by Megan Hart
Briella made a snorting laugh sound, although she didn’t look as though she were laughing. “I wouldn’t take any pills. Taking drugs is bad for you.”
“Good. I’m glad to hear it. Something seems to be upsetting you, though. Do you want to talk about it?”
Briella sighed, long and hard, sounded desolate. “I just don’t like the way my brain works sometimes. That’s all.”
“Are you worried about having a seizure? Because—”
Briella’s face twisted into a grimace. “No. But it hurts.”
“Your head hurts?” Marian’s mind raced, thinking of the bump from a few weeks ago. Remembering the sight of Pamela convulsing and the sound of her mother’s wail. Her heart clenched. What did any parent fear the most but an inexplicable illness in their child?
“Not like a headache. My thoughts,” Briella explained. “I think so hard, and it hurts my brain sometimes. Because there’s so much to learn and know, and I want to fit it all in there, but I just can’t.”
“You don’t have to know everything, Briella. You’re just a kid. You have the rest of your life to learn.” Marian kissed her forehead, trying to look into Briella’s eyes to reassure her, but the girl shrugged away from her grasp and went to her bed, where she climbed under the blankets and lay flat on her back, staring at the ceiling.
Marian pulled the covers up to beneath her daughter’s chin. “Sleep tight. Tomorrow’s going to be a great day. And next week you get to start your new school, and that’s going to be even better. Okay?”
Briella closed her eyes. A tapping at the window had Marian cursing under her breath. She strode to the window, intending to scare the bird away again, but stopped herself at the last second. From inside, all she could see was her reflection in the glass, overlaying the night outside.
She turned to see Briella watching her.
“Goodnight,” Marian said. “No more talk about flying away up to heaven.”
Chapter Thirteen
“You’re more nervous than she was. Babe, sit down. Have a mug of tea. She’s going to be home soon.” Dean yawned and rubbed at his eyes. Normally he wouldn’t be up for another few hours, but he’d asked Marian to wake him so he could be there when Briella got home from her first day at Parkhaven.
“I can’t sit.” Marian wrung her hands before she realized what she was doing and dropped them to her sides. “God, Dean. I’ve been waiting all day long for the school to call and say there was a problem. That they changed their minds, and they’re going to kick her out of there, too.”
“Nobody called, because there aren’t any problems,” he told her gently. “Southside didn’t kick her out. They offered her an opportunity, a terrific chance for Briella to really excel. Parkhaven’s going to be the perfect fit for her. She’s going to have access to her own lab for experiments. They’re going to start her with a foreign language. That’s three years before she’d start at public school. And she was so jazzed about going. It’s all going to be great, Marian. I promise you.”
Marian cupped her elbow in her palm and chewed on her thumbnail. “It’s not a mutant school.”
“Tommy was just being a douche. You know how he is.” Dean shook his head. “Even if the school building had a weird past, that has nothing to do with the school itself.”
“We should have gone with her the first day.”
“You know they said it would be better if she started as normally as possible,” Dean said gently. “She’s not a baby, Marian. She’s ten. She can handle it.”
“You’ve heard the same stories I have. We all did. The big school up on the hill, the weirdo kids that go there. There was that kid who made the news when he built that nuclear weapon. I mean, they came out later and said it was never, you know, usable. But still.” Marian gestured with both hands. “There’s a reason why Parkhaven has the reputation it does, and it’s not just because it used to be a psych hospital.”
“My cousin’s husband is the nicest guy you could ever want to meet.” Dean paused to give her an encouraging smile. “Parkhaven’s a good place, even if there are a few weirdos here and there. It has a waiting list for kids to get in, from all over the country. The world, even. We hear the stories because we live close to it, and schools like that always have rumors spread about them. But we got really lucky that they’ve made a place for Briella, so she can do the day school program.”
“Maybe I ought to buy a lottery ticket, if our luck’s so good.” Marian tried to say the words lightly, but they fell, solid as stones, without humor.
Dean sighed and took her in his arms. Together they danced in a slow circle. She finally gave in and relaxed, resting her head on his shoulder and pressing her face to his neck. She breathed him in, the good warm scents of skin and sweat and his shampoo. She closed her eyes and let him hold her. It didn’t make her any less nervous, but she was grateful for the comfort anyway.
“She should’ve been home by now,” she fretted.
“The paperwork said to expect her at three forty-five. That’s later than normal. The van will be bringing her right to the driveway. It’s all going to be fine. She’s not even late yet.”
A quick glance at the clock showed her he was right, as usual. It would’ve been irritating if it wasn’t also such a reassurance, a reminder of how fully she could always count on Dean. He’d never let her down.
“I just want everything to be okay,” she said. “I’m worried that she won’t like the new school. And then what would we do?”
“We’d figure it out, together, because that’s what we do. We can go wait out front if you want. Then you can see the van coming up the street.”
“Would that make me a…what do they call them? Airport mom?”
“Helicopter parent,” Dean said. “Maybe. A little. But not too much.”
They both started laughing, and the chuckles turned to guffaws, until Marian had to wipe away tears. Barely able to catch her breath, she straightened, turning to see Briella in the doorway. The kid’s backpack looked almost as big as her entire body. Briella hung back, not coming into the kitchen.
