by Jeff Adams
Whenever he avoided workaholic mode, Austin’s charm came through, and he had so many of the qualities I wanted from a guy. Work though… If he lost himself there, it got difficult for me. I didn’t want to totally piss him off, but I didn’t know how much of that I could tolerate—or for that matter how much I should.
Of course this whole thing could be fleeting with the trade possibilities. I suppose it’s flattering that another team wanted me, but I loathed the idea of a move. I hadn’t heard anything new recently, and I was sure my agent was getting tired of me asking.
My current contract didn’t include trade protection and I had another season to play before I’d negotiate again. I’d planned to request it. But right now, I had no influence and if a trade got brokered, I’d be gone in the blink of an eye.
I hoped that the good year I was having made me valuable enough to keep. On the other hand, it could make me attractive to other teams. Everything had a price, and if a team offered someone the Arsenal wanted—and word was we wanted defensemen—I didn’t stand a chance.
The buzzer over the scoreboard sounded, and that was my signal to clear out. The Zamboni headed out onto the ice, and once the surface was ready, the team would hit the ice for regular warm-ups.
As I went to the locker room, David fell into step next to me. “Hey man, was about to come get you. You got a visitor. He knows you’ve only got a few minutes, but I told him I’d see if you could spare a couple.”
A visitor? Here? That didn’t happen often on the road, and I usually knew about it in advance.
“You guys must be having a helluva thing for Austin to show up here.”
“Seriously?”
He nodded. “Yeah.”
Well damn. “Can you please let Kennedy know where I am?”
“Sure thing.”
Austin turned as I clomped into the room. It was impossible to walk in skates and not sound like Big Foot was coming. His smile lit up the room, and he looked amazing in dark jeans, a Detroit T-shirt, and a sport coat. My heart flipped in my chest and my road trip funk evaporated.
“Oh, great, David found you. I cut it close. That’s the problem trying to be spontaneous. I know you’re here overnight, so I wanted to see if you’re free after the game.”
Austin came across the country for a date.
Impressive.
I grinned so big I thought my face might split.
“It’s so good to see you.” I stepped forward, and he pulled me into a tight hug. It felt weird with me taller than him because of the skates—usually he was a touch taller.
The embrace felt good, despite the gear that kept me from feeling too much of him.
“Oh good,” he said, relief obvious. “I worried this might be a bad choice.”
So freaking adorable. I’d never had a guy do something like this, and this gesture touched my very core, setting my heart aflutter. “What did you have in mind?”
“I was thinking… God, you may think this is super silly or weird or I don’t know… A Cirque show?” He spoke quickly, but I heard every awesome word.
“No way! Seriously?” He looked stricken, misreading my excitement. “That’s so cool. I was trying to get some of the guys to go to one tonight. I’d love to go—just us.” This time I gave him a bear hug.
“Yo, KP. It’s time,” Kennedy called from down the corridor.
“I gotta…” I gestured at the door
“Go. I’ll meet you back here after. What show should I get?”
“Your pick. Surprise me.”
“You got it.”
“Great.” I headed for the door but turned back before I got into the hall. “It’s really cool you’re here.”
I waved with my gloved hand, and he waved back, looking deliriously happy. I’m sure I looked the same.
I can’t believe he did that.
Another proof that non-working Austin was a good guy. Please don’t let me get traded, I silently prayed to the hockey gods. I wanted to see what this could be.
Sixteen
Austin
After the amazing show—holy crap, those people were flexible—we walked on The Strip.
“Thank you for that. I loved it. I haven’t been to a show in a long time.” Kyle sounded so happy. Pride swelled in me since I’d been able to cap off his winning day with a show he’d enjoyed.
“Why don’t you go to more?”
“This is lame. I honestly don’t think to do it. I don’t pay enough attention. Hell, Cirque comes to the arena, as do a lot of concerts. I usually find out about something once it’s sold out.”
“You couldn’t pull strings to get a ticket?”
“I probably could, but I don’t like doing that unless it’s for someone else.”
He gave so much. I’d seen that in just the short time I’d known him. He gave time to Hockey Allies and other charities. He gave time to his family. He worked with the team on community projects. Impressive didn’t begin to cover it.
“You do better than me. I find out after the event’s gone and I end up reading about it or someone in the office saw it. The only thing I can keep up with is hockey.”
“I used to go to concerts regularly during high school in the off-season. Bobby and I liked the same music and friends would come along too. We’d see which bands were coming and sort out what we could all afford.”
“What was your favorite?” As I asked, he moved us toward the Bellagio where the fountain show was in progress.
“Has to be Beyoncé. Saw her when I was sixteen. We’d all obsessed over ‘Single Ladies.’ When it was announced she’d play Auburn Hills, we were all over that.”
I remembered that song from the skating play list.
“What was your first?”
I shrugged “I didn’t go to my first concert until I was in my junior year of college. I had a friend in the jazz band, and she convinced me to come to her show. It was good, although not really my kind of music. I’m more of a pop guy like you.”
