“Okay, let me get this straight. In order of power, I’ve gotta worry about Vane first, then Godric, then whatever soldiers he’s got left in the Sanctum Domini.”
“You forgot about Mags.”
“Oh yeah, that bitch,” I muttered. “And the Quarters as well, I suppose. It would be great if I could get through to Mr. Savage, but it looks like he’s lost his mind.”
“On the bright side, I’m pretty sure that Mags won’t actually kill you herself. She’s not crazy enough for that.”
I rolled my eyes. “She’s a hypocrite! The absolute worst. A liar, deceiver, a manipulator, a torturer too…”
“Why do you think I broke up with her?”
“I can’t believe you actually dated her in the first place,” I muttered under my breath.
We reached the cemetery car park, a small square encased on all sides by thick trees. It was almost deserted; only Mr. Savage’s town car waited by the gate. The driver stared blankly out into the rain, waiting for his master.
It was still drizzling lightly. I worried about Alex’s arm getting sore holding the umbrella for me, so I stopped under a giant ash tree to shelter from the rain.
The wind picked up suddenly, and for a second, I wondered if a storm was brewing. Instead it just ended up being Nate coming back from wherever he had been.
Nate’s dark eyes were bright. “I’ve got news,” he said.
“Yeah?”
“You’ll never guess why those two Quarters were here.”
I squinted at him. “Because Bentleigh Savage is one of them?”
Nate visibly deflated. “How did you know?”
Alex chuckled. “He told us.”
“He told you? Why would he tell you that?”
“He’s having a breakdown,” I said, nodding gravely. “He’s losing his goddamn mind. Which is probably why those two guys were there. They suspect that one of their own members is falling apart, so they’re here to see if they need to protect their little cabal.”
Nate gaped at me, open-mouthed. “How did you know?”
“It was just a guess.”
“Well, you’re right. Publically, they're here to pay their respects to their colleague, who lost his daughter. But they’re mostly here to see if he can still be trusted.”
“And what was the consensus?”
“Decision suspended for another week. Just to see how Mr. Savage is when he comes out of this grief.”
I tapped my chin. “I wonder. He’s pretty devastated. I doubt anyone in this world knew how much he loved his daughter, not even him.”
“And, on that note, there’s more.”
“What?”
“Well…” Nate looked uncomfortable. “It would seem that the Quarters did suspect how much he loved his daughter, because they used her as a test.”
“What kind of test?” There was a dangerous edge to Alex’s voice. He was suddenly uncomfortable too, as if he suspected exactly what kind of test it was.
Nate swallowed heavily before going on. “An initiation. The Quarters have to make sure every single one of their members has no love for anything above the Quarters themselves. That way, nothing can harm them. They require unwavering loyalty. So, as a test for new members, they research exactly what that potential member would love the most, and they ask them to sacrifice it.”
I grimaced. “This is weirdly reminiscent of Abraham being asked to slaughter his son.”
“Exactly,” Nate nodded. “God wanted to ensure that Abraham loved no one above himself.” He quirked an eyebrow. “It’s not a true story, Eve, just so you know. It’s just an allegory.”
“It’s a crappy allegory for a crappy idea,” I retorted. “Probably spawned a couple of millennia of schizophrenic people killing their kids, thinking God was speaking in their heads just like he was to Abraham.”
Nate’s face was blank. “We all make mistakes. Anyway-” he straightened up. “It would appear that the other nineteen Quarters figured out that Hannah was the next most important thing in her father’s life, so they asked him if they could use her.”
“Use her for what?”
Both boys fell silent. Alex looked disgusted.
“Oh.” It hit me. “Oh, no. Oh, God, that’s awful. You mean to say that they asked him if they could...”
Nate nodded, his face slightly pale. “It would seem so. Apparently, Bentleigh Savage readily agreed to their request.”