“What are you laughing about?”
“Oh, something Dean said struck me funny. Hey, how was your first day of school, big girl?” Marian’s voice sounded too bright and fake, even to herself. She tempered it with a smile and went to help Briella shrug off the straps of the oversized pack. “Are you hungry? Do you want a snack?”
“No. They give us snacks at school. Anytime we want,” Briella said offhandedly. “There’s not a lunch. We eat or drink when we’re hungry. We don’t have recess either, but that’s okay, because the whole day is like recess!”
“Sounds like you had a great first day,” Dean said.
Briella nodded, but spoke to her mother instead of him. “I got to pick out my locker and put my stuff in there, and I got to meet Principal Stewart too. He was super nice. My homeroom teacher is Mrs. Addison. She also teaches science and computer programming. And there’s a girl in my class, her name is Aubrey, and she’s got the same birthday as me, but a year older! Because the classes don’t just have the same kinds of kids in them. Which means I don’t have to be in a dumb class just because I’m younger.”
“Wow.” Marian exchanged a look with Dean over the kid’s head. “It really does sound like you had a terrific first day. C’mon and sit here and tell us all about it.”
“Well, Mom, I’d really like to go out back and get some fresh air. I’ve been working hard all day long. Parkhaven isn’t like Southside. I got to do some real stuff there. I’m going to do some really great experiments.” Briella said this so seriously that Marian did not dare laugh.
“Remember when you used to call them ‘spearmints’?”
Briella rolled her eyes. “Yeah, well, I was little then.”
“Right. Of course. Sure, you go on outside. I’ll call you when it’s ti
me for dinner. Okay?” Marian shared another look with Dean as Briella let herself out the back door and into the yard. Marian made sure the door had closed behind her before she burst into another flurry of giggles. “What the hell?”
Dean looked past her, out the window. “She’s running.”
“What? What’s she running from?”
“She’s just…running,” Dean said. “With her arms out. Like she’s trying to fly.”
Chapter Fourteen
Lunch with her father was simple, a couple of sandwiches and a glass of milk. They ate at the same kitchen table where she’d had breakfast for her entire childhood, and Marian cleaned up after so that her dad could settle himself in his recliner and watch early afternoon television. She sat on the couch in her old place. Neither of them mentioned her mother’s empty chair, but it was clear that both of them noticed it.
She’d told him all about the new school and Tommy showing up. “Acting like he was Mr. Something Special. It makes me so mad at him.”
“He’s her father. He might not be the best at it, but the boy does try.”
“Never thought I’d hear you take his side.” Marian frowned.
Her father smiled. “Maybe I’m getting soft in my old age. But tell me about Briella. How’s my dolly doing in the new school?”
“She loves it. In the past two weeks, she’s talked more about school with more enthusiasm and excitement than she ever has.”
“Good, good.” Her father hesitated. “She’s a good girl. In her heart.”
“Yes. She is.” Marian eyed him. “Dad, are you okay?”
“Fine, I’m fine. I meant to ask you to stop at the pharmacy for me,” he said with a small shrug.
Marian reached to tap the buttons on the remote he kept on the arm of his chair, turning down the volume. “I just got your refills last week, Dad. Are you taking something new?”
He didn’t answer her right away, and when he did, she sensed reluctance. “No, no, nothing new. But I misplaced my pills and had to order a refill earlier than I expected. Nothing to fret over,” he added hastily.
She knew her dad took a prescription-strength painkiller for injuries in his hip and back. She also knew he’d been on an antidepressant since a few years after her mom’s death. Those, along with more standard blood pressure and other, what he called ‘old people’, meds were always lined up meticulously in their bottles in the lower kitchen cabinet. He never forgot to take them on time, nor had he ever taken too many because he’d forgotten he’d previously taken some.
“What happened to the pills, Dad?” When he didn’t answer, Marian shook her head, worried. “Did Antoinette’s son come help her with the cleaning again?”
“It wasn’t Javier,” Dad said. “I know he’s given me a bit of trouble in the past, but he’s turned over a new leaf. We prayed on his former troubles.”
The cleaning lady’s son, at sixteen, had been caught lifting Dad’s pain meds to sell on the street. Now, two years later, Marian still did not trust him, but she was not the one who got to decide who her father allowed into his house. She sighed, unconvinced.
“It wasn’t Javier. I’m sure of it. I think…” Her dad only shook his head. “Never mind.”
“I can run out right now and get them,” Marian offered, and although her dad insisted it could wait, she felt better about making sure he had his medicines.
By the time she got back, he’d fallen asleep in the recliner with his mouth gaping in a way that made her uncomfortable. He’d gotten old, she thought with a pang. Somehow, the strands of silver she’d found in her own dark hair, the wrinkles at the corners of her eyes, those had made sense. It was life, and yet she wasn’t ready to face her father growing frail.
In the kitchen, she lined the pill bottles up in their usual spots, but only after searching for the other ones, in case maybe they’d simply fallen down behind the microwave or been pushed to the back of the counter. She came up with nothing but dust and a faded photo of her parents, herself and her brother, Desmond. It had been taken on a family vacation, long ago, when Des was in high school.
