The doorbell ringing woke me out of my NyQuil slumber. Feeing groggy, I slid out of my bed and walked out of the room, downstairs to the living room. I hoped it was Demarco and that he had maybe lost his key. But once I opened the door I saw it was Dame instead. He smiled at me. “Hey, Cash.”
My smiled had dropped and I mumbled, “Hey. Demarco’s not here.”
He stared at me with narrowed eyes. “You okay? You don’t look good.”
I didn’t bother to answer. I just turned my back on the door and went to sit on the couch. I held my face in my hands and heard the door close. Dame walked into the living room and sat down across from me. “You didn’t answer me. Are you okay?”
I instantly started crying knowing I sounded like a damn fool as I gushed out, “Do I look okay? Demarco ain’t been home in two fucking days.” My shoulders started shaking and I bawled like a baby. Images of him and another woman came in my head again. I stood and went to the bar area we had in the living room. I grabbed a bottle of Cîroc, opened it, and took a swig. I had to find some way to get those images out of my head before I went insane. I sat down next to Dame and tossed some more down my throat, wincing as it burned going down.
Dame grabbed the bottle out of my hand. “Girl, do you realize it’s ten in the morning?”
“What the fuck you expect me to do?” I cried miserably. “My husband didn’t come home last night.”
“Well shit, Cashmere. Don’t you think you should be calling the police instead of getting faded? D could be dead right now.”
I thought about the text message. “That man ain’t dead. Right now he’s probably lying up with another woman.”
He took a deep breath. “So that’s what this is about. Girl, that man loves you.” “Well he has a fucked-up way of showing it.”
“Well he is going through a lot right now. Stress from the shops and all. And you know he wants a baby.”
“Well I want a baby too. I can’t make the shit magically happen. Don’t you think it bothers me?”
Dame said nothing, just wiped the tears off my face and looked at me in a gentle manner. Made me feel a little comfort because it was the way Demarco used to treat me long ago. “One thing I know for sure is that you are a beautiful woman Demarco is lucky to have and it pisses me off that he is treating you this way.” He reached over and kissed me on my cheek. Then somehow, his arms wrapped around my waist and his lips were now on mine and he kissed me.
Despite all the alarms rang off in my head, his lips on mine felt good. So without any bit of hesitation my lips opened and welcomed his tongue inside. One of his hands rubbed my butt and the kiss intensified. For intervals our tongues played with each other’s, making me moan out of hurt, loneliness, and horniness. The desperate need for attention from a man. He whispered against my mouth, “What are we doing?”
Then he pulled away. He covered his face with his hands and started laughing. “Man, I can’t believe I just did that shit.”
I looked away as guilt washed over me.
He stood to his feet. “I’ve always had a little crush on you, Cashmere. Demarco always knew, too. But he always said that ain’t a man he knew who didn’t once they laid eyes on you. It’s probably going to be the same for little Dom. I mean you are beautiful. And I don’t like how Demarco has been treating you. But at the same time, he is my friend and we work together. I never had any intention to do what I ah . . .” He cleared his throat. “What I just did. So let me get out of here. But if you need anything call me or text me. And if he don’t come home by tonight you need to call the police. If you don’t want to be bothered with it then I’ll call for you. But in the meantime I’ll keep hittin’ him up and if he answers I’ll tell him to call home.”
Crazy, I never guessed in all these years that Dame secretly wanted me. He covered it up really good. I didn’t know what to tell him, so I said simply,“Okay, Dame.”
“Later.”
Funny thing was I didn’t have a crush on Dame at all. I had no attraction for him. Not because he was unattractive but because I loved my husband and wanted my husband. But hell I was lonely, depressed as hell, and the kiss he gave me felt good. ’Cause I ain’t had no tenderness like that from a man in a while. But I knew I could never tell Demarco about it. I just sighed and hoped he’d come back home to me. When I started thinking about him being gone again all I could do was assume that he was with another bitch and making love to her in a way he just couldn’t do for me anymore for his own personal reasons. That shit caused another headache and more tears. So I went into my room, drank some more Nyquil, and went back to sleep. For the rest of the day I slept off and on. Every time I woke up I took another dose to go back to sleep. I sent Dom a text telling her to order a pizza and to get money out my purse.
