by Harper West
He was quiet for a moment. "Like three weeks ago?"
"Just about."
He started to laugh. "Because of Tanner and Kenz?"
I laughed but furrowed my brow at the nickname for my friend. We'd tried it out briefly a few years ago, but it never stuck. In fact, the only one who continued to use that nickname was McKenzie's dad. Trying to avoid talking about my roommate’s sex life, I kept my eyes on the book in front of me. "It's just easier to study where everyone else already is."
"What a polite, vague answer," Nathan said with a knowing grin. He picked up his textbook, tucking his bookmark into a chapter farther down in the dense volume, but he didn’t look down just yet.
I rolled my eyes and placed my hand on the page I was reading. "Okay, yeah," I said. "They've been spending a lot of time together and ever since movie night..." my voice trailed off, and he nodded in the silence. His quiet smile exposed the hint of a dimple on his right cheek, and it made me smile. "It's just best to let them have their time alone while they're... getting to know each other.”
"You think it's fair that you have to leave your home every time they want to have sex?" Nathan asked, direct as always.
I looked up at him, shocked by his bluntness, but also that he was worried about how I was affected by Tanner and McKenzie's frequent hook-ups. After taking a moment to regain my composure, I shook my head. "No, no, I'm totally fine studying outside of the dorms. It's just hard for me to look at either of them after listening to it, you know?" I met Nathan's eyes and was surprised to find a depth of understanding and empathy in them.
He tilted his head as he listened to me.
"They come out of her room to hang out and watch TV, and it's just..."
"Uncomfortable," Nathan finished, nodding in agreement. "I get it. Tanner's pretty loud.”
We laughed together before settling in to study. As I lifted my book to my lap, I propped my legs up onto the chair next to me and relaxed into a more comfortable reading position. After a moment, Nathan looked up from his book and copied me. For a while, we stayed just like this—only the sturdy pine table between us as we sat together and read. My eyes skipped along the page, and I found myself wondering if he was over there, thinking of me.
The thought frightened me, but also sent a spike of excitement throughout my chest. Tingles radiated down my arms, and I rolled my neck to banish the thought. I closed my eyes and wondered why I couldn't shake the giddy feeling inside of me. Since when was I the girl that had these feelings for someone, let alone a football player like Nathan? I opened my eyes and tried to focus on my textbook, but a blush crept over my face. The text I was reading was about emotions and concluded that they were majorly a result of subjective experience; one of these experiences was marked underneath that nearly made me shut my textbook: sexual attraction. I tried to keep my face neutral, reminding myself that Nathan had no idea what I was studying. I had to chill out.
"Hey, you okay?" Nathan asked, looking over at me with his bookmark holding his place in his textbook.
"Huh?" I replied, straightening my face. "Yeah, I'm fine."
“Oh. Good." He went back to reading with a smile on his face. I watched as he adopted a pleasant, neutral pose. Though, there was still a hint of that smirk. Eventually, his eyes began to droop. I watched him as his free hand rested on top of his knee and held the textbook, flicking the soft, plastic cover to the rhythm of a song I thought I recognized. I listened to it for a moment, the rhythm echoing in my head as Nathan's fingers paused to highlight a line in the text. He continued drumming, but suddenly the rhythm sounded different than before. This one was more recognizable to me, and I smiled as I recognized the song. A smile spread across Nathan's face, and he started to hum an off-key tune that made us dissolve into a fit of laughter. I laughed so hard my sides and cheeks ached.
"You listen to Modest Mouse?" he asked. His bookmark held his place, but he no longer seemed all that concerned with studying.
"Occasionally," I answered, setting my books down.
I told myself that taking a break would help me become more productive. But, really, I really wanted to keep talking to him. I looked down at the book he was reading, recognizing the cover. "You're studying to be a lawyer, too?" I asked, pointing at the LSAT test prep book. "McKenzie has the same one, but I don't think she's read as much as you."
