by Amanda Tru
She still couldn’t believe she’d done that. It wasn’t like her at all. Maybe it wasn’t a date.
Oh, no! What if it was a pity date? Ugh. She felt queasy at the possibility.
Brushing a hand through her lifeless hair, Ada turned in a slow circle and made a mental list of what still needed to be done so she could leave on time.
No sense fretting about Kent. Jeff was picking up the kids from school this afternoon, and tomorrow, while they enjoyed a family Thanksgiving meal, she’d be spending the day with Kent and his friends.
That won’t be awkward at all.
Probably could have dropped a hint to her brother that would have resulted in an invite to his family’s place in Red River, but the thought of driving all that way alone didn’t exactly appeal. Then again, neither did the thought of spending the day by herself.
She wasn’t bitter about the kids celebrating with Jeff’s sweet young thing and his parents while she had to choose between spending the day solo or with strangers. Well, maybe a little bitter.
Or perhaps a lot bitter.
It wasn’t fair. Nothing about divorce and shared custody was fair. Quite frankly, it sucked. The five of them should have been together every holiday in their well-appointed home, laughing over Jeff’s inane dad jokes and the kids’ latest antics.
She’d given that man the best years of her life. Stuck by him through his undergrad and law school and endless hours without him while he worked his way to partner. And that was only half of it.
Ada stomped around the library, straightening and putting things away with more force than necessary.
Her feelings weren’t about wanting Jeff back. Not for all the love in the world did she want that. A year of cold indifference followed by discovering his infidelity had a way of eking the love out of a girl. Especially when she’d already felt unloved for so long.
But did she still sometimes mourn the fracture of her family unit and the loss of her youthful dreams?
Absolutely.
Even so, it had been three years since Jeff left—four if she counted that awful year before when he’d checked out emotionally. It was well past time she figured out how to spend holidays without her kids in a healthier way.
Her head bobbed in silent determination. Yes. Kent’s invitation was just the thing she needed. Pity date or not.
Adaline removed the empty carafe from the coffee maker and rinsed it. From there, she reversed her morning routine and shut everything down for the end of the day. Five minutes until the final bell and she’d go meet the kids at the van to transfer their belongings to Jeff’s fancy new SUV.
With a quick flick, the library went dark except for the filtered streams of daylight through the glass blocks along the exterior wall. She turned to lock the double doors on her way out, juggling her bulging work bag, oversized purse, and this morning’s travel mug.
“Need a hand?”
Ada about jumped clean out of her low-heeled booties. The travel mug fell to the floor with a clunk.
“Kent!” There was no keeping the exasperation out of her tone, though she grinned as she smacked his arm with the hand now free of her mug.
“Hey, now! We use our hands to help, not hurt, Ms. Danvers!”
Ada rolled her eyes at Kent’s elementary-teacher voice and laughed. The man was entirely too charming. And the look in his eye—that playful glint mixed with a spark of something more—goodness! It sent her heart beating like a high school crush. When was the last time she’d felt like this?
“Adaline?”
She blinked. “Huh?” Had he said something else?
“Can I walk you to your car?”
Another blink. Two. “Oh. Yeah. Sure.”
Sheer brilliance there, Ada.
Ha! There was something she could say that might make sense. “You know, Kent, you don’t have to call me Adaline. Most people just call me Ada.”
He didn’t say anything, just stepped closer and smiled, stooping to retrieve the fallen travel mug. She hadn’t realized she’d dropped her keys, too, until he transferred them to her palm in slow-motion as if she’d bolt like a doe at any sudden movement.
“Here are your keys, Ada.” The warmth of his breath fanned the tiny hairs that had come loose from her half-ponytail throughout the day. For goodness’ sake, was she going weak in the knees?
He released her fingers just as the dismissal bell clanged loudly through the campus. The interruption couldn’t have been more aptly timed. She needed to hustle out to the van, not have a moment right outside the library at the end of the school day where anyone could walk by.