I was awoken in the middle of the night by a movement in my room. I opened my eyes and watched Demarco strip down in the middle of the floor. Naked he walked into the bathroom and I heard the shower going.
I sat up in the bed groggy and slipped my feet to the carpet and stood to my feet. I walked into the bathroom. I watched him through the glass shower doors. He was lathering up his body with soap and scrubbing between his legs. I closed my eyes and shook my head disgusted. Could he at least have some motherfucking couth than to be gone for two and a half fucking days and wash his dirty dick in front of me?
He turned and saw me in the bathroom watching him. He frowned at me, and then poured shampoo in his hair. I watched his curls uncoil and become silky straight. I gave a half smile despite the situation, because I was taken back to that day when I was eighteen in his shop, washing his hair, and thought about how much he had pursued me back then and wouldn’t take no for an answer. My, how times had changed. I wondered if he’d ever pursue me like that again. Now he was out there pursuing someone else. So probably not. I wouldn’t be surprised if he divorced and left me. Did I want that? I asked myself. No. Even if he admitted to me that he was actively fucking someone else? The answer was still no. I needed Demarco. He was my world. He rescued me and loved me despite my past, what I was. I’d be a fool to think another man could or would. Like they said, “You can’t turn a ho into a housewife,” and that was exactly what I was. Whether it was against my will didn’t matter. I had no confidence at all to try to date and fall in love with someone else. I’d be too ashamed to divulge my past. And in all actuality I loved Demarco so much. I couldn’t lose him and couldn’t live my life without him.
My heart was pounding wildly and I demanded in a calm tone, “Demarco, where you been?”
He rinsed his hair, turned the water off, and grabbed a towel. Demarco was now thirty-five and was even more handsome now than when I first met him. He got better with time. He dressed well and worked out so he still had a nice body. I was sure there were a great many who would welcome his attention. I wondered if he was fucking someone from one of the shops.
He stepped out of the shower and paused in front of me. “Move.” I did and he brushed right past me into our bedroom. I followed him and watched him dry off and throw on a pair of boxers.
“I asked you a question.”
Still nothing. He simply tossed the towel on the floor and got into the bed.
He laid down and turned his back to me.
I was sick of this shit. I walked up to him and shoved him.” Answer me! Where the fuck were you?”
Still nothing. I continued to shove him but it rendered no response from him. I dropped to my knees in front of him and started bawling. “Can’t you see what you are doing to me? This shit hurts and I don’t deserve it!” I cried pathetically on the floor in front of him.
He didn’t even open his eyes. And within a few minutes I heard a slumber coming from his lips.
My pleading was hopeless.
Chapter 12
Cashmere
The morning brought nothing any different from Demarco. He never once offered an explanation for being gone all those days. And I didn’t bother him again for one b
ecause, in all actuality, I didn’t want to make him angry and then have him leave again. I knew it sounded stupid as hell but that was what I felt I needed to do to keep him. I loved him and I needed him. I didn’t think I would function properly in this world without Demarco even if he was dragging me through the mud. Eventually something would give and he would love me again. I just wished to God I could get pregnant. I knew that would fix this shit.
I went to the shop the next day and tried to pour myself into my work hoping that it would take my mind off of things. But everyone at work knew something wasn’t right about me. They could see the pain and despair I felt even though I tried to cover it up with a smile.
I put my client under the dryer and went outside to call Bev. I knew she could help me find some sort of clarity about my situation if I could just open up to her.
She answered on the second ring. “What’s up, Cash?”
“Hey, Bev. Listen. I need your advice. What can I do to make Demarco love me again ’cause for long I swear he don’t.”
“The man love you, Cashmere. You two are just at a crossroads.”
