by Amo Jones
I chuckle, tucking my hair behind my ear. A tear drops from my eye, but I quickly swipe it away.
“Tillie,” Madison sighs, her hand coming to my knee. “He will come around. Maybe just give him time?”
“Nate?” I ask, confused. “Oh, yeah no that’s not what I’m upset about. As much as I know it looks most of the time because we’re always fighting, I can handle him.”
Her face softens and her eyes crinkle around the edges. “I know.” Then she sinks down onto the floor. “You’re actually one of the few people who can.”
I lick my lips, the salt hitting the tip of my tongue.
“What’s wrong then, babe? You know we’re practically sisters, so…” she jokes, shoving my legs.
If only that were true.
“It’s just, I don’t know, Mads. It seems I can’t do anything right. I’m a failure. What am I going to do from here? Nate holds all the cards as far as Micaela is concerned. And that’s not even mentioning my crazy stupid life. I’m broke, I’m not starting college with you guys after the holidays. I’m a mess.” I shake my head, my thoughts swimming dangerously close to the dark side of the ocean. I think they’re all starting NYU. Even Tatum, and Nate, I think. Nate and Tatum… shit.
“Well, Bishop isn’t, if that makes you feel better.”
I roll my eyes. “That’s because he’s a legacy or whatever and now he has to play Papa King.”
Madison bursts out laughing and it’s not long before I’m joining her. My tears soon dry and my stomach throbs. “God, I missed this.”
Madison’s hand comes to my knee. “Me too. Well, don’t get mad, but you can live here. I heard Elena and my dad talking and they want to offer you the pool house. Just… act surprised when they ask you.”
I freeze, my eyes stretching wide. “I could never—”
“Tillie,” Madison starts. The twinkling in her eye has started. It happens every time she’s about to get real. “You are family now. You have my niece, Elena’s grandchild, Nate’s child. Every decision you make is going to impact her. So please, just—think of her when you make the decision. The pool house is well away from Nate yet not so far that he gets anxiety with being away from Micaela, because that’s what’s going to happen. He won’t be letting her out of his sight—forever, probably.”
I sigh, standing from the toilet. “I guess I have a lot to think about.”
She nods, getting to her feet and pulling me in for a hug. “Please make the right decision.” Then she leaves me, alone with my thoughts. I undress and step into the shower, relishing in the hot water.
Could I live here? I mean really. If it’s the pool house, that’s practically not in the same house. I will need to start job hunting first thing Monday. At least, I can go from there. I use Madison’s shampoo and conditioner and then soap up before getting out, drying off and slipping into Nate’s shirt and his briefs. I have to roll the waistband a few times until they’re not falling down, but they work. I really need to go shopping and get some clothes. Being back in civilization again after being on Perdita and locked up with Peyton has made me realize how much time I’ve lost.
I’m met with complete darkness and Eminem rapping in the background to “Stronger Than I Was” when I enter the bedroom. He has our daughter sleeping to Eminem. I don’t know whether to punch him or swoon. Nate must have turned off the TV while I was in the shower. I drop my clothes in the hamper near the bathroom door, hitting off the bathroom light and making my way back to the bed. Thank god Micaela is a good sleeper. She’s an incredible child. So settled for a baby that has had a sketchy start to life.
I tug the sheet back and slide into the other side of Nate, aware that he has Micaela’s crib on his side. I lay back, trying to not breathe loudly, or even move too much, afraid he’ll swear at me or something. Moody Nate isn’t fun. I miss how we used to be before.
“Nate?” I whisper, pulling the covers up to my chin. Colored dots dance around in the room as my eyes adjust.
“Go to sleep, Tillie.”
“Did you kill anyone tonight?”
Silence, and then just when I think he isn’t going to say anything, he murmurs, “More than one.”
“Do I need to get rid of your clothes?”
More silence. “Go to sleep, Tillie.”
I do as I’m told and drift off to sleep.
