by Amanda Tru
“So now we’re all caught up?” she finally asked. “Now that I know your name?”
“You already know about what happened at the end of high school. You know about my time in jail. What else do you want me to say?”
She gave him another few seconds, wondering, hoping he might redeem himself and give her the full truth.
His silence was both profoundly disappointing and profoundly liberating.
“Are you even a trooper?” she asked.
His eyes widened.
“Are you even a trooper?” she repeated more firmly. “Just answer the question.”
Josh hung his head. “No. I work for a contractor in the summer out in Glennallen, and I serve as a volunteer paramedic. That’s all. I made up that profile because…” He drooped his shoulders. “Actually, I don’t know why I did that. I’ll admit it was stupid of me.”
It didn’t seem that there was much left for either of them to say. Cosette waited, wondering if he’d take the hint and excuse himself or if he would prolong the inevitable even more.
“I guess it doesn’t help too much to tell you that I’m really sorry?” he finally offered.
She shook her head.
He cocked an unconvincing grin. “And you probably don’t feel in the mood to give me one more chance to make things right, do you?”
She was about to tell him no then stopped. “Actually,” she said, “there is one more thing I need to know. The truth this time,” she emphasized.
“The truth,” he repeated, crossing his heart.
“Where did you go when we were at the gas station? What happened to you?” She braced herself, not certain she was willing or ready to hear the answer. Besides, no matter what he said, could she believe him anyway?
“I got knocked out,” he said. “I didn’t see them coming, or I would have tried to save you, I promise. I got knocked out, and when I woke up, I saw you there and…” His voice cracked, and he wiped his cheeks ferociously. “I panicked. It’s something I’ll regret until the day I die, but I panicked. I saw you there and thought you were already dead, and I had these flashbacks to those two years in jail and having everybody in my life convinced I’d killed someone I hadn’t… I couldn’t do that anymore. I’m sorry. I… And then he was there…”
“Who was there?”
“Senator Kennedy. Missy’s dad. He was there. And he said if I did anything, if I tried to report it to the police or anything, he’d come after me, he’d go after my brother and his family. He showed me pictures he’d taken of my nephews and nieces outside of their daycare. I was just… I panicked, Cosette. That’s all I can say. He told me to run, that the police would believe I was the one who did it, and that he’d planted enough evidence back at my home that they’d find me guilty again. Except this time, there wouldn’t be any pro bono lawyers or Innocence Taskforce volunteers to get me off the hook.
“I thought you were already dead.” He choked on a sob. “I swear, if I knew you were still alive, I would have fought him. I would have protected you. That’s why I came back. When I heard you were at the hospital, I came back to warn you and…”
Cosette’s throat had clenched up as well.
“I trusted you,” she said, her voice far steadier than her nerves.
“I know.” Josh was crying openly now. “I’m a terrible person. I freaked out. I didn’t know what to do. My only thought was that I couldn’t spend any more time in jail for something I didn’t do. I wasn’t in my right mind. I wasn’t… Can you ever forgive me?”
Cosette reached out toward him. He held onto her hand like a drowning man clutching a life preserver.
She took a deep breath before stating, “I forgive you.”
“You do?” His eyes lit up with joy before Cosette realized his mistake.
“I forgive you,” she repeated, “but I don’t trust you anymore.”
“Trust can be earned back, though, can’t it? We’ll start over. We’ll pretend none of this ever happened.”
She shook her head. “It’s too late.” And it was. The trust had already been broken, trust that perhaps she’d been foolish to grant him so freely in the first place. “There are too many lies.”
“Oh.” Josh’s voice fell flat, shooting pangs of guilt and regret through Cosette’s whole body.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “It just… It wasn’t meant to be.” She thought about Dottie, the waitress at the diner, about how she’d claimed to be able to read people so well.
And now, in part because of Josh’s lies, Dottie was dead too. It seemed as if everybody made mistakes in judgment from time to time.
“Are you going to be okay?” Josh asked, and Cosette got the feeling he wasn’t talking about her surgery in the morning.
“I’ll be fine.” She forced a smile. “What about you?”
He shrugged and smiled unconvincingly. “Oh, yeah. Great. It’s just that the most important relationship in my life has evaporated in front of my eyes, but you know, other than that I’m perfect. Thanks for asking.”
Cosette searched his face, searched his eyes for any hint of the person she’d fallen in love with over the past several months. The face staring back at her only confirmed her deepest suspicions.
She didn’t know this man at all.
Exactly like her mom had warned her, Cosette had fallen in love with an idea. A phantom.
Josh gave a mirthless chuckle. “Well, guess I’ll be on my way now.”