I was revolted. “Oh, no no no,” Dizziness overwhelmed me for a second, and I stumbled backward. Alex caught me, his hands creating a cushion, holding me as steady as a rock.
“Are you okay?” he murmured, brushing the hair from my face.
“No,” I whimpered. “I want to go back there and punch that asshole in the face. I want to punch him so hard that he falls backward into the grave. Then, I want to take a shovel and bury him in the dirt.” I squeezed my eyes shut, hard, trying to get my equilibrium back.
Alex held me gently. “At least we know why she was such a bitch.”
“Do we know if she even consented…” Dizziness overwhelmed me again.
Nate frowned. “She would have been just underage, so it’s a moot point. She can’t legally consent.”
“Oh, God, I feel sick.” As well as nausea, sadness overwhelmed me. No wonder she’d been such a toxic person. Her father had made her that way.
A shiver ran through me as I realized that it could have been my fate. If my father had succeeded in ruining me, I might have become twisted and hateful as well. For the billionth time, I blessed my beloved Aunt Margot, who had rescued me from that awful life.
“Are you sure you're okay?” Alex murmured into my hair. “It’s not like you to be the woozy type.”
I avoided the question. “Well, it’s not every day that I hear something this horrific.” I straightened up, moving out of his hold. “I’m fine.”
Nate moved forward to look into my eyes. “Are you sure?” His dark gaze was penetrating, hypnotizing, I fell into it. I felt like he was trying to give me something, some peace… some relief...
I held my hand up and stepped away from him. “Guys, please.”
Alex and Nate exchanged a glance. “What?”
Taking a deep breath, I tried to get a hold of myself. I looked down at the ground. “I think we need to talk.”
I could feel waves of unease rolling off Alex; his posture changed, he was on guard, anxious. Glancing at Nate, I could see guilt cloud his features.
Alex spoke first. “We don’t. We’ve already sorted this out.” His voice was blunt, and it tore a hole through me.
To my surprise, my lips started to tremble. “Alex, I know you forgave me…”
“I did.” He cut me off abruptly. “It’s done. I don’t blame you for what you guys did. You were drunk,” he said harshly.
I nodded. It wasn’t what I wanted to talk about, but I should probably get it out with both of them there in front of me. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to express how horrible I feel about it, though. Alex…” I shook my head, tears coming to my eyes. “Nate and I literally made drunken love to each other while you were dying in the caves. It’s unforgivable.”
His face was stony. “I forgave you both.”
“I know you did,” my voice wobbled. “I’ve never felt worse about anything in my entire life. I don’t think you punished us enough.”
“Apart from literally breaking my jaw twice,” Nate muttered, running his hands back through his hair. “I actually agree with Eve. I don’t think you’ve let your heart catch up with your head on this.”
“Don’t tell me what my heart should feel,” Alex replied, his voice a dangerous rumble. “I told you I forgive you both, and I mean it.”
“I don’t forgive myself though,” I sobbed once, and caught myself. “I don’t know if I can. It’s eating me up.”
Nate’s head dropped to the ground. “I am the same. I still don’t think you’ve punished us enough.”
“What
do you want me to do?” Alex gave a low hiss. “Beat you senseless? Banish you to the ends of the Earth?” He turned to me, his eyes sharp. “And what would I do to you to make it all better for you?”
Oh, God. I started crying in earnest. “I’ve made it worse again, haven’t I? I know I’m being unfair, but I can’t help myself.”
Alex cursed under his breath. “Look, you two,” he said. “I get that you did something that you feel awful about. I understand that the guilt is consuming you.” His expression turned stoic. “Maybe think of this as an exercise you could do pre-death, to help you come to terms with other stuff that you’ve done that might have caused hurt.”
“Now you want me to use this as a learning experience to help me? Alex,” I wailed. “I don’t deserve you! And neither does Nate.”
Nate nodded his head silently.
Alex clenched his fists. “Eve, if you were to ask me to punish you in some way, or stop seeing you, that would be punishing me, rather than you. If that’s what you want, then I’ll do it, just to make you happy.”
