeds Mrs. O, because straps. New body looks asleep, but not asleep. Not alive, not dead, not person, not yet.
Nurse T checks brain line, upload line, blood line. Doesn’t check Loufis. Nurse T gives OK to Doc. Nurse T leaves. Mrs. O done sammy, working on crisps. Loufis leaves.
Me: “Wow. Never seen transfer.”
Nurse T: “Haven’t you been here for three years?”
Me: shrug. “Only made download attendant last month. Who next body?”
Nurse T puts aside tablet. Eyes not brown: eyes yellow-brown, like wheatiesfields in fall.
Nurse T: “He was an UpUpDownDown. They’re all UpUpDownDowns.”
Mrs. O barks for crisps. Nurse T gone when crisps are done.
Note: NO CHEATS. Know it, practice it, promise it every day. NO CHEATS.
2) Bedpans = empty. 3 XP, 0.15 gold.
Me to Mr. Thule: “The bank called, they’re looking for the regular deposit.”
Mr. T (eyes clenched, hand on stomach): “Not today, Loufis.” 0 gold.
Me to Mrs. Hungerburn: “Behan couldn’t spare new attendant. Only be a minute.”
Mrs. H: “Thank you, my poor man.” 0.5 gold, even though no joke. Note: No jokes f
or Mrs. H.
Me to Mr. Davenport: “That looks like blood.”
Mr. D.: “Call the doctor.”
Mr. D shakes like Mr. Yao, but not laugh, not cry. Docs fill room, inspect bedpan.
Doc: “Good job, Loufis.” But no gold, no XP.
Mr. D stops breathing. Mr. D only half finished upload. Who will be in Upland?
3) Garbages all empty. 0.3 gold, 1 XP. Toss all bags in woods behind res instead of sort into bins = more time. Mean to do advanced upload attendant tutorial, instead play HammerSmash. Losing to Level 4 prick, so buy Ultradoom Axehammer of Infrapain (3 gold) and beat Level 4 prick = 1 XP. (Best day ever!)
4) Ask Moderator Behan for early leave to hunt cartridge. Behan: “Do extra-curricular work on your own time.” Leave res at 2030. Bus late, so walk to next stop, bus go by on walk, next bus late. Get to shopping district 2130. Most shops closed. Try antique arcade.
Arcade Owner: “From 1996? Damn, son, need two, maybe three extra lives to afford a cartridge that old.”
Then museum. Many games there and tutorials. Played Shoot the Capitalist Swine, then Shoot the Communist Leech, then Shoot the Theocrat Owl. All good learny history games. - 0.5 gold/game = + 0.5 XP/game. Past threshold to level 30! Bells and whistles go off, other museumers congratulate me. But level stats still show 29. Won’t level until beat boss. Yao + cartridge = boss.
Find curator (asst.), dialogue re: Journey to Athenmore. Curator (asst.) looks up in library. One copy, won’t lend out. Beg, on knees.
Me: “Nurse T won’t play HesTheOne with level 29.”
Curator (asst.): “Your friend can come here to play it, but we can’t lend it out.”
Could work. Mr. Yao all hooked up, needs med assist = Nurse T come too. All three together. Yao play. Loufis level to 30. Nurse T and me play games. She see Shoot the Communist Leech skills = she impressed. Maybe horndog? Maybe bonage behind Conquest of the West display? Maybe.
Best day ever!
Maingame log, 2196.5.22 0545
AM Quests:
1) Caf. Need caf.
2) Bring Mrs. O – no, now called Mr. O – breakfast. OJ (no pulp) and biscuit (no nuts).
3) Bedpans.
4) Yao: museum field trip. Nurse T?
Moderator Behan: “Why late?”
Me: “Cartridge for Yao. Boss fight!”
Behan: minus 2 XP. Back to level 29, but don’t matter. Will be level 30 tonight.
Maingame log, 2196.5.22 1130
AM Quest results:
1) Caf gum and caf gel, still need more caf. Need more than 2.5 hours sleep. Forgot to eat.
2) Mr. O: very sleepy. OJ good = 0.1 gold, 1 XP. Biscuit = raisins.
Mr. O: “Deja vu is a symptom of the transfer, I know, but this isn’t deja vu. We just had this conversation.”
Me: “Thought no nuts.” Didn’t check log. No time.
Mr. O: “Idiot.”
Me: “New body nice.”
Mr O: “Thank you. It’s a good thing this body isn’t sensitive to raisins or I’d use it to throttle you.”
No bonus gold.
3) Bedpans = empty. 3 XP, 0.15 gold.
Me to Mr. Thule: “Still nothing?”
Mr. T: pretend to sleep. No gold.
Me to Mrs. Hungerburn: “Good morning.”
Mrs. H: “Only three more days in this wretched prison. Then I’m free.”
Me: “Grandpoppa in Upland. Likes.”
Mrs. H: “When did you last see him?”
Me (thinking): what answer = gold?
Me: “Yesterday. Grandpoppa well.” = 1 gold. Whole gold!
Lies = useful. Use more. But also visit Grandpoppa. Answer Grandpoppa emails. Maybe play HammerSmash with Grandpoppa?
Mr. Davenport gone. Mr. Mendez in Mr. Davenport bed.
Me to Mr. Mendez: “Me Number 1 at collecting Number 2s.”
Mr. M: “Kay?” No gold.
4) Told Yao re: museum. Yao excited. Shaking (not dying), tears and laughter at once. Different nurse there: Nurse J. Nurse J OK. Nurse J eyes blue, uniform clean, hair bunned, face nice, level 27.
Nurse J: “We could accommodate a field trip. Have to pause the upload, but it shouldn’t be a problem.”
Yao: “Today?”
Nurse J: “I’ll talk to the docs.”
