by Lina Langley
He walks out from behind the desk and then disappears into the hallway. I turn to look at Cyrus, my mouth open. “Wow,” I say. “I’m so glad I brought you.”
“You should always be glad to bring me places,” he says, winking at me.
I laugh, shaking my head. “You know, this could be terrible,” I say.
“What are you talking about? I’m already having a great time.”
I roll my eyes. We’re talking about everything and nothing when Officer Roberts shows up with Montgomery in tow. He’s walking ahead of Officer Roberts, seemingly in a straight line. He doesn’t look that drunk, at least until he sets his gaze on us. His eyes are wide and glassy.
“Have fun,” Officer Roberts says.
“Don’t we have to sign anything?” I ask, instantly regretting it.
Officer Roberts cocks his head slightly. Before he can speak, Cyrus interjects. “Thank you, Officer. We’ll take it from here.”
Montgomery scoffs, his gaze darting between us. “Alex,” he says, his voice icy. “I see you brought a friend.”
CONTINUE
I clear my throat. They know each other, because Montgomery has been at the apartment when Cyrus has come to hang out, and I think we’ve met up on random nights.
I’m about to say something to that effect when Cyrus throws his head back and laughs. “Monty, you’re so funny,” he says.
Montgomery is looking at me like he’s ready to lunge at me at any given moment. I probably shouldn’t laugh at him, but I can’t help myself.
“Come on,” I say, grabbing Montgomery’s wrist and pulling him toward the door. I’m afraid if we stay here for too long, the man is going to end up making a fool of himself again. I don’t doubt that he would. He goes along with me, though, almost passively, all while Cyrus is happily humming a song.
We leave the air-conditioned police station and take a left so we can go to the parking lot. The moment we’re outside, the warm air hits me in the face, and I feel a little dizzy. I’m not sure why, I think it’s just from everything that has happened today. It feels like it’s catching up to me.
“You okay, choirboy?” Montgomery asks. “You look like you’re going to be sick.”
I shake my head. I’m fine, I tell myself, but my jaw is set and I really don’t want to walk anymore. My foot hurts, my head hurts, and my heart is going so fast I think I might actually faint.
Cyrus turns to look at me, a line appearing on his forehead when he does. “Alex,” he says. “What’s going on?”
I shake my head. “Nothing,” I say, and the words don’t sound like they’re coming from my mouth. They sound like an echo, and they freak me out even more. I blink and look down at the cobblestone under me. I want to tell myself that I’m okay, but I can’t seem to even find it in me to do that.
“Sit down,” Cyrus says. I want to, it’s just that my body feels like it’s not responding to any of my commands. I’m standing there, completely unable to move, my mouth dry. I can only think about how warm it is, how dark. About how far away everyone sounds. Before I can process what’s happening, Cyrus and Montgomery are flanking me. I’m vaguely aware they’re holding my arms and helping me get down on the floor, even though we’re on the sidewalk in the middle of nowhere, even though I’m supposed to be the one helping him.
Cyrus is holding my hand, and Montgomery is holding my hand, and they’re both telling me to breath. I can hear myself apologizing, though I’m not entirely sure what I’m apologizing about. I just know something has gone terribly wrong.
“Breathe,” Cyrus says.
I’m already breathing. I don’t know what he wants. “In,” Montgomery says, inhaling and then exhaling. “Out.”
They’re helping me, and I don’t even know why. I don’t have much time to think about it, though, because soon I feel like everything is relatively back to normal. My heart is still beating fast, but at least it’s not unmanageably fast, and I no longer feel like I’m underwater.
I lean back, holding myself up with my arms, and take a deep breath. “Jesus,” I say. “What the hell was that?”
Montgomery laughed. “Choirbaby’s first panic attack,” he says.
Cyrus laughs, too, but stops when I start side-eying him. “It’s fine,” he says. “Don’t worry about it.”
I shake my head, my gaze darting between the two of them. “I do worry.”
“Yeah, we know,” Cyrus says. “It’s your thing. Look, you’re probably tired, so let’s get you both home so you can get some sleep, huh?”