Nathan smiled. "Well, I don't have Tanner trying to distract me every chance he gets."
"Is that what they do?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.
A crooked smile spread over his face, and he leaned back in his chair. "Only when it looks like someone is overworking themselves," he said. "But, yeah, I'm still deciding between criminal and environmental law. My dad wants me to go into criminal, and I know there's more money and better job security, but I just… I just can't shake the feeling that I'd be doing something more meaningful if I went into environmental law." His eyes sparkled when he spoke, but he quickly came down from his dreamy, passionate speech and looked embarrassed. He snaked a hand through his blond hair, but it was too heavy to stand up this way and flopped over, folding over on top of itself in waves.
"That's really cool," I assured him with a warm smile. "You seem really inspired by environmental law.” I mirrored his smile when he met my eyes from across the workspace. "You know, I assumed you wanted to study something more like..." my voice trailed off as I realized that my comment might come off as less than supportive.
"Sports management?" he guessed. I flushed, but he only laughed. "No, that's totally fair. I probably would've guessed the same thing if I had met me." His smile was genuine as he picked up his buzzing phone.
I smiled back at him, wondering if I had been too hasty in deciding that he was someone I could never get along with. Now that we were actually spending time one-on-one, he didn't seem like the type of person I originally pegged him for. He was thoughtful, kind, and determined to do something good with his life. I crossed my arms then, wondering why he had seemed so bad before. The memories from high school seemed a little further away with every hour I spent with Nathan.
He set his phone down, leaving his conversation with Tanner open on his screen, and smiled at me. "You going with McKenzie to the game tonight?"
A flurry of excitement filled me when he asked, but I tried to keep myself settled as I looked back at him. I had wanted him to ask me to events like this so often throughout high school—even when I hated him, I had wanted him to accept me—and the part of me that was still holding onto that felt elated.
But there was another part of me that wondered if he was messing with me. That part of me could spin a great web full of lies that involved fake friends, a faceless cheerleader he'd kiss in front of me, and end with my face plastered across the Jumbotron as people jeered. I tried to quiet it.
"I am," I forced a natural smile.
He returned to his textbook with a nod and a slight smile. "Cool."
7
Nathan
I pulled my mud-slicked cleats through the grass, heavy breaths flowing through my lungs. Hands on my hips, I fought to recover from the last play, which involved me running down the entire field. It worked and had gotten us much closer to the other team’s end zone, but it also left me feeling light-headed.
I pushed my mouthguard out, and the mint-colored plastic clung to the inside of my helmet as I swallowed deep, greedy gulps of air. It burned my lungs and felt like dozens of micro-cuts along the inside of my throat.
But there was no time to relax or slack off. This was game night and my team was counting on me. I snapped the mouthguard in place and bit down, forcing myself to focus.
Little raindrops pounded against my helmet, creating soft thuds that drowned out most of the other noise. The chaos. The yelling. The cheering. My teammate patted my back to as I walked up to my spot on the field. Just one more run, I told myself. This game was almost over. I saw the defeat in the other team’s faces already. They meandered through the next play. They knew it
didn't matter anymore.
Dark clouds rolled overhead, threatening a full-on storm, yet everyone on the field and in the stadium stayed in their places. They stood in rain-slicked baseball caps and headsets, drenched sweatshirts, ponchos, and jackets and watched as our team pulled ahead of our state rivals.
"Tanner," I barked as he faced the crowd to gave them a little bow. They cheered, growing rowdier and more supportive, but the coach's face was set in a hard line. He wasn’t impressed. McKenzie, his new girlfriend, mimicked his moves from behind the main divider. He looked over to me in the middle of his impromptu bows and blew a kiss at her.
"What?" he asked, taking his position. "I'm here, I'm here.” He swatted away my attempts to get him to focus on the game.
"Focus. Coach is watching," I hissed at him, nodding to the sideline. Coach was a hard ass and he stood in front of the bleachers with his eyes fixated on Tanner and me. The man's hair was greying at the temples, giving him a distinguished look.