I confessed to Bev about how Demarco was gone for two and a half days.
“Do you want to vent or do you want to hear my opinion?”
I thought of the shit my mother had said and told her, “Bev, if you gonna say that he cheating save it. My thing is it sounds stupid for me as a woman to say but if he is doing it I don’t think it’s gonna stop me from wanting that man. Bev, I can’t imagine life without him. That’s what kills me because maybe just maybe I’m supposed to leave Demarco but I don’t know if I could, ever.”
“Then keep fighting for him. Cashmere, give him his space, but keep loving him. No marriage is ever smooth sailing and you guys been married for a cool minute. These years may be the hard ones and after you get over this hump it will be happy again. But you just gotta hold on. Tonight why don’t you go home and cook his favorite meal? No nagging. If you say you don’t want to leave him then don’t even bring up him being gone for the past two days. Just give him a hug and a kiss. Offer to draw him a bath and give him a massage. Reaffirm to him that you love him and that you are committed to making your marriage work.”
I nodded as she spoke. She was right. And she made me feel like this shit could get better. “Thanks, Bev.”
“All right, baby. Call me if you need me.”
I ended the call and went back inside. I put my iPhone back on my dock and put it on shuffle. The song changed from Anita Baker to Luther Vandross’s “Here and Now.” It made me get a little teary-eyed because it was our wedding song. I smiled and thought about that day. All it did was reaffirm that I wanted to at all costs save my marriage.
When I got home I cooked his favorite meal: stewed oxtails, rice, cabbage, and cornbread. Then pulled out his mother’s recipe for caramel flan he had given me years ago. Dominique wasn’t trying to eat any of that. She made herself a tuna sandwich, did her homework, and went to her room to watch TV. Normally, I would hang out with her but I wanted to get myself together. Earlier, I had one of the girls at the shop put some pretty curls in my hair. I showered, shaved, put on lotion, and sprayed myself up so I smelled yummy, and threw on a sexy black dress that complemented my curves. I had texted him and told him I was making him a special dinner and to please come home as soon as he could. He replied: Okay. Which was a little hope that tonight could go good.
I sat on the couch and, every couple minutes, I peeked out the window to see if he was coming. He was an hour over the normal time he came home. Still I waited and I kept the pots on top of the stove on low so the food was still nice and warm when he came home and the oven on low to keep the cornbread warm.
After another thirty minutes I got up to turn off the food so it didn’t dry out. That’s when my phone rang. I grabbed it off the coffee table and answered it recognizing Demarco’s number.
“Hello, baby? Where are you? I’m . . .”
My voice trailed off because I heard a woman moaning and shouting between moans, “Demarco! Demarco!”
I looked at the caller ID as if wishing that it weren’t so. That this call wasn’t coming from his number. But logically speaking, say it was another number. That number was still calling my home and the caller was still saying my husband’s name.
“Whose pussy is this?” a masculine voice said. And, yep, you guessed it.
That was my husband’s voice. And I knew in that moment that no matter whatever happened between us he could never deny that he was in that moment making another woman scream. So the truth was right in my face. It was clear to me that he was cheating on me. Now could I still hold fast and true to what I told Bev? That even if it were proven true that he had been cheating I’d still want him? In that moment I just didn’t know. I was too hurt and too traumatized by what I was hearing on the other end of the phone.
“Awww.Damn. I’m cuming.”
“Me too!” she moaned.
“Damn I needed that shit. That bitch was getting on my motherfucking nerves.”
“Anytime, baby. Don’t even think about her ass.”
I closed my eyes as sobs racked my body.
The next day, I was glad that Dominique was in school most of the day so she didn’t have to see me like this: a drunken mess who had been drinking since she had left for school. By ten I finished a whole fifth of tequila. Around lunchtime I opened another bottle. This time I chose Everclear. I knew that mixing liquids wasn’t good but I needed to not feel. I’d rather be throwing up than cry.
