Brooks nodded. “Sounds good. Thanks, Erika. I might just have to take you up on that.”
“There’s also a nice corner fireplace in there that I haven’t used yet. I was going to turn that into my writing office once I have time. After I’m finished with this book.” I glanced at Margo, and she laughed.
“Yes, book first, please,” she ordered.
“And Easton, if you want to stay as well, there’s a very comfortable couch in the living room.”
“It’s pretty comfortable,” Brooks assured him.
“Well, maybe I’ll crash here with you all for a night. We’ll see what tomorrow brings. I can pretty much do everything. I just have one arm for a bit. But I’m sure I’ll manage.”
“Stay as long as you’d like. You too, Margo.”
“I’ll stay as long as you need me.”
We enjoyed the rest of our brunch that morning, and all the uneasiness from the early hours was gone. By the time brunch was over, we were all laughing and having a great time.
Chapter Sixteen
I stepped into the den and handed Brooks his pillow and a few more blankets. We had the fireplace on, and the room was very warm. The extra blankets might be useful for sleeping if he had to support his legs.
“Erika,” he said as he sat upright in bed, leaning back against the many pillows. “We haven’t had much alone time today, but I was hoping we could talk for a bit.”
“Yes.. Anytime, you know that.” I sat on the foot of the bed.
“I feel like all I’ve done these past few days is apologize to everybody, including myself.”
“Brooks, you don’t have to...”
“I have to,” he interrupted. “I almost don’t have the words to say that could tell you how sorry I am for hurting you and hurting everyone this past week. I really am. I’m grateful things turned out like they are now and not worse. Things could have been much, much worse. I think that’s what terrifies me the most. Things could have been so much worse.”
I acknowledged.
He took a deep breath. “Losing Jaden was the worst thing that has happened in my life. Don’t take this the wrong way; losing you, I thought I lost my entire world. I had Jaden there to distract me, but at least I could live my days knowing I could find you and talk to you. Jaden...” he wavered. “I can’t do that with Jaden. I can never just swing on over and visit him or talk to him. That pain is like nothing I’ve ever felt.”
Tears filled his eyes as he continued to speak.
“I thought I lost my world when you left. I thought I lost my world when Jaden died. And I did. My entire world is gone.”
I set my hand on his leg.
“I don’t know how to handle all this. When he died, I died too. I don’t even know who I was these past few weeks. I honestly don’t. I can’t look in the mirror without feeling every horrible thing I ever said and did. I can’t force myself to look at his picture, even though I can’t stop staring at it. I just want him back. I just want him back. I’m angry at myself for not protecting him better. I knew what she was capable of. The courts didn’t. The courts only knew her from words and what they recorded on the paperwork and court documents. She put on such a fucking show, I couldn’t save him. And it was like no one could see though the curtain she had around herself. I didn’t think she’d hurt him, but the thought was terrifying and haunted me. It was like someone was trying to tell me something, and I just didn’t listen.”
“Brooks...”
“I just felt something was going to happen, and I didn’t listen. And then I wonder who would have even listened to me? The attorney thought I was just wanting to take full custody. The judge was dead set on joint custody. My concerns were tossed aside and ignored, like it was just another petty argument they had already heard in a dozen other custody cases. I couldn’t even protect him.”
“Brooks, you did all you could do,” I reassured him. “You can’t burden yourself. You did everything you could.”
“I could’ve taken him and ran, which I thought about often. I should’ve just taken him and ran away from her. It’s a sick pain in the pit of your stomach day after day when no one listens to you. I don’t pray, but during my custody case, and seeing the things she was doing, I started praying. For the first time in my life, I meant everything I prayed for. I don’t even know how to pray. Maybe I’m doing it all wrong because she murdered him, and it’s like none of my prayers were heard. Nothing and no one could protect my son.”
Tears filled my eyes as I inched over next to him in bed. I didn’t talk. I just sat there and held him. Nothing I could say would lessen the agony he felt. I didn’t have the words to end his misery. And I wanted to take it all away. It stung me watching him move through this. And I was angry. Mostly at her, but also at the courts for not listening. For not seeing. For not caring. Another child gone, and why? Sometimes, the best place for a child wasn’t with the mother. Anyone who knew Brooks, knew she wasn’t a suitable parent and used Jaden as a dagger to Brooks.
“I’m just so sorry, and I’m fine if you can’t find it in you to forgive me. I really am.”
“Brooks, I’ve already forgiven you. You know that. The only thing I ever asked from you, is why you couldn’t tell me about Jaden. That’s it. You already know how I feel about you. That has never changed, and nothing you can do will ever change that.”
“I don’t deserve you,” he added. “I really don’t.” He sat up, dried his eyes, and wrapped his arms around me.
I leaned my head on his shoulder as he continued talking.
“I don’t remember leaving town to come see you. I remember getting to your road and parking there, wondering if I should drive in and knock on your door. I thought I was making a mistake coming to see you. I cried the entire way here. I think I was speeding, and I wondered how I never got pulled over.”
“I’m glad you knocked on my door.”
