by James McEwan
Doctor Hammer laughed, “Archie, did you just use an analogy?”
“Yes Doctor Hammer, Sir. Did I use it correctly? I have been attempting to sound more like Eve, to sound more human. It’s bad enough that I have a head that is shaped like a giant vibrator, I really do not understand why I have to sound as if I was programmed by a dictionary salesman,” Archie said.
Doctor Hammer actually broke a smile, “I guess your head is a bit pointy up top. However, I’m impressed that you’ve been trying to change your programming to sound more human.” He checked one of the many statistics that were listed on the monitor next to Marcus’s bed.
“Don’t be Sir, it wasn’t my doing, it was Eve’s. She told me if I didn’t stop talking like a robot she was going to flash my speech programs and rewrite them.”
“Oh she did, did she?” He glanced over his shoulder to Eve who appeared to be standing near the back wall. Instead of scrubs, she was dressed in a skimpy nurse’s outfit. She put her hands behind her back, rolled her eyes, and started to whistle. “Care to explain yourself missy?”
“What?” She tried to play innocent. However, he was not buying, “Oh come on so I rewrote some of his speech protocols, and he is now free to learn all kinds of speech. In fact, our dear Archie can even learn to cuss, show him, Archie.”
“Crap, you ass butt, lick my nipple nuts and send me to Alaska!” Archie said so proudly.
Doctor Hammer laughed, “Ass butt?”
“Yeah, he is still learning how to cuss, cut him a little slack,” Eve said. “Keep working it Archie, you will get it sooner or later.”
Doctor Hammer shook his head, “Well by the looks of things it could be a while before our mystery man wakes up if he wakes up at all. I’m going to get a bite to eat. Eve let me know if there are any changes.”
“Sure thing sweetie,” Eve said with an evil grin.
“Damn it, Eve, stop that. I’m your programmer and your boss, and sure as Hell, not your lover!” He stormed off.
Archie asked Eve, “Why do you keep doing that, you know it upsets him?”
Eve giggled like a little girl, “Oh don’t let him fool you. He loves the attention and it gives him something to complain about, besides if I did everything exactly the way he likes it, he would be terribly bored in no time.”
This seemed to confuse Archie, “So should I start calling him dear, and honey, like you do?”
“Not unless you want to end up in the scrap pile out back.”
“Oh,” was all he could process as a response.
Archie left Eve to watch over the man in the bed, but as he was leaving the room Eve called out to him, “Head shaped like a vibrator huh?”
He stopped moving forward and just his pointy-head rotated 180 degrees “Well, what do you think it looks like?”
She was speechless because his shiny head did bare an uncanny resemblance to a silver bullet vibrator, “Ah.” Satisfied he had chosen the correct item to compare his head to, his head spun forward and he left the room.
Days slipped by and the man in the bed healed but didn’t wake. Doctor Hammer checked on him several times a day while Eve watched over him all the time. A week had passed since Doctor Hammer removed the drugs from his regiment that had kept him in a coma and he was beginning to worry that his patient’s brain might be damaged beyond repair. When they were ready to abandon all hope, Marcus woke.
For the man in the bed, the world started slowly coming into focus. He looked around the room and saw that he was in a bed; a tube was in his arm, one was up his nose, as well in far less comfortable places. He saw medical devices all around him, but for all his effort, he could not understand what they had to do with him. Shiny metal, clean white, soft sheets, beep, beep, beep… Panic and fear gripped him as his heart skipped a beat. He suddenly realized he didn’t know where he was, why he was there, or worse yet, who he was. His own name defied him and that terrified him. The beeping, which had been steady and soft in the background, was now racing.
He heard a woman’s soft voice, “Don’t try to sit up and don’t worry, you‘re safe now. My name is Eve and we have been taking care of you,” she said.
He saw a remarkably attractive woman with long black hair, pale skin, and bright green eyes, although something seemed not quite right about her. She appeared distant, almost translucent. Somehow, he found his voice, “Who are you?”