“But… but that-”
“Exactly. You don’t want me to feel anymore pain. I get that.”
I sniffed, and nodded.
Alex fixed me with his stare. “You’re just going to have to live with it, until you don’t feel so bad,” he told me. “You’re going to have to come to terms with the fact that you were drunk, and you thought that I had abandoned you, and you wanted to hurt me like you thought I hurt you-”
“There it is,” Nate interrupted.
Alex glared at him. “What?”
“You’re not over it. You haven’t forgiven us.”
“Yes, I have!” Alex gave an exasperated shout.
“Aleksander,” Nate said quietly, his eyes misting over. “Neither of us ever wanted to hurt you. I barely had any control over my senses at all. To be honest, I didn’t think of you at all. I was drunk, confused, and overwhelmed by her power. And for her part, she was chasing your ghost. She was trying to remember how it felt to have you touch her.”
Alex eyed Nate stonily for a good long minute while I silently cried.
“This is getting us nowhere,” he said stubbornly. “It’s just making everything worse.”
“We have to talk about it though,” I whispered. “Or else it’s going to consume us.”
“We’ve already talked about it!” Alex roared, reeling away from Nate and I. “We can’t keep going around and around in circles. It doesn’t matter how much you guys hurt me. It’s done, okay? Every time we talk about it, it’s like a fresh stab wound in my heart. I don’t know how many times I can take it,” his voice broke, and he dropped his head. “In my head, I know I can’t blame you,” he said to both of us. “But yes, you’re right. In my heart, I’m hurting.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “More than you will ever know.”
He raised his head and looked into my eyes. “I know. And I know that one day soon, it won’t hurt so much.”
I met his gaze, and the love I felt for him overwhelmed me. He was perfection; strength, justice, passion, beauty, and responsibility all rolled into one.
I didn’t deserve him. Not by a long shot.
Nate stepped closer and put his hand on his friend's shoulder, and my gratitude for him swelled around us. He was the best friend anyone could have; loyal to a fault, passionate, supportive. He just wanted to do the right thing. My love for both of them swelled around me.
But with it came dark despair. Maybe Alex would start to forget how much this hurt, having his best friend betray him, and the love of his existence cheat on him. And regardless of the extenuating circumstances, that was precisely what had happened.
Maybe in time, he’d come to accept what had happened and really, truly forgive me. He already understood that we never wanted to hurt him.
But having Nate around would always be a constant reminder of what we’d done. He would never be able to forget it.
The truth was that I didn’t want Nate to leave us. I felt like I needed him near me. Not in a romantic way, though. My heart belonged completely to Alex. I still craved Nate’s support, his brotherly friendship, as well as his protection.
I worried that my fondness for Nate would make Alex jealous, and poison their relationship. That’s why we had to talk this out. I didn’t think Alex would ever be a jealous person; it just wasn’t in him.
I wasn’t looking forward to finding out if he could become one if I pushed him too hard.
This whole situation definitely wasn’t fair on Nate. He was just caught in the crosshairs; a victim of my irresistible sexual pull, and four very expensive bottles of whiskey. We’d had our hearts ripped out by Alex’s disappearance, and had found comfort in each other’s arms. It was like throwing a match on a bonfire.
Nate loved Alex. Possibly in a romantic way too, although if it hurt him, he didn’t show it. He was Alex’s best friend. Their connection was unbreakable. He couldn’t leave. Not because of me. It wouldn’t be fair.
It scared me senseless. If I had to, could I leave so that they could stay together? Or would I come between them, and destroy their friendship forever?
I felt like I'd ruined everything.
Chapter Three
We drove home in silence. The atmosphere in the car was grave, yet not entirely uncomfortable. Despite everything that had happened and the pain we had caused, it helped that we all understood each other.
And we still loved each other. That was very, very clear.