“I was coming to say goodbye to you. I don’t even want to talk about this, but I was coming to say goodbye. I wanted to be with Jaden. But I had to see you one last time before I left this place.”
“Oh, Brooks,” I said as I glanced up at him.
“I had an agenda that night and seeing you, I worked hard to get that thought out of my mind. Seeing you again brought back feelings I felt I’d lost forever. You were like the breath of fresh air I needed. And then I don’t know what happened. I was trying to pretend everything was perfect, and nothing was perfect. I wanted to tell you, but I wanted to forget, and then I half-wondered if what happened had actually taken place. Maybe I was dreaming. Maybe I imagined him dying. So many thoughts jumbled in my head, and I just lost it.”
“It’s okay, Brooks.”
“So, I just want you to know I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for hurting you the way I did this past week.”
“I understand now. I knew something was wrong, and I couldn’t figure out what it was. But I’m glad I know now. And I forgive you. Don’t forget that.”
“He’s a good man, Easton.”
“He seems like it,” I responded. “Today is the most I’ve ever spent with him.”
“We had several good conversations in the hospital. I don’t think I’ve ever had someone like that in my life.”
“Well, now you do.” I grinned at him.
“Thank you for letting me stay here a few more nights.”
I smiled at him. “You can stay as long as you’d like.”
He kissed me on the forehead. “I think the pain meds are kicking in. I feel like I’m dosing off.”
I laughed. “I’ll let you get some sleep. Do you need anything else from me before I head upstairs?”
“No. I’m good. Thank you again, Erika.”
I gave him a hug as I moved from the bed and turned out the light. I trudged upstairs with a heavy heart. Tears cascaded down my face before I reached my bedroom. I closed the door, collapsed onto my bed, and cried.
Why did I feel so alone?
Why did I feel like
this breakup would be the death of me?
Why couldn’t life be kind, just this once?
Was my life always going to be like this?
Would I ever get over Brooks?
I had so many questions and anxieties, my mind was a complete wreck as I wrapped up in the comforter. How did life spiral so out of control? I felt like I had no control over anything taking place. I wanted to change things. I wished everything back to the way they were years ago. I wanted Brooks in my life. I wanted us together. Here we were, so close to a future we had both wanted, and it was already over. We were both letting each other slip away, only this time it was from our own doing and not the actions of anybody else. This was a choice both of us made. I think that was the heavy part. Knowing that things had altered because of us.
Before Brooks was ready to leave, I would be certain to tell him how I felt about him. I didn’t want him to leave. We were no longer forbidden to be together. He needed to understand that before we went our separate ways again.
I closed my eyes and cried myself to sleep that night. Our new beginnings we all cheered to earlier that morning were bittersweet. I felt shattered. It would take me months, if not years, to get over him a second time.
Chapter Seventeen
I walked downstairs with my hair still wrapped in a towel from my morning shower. Easton and Brooks sat at the kitchen island having coffee and laughing about something.
“Good morning,” Easton said as I walked around the corner.
“Good morning, you two.” I smiled, more at Brooks. “Did you both sleep okay?”
“Your couch is pretty much one of the comfiest couches I think I’ve ever slept on.”
“I told you it was comfortable,” Brooks said as he winked at me.
“Margo not down yet?”
“No. Not yet.”
“Hmm. That’s strange. She’s usually up early in the mornings.”
“Well, she’s probably exhausted herself. Being up late all these nights,” Easton said.
“How would you know she was up all night?”
Brooks laughed.
“Well, someone had to look after you,” Easton blurted out at me as he laughed. “She was concerned about you, and she didn’t sleep that first night or two here. She would pace the loft and check in on you to make sure you were okay.”
“She told you that?”
“Yes, she did,” Easton said as he sat up straighter in his chair. “She said she would help me get set up at home today. So we’ll head over there for a few hours. I told her I can do it. I’ll be fine. But she insisted she’d make sure I’m good to go.”
“You don’t know, Margo.” I laughed.
Easton winked and took a sip of his coffee.
“Brooks, how was the den?”
“Comfortable. I don’t think I’ve ever slept on a pull-out bed that comfortable.”
“Well, I bought the most recommended comfortable furniture for when company comes to stay. Some of those pull-out sofa beds are so hard to sleep with that bar in your back all night. I wanted something comfortable for everyone, so I’m glad you both found it very comfy.”
“Those are the worst!” Easton said. “That’s when you just sleep sideways on the bed and let your feet hang off the edge.”
“Been there,” Brooks laughed. “I think the floor is more comfortable in that instance.”
“True there!” Easton grinned as he finished the last of his coffee.
“Well, I’m going to clean up my bedding area. Erika, thank you very much for the hospitality. I appreciate it. It was a fun adult sleepover. But I’m going to head back over to see what I can get cleaned up before Margo heads over. I haven’t been there since... that night.”
I knew what he was talking about. The kitchen needed to be cleaned up from his wound. “Do you need help?” I blurted out without even thinking.
He grinned. “No‚ thanks. I got this. I took a pain med earlier. I should be good for a few hours.”