Yao: “Good job, Loufis. Amazing work for a Level 29.”
Me: (!).
Nurse J waiting in hall.
Nurse J: “You made an old man very happy.”
Me: “Hey.”
Nurse J: “I’m impressed, Loufis. Really impressed.”
Nurse J touches shoulder. Eyes very blue, smile nice.
Nurse J: “What are you doing this weekend?”
Me (thinking): Nurse T.
Me (saying): “Busy. Working, then visiting Grandpoppa in Upland.”
Nurse J nods, leaves.
Lies = useful.
Dialogue Moderator Behan re: museum trip.
Moderator Behan: “Be careful with him, he’s a very old man.”
Me: “Nurse T should come. Best nurse.”
Moderator Behan: “Good thinking, Loufis. You are more than ready for the 30s, my friend.”
This aft. We go this aft.
PM quests:
1) Find Yao cartridge.
2) No bedpans. No garbage.
3) Nurse T.
Maingame log, 2196.5.22 2046
Quest results:
1) Idiot.
2) Idiot.
3) Idiot.
Should read notes. That’s why log quests. No time, never time, but still. Find time. Make time.
Yao hires car to museum. Yao + Nurse T + Me = in car. Nurse T checks Yao lines, Nurse T sits with me. Outside = snow. Light flakes, fall slow.
Yao: “In my second life, I spent years searching for Journey to Athenmore. The game wasn’t a big seller. I thought I’d found a buyer in San Diego but they refused, no matter what I offered. I gave up. But I never stopped thinking about it. Not once in five lives.”
Me: “Why?”
Nurse T: “You don’t have to answer that.”
Yao shakes head, skin loose like old dog. Yao: “I don’t know where you grew up, Loufis – somewhere wretched ghetto hole, I imagine – but even in whatever overcrowded gutter you called home, there must have been magic in your youth. Mystery and awe. Moments when you realized you were alive, and that the world was bigger than you could ever imagine.”
Me (remembering): Comet over apartment courtyard. First glimpse of cooch. Cushion forts.
Me: “Sure.”
Yao: “That game was the last such moment. Everything after was XP and gold. Actions and choices weighed for their advantage, not for their joy or their mystery. If I can find that game again, maybe I can remember what it means to be alive.”
Me: quiet.
Nurse T: wipes eyes.
Yao: quiet.
Car quiet. Snow outside quiet. Yao talks good. This one of those moments? Then museum.
Nurse T checks lines. Loufis rolls bed into lobby. Curator (head), not curator (asst.). Explain, tell of visit night before, here to see Journey to Athenmore.
Curator (head): “We have no such game.”
Me: “Check records. Curator (asst.) found.”
Curator (head) checks records.
Curator (head): “It isn’t here.”
Me: “Curator (asst.) said yes. Check security video.”
Curator (head) checks video.
On screen: me and curator (asst.). Video me plays HammerSmash on handheld.
Video Me: “Have, uh, game? Think called Travel to
Arenas? Old, like 1990s. Nintendo.”
Video Curator (asst.): “Voyage to Athens?”
Video me: “That one.”
Me: “No. Asked for Journey to Athenmore.”
Curator (head): “I’m sorry but I can’t help you.”
Me: “No.”
Yao: “Roll me back to the car.”
Me: “No. It is here.�
�
Nurse T: “Loufis, we have to go.”
Roll Yao back to car. In car, Yao shaking. Hands fist and unfist.
Nurse T: “Calm down. Calm down.”
Yao: “Never trust a level 29. Especially a cretin like this one.”
Me: “Sorry.”
Yao: “Was this your plan? To humiliate me?”
Me: “Super sorry.”
Quiet in car again, but different quiet. Not snow quiet. Drowning quiet.
At res, wheel Yao back to room. Yao still fisting and unfisting hands.
Nurse T: “Go, Loufis. You’re upsetting him.”
Moderator Behan: “What the heck happened?”
Yao dialogues museum events to Behan.
Me: “Curator (head) lied.”
Moderator Behan: “I know you want to level, Loufis, we all do. I hate that I will have to deduct XP, but this was totally unacceptable. You’ve upset our best client.”
Me: “Super sorry.”
Moderator Behan: “Go home. Think on what you’ve done. Come back tomorrow and excel.”
Home now. Play HammerSmash. Play CoochParty. Play SorryTime. Tired. Super sorry. -4 XP. Way less than level 30, don’t care. Nurse T eyes = disappointed. Must make better.
Maingame log, 2196.5.23 0303
Woke with idea. Good idea. Make better.
Maingame log, 2196.5.23 0630
AM Quests:
1) Apologize re: late.
2) Bring Mr. O. OJ (no pulp) and biscuits (no raisins). Say Bye.
3) Bedpans.
4) Idea re: Yao cartridge.
Very late, no time. Log later.
Maingame log, 2196.5.23 1145
AM Quest results:
1) Me to Moderator Behan: “Super sorry. Upset re: failure yesterday, no sleep. New resolve: Don’t dwell, excel.”
Moderator Behan to me: “I’ll let it slide this one time.”
Me = surprised. Must be because Moderator Behan happy, relaxed.
Me: “Bonage with wife?”
Moderator Behan: “Better. Bonage with Nurse J. She is amazing. Don’t say anything to anyone. I’m considering divorce. An XP setback, sure, but it is technically a boss fight victory. I’ve never been happier, Loufis.”
No XP loss for late!
2) Mr. O: “I can’t believe it. No pulp and a nice fresh biscuit, just as I ordered them.”
Me = check log. Me = smart.
Mr. O: “I can’t say it’s been a pleasure, Loufis, but this is a small victory for you. Whatever you’re doing, keep it up.” 0.5 gold, 1 XP.