“Nice. Good to have similar music taste. Do you mind if we catch the next fountain show? It’s one of my favorite things here.”
I kept learning more about Kyle—small things, but so good to know. This trip was so the right thing to do.
“Sure. Lead on.” He took my hand and navigated us through the people. He kept us close so we could talk.
“Any standouts since then?”
“No. I had it in my head not to spend money on that. You have no idea how much I overcame with myself to buy season hockey tickets once I had the money for it.”
“We need to get you out more. It seems like there’s events missing—skating, concerts…”
We. I liked the sound of that. Could that happen?
“I’d never really considered that my life was lacking. There had to be things you missed playing as much hockey as you did.”
He stopped us as the crowd got denser closer to the fountains. “Of course. But I was playing the best game ever.” As usual, when he talked about the game, he got animated. “The only thing I’d change was how much I fixated on being away from home. Travel has never been something I liked. Especially long trips like this one. I know deep down it’s ridiculous, people travel all the time. I worry something will happen at home. I’ve got that under more control than when I was a teenager. I used to get so anxious…”
Kyle looked at the fountains as they continued dancing to the music.
“I’m being terrible.” He turned his focus to me. “You told me about how you grew up, and I’m going on about the most ridiculous stuff. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. We’ve all got our own stuff. I honestly think my childhood was okay. I knew people who were hungry or didn’t have adequate clothes. All in all, it could’ve been worse for me.”
He hugged me close, putting his arm around my shoulders. The touch sent shivers through me—and not the cold kind. If anything, I warmed up by a few degrees. “Is there a big thing that you want to do and haven’t?”
I instantly knew what the answer was, but could I share it? I didn’t think he’d laugh. I took the leap. “I’ve always wanted to go on a vacation where I could let go, be myself, and be around a bunch of other gay guys—like Provincetown during carnival or a gay cruise. I’ve never had the right people in my life to take that kind of trip with.”
Admitting that felt good, but at the same time, embarrassment overtook me. It must sound so weird to him after growing up with a gay brother and having a friend like G.
I was in over my head, and yet I calmed as his shining eyes remained locked on me.
“That sounds fun. I’ve never done anything like that either. I’ve been to Detroit Pride many times, and there’s an awesomeness about being inside a big crowd of people like you, and it’s always better when I’m there with just the right people.”
“Would it be crazy if… maybe… we went this summer?” Kyle’s eyes went wide as I stammered out the question. “Only if we’re still… you know… together and stuff. I get that when your summer starts varies on the playoffs and finals and there’s a lot of time for me to mess this up…”
The crowd began to dissipate as the show ended. We stayed rooted in place, making the crowd go around us.
“I could just as easily mess us up,” Kyle interjected. “You might get tired of me and my weird quirks around time, focus, and shit.”
“The change that needs to happen.”
The slightly furrowed brow that Kyle got when he thought appeared. I’d seen this a few times. At the same time that I found it sexy, I wanted to smooth it out. Tonight in particular, neither of us should be overthinking.
“Mom and Dad talked about punctuality all the time, and it’s stuck with me. I remember I had a fit because I didn’t want to go to somebody’s house when I was four, maybe five. It was a playdate and time for Mom to have coffee and hang out with one of her friends.” Kyle opened up more, and I took it all in eagerly. “When it became clear that we would be late, my mom called Miss Mary and I had to explain how sorry I was for making us late. After that, I was never one to be tardy to school and never was late to practice. If anything, I show up early. And anytime I’m going to be late, I get a message to whoever I’m meeting.”
A new crowd formed since the next show would soon start.
“Come on, over here, my favorite place to watch.” Kyle pointed to a light post.
He’d talked about that childhood moment so reverently—no wonder he gave me a hard time.
“We never had big lessons on manners.” I picked up the sharing. “The expectation was that I would behave. I certainly made sure to be punctual with them, my jobs, with school. With all they had me doing, I didn’t make close friends until college, and then they were all driven to succeed too. That’s why I’m so close to Tamara; we very much had the same views. I know it sounds like my parents were horrible, but the lessons they gave me about living within means and getting into a good job propelled me to where I am today. Seems like your parents did pretty good by you too.”
“For sure,” Kyle said as we got to where he wanted to stand. “We were certainly middle class. I never had the sense that we lacked, but I lived in my own bubble too. Put me on the ice and I was happy. Bobby and I were always close since there was just a little over a year between us. Mom and Dad loved each other so much.” His breath caught like he was reliving a memory. “If they had any issues, they didn’t put them in front of us. All I remember with them is love. I can only imagine what they would’ve been like as I got older. Mom’s great, but I think she still misses her other half.”
“Is it terrible that I think my parents are still together because it’s all that they really know? The past two or three years, even though I’ve made sure they’re comfortable, I have a feeling that they think it’s them against the world. I wish I could take that burden off them.”
Kyle drew me close as he leaned against the pole, and I nestled into him.