"Man, so what?" Tanner huffed to me as we crouched down next to each other. "He's always watching. But look, they love me.” He pointed to the cheering crowd. It was true. He'd been a favorite since he’d started showing off on the field, doing end zone dances and leading choruses of the school anthem. Football was where Tanner came alive. He was a great player, sure, but Coach hated his antics.
"It doesn't matter, dude," I said. As quarterback, I began to count off, even though we knew the play already. We'd practiced this dozens of times—so many times that it was muscle memory. “Just stop flirting with your girlfriend during the game."
Tanner just laughed and I glared at him. "I can't help it, man. I'm in love!" he announced proudly, standing up from huddle prematurely. "I love you, baby!" he yelled as a referee tossed a yellow flag into the air. It was slick with rainwater, and it fell to the ground in a hushed, sloppy mess.
From the bleachers, McKenzie was jumping up and down and holding her hands over her heart. "I love you!" her tiny voice replied from the stands, ringing out over the noise from the stadium and the groans from both teams.
In front of her, our coach threw his hands up in frustration. Tanner silently fell back into play after waving an apology to the sympathetic crowd. I looked past him, past our coach and Tanner's new girlfriend, to someone next to her. Someone sitting quietly, despite the fact that everyone around her was standing and cheering. Her dark hair fell over her face, obscuring it silently, but the crease in her brow and the determined look on her face gave her away.
"Are you serious right now?" I gritted as I forced myself to take my own advice to focus on the game instead of my girl. My heart fluttered when I realized that I had, thought of Elizabeth as “my girl.”.
Tanner laughed. "Sorry, man. You just don't get it," he said with a happiness in his eyes that even the dark clouds couldn't dull. Right now, in his world, it was a perfect sunny day.
I stared at him and opened my mouth to argue. I wanted to tell him that he was wrong and that I did get it. I did know what it felt like to have a girl in the stands whose there for you. My eyes flickered back to the bleachers, to Elizabeth, with her dark hair and glasses, who always had her nose in a book. But I wasn’t ready to talk about all this with Tanner yet. I mean, I don’t even think Elizabeth knew what was going on in my mind. I looked back to my teammates as we readied ourselves and rolled my eyes.
"It's been three weeks. That’s not enough time for it to be love." Then again, that’s how long Elizabeth had been back in my life. The denial in my voice was obvious, but Tanner didn't seem to notice.
"Hike!"
The ball appeared, and we ran for it. Our rivals braced and gritted their teeth, ready for a fight.
Duncan caught hold of the ball and ran sideways. I darted into a clearing among, in between their defensive line, and threw my hands into the air. I had eyes on him and he glanced back, silently telling me to be ready. Sure enough,he launched the ball down the field. I broke out into a sprint. I could hear the crowd roaring, but it was distant, underneath my heavy breathing. I forced myself to go faster as the ball sailed down the field. It came closer and closer.
The crowd screamed and leapt to their feet as I made the catch of a lifetime. I held it against my body tightly, rolling my shoulders around the ball as I ran toward the goal line.
Twenty feet, my brain approximated. I heard mushy footsteps behind me. My breathing was ragged, muffled by the mouthguard, but I was determined to run it in. This was what all those hours on the field in practice were about.
Ten feet, I screamed to myself as my opponent closed in. I could feel Coach's eyes on me as I ran faster than I ever thought I could. I was so close, I could taste it.
Touchdown!
I slammed the ball down in the other team’s end zone and turned around to see my teammates dancing around the field wildly, tackling each other into the wet field. The win began to wash over me. My team rushed over and and hoisted me up onto their shoulders. Coach still had his arms crossed, but his lips weren’t pressed in a hard line anymore. For him, this was as close to a smile as it got. His assistant, however, was cheering and twirling his hat around around in the air like a lasso.