Not that it was a moment, exactly. But it had been something, hadn’t it?
With a tight smile, Ada tipped her head toward the parking lot doors across the hall. “Thanks for the offer, but I think I’ve got it.”
She needed to escape. To figure out what it was about this man that affected her so.
Okay, so he was attractive. Especially in a white dress shirt that showcased his smooth, light brown skin and defined physique. But it was more than that. Every nerve ending seemed to snap to attention when he was near. And he was just so… so… attentive. Not to mention passionate about his work and his faith.
Did his frequent attention mean he felt it too? Could a guy like him actually be interested in a moody, jaded mother creeping up on middle age?
The crammed book bag on her shoulder lifted and its straps slid down to her elbow. She raised a questioning brow at Kent.
“Come on, Ada. Let me help. I’m going that way anyhow.”
“Okay.” No sense refusing at this point.
He turned and strode toward the exit. Ever a gentleman, Kent held one of the doors open and waved her through. She reached to take her bags from his other hand, but he refused. Shrugging, Ada stepped out into the bright afternoon light.
The sun felt warm on her face though it was probably only fifty degrees out. Perfect weather for the end of November. She felt relaxed for the first time in days, though she should’ve been tense about sending her kids off with Jeff soon.
Could Kent and the crazy-good feelings he sparked in her be the reason? She looked over her shoulder as he released the door, having held it for a parent and student after her. Probably. His act of chivalry warmed her heart. Definitely.
Even when they’d been dating and head-over-heels, Jeff wasn’t one to open doors or engage in random acts of kindness toward others. It always served a purpose for him. Had she never noticed that before the divorce? No, like so much else, she’d only seen what she wanted to see.
Adaline turned back, her gaze latching on to the figures waiting at the back of her van.
“Hey, guys! How was school?” She called out.
“Eh,” grunted Xander with a one-shoulder shrug.
“It was okay.” Flatness from a normally bubbly Karalee put her mama senses on high alert. Like Spidey-sense, only for emotions.
Before she could ask, Jane huffed loudly, drawing attention to herself.
“What’s up, Jane?”
Her eldest thumbed toward the parking lot entrance and rolled her eyes. “PYT is in the car with Dad.”
Jane was in the middle of an ‘80s and early ‘90s music phase that usually made Ada laugh, but the acronym wasn’t used musically here. Jeff’s younger model was indeed a pretty young thing.
Ugh, could he get any more stereotypical? She half expected them to be driving up in a sports car. But no, Jeff’s mid-life-crisis-mobile was a top-of-the-line Audi SUV with leather seats and all the trimmings. Or so she’d heard. A treat to himself for making partner.
“That’s the ex, huh?”
She’d completely forgotten about Kent. The tightness in her shoulder blades released a notch. She couldn’t look at him, just nodded.
“For what it’s worth,” he whispered as the early-thirties redhead with long, slender legs and boobs she’d clearly paid good money for climbed out of the vehicle, “I hear, blondes have more fun.”
“Tell that to my grays.”
He chuckled softly. “You have nicer legs, too.”
That earned him a smile. Kent winked, that brilliant grin nearly making her forget all about Ginger PYT.
“Well, I do run.”
“It shows.” His cocked smile gave her heart a swift kick. Was she staring again?
“Mom. Open the van.”
Ada jumped and looked to Jane, waiting with her arms crossed. The teen hadn’t been happy that she’d have to spend Thanksgiving with her father and potential stepmonster. It had taken a lot of energy and grace to convince the kids to give the woman a chance.
“Not all stepmothers are evil, you know. Besides. Your dad married me. He must’ve had decent taste once, right?” That comment had earned a harrumph yesterday.
Greetings between the four adults were stilted and uncomfortable, but with his cool-as-a-cucumber charm and introduction as a friend, Kent managed to diffuse the tension a bit.
