“Of course. We’ll wait until you’re finished.”
Travis didn’t care if they waited or if they left. It didn’t matter to him. Nothing mattered anymore.
Once he was alone again, Travis stepped forward, placed his hand on the glossy mahogany that entombed his beautiful wife. The casket had been hand selected by Jessie because she claimed Kylie would’ve loved it. She had mentioned how the royal-blue silk on the inside was Kylie’s favorite color. Travis had kept his opinions to himself because he didn’t understand the rationale. What Kylie would’ve loved was to be alive and well and watching her babies grow up, not lying cold and dead on a bed of royal-blue silk.
It was then the tears returned and Travis didn’t attempt to stop them.
“It should’ve been me, baby,” he whispered. “It shouldn’t be you leavin’ us so soon. It shouldn’t be you the kids have to live without. It should be me.”
He took a deep breath, tucked his hands in his pockets.
“I’m so fuckin’ sorry, Kylie. I should’ve stopped her. Instead, I went off the rails, became obsessed, and lost my focus. I gave her the perfect opportunity to strike at me again.” He sobbed. “This is my fault, baby. All my fault.”
Travis focused on breathing. His chest constricted so tight he thought he might drop to his knees from the pain of it, but he pushed through because the pain was the least he deserved.
“I will find her,” he promised. “I will. Might not be today, or tomorrow, but it will happen. And when I do, I will end her.”
As far as Travis was concerned, Juliet Prince didn’t deserve a day behind bars with three squares and a cot. The only place she deserved to be was in the cold, hard ground.
“Hopefully,” he continued aloud, “once that happens, Gage can forgive me, and the kids won’t grow to hate me as much as I hate myself.”
And that was his fear now. That Gage wouldn’t be able to look him in the eye and the kids wouldn’t want to see his face when they realized this was all his fault. And he couldn’t blame them.
He heard someone clear their throat, and he peered over his shoulder to see Gage standing there, hands in his pockets, eyes piercing right through Travis.
“Trav,” Gage said roughly, taking a step forward.
As much as Travis believed Gage deserved so much better than him, in that moment, Gage was the only person on the planet who could offer him even a modicum of relief.
Rather than warn him off or send him away, Travis turned to face Gage fully, and when his husband moved toward him, Travis took a single step, then another until they were standing there, wrapped tightly in one another’s arms as the sobs tore free. Travis cradled Gage’s head, while Gage did the same in return. It wasn’t a gentle embrace but rather a hard hug that gave them both something to hold on to for those brief seconds.
And when they separated, Travis scrubbed his face with the palms of his hands and took a deep breath.
“Don’t make me do this alone, Trav,” Gage whispered, his brown eyes glittering with so much pain.
“I would never,” he promised, reaching for him again, holding on.
He knew he’d been distant the past few days, and he wouldn’t make excuses for it. He’d left the hard parts to Gage and he shouldn’t have, but rational thought hadn’t been an option. Anyone who knew him knew his emotions ran hot, and when they did, he tended to do the wrong thing. Gage of all people knew that about him.
In fact, it was Gage’s acceptance of him that made him love the man all the more.
Several hours later, after Travis had stopped by his parents’ house for the reception, listened while people shared stories of how they knew Kylie, how she’d made their life a bit brighter, Travis was glad to be home.
Gage and the kids had come home at his request, and he’d spent the past hour helping Gage get them all settled in. Maddox and Haden had gone right to sleep, the events of the past few days wearing them down. They were safe and warm in the comfort of their own beds, and Travis hoped they would sleep through the night because of it.
Kade, Avery, and Kate weren’t giving in quite so easily, but Travis didn’t mind. He had settled in his recliner with Avery and her little fuzzy blanket in his lap, while Kade sat on the floor with his video game controller in his hand. Kate was lying on the couch, her head on Gage’s thigh as she watched her brother. Every so often, Travis would look over, watch Gage as he lightly brushed Kate’s hair with his hand.