Cosette let out a heavy sigh. She’d known in her soul this was the way their conversation inevitably would have to end, but that didn’t make the goodbye any less bitter.
“I guess that’s for the best,” she replied quietly.
Josh chuckled one last time. “Well, take care of that arm of yours. And if you ever want to come visit Alaska in the summer…” He threw his hand up in the air. “Ah, well, never mind. Have a good life, Cosette. I’m sorry to see it end like this.”
Cosette was sorry too, and after Josh left and shut the door behind him, she gave way to a torrent of tears that poured out from her broken soul.
“Well, sweetie,” Mom said after Cosette told her about her meeting with Josh, “I know it wasn’t easy, and I know it wasn’t how you wanted your big Alaska trip to end, but I’m proud of you. I really am.”
It surprised Cosette at how relieved she was to hear her mother’s words. Maybe she’d still been waiting for more I told you so’s. It was nice to have her mother’s sympathy as well as her approval.
“What you did took a lot of maturity,” Mom said, leaning over to kiss Cosette on the forehead. “Still, that doesn’t make it any less painful. I know Josh meant a lot to you, honey. I’m sorry things didn’t work out the way you wanted.”
“Thanks.” Hopefully, Mom would change the subject soon, or Cosette would start to cry again. And once she started, only heaven could guess when she’d possibly be able to stop.
“Besides,” Mom added with a playful smile, “there are plenty more fish in the sea. Like what about that nice chaplain, Peter? I heard the nurses saying his shift finished an hour ago, but he still came in here to pray with you and make sure you were settled in for the night before he left.”
Cosette felt her cheeks burning and didn’t respond. Thankfully Mom didn’t talk any more about her dating life. Instead, she tucked the blankets around Cosette’s shoulders and said, “Your father and I are both very proud.”
“Speaking of Dad, where is he?”
Mom looked around. “Oh, he’s finding some new problem to fix, I’m sure, or checking in on one of the old ones. You know, he never stopped worrying about you once you left home.”
“I know,” Cosette whispered, feeling both incredibly loved and incredibly guilty.
Mom hesitated, and Cosette knew what she was going to say even before the words were out her mouth. “You could stay with us for a while if you’d like. While you recover. We’ve kept your room the same.”
Cosette surprised herself by not
declining the offer right away. “We’ll see.”
“You know you’re always welcome,” Mom said, and after a comfortable silence, asked, “Are you nervous about the surgery?”
“Not really. The doctor seems to think it will be pretty straightforward.”
“You always were my brave girl,” Mom said with a gentle smile. “Never afraid of anything, were you?”
Cosette was going to mention how her so-called courage had gotten her into quite a lot of trouble recently, but Mom was grinning. “What time did the nurse say they were going to start getting you ready tomorrow morning?”
“Seven, I think.”
Mom frowned.
“Why? What’s wrong?”
“Well, I know that nice chaplain offered to come and pray with you before you go under, but I’m not sure he comes in that early. I’ll have to ask at the nurse’s station.”
“Don’t do that.” Cosette was happy to see the playful look in her mother’s eye, a look she hadn’t seen nearly enough of today.
“I’m glad you’re all right,” Mom said after a gentle silence. “You have no idea how much I was praying for you.”
Cosette held her gaze and offered a weak smile. “Actually, I think I do.”
“Well, Peter… Or do we call you Reverend? Anyway, I’m so glad you made it in time to pray for Cosette before her surgery. I know she’s been nervous, and it’s so nice of you to come in early to be with her. Our whole family thanks you.”
If Peter felt even half as uncomfortable as Cosette did, he certainly didn’t show it.
“It’s my pleasure,” he answered, then gave Cosette a wide smile. “I think the nurse will be ready for you soon. Would you like me to wait here with you until they come?”
“Yes, please,” Mom answered at the same time as Cosette was saying, “No, you don’t have to do that.”
“Good news,” Dad announced, stepping back into the room after taking a phone call. “The insurance company said they’ve got a rider that applies to Cosette’s situation here. So basically, everything’s covered as if it had been an in-network incident, which is great for the old pocketbook.”
He gave Cosette a playful bop on the nose. “How you doing, kiddo? You ready for the big bad doctor to cut you open and fix your wrist?”
Cosette wished her dad wouldn’t joke like this in front of someone she hardly knew, but Peter simply chuckled, mentioned something about Cosette being in good hands, and excused himself.
“He’ll be back,” Mom announced confidently, staring after him while he left. “Mark my words, he’ll be back.”
“Yeah,” Dad answered wryly, “him and Detective Grace and the entire Alaskan news crew and about a dozen other cops. Who would have guessed our little Cosettey Girl would help solve the case of Alaska’s most famous serial killer? You wanted to break into the world of true-crime documentaries, right?” he gave her a wink. “I’d say you did that and even more.”