Marian pinned it to the fridge with a magnet. In the living room, Dad had woken. He struggled a bit to get out of the recliner but refused her help. He hugged her hard at the front door, longer than Marian was expecting.
She hugged him back.
“You’ll always be my little girl, you know that?” her father said against her cheek. “I love you, and I’m so very proud of you, Marian.”
The tears came then. “I love you too, Dad.”
“I’m here for you. Whatever you need. You know that too, right?”
She nodded against him, still hugging. “I know.”
Her dad patted her back. “Sometimes, when we love someone, we don’t always love what they do. But that doesn’t mean we don’t love that person. And when someone does us wrong, sometimes it can be hard to forgive them, especially when we can’t understand why they might have done something to hurt us in the first place.”
“Dad?” She pulled away from him. “What’s going on? Did I do something?”
“No, no…” Her father waved a hand. “You haven’t done anything. I just got full of my own thoughts, that’s all.”
“If this is about Tommy, Dad, I’m never going to think he’s Father of the Year. Even if he majorly steps up his game, which I don’t think he is capable of—” Marian cut herself off and shrugged, watching her father’s expression. “But I guess I could try to be more charitable about him.”
Her father nodded after a moment. “Sure. That sounds like a good idea.”
“Dad. Are you sure you’re all right?”
“Fine.” He hugged her again. “I’ll be just fine. We’ll all be just fine.”
Chapter Fifteen
The rap at the front door was a surprise. Marian hadn’t been expecting any visitors or any packages. She opened the door to find Amy from across the street, holding tight to Toby’s hand. In his other, he had his familiar toy train.
“Hi, Marian. Toby and I thought you and Briella might want to take a walk with us to the frog pond.” Amy’s bright grin was sincere.
“Come in for a second while I see what she’s up to.” At Amy’s confused and sort of concerned look, Marian felt the urge to explain apologetically, “Briella’s been working in her room all morning on some research for a school project.”
“Oh, that’s right, how is the new school? Toby and I have been working on his alphabet. Haven’t we, big boy?” Amy bent to kiss her son’s cheek and squeeze him in a display of affection so sweet Marian felt bad for considering it cloying.
“She’s enjoying it a lot.” Marian went to the bottom of the steps and shouted Briella’s name.
“Your husband isn’t sleeping?”
“He has the weekend off but went fishing with a buddy of his.” At Amy’s second confused and concerned look, Marian explained, “He goes once or twice a year.”
Amy nodded, but her lips pursed. “I’m not sure how I’d feel about Jeff going off on his own for the whole weekend.”
“I’m sure you and Toby would have a great time on your own.” Marian didn’t point out that Jeff, an affable man she’d met only a few times, didn’t have to go fishing to be utterly, entirely and frequently absent even when he was at home. Briella had not yet come down the stairs or even replied, so she called again.
Toby held up his toy train. Marian admired it. The little boy gave her a broad grin that she returned. He was a sweetie, even if his mother did seem dead set on the path to never letting him get more than a few inches from her side.
“Hi there, Briella,” Amy said brightly when Briella finally appeared. “I was just talking to your mom about taking a walk with me and Toby to the frog pond. Want to come along?”
Briella had been fighting Marian about taking care of her hair again, a
nd it looked as though it had not been combed in weeks. Marian gave an inward, beleaguered sigh. The girl looked tired, too. Faint dark circles below her eyes and a pallor beneath her tawny cheeks.
“A walk in the fresh air would do you some good. You’ve been shut up inside all day,” Marian said.
Briella shrugged. “Okay. That’s fine.”
“Let me pack a few snacks.” Marian had already caught sight of Amy’s kicky little pack. She was sure there’d be granola bars and juice boxes galore.
“Sure. We’ll wait outside for you. It’s such a gorgeous day.”
“Go on outside and wait with Mrs. Patterson and Toby, Briella.”
It took Marian about eight minutes to toss a few small packages of nuts and some fruit snacks into a plastic grocery bag, adding a couple bottles of water she dug out from the back of the fridge. She got out onto the front porch to find Amy watching Briella and Toby running back and forth along the small strip of front yard between the house and the sidewalk. Above them, the raven circled, cawing.
“Beautiful, isn’t it? Briella said she fixed its wing after Hank Simpson hit it with his truck.” Amy pointed at the bird.
Marian’s mouth twisted. “Yeah. Just clipped it, really. It was fine in a couple days.”
“He really shouldn’t drive so fast through here. I never did talk to him about it after what happened with Briella. But he’s never been very receptive.”
“No, I can’t imagine he would be. He’s been that way as long as Dean’s known him,” Marian said with a small chuckle. “Generally, we leave him alone, and he leaves us alone.”
They started off along the sidewalk, Briella and Toby leading the way. Toby had to take a couple running steps for every one of Briella’s. Marian couldn’t hear everything the girl was saying, but Briella was keeping up an entire conversation all by herself.
“They’re cute together,” Amy said. “Haven’t you ever thought about having another one?”