Daemon
PAST
Stones indented into the cushion of my feet with each step. The sun burned into my flesh and the sweat dripped down my face like it had so many times before. I’m being punished. Punished for being something I should not. I was raised with a set of rules being hammered into me from a young age, but one was feelings. It was basic human nature to feel, or so I’d been told. We sweat when it’s hot, we shiver when we’re cold. But emotional feelings, feelings of attachment—that is something that is optional.
“You will not draw that again, Daemon!” Katsia said in fluent Latin.
“Draw what?” I asked in Latin, the only language we speak, so simply that it shook the surprise off Katsia’s face.
She pointed down to my latest image. Chapter Six. “That!”
I stared down at the green eyes. Like mine in shape, but green in color. The almond tilt and the long fang of lashes. Just two eyeballs glassed over. “Why?”
Katsia couldn’t answer or wouldn’t. She merely watched me with a careful eye. “Throw it away. I don’t want you drawing anymore!” The car door slammed, and the tires skidded in her departure. What did I do wrong? I don’t know what I did wrong…
Human nature is to feel, so they turned me into a machine.
I blocked the sun out of my eye, watching the trailer that was parked right at the entryway to a park. It rocked back and forth as yelling and screaming spilled from the beat-up windows. I ran toward it, using the old potted plants with withered flowers as a step stool. I peeked through the window, but it was hard to see. The edges had mold spurting out of the seams, but I could see a small girl curled on the ground. She had to be maybe a little younger than me. Her hair is matted in blood, sticking her blonde curls to her face. Her clothes had dark smeared blood on them and her lip quivered as her arms covered her eyes to shield her head.
The girl’s eyes meet mine. Turquoise blue, the same color as the tropical ocean that wraps around Perdita. Everything slows as she blinks, her thick eyelashes damp with tears fanning over her swollen cheeks.
“Daemon!” Katsia mutters from behind me.
I turn to face her, the woman I was to trust. But how could I trust her if this is what she did to her own daughter. “Why don’t you help her?”
Katsia’s eyes darken. “She is not my issue.”
“You’re her mother.”
“That means nothing. I am a Stuprum first.”
“But, maybe you can be both?” I tried to bargain with her, unable to get the girl’s eyes out of my head.
“Impossible,” she snapped, and then yanked me by my arm and toward the waiting dark SUV.
I will save that girl one day. I will save the girl with a soul so battered blood is seeping out of her haunted eyes.
One day, I think to myself. Yes. One day.
Tillie
I wake the next morning with ease. Nate isn’t in the bed, having probably left early for something atrocious like working out. I can hear Micaela tossing and turning in her crib and I fly off the bed, making my way to her.
“Hey, baby girl,” I coo, and her eyes come up to meet mine. She’s growing so much bigger every day. I can’t believe it has been almost four months since I gave birth to her, but now that I look at her. Really look at her, I can see how she has lost the newborn features. Her skin is tighter, giving her features more definition. Her eyes. My god her eyes. It’s like looking into Nate’s. The admittance of that grips at my chest with an iron fist. Not because I dislike it, but because—well.
“She awake?” Nate asks, walking through the door, with yup, his shirt tucked into the back of his gym
shorts. Sweat pelts off his chest as he tosses his water bottle across the room, onto the small two-seat sofa that’s in the corner.
I clear my throat. “Yeah.”
He ignores me, going straight for her. I have to fight myself not to snap at him and tell him to fuck off because I still want cuddles with her, but he nudges his head toward the door. “Mom made breakfast. Kings are here.”
I don’t move, mainly because I don’t know what to do. What does he--
“Tillie, that means go downstairs and I’ll be right behind you with her.”
“Oh,” I whisper, running my fingers through my hair and tying it into a ponytail on the top of my head. With another rubber band, I tie a knot in the front of Nate’s shirt that I’m wearing so it doesn’t look all that ridiculous. This makes it ride above my belly button now, his boxer briefs remain rolled up to sit below my hips. I wait for him near the door while he changes Micaela’s diaper. Yes. Nate Riverside-Malum is changing his daughter’s diaper. Again, I have to keep my swoon in check. This man hates—no, despises me. I cannot and will not swoon over that. Why should a woman swoon over a man doing his fatherly duty anyway?