“Parents.” He raised his eyebrows. “Did they break us?” His tone was playful, but I wanted to be careful with my answer.
“Break us? Nah. Just need to modify some of the programming. What they taught us wasn’t bad, it just needs to be applied differently.”
Kyle grinned at me as the lights dimmed around the enormous fountain, signaling the show start. “I should’ve expected that kind of answer from a techie. I like it.”
He held my gaze even as the show started. Anticipation burst from my chest.
Was he going to kiss me?
He squeezed my hand a couple of times and then jerked his toward the fountain. “Check it out. It’s starting.”
Probably for the best, but damn, a kiss would’ve been incredible. What would he taste like? How did he kiss?
I wanted to know.
Seventeen
Kyle
We arrived back home with a road record of 1-1-1. That road performance exceeded our norm, and we wanted to bring that momentum into our next home game. We had a couple of days before that happened, so I settled back into the home routine.
The time with Austin in Vegas topped the highlight reel from the trip. After the fountain, we’d walked, occasionally wandered into hotels neither of us had been in to see if there was anything interesting, and, best of all, we’d talked a lot. We knew a ton more about each other, and I wanted to keep things going.
As I drove to Austin’s office, hoping to steal him for the afternoon, the music I played cut out with a phone call. I grinned at the name on the display.
“G! Good to hear from you, man. Where are you today?”
“Hey, K. I’m home but headed out this afternoon. I can tell I got you in the car. This a good time?”
Wow. He sounded far more serious than usual. “Yeah. Trying to hijack Austin to go teach hockey moves to some kids.”
“Oh, nice. Another date so soon after his drop-in move. That’s very cool.”
“So, what’s up? I can tell you’ve got something on your mind.”
“Just wanted to see how you are doing.”
“Okay, that’s random.”
“Oh man, you haven’t seen it.”
I gripped the steering wheel tighter, trying to steel myself for whatever he knew that I didn’t. “Tell me. I’m sure whatever it is I’d rather hear about it from you.”
“There’s a story on the trade rumors site about what’s expected within the next couple of weeks. And, well…”
Shit. The talk had seemed to die out recently, but that must’ve been the quiet before the storm.
“And they’re right more often than not.” I couldn’t hold back a sigh as dread formed a big, throbbing ball in the pit of my stomach. “That sucks so hard. I’m glad you told me though. If it’s out there, some of these kids may ask about it, and now I won’t be blindsided.”
“Have you talked to the coaches or management? Let them know you’re really committed to staying in Detroit.”
“My agent and I both have. And why the hell hasn’t Candace called? It’s her job to look out for stuff like this. Is it still sounding like Phoenix?”
“Yup. You and Helton to Phoenix in trade for Billington coming to Detroit.”
Banging on the steering wheel did not quell my aggravation. After the coaching session, I’d have to talk to Candace to get more info.
“I have to ask, are you prepared to leave? You and Mamma P have talked, right?”
“Yeah.” G and Bobby always checked on me with big stuff like this. “When I first found out the possibility, I let her know.”
“And she was good?” G’s voice betrayed that he knew the answer. Of course he did because he knew my family.
“Yeah.” I chuckled, remembering the talk Mom, Bobby, and I had over Thanksgiving. “And of course she said it’d all be fine.”
You’re the man in the house now had echoed through my head during that conversation. I didn’t know how to keep that up if I ended up across the country. Bobby and Sebastian weren’t going to mov
e to Detroit since their lives were in Chicago. Mom would have no family left here.
“You’re overthinking this right now. I can practically hear your brain whirring.” G never minced words. “Mamma P might kick my ass for telling you this, but she called me this morning to check on you because she saw the article. She’s worried about how you’d react. You know she’s surrounded by friends and loves her job. As far as I can see, she really loves her life.”
Nervousness crashed through me, making me shake. I hated this discussion. Moving let the family down. It didn’t matter that it had been nearly twenty years, people had told me I was in charge. Rationally, I knew I shouldn’t hang onto those words. It was only something that a child got told, and it didn’t mean a lifetime commitment.
Sometimes I was such a mess. Not completely unlike Austin and his fierce devotion to work. Maybe I needed to go back to the therapist for how to cope with this potential move.
“K? I lose you?”
“Sorry, I’m here. Just thinking how I need to stop being the eight-year-old who needs to make sure Mom is okay every second of the day.”
“There’s a lot of people who’d be on it if either of them needed help and you weren’t nearby.”
I pulled up in the parking lot of Austin’s office building and took one of the visitor spaces.
“I heard you pull the keys out so you’ve arrived and I should go. Call me if you need to talk, and keep me posted too, okay?”
“Thanks. Love ya, man. Talk later.”
I disconnected and hopped out of the car. It’d gotten colder. There was talk of snow overnight, and as the sky took on a more slate look, I didn’t doubt it.
Inside it only took me a moment to get past security and up to the second floor where Austin’s office was.