Travis focused on breathing, fought the urge to look toward the stairs, to wonder what Kylie was doing. On nights like this, she would often sneak upstairs for some quiet time of her own. She had loved to read, and whenever possible, she would carve out the time to enjoy a bath, a book, and a glass of wine.
Never again.
He felt the emotion bubble in his chest, but he held it back. He did not want the kids to see him fall apart. This was hard enough on them; he did not need to make it worse. But even as he glanced from one kid to the next, he couldn’t help but think that this was what Kylie had built. This family … this was all her. And now she wasn’t here with them.
Minutes ticked by as they remained where they were. Kate and Avery didn’t last long, falling asleep with nothing to keep them preoccupied. It wasn’t until Kade reclined on the floor that Travis decided it was time for them all to get up to their beds. They’d had a long, emotional day and they needed to sleep.
With Gage’s help, they got the kids tucked in, and when Travis returned downstairs, it was to find Gage in the kitchen. He was leaning back against the counter, a glass of scotch in his hand. When he saw Travis, he picked up another, handed it over.
Travis took it, swallowed a sip, then met Gage’s eyes. “I’m sorry about the past few days.”
Gage nodded, took a drink.
Travis knew that wasn’t forgiveness, because his actions were unforgivable. He’d left Gage alone to deal with the hard parts while he sulked here in this cold, lonely house, acting as though he was the only one affected by Kylie’s death.
Before he could offer more apologies or explain so Gage would understand his reasons, his husband finished his drink, set the glass in the sink, and walked past him.
Travis didn’t turn around, didn’t beg or plead. He deserved the cold shoulder from Gage. Hell, he deserved far worse than that.
The swinging door flapped shut upon Gage’s exit, making Travis close his eyes briefly, the sadness of it all filling him once more.
Rather than dwell on it, Travis finished his drink, washed the dirty glasses, and put them back in the cupboard. He checked the contents of the refrigerator, made a note on the grocery list, and planned out the kids’ breakfast for the morning. It was important to get them back into a routine and Travis wanted to be ready.
With nothing left to do, Travis forced himself to go to bed, flipping off the lights in the house on the way to the main-floor guest room. Aside from taking the kids to bed earlier, Travis hadn’t been upstairs, and for now, he intended to keep it that way. He knew he wasn’t strong enough to handle seeing his bedroom or to smell Kylie’s lingering perfume.
After pulling off his boots and socks, removing his jeans, he fell back in the bed wearing his boxers and T-shirt. Because he hadn’t bothered turning on the lamp, he was forced to lie in the dark room, staring up at the ceiling and the dim lines formed by the porch light shining in through the window.
Sleep didn’t come, but Travis didn’t expect it to. His brain wouldn’t shut off, his thoughts of the day at the park, the horrific scene that had ended the world as he knew it.
He had no idea how long he’d been there when he heard the light squeak of the door opening. When he lifted his head, he thought he would see Kate or maybe Kade needing him to tuck them back in. His kids weren’t standing in the doorway though.
“Everything all right?” Travis pushed himself up onto his elbows, watching Gage standing there, backlit from the light in the foyer.
“No,” he said simply, stepping
into the room and closing the door behind him.
Travis was frozen in place. On one hand, he was grateful Gage had come to him because he needed the comfort even if he didn’t deserve it. But at the same time, he was terrified Gage was going to finally lay the blame at Travis’s feet, where it belonged.
He held his breath, waiting to see which direction Gage was going with this.
He didn’t have to wait long when Gage moved closer, pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it to the floor. The next to go were his sweatpants, and then Gage was crawling over Travis, his hard, warm body a balm to Travis’s aching soul.
“I need you,” Gage whispered softly, and Travis could hear the tears in his voice.
Travis cupped his face. “I need you, too.”
He pulled Gage down to him, their lips seeking and finding the little bit of comfort they could provide. Time became obsolete as their tongues mated, hands roaming. At some point, they managed to remove Travis’s clothes, leaving them skin to skin.