I watched as one of my teammates broke away from the field and hopped the main divider. As soon as he reached McKenzie, I realized it was Tanner. He scooped her up from her seat on the bleacher and kissed her passionately. Her hands rested delicately on his shoulders and then slid up into his hair. He picked her up in a fireman’s carry and she giggled and waved to the crowd as they made their way toward the entrance to the stadium. I watched them go with a mixture of irritation and disbelief. The guys lowered me back onto the ground as we got closer to the bleachers.
Fans gathered their belongings from the bleachers and started leaving the stadium. The place was mostly empty by the time I reached the bench. When I picked up my water bottle, I noticed Tanner had left his things behind, so I grabbed them.
"Good going, man. That was sick," Duncan said, walking up to me with his hand out. I took it with a smile.
"No kidding. Thank for setting that up," I said, returning the compliment. He grinned, patted me on the back, and ran off to his buddies. I recognized a few faces as a headed out and offered kind waves. I took another sip from my water. As I tilted my head back, I saw dark hair and a pretty smile and I paused mid-sip.
Elizabeth sat, hunched over a large, leather-bound book, and was so engrossed in the novel that she didn’t notice that the game had ended. Or maybe she just didn't care. She reached up, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she read. When she pushed her hair away from her face, I could see her glasses more clearly, and beyond them, I could make out the way her green eyes shone as she read.
I stepped up onto the bleachers behind her and sat down on the abandoned aluminum seating, but she didn't notice. She continued to read, her dark hair moving back and forth in the wind. With a wicked smile on my lips, I dropped my helmet on the seat next to her.
It let out a loud and powerful bang that vibrated through the bleachers. It caught the attention of a few fans who were lingering behind. They turned around for a second before continuing toward the exit. Elizabeth jumped and she covered herself instinctively as she pulled her earbuds out. She was on edge, but softened when she saw me.
"You're listening to music while you're reading?" I asked with a chuckle. I slid down next to Elizabeth as I collected my helmet. She shut her book. "Doesn't that get distracting?"
"It's just something soft to drown out the game," Elizabeth admitted quietly. The strand of hair that she had tucked behind her ear fell back out of place and I fought the urge to fix it for her. "I can usually read through anything, but a football game and a stadium full of people is a whole other level of distraction."
"For sure," I said, thinking about how I could barely drown out my own thoughts when I wanted to read. Let alone twenty-thousand screaming fans.
"You played really well," she said as she absentmindedly wound the c
ord of her earbuds around her fingers. She rolled the thin, white cord over itself so many times that the tip of her finger turned red. She released it and started again. "I was watching, you know,” she reassured me.
I smiled. "I know."
She rolled her eyes and held out an earbud to me with a smile. When I held it up to my ear, a Modest Mouse song played. It was the same song that we'd been listening to in the library earlier. Despite the tension in the air, both of us sat in a comfortable silence, listening to the music. Neither of us was bold enough to turn and look at the other, but I could sense that she was smiling.
As we sat together in the empty stadium, the sun set and the stars began to twinkle in the night sky. We sat until the song ended, then listened to another. Then another. Elizabeth didn't skip any of them. During an instrumental song with the gentlest violin thrumming I'd ever heard, my hand touched hers.
She had the softest skin I'd ever felt.
8
Elizabeth
“Ugh! Why do we have to go to an after party? Wasn't the game enough partying for the night?" I asked.
We were driving to the frat house to meet Tanner and his football friends. I knew I sounded whiny, but I didn't care. I hated sports to begin with and now, after sitting through an entire football game, I was supposed to celebrate the win that I couldn't care less about.
"Because," McKenzie said, rolling her eyes while she changed lanes, "it's a party! That's why! Come on. Can you honestly say that you don't want to go hang out with a bunch of super-hot frat guys?"
"I can honestly, from the bottom of my heart, say that, no, Kenzie. I don't want to do that." I stuck my chin out and crossed my arms. "Seriously, I just want to keep reading my book. I went to the game with you. Was that not enough to fulfill my friend duties for the night?"