“Well, don’t overdo it. That will make the healing process last longer than you’d like.”
“Noted.” He grinned as he headed into the living room.
“Were you warm enough last night?” I asked Brooks.
“Very warm. I slept hard last night. I must have been that tired. I think I passed out before you even hit the stairs.”
I laughed. “That good, huh?”
“Whatever they gave me for pain meds makes me drowsy. Very drowsy.”
“As long as they’re working for the pain, and you’re getting your rest, then they’re doing what they’re supposed to do. At least that’s the way I see it.”
“Yes, true. So true. This coffee though...” He winked as he held up his cup. “He makes some damn good coffee.”
“Would you like some more?” I asked him as I walked over and grabbed the pot. I filled his cup and reached for a cup of my own.
“I missed you last night,” he blurted.
I set the coffee pot back on the burner and turned to face him. “You did? You just said you were out before I hit the steps, and you slept hard all night.”
“Doesn’t mean I didn’t miss you.”
“Well, for the record, I’ve missed you more than I ever thought I would. These past few days have been like I’m trying to deal with a breakup all over again.” I winked at him as I struggled to hold the tears inside.
“Erika,” Brooks said with a deep breath. “Come here.”
I grinned at him and walked towards him. He turned in his chair and held out his arms. I fell into them, wrapped my arms around his neck, and laid my head on his shoulder.
“I’m sorry to make you feel like that,” he began. “I’m going to make it right, okay?”
I grinned as I held him tight. The mixed emotions going on the last few days had my feelings mixed tougher.
“These last few days have been draining for all of us. I’m so appreciative for what you’ve done for me, how you’ve been there for me, and how strong you have been.”
“Brooks, I don’t feel strong. I’m ready to fall apart. I’m ready to just... just...” The tears poured from my eyes before I knew what was happening.
“Oh geez, I’m... this is my fault,” Brooks said as he held me tighter. “I didn’t want you to feel like this, and I know what I did and what I said. I need to start over. I need to not be on the drugs that make me feel like I’m loopy and out of it.”
I laughed and stood to face him.
He grabbed my hands and looked me in the eye. “I’m going to make everything up to you. I’m going to make you happy, I’m going to make you proud to be with me.”
“Wait...” I looked at him. “What are you saying? In the hospital, you wanted me to leave you alone. That you...”
“Can we just erase the hospital thing?” he asked. “I was a mess in there and confused and...”
“Yes. Yes.” I nodded as I dried my eyes.
“Tell her everything you said to me,” Easton said as he walked through the kitchen towards the front door.
We both laughed.
“We had a good talk. A few good talks,” Easton said. “You helped me too, man,” he said as he winked at Brooks. “Just like you say I helped you, you helped me. And I think you know that.”
“Thank you, man,” Brooks said. “I’m going to make everything right between all of us.”
“If Margo wakes up, tell her I couldn’t wait. She can come over when she’s ready.”
“Will do.” I nodded to him.
“See you all soon,” he said as he closed the door.
“I owe him for a lot too,” Brooks said. “He’s not the man I thought he was. He’s a much better friend than I’ve ever had. I can say that’s true for my entire life. He’s a good man. Been through a lot.”
I nodded. “You know more than I. I’ve only had one conversation with him, and that was in his hospital room when Margo was there. And it wasn’t a long conversation.”
“He’s a good man
,” Brooks said again. “Just like you’re an excellent woman. I think we need to use today as a new start to our life.”
“Our life?”
“Only if you’re on board. I want you in my life. I want to be with you. You make me happy. So happy. In that hospital bed, that night, you came in and talked to me. I was still ready to end things. I was embarrassed, and I didn’t know how much lower my life could get. I didn’t want to bring you down with me. You deserve someone better than that. I can be better than that.”
“I know,” I said as tears flowed from my eyes. “I know. We make a great team.”
“Yes, we do. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me, for being there for me, for not letting me go, or pushing me away. For not listening to my stubbornness and letting it ruin what we could have. This isn’t me. That wasn’t me.”
“I know. I think that’s what hurt the most. You were different. Not the man I knew.”
“I want to be that better man for you if you’ll let me.”
“You know my answer, Brooks. You know my answer. Don’t push me away anymore.”
“Never. Does this mean you want to stay with me? This old man?”
“We’re not old, and yes, I want to be with you.”
He reached up and kissed my forehead, then my lips. “You mean the world to me. You really do. As soon as I can stand without pain, I’ll pick you up and hug you like I want to.”
“I’m again sorry about that,” I said.
He laughed. “Smart move. You stopped me in my tracks, literally.”
“So, no more hiding feelings. No more jealousy. No more...”
“Going forward, I’m always going to be honest with you. Completely honest. I won’t ruin us. I’m going to protect you, love you, be there for you...”
I smiled at him.
“And I hope you want the same.”
I nodded.
“Good. Good,” he said as tears fell from his eyes. “I can’t lose you too. I love you so much, Erika. So much.”
The Stranger In the Guest Room Page 9