It was easy to get caught up in the moment. It was a welcome distraction, something to hang on to for a short time before the world intruded again.
Travis didn’t ask for what he wanted, nor did Gage. They’d been together long enough to know what it took to please the other.
When Gage’s cool, slick hand gripped his cock, Travis realized his husband had come prepared. With firm strokes, he lubed Travis’s cock, drawing long, ragged moans from his throat. And when Travis could take no more, he settled between Gage’s thighs and sank into the blessed heat of his body. He growled low in his throat as a sinful pleasure washed over him, a feeling he hadn’t expected to ever feel again.
At that point, time stood completely still. Travis stared down at Gage as he slid in deep, retreated. Over and over, again and again. He took his time, getting lost in the man because it was his only safe place. Right here, right now, with Gage he could almost block out everything else.
“Harder,” Gage snapped, dragging Travis from his erotic trance.
In all the time he’d been with Gage, never had he heard such a dark command. It shocked him briefly, but Travis damn sure wouldn’t hold back if that was what his husband needed. Shifting so he was over Gage, his upper body balanced on his arms, he slammed his hips down, impaling him.
“Is that what you want?” he growled, the emotional turmoil roiling, writhing, turning what had been slow and sweet into an inferno of need and lust.
“Yes,” Gage hissed, his head falling back. “More.”
Travis slammed into him again, enjoying Gage’s hard, eager grunts.
Again and again, he didn’t hold back, driving in rough and deep, delivering that erotic bite of pain that would allow Gage to escape everything else for a while. It was what Gage needed. Hell, it was what Travis needed more than anything.
“Faster… Fuck me.” Gage exhaled harshly. “God, just fuck me.”
Realizing Gage was still attempting to escape it all, including their connection, Travis stopped, pulling out of Gage’s body long enough for them to shift positions, Gage rolling onto his stomach. For whatever reason, this was a position that worked so much better for them, with Travis lying atop him, arms sliding under, fingers curling over Gage’s shoulders. They were touching from chest to knee while Travis rocked, fucking him from behind. And this way, Gage couldn’t escape. He would be overwhelmed by Travis, feel him everywhere.
Gage’s hands gripped Travis’s wrists as they were lost in the sensations together, this time the emotions were a tidal wave that took them both under. When Gage cried out, his orgasm triggered Travis’s, dragging another ragged moan from him.
And when it was over, the only thing Travis could do was roll to his side, holding the man he loved as the tears broke free once again.
It would never be the same. They both knew it. What they had … without Kylie … even that was different. And they would have to figure out how to make it work for them.
Travis considered mentioning it to Gage, but he didn’t get the chance. A few minutes later, Gage pulled away, then got out of the bed. Without a word, he picked up his discarded clothes, pulled them on, then slipped out of the room, leaving Travis staring after him.
Travis hadn’t thought the hole in his chest could get any bigger, but right then it did. With Gage pulling away, the chasm widened, making him feel empty and cold.
As he lay there, he prayed that Gage would find a way to forgive him, because Travis wasn’t sure he could go on without him. He knew one thing for sure: he damn sure didn’t want to find out.
Brantley stood on the upper deck that extended off the back of his house, hands in his pockets as he observed his surroundings. To his left, above the barn, he could see the lights of downtown Austin in the far distance. To the right, his cousins’ house. A few months back, Kaden and Keegan had bought the ranch and had been working to fix it up.
He found he enjoyed coming out here, listening to the wind rustle through the trees. Every now and then, a donkey would make his presence known. Sometimes a cow. But tonight he didn’t hear any of that. Tonight, his thoughts were far too loud for him to enjoy the solitude.
“You okay out here?”
Brantley glanced back briefly, silently acknowledging Reese. “I’m not sure I’ll ever be okay again.”
He exhaled when Reese came to stand behind him, those strong arms sliding around, his palms flattening on his chest. In return, Brantley pressed his hands to the backs of Reese’s, relishing the warmth and the strength.