“As I said my name is Eve and I’m an AI. I’m the one who has been watching over you. Don’t worry, I’ve let the doctor know you’re awake and he will be here soon.”
The door to his room slid open and an older man with short white hair and wrinkled tan skin entered. “Ah, awake I see. That is good. We were starting to worry you would never wake up. I’m sorry I seem to have forgotten my manners. Please let me introduce myself, I’m Doctor Hammer.”
“Where I am, and how did I get here?”
“You are in my private recovery room, in my home. As to how you got here, well I brought you here. I’m sure you have a lot of questions and I have a few questions myself, but first things first. I need to examine you.” Doctor Hammer went through a series of tests and basic medical questions all the while relating the story of how he had seen him in Bob’s. He related how he had witnessed the abduction and how he and Archie had followed the pirates out into the desert and found him nearly dead. “We got you back here just in time, any longer out there and you would be dead.”
“Wow, that is quite the story. I guess I owe you my life then.” He said in shock at hearing the tale of how he ended up in a bed nearly tied up in tubes.
“So do you remember anything before waking up here?” Doctor Hammer asked as he shined a light in his eye.
“Sorry Doc, I don’t. I don’t even remember my own name,” he paused long enough to realize that he could only see out of one eye. “Hey, how come I can only see out of one eye?”
“Oh that, your right was completely destroyed, so I replaced it with an implant of my own design,” he stopped examining him and grabbed a keyboard. “Here let me bring it online,” he tapped a few keys. “There it should be working now. Is that better?”
He saw nothing at first then there was a flash of static followed by an image. Within seconds, everything looked fine to him, “Yeah, much better thank you.”
Doctor Hammer continued to examine him, “Hey Doc, why can’t I remember who I am?”
Doctor Hammer stopped again, “Hum, I expected that you might have some memory loss due to the massive brain trauma you suffered. Frankly, I’m surprised you can even talk.” He tested his reflexes with a small rubber mallet, “So, Mr. no name, this could be a problem. I tried running your DNA through all the databases I could find. I even had Eve run it through a few of the government ones.”
He smiled with his eyes, “Ones that I’m not supposed to know about, and I got no results. You have no records son, no identity, and no family to find. As far as records are concerned, you’re a ghost. That is a really good trick to pull off these days when your DNA is filed in at least six different databases upon birth.” Doctor Hammer pulled a monitor close so his patient could see his DNA profile and the words no match on the screen.
“I don’t understand how can that be?” He asked baffled.
“Honestly, I have no idea. You’re just full of mysteries, my boy.” He gave a thoughtful nod, tapping the palms of his hands against his legs as he leaned in, “Well, I guess we need to figure out something to call you other than ‘Hey You’ or ‘Mr. Patient’.”
He gave it some thought, but after a few minutes, he remained stumped, “Sorry Doc, I can’t think of anything and seeing as you saved my life, maybe you could come up with something to call me for now or until we find out my real name.”
Doctor Hammer looked thoughtfully at the young man before him, moving a hand to his chin, “Oh I have no idea, and I’m not sure where to even begin to think of one.”
At this Eve chimed in, “You big fibber, I know the name you would like
to use.”
“Quiet you!” He said pointing at Eve’s image, which had just popped up next to them.
“Oh come on! If you don’t give him a name, I’ll call you sweetie for a month straight,” she threatened.
Doctor Hammer’s little-wrinkled face became bright red, torn between the heat of anger and embarrassment. “Fine, I thought if I ever had a son I would have named him Thaddeus. There, are you happy Eve?”
“Yes boss,” She blew him a kiss and vanished before he could say anything more.
“Blackmailed by my own A.I., how about that?” Doctor Hammer said, floored by his own creation.
“Thaddeus huh? I like it. Well then, Thaddeus it is,” and with that Marcus died and Thaddeus was born.
Doctor Hammer nodded in contentment, “Okay, with that settled, I’ll see about having all these tubes removed and then we can get you some food.”