When he finally turns, dirty diaper crumpled in his hand and ready to take downstairs, the smile he was giving Micaela falls.
“What!” I snap, my hands on my hips.
His eyes rake over my body. “When the fuck did that just happen?”
“What?” I repeat because I’m flat out confused.
“Never mind,” he grumbles, walking straight past me and heading down the hallway.
I’m behind him taking the stairs, confused again when Elena greets us from the bottom. Her face lights up in glee when she sees Micaela.
“Nate, give me her.”
“No,” he says, hugging her away from his overbearing mother.
Elena huffs. “Nate, now. Please. Oh my gosh, I never thought I could love someone more than I do you, Nate, but she has changed that…”
I chuckle, pulling my bottom lip into my mouth to hide the smile that wants to take over.
“I ain’t even mad,” Nate grins, finally putting his mother out of her misery and gently handing her Micaela.
Elena’s eyes light up and then she looks to me, sharing that same smile. “Morning, Tillie. I made pancakes and waffles. You might want to dig in before the army of hungry wolves scarf it all down.”
I flash her a small smile. “Thank you. You really didn’t have to do that.” My stomach grumbles, as if to say yeah, yeah she really did, bitch now go eat. I can’t remember when the last time I ate was, so I slowly make my way into the kitchen as Elena takes Micaela into the sitting room to cuddle with Joseph. I’m still watching them when I enter the kitchen, ignoring the very crowded dining table on the right side of me.
Joseph grins down at Micaela, and I’m almost certain she just smiled back. My heart sinks. Seeing the three of them together hurts me and I can’t fathom why.
“Tillie,” Nate bites, and I finally turn to face him, but freeze when I take in all the bodies. Yes. They’re all here. Not only The Kings, but Madison too (of course), and…Tate.
“What?” I act as if it’s no big deal, but it is a lot to take in. Just one of them exudes enough power to make a girl uncomfortable. Imagine having all ten of them plus a girl who is, generally speaking, one of my best friends who just so happens to be in love with my ex—whatever he is-slash-baby-daddy.
I really hate drama. Did I mention that? Yet, this world is like a soap opera gone wrong, you know, if Quentin Tarantino directed said soap opera.
“Eat,” Nate orders, gesturing down to the table. The size of the dining table is obviously fit to cater around thirty people because there are still a few empty seats scattered around, yet, Nate yanks out the one directly beside him, his eyes pointedly staring at me.
Everyone is silent.
I clench my jaw, keeping eye contact with him while thinking whether or not I should purposely sit somewhere else. Maybe beside Brantley.
I decide I can’t be bothered fighting this early in the morning and take the seat beside him. I swear I hear a few exhales of breath as I do so.
I start piling waffles onto my plate and then spoon fresh fruit on top.
“So!” Cash interrupts, clapping his hands together hard enough for the heavy Rolex to hit the Cuban gold chain around his wrist. It’s not as thick as the one Nate wears around his neck, but I’m almost certain it has diamonds encrusted into the design.
I take a big bite out of my waffle, yanking it between my teeth. These people have too much money.
“What are we doing today? I need to get laid, it’s been a while, so I was thinking we could go out tonight.”
“Yeah,” Brantley says, and my eyes go to him. Surprise shoots through me briefly when I find him already watching me. “Ditto. You know how murder makes me horny.” He says all of that while not moving his eyes from mine. I cough, choking on my waffle.
“You okay, babe?” Madison coos, rubbing my back.
I look up at her as I take a sip of Nate’s juice. Her eyes twinkle with knowledge. I should have known she would catch the little moment between Brantley and I. Nothing gets past her. Unless you’re Bishop. Oh no. I know that look. I swear this girl is turning into one of them with the games she plays.
“Fine.” I smile, running my tongue over my bottom lip. I find Brantley again. “Think something got stuck in my throat.” Okay so she’s not the only one who likes to tease them every now and then, but the banter with Brantley momentarily pauses my thoughts of Nate and his moody, unattainable bullshit playboy ways.