But when the alcohol could do nothing for the ache in my heart I called the only person I knew could make me feel better: Dame. I needed to talk to a man. No woman could do anything for my pain. In times like this I really wished my daddy was still alive. I knew he could help me deal with this. But Dame was the only male figure I could talk to. And he had direct ties to Demarco.
As soon as he heard my voice and me say desperately, “Can you please come over?” he said, “I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
And as soon as he walked in the door he took the Everclear bottle out of my hand. “What’s wrong, ba . . . Cash?” he asked me. He looked so concerned. The type of concern Demarco didn’t show anymore.
I heard him about to say “baby.” But I ignored it because I needed a male ear, someone who cared because at the moment my husband didn’t. “Demarco . . .” I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. “Demarco is cheating on me.” I spoke between sobs.
He sat down next to me. “Wait,” he said firmly. “You may be getting all worked up for nothing. How do you know? For sure?”
“He accidently called home and I could hear him and another woman having sex.”
He sighed. “Damn. I’m not advocating what he did at all, Cash, so don’t think I am. But if the nigga was going to do that dumb shit he should have squared all damn corners. If you ever decide to cheat on wifey, she should never know. This shit is really pissing me off. Nigga out here acting a damn fool. Demarco is fucked up for what he is doing to you.”
I covered my face with my hands and cried into them.
“Awww don’t cry.” He pulled my hands away from my face and wiped away the tears running down my face. “I really hate seeing you hurt like this.”
He started rubbing my back. Then his free hand cupped my face in his and he started kissing me. First it was an innocent peck. I shoved his chest back some but he resisted. And then, I didn’t push my line against his resistance. Instead my mouth opened to his tongue. A part of me didn’t want him to go away from me. I was lonely, vulnerable, and just a little horny. His hands slid up and down my arms then they cupped my breasts.
I pulled away. “This is wrong, Dame.”
“Let me make you feel good and take your mind off all of this.” He gently shoved me down on the couch. A hand went into the crevice between my legs and slipped under my panties to my pussy. And I sang like a canary. I needed him to do that in that moment. It instantly got creamy and wet for him
, as he let his fingers gently stroke in and out of it.
“You don’t know how long I wanted to do what I’m doing right now.”
As good and as vindicating as it felt, I knew I couldn’t continue with it.
So I yanked his hand out of me. “Dame, move.”
His eyes were hooded with desire and he placed his hand right back on my pussy. “Why? Wasn’t it feeling good?”
I ignored the question. We had gone way too far and I had to shut this down. My temporary moment of weakness was over. My hands reached for his shoulders to completely get him off of me. But he was big like Demarco and wouldn’t budge. “Come on, Cashmere, let me taste you. Please. Demarco ain’t gotta know. This what this nigga get anyway for treating you bad.”
I tried to tune out his words. “No; now please get up.” I shoved against him and still nothing.
“I want some of you at least just one time. I won’t take it. But I want you to offer it to me.”
I shook my head indicating no. “You need to leave.”
And, that’s when the door to the living room burst open and Demarco rushed in. He took one look at us on the couch and lunged toward Dame. When Dame saw him he jumped up and flew back with his hands in the air.
“Man, I told you she was a hoe. Once a hoe always a hoe. You can’t trust her, man.”
I gasped. Demarco had told Dame about my past.
Demarco punched him.
Dame placed a hand over his mouth and then looked at his hand that was now covered in the blood leaking from his mouth and looked at Demarco shocked.
Dame slammed Demarco against the wall. He balled up one of his fist to hit Demarco but he didn’t. “Nigga, what the fuck you hit me for? You the one who told me to do this shit! The last thing I would ever do is fuck with a chick who used to sell her pussy for money. She is ruined! Her insides are probably rotted out.”
I cried from the couch bitterly as he talked about me. Damn I wanted to cut on myself to stop the pain I was feeling. Why would Demarco set me up? Did he not have any belief in me that I was a faithful wife to him? I only did what I had done tonight because of the way that he was treating me. I shook my head over and over again in shock.
The People vs. Cashmere 2 Page 5