Cosette gave a little chuckle.
“I’m serious,” Dad replied. “Did you know I’ve already taken two calls from producers who want to interview you?”
“Really?”
“Just think of it,” Dad went on. “My little girl in front of the lights and the cameras, just like she always dreamed.”
“Well, she can’t do any of that with a broken wrist,” Mom interrupted. Her tone sounded gruff, but Cosette could tell she was trying hard not to smile.
A nurse came and stood in the doorway. “Cosette? You ready for me to take you down to surgery now?”
“Just a minute.” Dad stepped between the nurse and the bedside. “Given everything our daughter’s gone through, I don’t think you’ll mind if I ask you to show me your hospital ID, right?”
The nurse smiled. “Of course not.” She held out her badge. “Good enough?”
“Good enough,” Dad answered, then turned to Cosette. “All right, baby. Have fun. Don’t take candy from strangers, don’t go out on any blind dates with men who have sociopathic stalkers in their lives, and think happy thoughts when you drift off to sleep, all right? This’ll all be done and over before you know it.”
Cosette gave him a smile, let Mom fuss over her hair and her hospital gown one more time, and waited for the nurse to wheel her down the hall.
“Sounds like you have nice parents,” she told Cosette.
“Yeah,” Cosette answered. “They’re great.”
“Sounds like they love you very much.”
“Yeah, they do.”
The nurse sighed and turned down a second hallway. Cosette was relieved to discover they were going in the opposite direction from the one Senator Kennedy took her when he pretended to be a doctor wheeling her to what was meant to be her execution.
“You’re a really lucky girl,” the nurse said, swiping her security badge to open doors to the surgical unit.
“Not lucky,” Cosette said with a grin. “Blessed.”
Cosette realized with a sense of peaceful contentment that these were the truest words she’d heard spoken in a long, long time.
The End
While the characters and situations in Buried Secrets are fictional, I pray that these situations can help readers come to a better understanding of truth. Please prayerfully consider the questions that follow, consult Scripture, and pray upon your conclusions.
“Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”
Matthew 10:29-31
1. Cosette used the above verse as a central theme to her situation. Why do you think this promise from God brought her comfort?
2. Can you think of a time in your life when this verse would have spoken comfort over your situation – how can you apply that situation to future situations you might encounter?
Cosette felt as though the random things that seemed to point to her falling in love with Josh Lawson were God having His hand in the situation, bringing them together. Some of the “random things” included: a call back for an Alaskan TV show about true crime on the same day as Josh’s profile appearing on her app; the app location changing from local to include Alaska, and Dottie’s speech about how they look as though they were meant to be together.
3. Do you believe God puts “random things” together in your life?
4. How is a believer to know when events are purely random and when God truly has His hand in orchestrating one’s life?
Cosette’s mom was emphatic that her family wasn’t “lucky,” but instead “blessed.”
5. What does the term “lucky” mean to you?
6. Do you believe in “luck?” Or, like Cosette’s mom, do you believe God blesses instead? Why?
During Cosette’s capture, she threw out a “foxhole prayer” to God, explaining what she would do for Him if He allowed her to get rescued, knowing though, her prayer wouldn’t bring about significant change.
7. What are your feelings about foxhole prayers? Do they work? And are they genuine?
8. Have you ever thrown God a “foxhole prayer,” and if so, did it work? How did you feel afterward?
Cosette changed her foxhole prayer to one asking for grace.
9. In what ways are prayers for grace more effective?
Cosette felt as though she knew Josh Lawson well after eight months of dating through texts, Facetime, and phone calls. It wasn’t until she reached Alaska that she found out he had been imprisoned for murder and had changed his name.
10. How well do you really think you can get to know someone via social media or phone calls?
11. How important is face-to-face interaction when getting to know someone?
12. If you have had a long-distance relationship similar to Cosette’s, how did you get to know your significant other, and were you able to get to know him/her well without having face-to-face contact?
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on her website: www.alanaterry.com
Alana is a pastor's wife, homeschooling mom, self-diagnosed chicken lady, and Christian suspense author. Her novels have won awards from Women of Faith, Book Club Network, Grace Awards, Readers' Favorite, and more. Alana's passion for social justice, human rights, and religious freedom shines through her writing, and her books are known for raising tough questions without preaching. She and her family live in rural Alaska where the northern lights in the winter and midnight sun in the summer make hauling water, surviving the annual mosquito apocalypse, and cleaning goat stalls in negative forty degrees worth every second.
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by Alana Terry
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