“I know I’m not responsible for Kylie’s death,” he told Reese. “Rationally, I’m well aware that Juliet is to blame. She was the one behind the wheel. She’s the one who made a conscious effort to hurt an innocent woman.”
Reese’s arms tightened.
“Doesn’t mean I don’t feel like I could’ve done somethin’ to stop it.”
Reese’s chin rested on his shoulder as he leaned in. “Maybe we could’ve,” he said softly. “In hindsight, it’s always easy to see a better way of doin’ things.”
True.
“But if that’s the case,” Reese continued, “how did she manage to vanish? If we could’ve done something differently before, surely we could’ve done something after this tragedy. Yet she’s completely off the grid.”
She was. Gone.
Although the sheriff’s department hadn’t been able to track her from the scene, they had managed to trace her steps afterward. Thanks to the BOLO on the car, they’d been able to recover the blue Mustang at a motel right down the road. And because the manager of the motel had reported her car stolen, they knew Juliet had gotten away in it.
Unfortunately, they weren’t sure what she’d done after that. Based on traffic camera footage that Sniper 1 Security had combed through, Juliet Prince had not left the area, and she had abandoned the Chevy Cruze in a Target parking lot. Which meant she could be anywhere. If she’d stolen another car, they didn’t know what they were looking for. And if she was hiding out, they didn’t know where.
And that was something Brantley hadn’t yet told Travis or Gage. As much as he wanted to keep them updated on the hunt, they had all agreed they would refrain until absolutely necessary. Preferably until they had Juliet Prince in a cage where she belonged, because they weren’t giving up until they found her.
Brantley shifted, forcing Reese to drop his arms. When he turned around, he drew Reese back to him.
“I am gonna find her,” he stated, allowing Reese to hear his conviction. “I won’t stop until I do.”
Reese nodded. “That’s exactly what I told RT when I talked to him earlier.”
“Is that what y’all were chattin’ about after the funeral?”
“Among other things.”
Brantley cocked an eyebrow, waited for Reese to explain.
“RT has given us the full backing of Sniper 1’s resources. They will do whatever’s necessary to help us find her. Even dedicate people to come down here for the search.”
“For how long?”
Reese shrugged one shoulder. “Until we find her. He wants us to hand select a team to assist with her apprehension.”
Although his pride told him to reject the offer, to do this on his own and prove himself capable of completing what he’d set out to do, Brantley didn’t care how they took Juliet Prince down. She’d caused more damage than anyone thought possible, and the only thing that mattered was ensuring she was stopped.
One way or the other.
“When do we start?”
“Whenever you’re ready.” Reese stepped back, canted his head to the side.
“I’m not doin’ anything tonight,” he said with a solemn sigh. “I don’t think my head’s in it.”
Reese nodded his understanding, then took Brantley’s hand, tugged. “No. Tonight’s not good for me either.”
“No?”
Reese shook his head as he led the way into the house. “No. Right now, I think we need a little alone time.”
Yeah. Brantley couldn’t argue with that. After having witnessed so much sadness, so much loss, Brantley wanted nothing more than to remember the good things he had. A reminder to never take anything for granted.
After all, it could so quickly be gone tomorrow.
Chapter Nine
Friday, January 15, 2021
The day after the funeral, Brantley found himself up early, brimming with restless energy. Even the ten-mile run he took with Reese and Tesha did little to settle him. The eggs and bacon Reese made refueled him, and the coffee left him edgy.
And the phone call from the governor was not doing a damn thing to help his nerves.
“I understand, sir. I will,” he said politely before disconnecting the call.
Taking a deep breath, he walked back into the barn.
What had recently been dubbed HQ now appeared to have been transformed into a conference room for Sniper 1 Security. He skimmed the faces as he kept to the perimeter, heading directly for the kitchen. Before he could sit in on another one of these brainstorming sessions, he needed more coffee. Edginess be damned.
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