The kids said their goodbyes after retrieving their weekend bags, eyeing Kent. At Xander’s raised eyebrow and teasing grin, Ada knew she’d have some explaining to do eventually. But for now, she’d leave them with a kiss and two rounds of hugs while admonishing them to use deodorant and brush their teeth every day.
Old habits die hard, especially the mothering kind.
She continued to wave as the SUV carrying her world left the parking lot and sped down the road.
“Big plans for the evening?”
Adaline really needed to get out of her own head. How had she forgotten Kent was still there beside her? Again.
Turning to face him, she became aware of two things. One, she appreciated his presence more than she cared to admit, and two, she didn’t want it to end.
He shouldn’t have pushed his luck.
Adaline still hadn’t answered him. Just stood there, looking at him with her head tilted like she was waiting for him to say something else.
Kent shifted his gaze to the now empty lot. “Looks like everyone was in a hurry to start their long holiday weekend.”
Her head shook as if to clear whatever thoughts had momentarily taken over. She looked around. “Yeah, it does. Can’t say I blame them.”
“Me either. But I’m still waiting for an answer.”
“Huh?”
He flashed a grin. “Do you have plans for the rest of your evening?” Jaydon had said something about the church canceling midweek service for the holiday week, so Kent knew she didn’t have that.
Ada exaggerated a contemplative look and pierced him with a teasing glint. Her hazel eyes narrowed; lips pursed as if holding back a smile. “Are you asking out of mere curiosity, or is there more to that question, Mr. Clark?”
“Well, Ms. Danvers, that depends on your answer. Care to join me for dinner?”
“I have a better idea if you’re game,” she countered. “Follow me home, and I’ll make dinner.”
“Are you sure? You don’t mind?”
A home-cooked meal sounded fan-stinking-tastic. He was capable enough, but cooking for one wasn’t worth the effort. Knowing he’d have to eat wretched leftovers for days made a full recipe just as unappealing.
“I don’t mind at all. It’s the least I can do, considering I don’t have to cook a huge meal tomorrow. But I do need time to make something I can bring along. Care to lend a hand?”
Kent’s chest warmed at the thought of cooking with Adaline. He had fond memories of his parents preparing meals side by side, dancing around each other to classic Southern rock. Maybe it made him a sappy romantic, but he’d always thought cooking together was the perfect recipe for a date.
The unintended pun made him smile. “Lead the way, m’lady.” Kent bowed, sweeping one arm toward the exit.
“Follow me, dear sir.” She gave a regal nod. They both laughed, continuing the goofy back-and-forth across the parking lot until they were in their respective vehicles.
“Are you seriously questioning my faith right now?” Ada barely held back a few choice words that would have clearly made his point for him.
“That’s not what I’m doing, and you know it,” Kent frowned. “What I’m saying is, you’re going to have to give this over to God fully if you ever want to move forward. By your own admission, you’re stuck, Adaline. The only way to get unstuck is to forgive Jeff, forgive yourself, and surrender everything else to the One who can fix it all.”
“Forgive myself? Are you kidding? I didn’t do anything wrong!”
A healthy squirt of dish soap went into the sink before she jerked on the tap. This evening had been going so well.
Was there anything hotter than a man who knew his way around the kitchen? Who could carry on a steady conversation through prep and a delicious meal?
He’d gotten her talking about faith and family, which unfortunately had led to talking about her failed marriage. Intuition and all that counseling experience made the man far too insightful for his own good.
Her teeth hurt from clenching. Kent needed to stop talking now. Adaline submerged her favorite skillet to subdue the urge to bean him over the head with it, then used all of her pent-up aggression scrubbing it under the suds.
“You’ve never been married,” she accused, knowing how petty she sounded but unable to stop herself. “Never been cheated on and taken for granted. Used and cast aside like old gym socks.” She spat the words out, flinging the soap from her hands with the vehemence of a hissing alley cat seeking a fight.