As Alex pulled the car into Revelations, he gave me a crooked smile. “I’m going to call a family meeting. I think we need to get everyone on our side involved.”
Nate nodded. “That’s a good idea. We need everyone together so we can share all the information we have. Then, we’ll have an idea of what we can do to stop Vane and the rest of his cronies.”
I got out of the car, trying to avoid looking at the valet who came rushing out to greet us. I didn’t know him, which helped. I didn’t feel as awkward as I might have. But I was starting to feel a bit uncomfortable about being so obviously involved with a bunch of our guests. The line was crossed occasionally - God knows that Clover slept with a lot of our guests. We were allowed to, as long as it caused zero drama.
I think I pretty much smashed that rule to smithereens.
As far as the staff went, none of them seemed to care that I’d jumped the class barrier by getting involved with Alex. It wasn’t unheard of, anyway - there had been a bartender that had run off with a Baroness a few years ago. I think they were married now, and living in the Bahamas.
However, while the staff didn’t care that rigid class boundaries of society were bent, some guests were definitely looking down their noses at me. More than usual, anyway. Not that I cared. I was more worried that the staff would think I was a gold-digger. The truth was I’d follow Alex to the ends of the Earth, even if he were a dirt-poor poet.
The faint anxiety that had been following me around eased slightly when the valet gave me a wink as he got into Alex’s car and drove off.
Alex took my hand, and we walked through reception towards the outdoor paths that led to the bungalows. The hotel reception was grand, lush and very green, cutting edge interior design, integrated with the best that the Cairns rainforests had to offer. Thick glass walls made up most of the building, showing the brilliant emerald forest outside. The reception desk itself was spartan and chic, and currently manned by two of the day staff. I didn't know either of them very well. They gave me a wave as we walked by, and a tiny bit more of my apprehension vanished.
On the path, we passed the spot where Hannah had been murdered. There was no trace of blood on the stones, no indication that a brutal murder had taken place here only days ago. As it was, security had cordoned off the path immediately. None of our guests saw it. In fact, most of them were completely unaware that it had happened. I clenched Alex’s hand involuntarily.
“Are you okay?” He seemed to ask me that a lo
t lately.
I nodded. “I’ve walked these paths so many times. I wonder how many times I’ll walk them again before I forget I saw Hannah die here.”
Alex understood that the question was rhetorical. He didn’t answer me, but he pulled me closer to himself as we walked. “I’m just glad that Nate was here to save you,” he muttered in a low tone, “Or else it would have been you on that path.”
Nate moved closer to my other side, giving me more comfort. “It’s another thing I will feel guilty for,” he confessed, his eyes hooded. “That I even entertained the thought that you wouldn’t be here if you could be.”
Alex’s face hardened, but he nodded back. “Mags was a convincing liar,” he said. “She convinced me to leave Eve in the dead of night. She convinced you that I wasn’t coming back.” His gaze fell to the ground. “She had my phone to back it all up. She fooled us all.”
I squeezed his hand again. “She did,” I said simply. “I would love to be able to change the past, so I didn’t doubt you, but I can’t.”
Alex gave me a faint smile. “You didn't doubt me. Not in the end. You knew something was up. That’s why you went snooping in Mags’ room and found my phone.” His icy-blue eyes captured mine, reeling me in. “I’d be dead in the bottom of those caves if it weren’t for you,” he murmured, pushing a lock of hair off my forehead. “You did that. You saved me.”
I relished the feeling of his fingers on my skin, the hot, tingling trail it left as his hand moved down my cheekbone; I found myself nuzzling into his palm like a cat.
Alex looked above my head to his best friend. “And, Nate, you stuck around, even when Mags was begging you to leave. Even when I was begging you to leave, because you didn’t know it was her texting you and not me. Even if you just did it for Eve,” he nodded down, where I was purring in his arms, “and not for me, I’ll always be grateful that you were there to protect her.”
Revelations: The Fallen Page 3