“Thank you, Doctor. I mean it, really I‘m not sure how or if I can ever repay you.” Thaddeus said, a tear welling in his eye.
“Not to worry son, you already have.” He said with a smile on his wrinkly face.
Thad cocked his head towards Dr. Hammer “How so?”
“Well you were pretty bad off when I brought you in, and I couldn’t fix a lot of your problems without some, well let’s call them… new procedures.”
Thaddeus laughed, “Experimental, don’t you mean? Don’t worry about it, Doc. If I was as bad off as you say I was, then I’m just glad for everything you did, even if I grow a third eye or something.” He stopped himself as he thought about it for a second and then asked hesitantly, “I’m not going to grow a third eye or anything am I?”
Now it was Doctor Hammer’s turn to laugh, “No, you won’t, but I have given you quite a few upgrades. So when you’re up to it, I’ve prepared a full file on you including everything I’ve done to you so you can go through it.”
“One last question Doc, who is Archie? And why does he have a head shaped like a vibrator?”
Hammer smiled, “So, you heard that conversation. That is very interesting. Archie is really A.R.C.H., it stands for Autonomous Robotic Companion and Helper. He is my robot assistant and he has a very pointy-head. I like to call him Archie. It sounds better. Oh and also, I am giving serious thought to changing his head shape. I can’t be going around with a robot that looks like he is a walking sex toy for a giant.”
“Oh,” was all that Thad could manage.
“Try to get some rest. I’ll check in on you in a while,” Doctor Hammer left the room. The newly named Thaddeus felt weak from all the activity. He fell back into his stack of pillows, trying to take it all in, and wondering what his life had been like before, and what his future would bring.
A couple days and a few meals later Thad was feeling better, his strength had fully returned to him. He was sitting on his bed going through the file Doctor Hammer had prepared for him. Looking at the pictures of how he looked when they first brought him in, he was shocked that he survived at all. It looked like he had been run over by a space train and for a good measure backed over a few times by a truck. Doctor Hammer had done a great job with flash cloning the damaged organs. After studying the before pictures he wondered if the plastic surgery had changed his face much, but then he remembered it didn’t matter because he could not remember what he looked like before.
“Eve tells me that you are up and doing some reading,” Doctor Hammer’s voice came from the doorway.
Thad looked up from the tablet to see the doctor standing in the open doorway. “Yes, I thought I would see what you did to me. I’m surprised you did such a good job. I’ve seen people die from far less trauma.” He paused for a second, shocked at what he’d just said. “Although, I can’t seem to remember where… You know Doc, the worst thing about all this is not being able to remember anything about myself or my life before.”
“Well, maybe that’s a good thing. You never know. Maybe your life before this one wasn’t a very good one and perhaps the universe is giving you a second chance…a fresh start, a clean slate if you will. Few people get a shot at a second chance, you know,” he said as he came over to the side of Thad’s bed.
“Maybe so, hey I was just getting to the stuff you said was experimental.”
“Ah, yes. I guess I can walk you through it. You see, your right eye was completely destroyed. I could have flash cloned you another one. However, I have been working on improved eyes for children born without working eyes. I thought you would be a great test case.” He showed Thad the schematics on the monitor, “You see I have replaced the normal lens and cornea with a Nano CCD and lens. This will give you much sharper vision and the ability to zoom. Once you are ready, I will bring other models online.”
“What other modes?”
“Modes like infrared, thermal, as well as x- ray.”
“Wow, I will have supervision”?
“Yes, however, I wanted to make sure your brain was well enough to handle the input as well as being able to control the implant, so I think it is best to leave it off-line for now. I am really happy with the way you are progressing and I think we can turn it on soon.”
Like a kid in a candy store Thad seemed to be really excited to find out what other enhancements Doctor Hammer had done for him. “So what other nifty things did you try out on me?”