Madison leans back, smirking into her— “Is that a mimosa?”
She grins, and my eyes find Bishop who is glaring at her from across the table.
“Sure is,” she mutters, pointedly ignoring B. “Want one?”
“She’s good,” Nate answers for me, ever his moody self lately.
“Yeah, I do,” we both ignore Nate, and Madison giggles, grabbing my hand. “Come. Tate, you too.”
I snatch my plate from the table, not ready to give up this glorious food right now. Madison is still laughing when we enter the kitchen, her eyes swinging between both of us.
“Okay. So, sit. We need to talk about tonight. The boys are going out, but I feel like we need a girl’s night, you know, have some bonding time.”
This doesn’t sound good. I bite into my strawberry, my lips wrapping around it. Juice slips down my thumb and I slowly bring it up to my mouth, sucking it off. Something is obviously going on with Madison, and I know she’s trying to help Tate and I bu—
“Tillie!” Nate barks from the table in the dining room and my attention snaps to him instantly. Damn open plan dining.
“What!” Now what have I done wrong? He’s scowling at me, his eyes on my fingers. I look around the table to all of them—bar—Bishop, and their eyes are all watching me.
Bishop’s back is jiggling like he’s laughing.
“Oh shut it, Nate! If you can’t handle how hot she is maybe you should—” Madison stops herself, exhaling. “Never mind.”
I turn to face Madison, ignoring what just happened. There’s no way that’s what that was about. “As much as I’d love to, I can’t. I have Micaela now.”
Elena comes into the kitchen. “Tillie, can I talk to you for a second?”
I drop my strawberry and swipe my hands on a dishcloth. “Sure.”
Madison squeezes my arm as I slide passed her.
I walk into the lounge room, my eyes going to Madison’s dad. “Hi, Mr. Montgomery.”
He flashes me a convivial smile. “Please, call me Joseph.”
I know he’s not Madison’s biological dad, but I swear they look similar.
I take a seat on the sofa opposite him, and Elena sits beside me with Micaela in her arms. She hands my daughter back to me, and I take her, bringing her to sit up against my belly.
“Tillie, I, don’t really know how to say this so I’m just going to
go right out with it.” She exhales. “We want to help you any way that we can, and I mean that in the sincerest way possible.”
Micaela’s fingers wrap around my index finger and I jiggle my legs softly. “Okay.”
Elena looks to Joseph and then back to me. “We want to offer you the pool house. It doesn’t have to be permanent, but it is yours for as long as you need it. I don’t want to sound pushy,” she says, and something clogs in my throat. I watch both of them, the love they share exploding around me. I wish I had a family like this. Nate is a lucky bastard. “But we want you to know that we are your family now. Regardless of your relationship with Nathanial, this is as much your home as it is his and Madison’s.” I fight the tears that are threatening to fall from my eyes. Living with Nate is probably not the best idea, but Madison’s words echo inside my head. You have to think of her now too.
Elena carries on. “I would also like to say that, um. I will be here at all times. Joseph will be traveling for business, but he will be home a lot more now too. Tillie, we want to help every way that we can, which is why…” She chews on her bottom lip. I’ve never seen her nervous before, but it fills my heart to know she’s trying to help. She exhales. “I want you to know that college can be an option for you. I want Micaela to have the best life, and that means that I want you to have the best life.” Joseph shuffles in his seat, his smile is a little lopsided now. Maybe he doesn’t agree with Elena, either way, there’s no way I could accept the college offer. I gave up on that dream a long time ago. She continues on, “We know you will be graduating with an above average GPA and we have enough strings we can pull at NYU that we can get you into the classes that you would like to take…”
I lick my lips. “I—I am not sure what to say. Thank you for the college offer, I do appreciate it so much, but there is no way that I could ever accept that and be okay with it. I gave up on college a long time ago.” Elena’s face falls, her eyes going to her hands on her lap. Joseph reaches over to rub her back. It’s a warm and loving gesture, one that I couldn’t relate to. “However, I would love to ah, take you up on the pool house?”