I nod as I lick my lips.
“Maybe you can share a bed, too,” Cyrus says, wiggling his eyebrows. I’m about to tell him to fuck off, but Montgomery is laughing before I can say anything.
“God, will you stop?” I ask, my cheeks hot. I’m already embarrassed enough. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.
“Sure,” Cyrus says. He stands up and offers me his hand. I take it. It’s calloused, rough. Montgomery grabs my other hand and he pulls me up at the same time. His fingers are long, his hands soft and cool.
Montgomery flashes me a smile. “You going to be okay, choirboy?”
“Sure,” I say, trying my best to flash him a smile.
“Good,” he replies. “Now let’s go find Cyrus’ car. Wait… you didn’t bring my bike, did you?”
CONTINUE
I feel a lot better when we finally get back to my apartment. Montgomery seems to have sobered up, too. Cyrus and Montgomery were talking about something, but I’m not sure what it is. I’m tuning them both out.
When we’re inside the apartment, Montgomery seems to hesitate about where to go, which is a little strange, considering he lives here. Cyrus seems to notice it, because he furrows his brow. “Montgomery,” he says. “Are you okay?”
He nods. “Yes,” he says. “I’m fine. Why?”
“You’re just acting a little off, bro,” Cyrus says.
Montgomery rolls his eyes. “I’ve just been in the drunk tank,” he says. “It’s never a fun experience.”
“How many times have you been there?” I ask. I’m pouring us all glasses of water as I speak.
I don’t think Montgomery seems that drunk. He definitely seems to have sobered up slightly, but I want to make sure he feels better. Montgomery grabs it off me and smiles. “Thanks,” he says and takes one long sip. “You’re the best, choirboy.”
“You’re welcome,” I reply.
Montgomery leans back on the wall and sighs. “Thank you both,” he says. “I really appreciate you helping me out.”
“It wasn’t me,” I say. “It was all Cyrus.”
Cyrus tuts. “Don’t sell yourself short, Alex.”
“I’m not,” I say. “I’m not selling myself short, I mean. I just got a friend to pick you up. Hardly makes me a saint.”
“I don’t know,” he replies. “You were my first choice.”
I giggle, shaking my head. “You don’t even like me.”
Cyrus shakes his head, face palming very loudly. “You’re such an idiot,” he says.
I blink, my gaze darting between the two of them. I’m not sure what’s happening, but they both seem to be sharing a telepathic message that I have no access to. I want to ask them both what they’re talking about, but I think that’s just going to make me seem even more stupid.
I take a sip of my water and lean back on the counter. They look at each other and snicker.
Cyrus yawns. I furrow my brow, upset I’ve made him drive all the way out here so late and then made him take care of me. “Sit down,” I say.
He does as he’s told, sitting down on the sofa and staring at me. I sit down next to him. “Why don’t you stay the night?” I ask him. “You must be so tired, after being my errand boy practically all fucking day.”
“I wouldn’t say no,” he says, then yawns and stretches. “Honestly, I’m far more tired than I thought I would be.”
“You’re always welcome to stay here,” I say. “I�
��m glad you are.”
He smiles at me. His brown eyes are shining under the dim electric light in the living room. I don’t know if it’s because he’s tired or because he’s glad he’s here. I think there’s a higher likelihood that it’s the first one.
He stretches again, yawning and putting his arm behind me. I put my head on his shoulder and close my eyes. I hear Montgomery walk toward us and then open my eyes to see him sitting on the other end of the couch. It’s not a very big couch, so he’s only inches away from me. I’m very used to touching Cyrus, but it’s weird for Montgomery and I to touch. He doesn’t seem to care.
He turns his body slightly so that he’s facing us. “So can I ask you something personal?”
“Me or Cyrus?”
“The question goes for both of you,” he says. “Or either. Whoever wants to answer.”
I narrow my eyes. Cyrus has turned to look at him, too. I can feel his chest moving up and down.
Montgomery clears his throat before he does. “Are you two not dating because choirboy is celibate?”