Maybe she was looking for a fight. And if Kenton Clark—she’d learned that tidbit tonight—wanted to give it to her, well, she’d run with it. As she whirled around, glaring and sucking in a deep breath to let every grievance fly, she caught the equal parts frustration and compassion in his eyes. A shadow of pain just around the irises.
All the fight drained out of her.
“Two things,” he said, his voice low and even but full of suppressed emotion. “First, yes. It takes two to make a marriage, two to break. And though you did everything you could, a part of you still feels culpable in its demise. Especially as a believer.
“You honored your vows. Tried to reconcile, sought counseling. Worked to forgive an adulterer, though the Bible itself allows divorce in such cases. It’s normal to feel angry, betrayed. It’s also normal to feel guilty and conflicted. So yes, you have to forgive yourself, too.”
Ada didn’t want to hear anymore. Of course she’d forgiven herself. There hadn’t even been anything to forgive. Though he wasn’t far off base with the whole guilt and feeling conflicted part.
“And second,” his gentle baritone popped the relief valve on her anger. “I have been married, actually.”
Wait. He had?
How had that never come up before? After months of semi-friendship, he’d never even hinted. She’d just assumed. Shame washed over her fresh and humiliating. Was she so self-consumed that conversations had mainly focused on her?
“Wh—what happened?” Ugh. Way to be nosy, Adaline. She was so bad at this. Hence the semi in their semi-friendship. She would do better, starting right now.
“Sorry, it’s none of my—” she started, but Kent held up a hand with a rueful smile.
“It’s okay, Ada. I don’t mind talking about it anymore. But first, let’s finish cleaning up and sit down with some decaf while the cobbler bakes, ‘kay?”
The warmth in his tone would have made her give in, even if he hadn’t voiced the plea in words. She dipped her head and turned on her electric tea kettle and Keurig. He could have his decaf, but serious conversation called for tea.
Four minutes later, she guided him to the living room. He sat on the loveseat, and she took her favorite chair to its left.
“Shaina and I dated through senior year in high school. I’d planned to break it off ‘til we found out she was pregnant. I decided to do the right thing—or what I thought was the right thing. We got married. Enrolled in community college, got jobs.”
Ada had so many question
s. He had a child? How old was he or she? Why hadn’t she known this? Wow, she’d been a terrible friend.
Kent paused, peering into a space of memory only he could see. With a subtle shake of the head, he continued. “Toward the end of the pregnancy, he wasn’t moving like he should have been. Lots of tests….”
She heard the catch in his voice. Felt a bubble in her own throat.
“By the time he was born, we’d learned all there was to know about SMA—spinal muscular atrophy. Type 0, which meant he’d only live a few months at most.”
He ducked his chin and set his still-full mug on the coffee table. He turned to meet her eyes for a split second before looking away. Such sorrow there, like a one-two punch and she was down.
“After we lost him, neither of us handled anything well. Knowing we both carried the gene mutation responsible, we couldn’t risk losing more children. Both pretty much gave up on the marriage. Shaina found a new guy who isn’t a carrier, and they’ve been married almost thirteen years now. They have two healthy kids.”
Adaline rose from her chair and took a seat on the empty cushion next to him. “I’m sorry, Kent.” The bubble in her throat made it hard to speak. “You never forget the one you’ve lost.” Her gentle confession lifted his head.
Their gazes connected, and her lips lifted in a sad smile. He nodded, accepting her offering. “No, you don’t. And people don’t always understand that fathers still feel the loss, too.”
A sour feeling welled in Ada’s belly. After she and Jeff had lost their last child—before anyone but the two of them had known—she’d felt miserably alone. She’d turned to the kids in her grief, clinging to them tighter while Jeff lost himself in his work.
Was it possible he’d been grieving as hard as she had in his own way? He’d never shared those feelings with her. If anything, he threw up an invisible wall she’d avoided, assuming he was rejecting her body’s failure to do what it had already done three times.