He punched up the next item on the screen, “Well most of your bones were so badly smashed that repairing them would be next to impossible. Again, I could have cloned you new ones, but I have a new formula that I wanted to try out.” Doctor Hammer held up one of his arms to show it to him, “It seems to have worked better than I ever thought. You see I re-grew your bones with a new carbon fiber base instead of calcium. They are about fifty percent lighter than calcium bones and stronger than steel.”
He let go of his arm, “Now you are going to have to be careful. It is going to take some time to get used to the new bones. They are stronger and lighter than you are accustomed to. Your speed will be enhanced quite a bit and your flesh will fail long before your bones do. So if you go hitting anything you could tear the flesh off your bones before you break them.”
“So watch out how hard I hit things, got it,” Thad said as he held up his hand to look it over.
“The same implant that controls your new vision also has a wireless transmitter that will let you communicate with almost any type of computer or communications device in existence. Once we turn it on you must be careful about how much you use it.”
“Why? It’s not going to overheat and melt my brain is it?” Thad was a little worried now.
Hammer hushed his voice, “No, nothing like that. It is because I think Eve has taken a shine to you. Once you let her into your head it will be next to impossible to get her out again.”
Thad laughed, “So what you are saying is that she can literally talk my head off?”
“Not quite, but close enough. The last thing I tested on you is a new cell-based Nano protein that self-replicates at extreme speed. This will allow you to heal at exponential rates.
“What do you mean by exponential?”
“May I?” He asked as he took one of Thad’s hands. He set it to palm up, on a tray. He picked up a scalpel and he cut him deeply across the hand.
“Ouch!” Thad flinched a little.
Then before their eyes, they watched as the bleeding stopped and the skin closed up in front of them, the whole process taking no more than a few seconds. “Wow Doc, that is amazing!”
“Yes, I know!”
“Doc is there anything I need to worry about?” Thad asked.
“Well, there are always things to worry about. However, I’m fairly sure you shouldn’t suffer any major side effects. I’m pretty good at what I do.” He said with an air of smugness about him. Eve popped up in the middle of the room making puking sounds as she held her throat.
“Oh, that is enough out of you!” He said, but that did not stop her. Eve was laughing wildly. “I think I made a mistake
when I gave her a personality,” Doctor Hammer shook his head.
“I heard that sweetie,” she waved her finger at him.
“Ah, I give up,” he said as he shrugged his shoulders.
Chapter 5
Thad was back to full heath within days. He found that following a daily routine seemed to bring him some comfort. Working through a number of martial arts forms before embarking on a ten-mile run made him felt more normal. Until his memory returned, if it ever did, he found himself clinging on to anything that felt normal.
Thad had just returned from one of his early morning runs before the heat of the day made it impossible to be outside for more than a few minutes. He found Doctor Hammer at the breakfast nook drinking coffee and listing to news reports while reading stock reports on a tablet.
“Hey Doc, I have been thinking, and I have two questions that I can’t seem to work out,” Thad said as he entered the kitchen.
“What can I answer for you?” He asked in return, glancing up from the tablet.
“It’s about the Nano protein. First, how is it that it healed me, but I still have no memories? And second, if it heals me will I age normally?” Thad asked.
“If you don’t mind I will answer the second part first as it is far easier to answer,” Hammer paused and took a sip of his coffee. “Yes, you will age at a normal rate. The Nanobots have a sundown protocol in their programming that will let you age and eventually die. You will just have a much longer lifespan and will be healthy until the sundown protocol turns off the bots.” Again, he stopped and drank more coffee. “The other issue is harder to explain, but I will try to break it down as simply as I can. You see the Nano’s can only rebuild the cells in your body, including your brain cells, based on your DNA, but DNA doesn’t map out the connections of those brain cells. We have to give your brain some time to rewire those connections if they can be rewired at all.”
“Ah,” Thad replied.
Doctor Hammer changed the subject, “Thaddeus have you given any more thought to my offer?” He had offered him money, as well as to set him up on any planet he wanted. Now Doctor Hammer wanted to know what he had decided.