I roll my eyes, but Cyrus laughs. “He’s not celibate on purpose, Monty.”
Montgomery stares at me. “Wait,” he says. “Really?”
I straighten up. “Why is that so hard to believe?” I ask. “I want to be able to make a connection with someone before I sleep with them.”
Montgomery shrugs his shoulders, moving his head from side to side in what I think is supposed to be an uncertain motion. “Right,” he says. “I mean, I guess I get that, but I’m… here’s where this is tripping me up.”
Cyrus and I look at each other.
“You two act like you’re already dating,” he says. “You might as well get it over with and fuck.”
“Man, it’s like you’ve never had friends,” Cyrus says.
I laugh. “We don’t want—”
“I would totally have sex with Alex, but I wouldn’t risk our friendship just for that,” Cyrus says.
I turn to look at him. “Seriously?”
“What? You’re cute,” Cyrus says, flashing me a huge smile.
I shake my head as I laugh. When I turn to look at Montgomery, I expect him to be laughing too, but he looks pretty serious. “But that’s my point,” he says. “You two would make a cute couple. In fact, when I first met Cyrus, I thought you were together.”
Cyrus nods. “Yeah, people think that.”
“But you’re not,” Montgomery says.
“No,” I say. “We’re friends.”
“And nothing else? You’ve never hooked up?”
Cyrus and I look at each other for a second. This is the kind of thing we get asked a lot, but it feels a little weird coming from Montgomery. “No,” I say. “We’ve never hooked up.”
Montgomery nods, holding his water glass up at me. “Because you’re going to be a priest,” he says.
I can feel my cheeks reddening. I mean, he’s not wrong, but I also wish he hadn’t put it like that, because now I’m thinking about whether I should have ever hooked up with Cyrus in the first place. If I do go to seminary, then I might regret it. I’ll never get a chance to hook up with him again.
I’ll never get a chance to be around him again. Not like this. Not with his arm casually draped around my shoulders, not with my head so close to his heart I can almost hear it beating. I think Cyrus would have answered by now, but he’s waiting for me to say something. I swallow. “I guess,” I say. “I don’t know what I’m going to be.”
Montgomery nods. “Right,” he says. “But if you’re going to be one, then wouldn’t it make sense to hook up with him now? I mean, considering.”
I blink. “Considering what?”
“That when you go, you’re never going to get to have sex with anyone again,” he says. “If I were you, I’d be out fucking everyone I know.”
Cyrus and I laugh. “Yeah,” Cyrus says. “Because you’re a slut, Monty. Alex is innocent. You don’t want to corrupt him.”
“Since when?” Montgomery says, raising his eyebrows.
It makes Cyrus laugh again, then he turns slightly and puts his hands over my ears. I can hear his voice, but everything is muffled so I don’t understand what he’s saying. When he removes his hands from my ears, they’re both laughing. My gaze darts between them. I don’t understand what’s so funny.
“See?” Cyrus says. “Innocent as a lamb.”
Montgomery is looking right at me. “That’s a biblical analogy, right?”
“And you say I don’t listen to you,” Cyrus says, shaking his head and tutting. I’m not sure why, but it seems like both of them are mocking me. They’re not being unkind, I don’t think, it’s just so of… weird.
I shrug my shoulders. “I never said that.”
Montgomery is staring at us. “So if I told you two to kiss,” he says, completely ignoring what has just happened. “You wouldn’t do it, right?”
I blink and look at Cyrus. His cheeks are red and he has a smile on his face. I don’t know what to think about this. “I don’t know,” I say, straightening up. Suddenly, touching Cyrus feels very dangerous. “I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”
Cyrus shakes his head. “Really? After everything we’ve been through, you think a kiss is going to ruin our friendship?”
I look at his face. Truthfully, I’ve always been curious about hooking up with Cyrus. He’s a good-looking guy and I do have feelings for him, but I’ve always cared far more about our friendship than I have about sex. Montgomery is right, though. If there was any time to have kiss Cyrus, it would be now.
I could lean in and kiss him or I could tell Montgomery to mind his own business.
Part of me knows I shouldn’t do this, but I can’t help myself. Fuck, I don’t think I’m ever going to have a chance to do this again. Montgomery might be goading us into something, but if I don’t take this chance, I don’t think there’s going to be another opportunity.
“Fine,” I say. “You want a show? I’ll give you a show.”
I don’t mean it, of course, but I turn around and grab Cyrus’ face. I turn it around so he’s facing me and then inch closer to him. My lips are so close to his own, it would be sort of criminal to pull away at this point. I can make him think it was a joke. I can still pull away.
Or I can stay here and kiss him, because that’s what I want to do.
I pull away. I can’t risk our friendship just because I want to show off for Montgomery. I move away from him and laugh. “You can fuck off, Montgomery,” I say. “Cyrus and I aren’t risking our friendship just because of you, okay?”
“Fine,” Montgomery says, rolling his eyes. “You can do whatever you want. You’re missing out, though.”
“I am?”
Montgomery’s gaze darts between the two of us. “Yes,” he says, but his gaze is set on Cyrus. Cyrus cocks his head and smiles.
“Go to sleep, Monty,” he says. “You’ve had a long day.”
“Fuck off, this is my couch,” Montgomery replies and gives him the finger. “I’ll sleep when I want. You two can keep each other company or not, I don’t give a fuck.”
“Fine, Jesus, calm down,” Cyrus said. He seems more annoyed than he was letting on earlier, which I’m finding slightly confusing.
My gaze darts between the two of them. Something is off, but I can’t tell what it is. Something feels very wrong. I straighten up and brush myself off.
CONTINUE
I’m not going to stop myself from kissing him. I want to know what he tastes like, I want to know what kissing him is like. I press my lips against his. He kisses me back immediately, pressing his face against mine, his mouth warm and soft, his hand on my shoulder.
I pull away from him. The kiss was sweet--chaste, even. But I feel breathless all the same. Part of me wants to turn toward Montgomery and ask him if he’s happy, but that seems like a bad idea. Part of me thinks he’s going to start laughing.
Cyrus strokes my jawline with a crooked finger. “Hey,” h
e says. “Are you doing okay?”
I nod and open my mouth to reply, but there’s nothing I can say. Before I can formulate a response, he’s kissing me again, this time more insistently. His tongue makes its way into my half-parted lips. Our kisses are sloppy and passionate. He’s pressing his body against me as he kisses me. I can feel his breathing on my skin, I can taste the honey and coffee in his mouth.
He threads his fingers through my hair and pulls me away from him. “Are you sure about this?”
I swallow. “About what?” I say, my heart beating fast in my chest. “We’re just kissing.”
“Exactly,” Montgomery says from behind me. I’ve almost forgotten he’s there. The way that Cyrus was kissing me was almost enough to get me to forget anything. I’m about to tell him to get lost when he flashes me a wide smile. “So how about we do it, too?”
I blink. “We do what?”
Cyrus leans into me, whispering into my ear when he speaks. “He wants to kiss you, babe.”
I blink, my gaze darting toward him. “Should I do it?”
“If you want to,” he says, kissing my cheek. “He’s right. You need to live a little.”
I blink, my heart in my throat. I want to keep kissing Cyrus forever, but they’re both right. I need to live a little. I don’t think I’m ever going to get another opportunity like this ever again. Montgomery leans in so that he’s close to me, but he doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t get close enough to me to kiss me, but I could easily take him up on it if I wanted to.
I could kiss him now or tell him to get lost. I don’t know, maybe if I’m going to do this, it would be better if I just did with Cyrus.
Fuck it, he’s right. If I’m going to be celibate for the rest of my life, I might as well spend this time living a little. I definitely won’t get any opportunities for threesomes in seminary, so I close the space between us and kiss him softly on the lips. His mouth is softer than Cyrus’. He tastes sweet, like rum. The kiss is slow, close-mouthed. I think I might faint from how turned on I am, from the way I feel right now.