“But you didn’t.”
She shook her head, her gaze distant. I could practically read the what-ifs running through her head.
“Don’t,” I said sternly, my eyes darting between her gold-flecked ones. “If yesterday was anyone’s fault, it’s mine. I practically forced you to go out with me.”
“No,” she said vehemently. “I didn’t mean it like that. Everything you did for us was p-perfect . . .” Her chin wobbled. “I’m the one who should’ve realized.”
“Georgina, look at me.” She instantly turned her gaze to me the way she had at my demand the night before. She’d needed to know I was there with her then, and I’d make damn sure she knew it now. I wasn’t going to abandon her when things got tough. “Bruno had fun. What was the point of saving his life if he can’t enjoy it? Because you did save him. You are, and always have been, Bruno’s hero.”
She swallowed in a way that looked painful. “I keep picturing him lying on a cold metal slab, possibly fighting for his life back there. We don’t know what . . . or if he’s even going to . . .”
I took her chin in my thumb and forefinger. “Are you ready to give up on him?”
“No,” she choked out.
“Then I demand that you stop thinking of the worst-case scenarios. It isn’t helping anything.”
“Demand?” she asked.
“And I request that you stop trying to be strong and let me take over for a few minutes.”
After a few silent seconds, she nodded, whispering, “Sebastian.”
“It’s okay. Let it out.” I thumbed the corner of her mouth. “Nobody’s looking.”
“You’re looking.”
“I don’t count. Not only have I seen you cry, but I’ve been the cause of it.” I fucking hated that. I wished I could do that whole morning over again. It was the only thing I’d change about our time together so far. I moved to the seat next to hers and pulled her into my arms, against my chest.
Her entire body shook as she inhaled a breath and exhaled a sob. And then another. “I miss him.”
“He’s not going anywhere.” I squeezed her even more tightly, my mouth pressed into her hair. “It’s all right. I’m here.”
Eventually, she lifted her head, touching my collar. “I’m ruining your suit.”
“It was too clean anyway,” I said.
“Did you come from the office?”
“Yeah.”
“Why were you there so late?”
“Screwing around.” I cleared my throat. “Working on my résumé.”
She glanced up at me, her brows drawn. “Vance said he wasn’t planning to replace you. You don’t believe him?”
“Would you?” I shrugged. “I figure it’s good to have it on hand anyway.”
“That doesn’t sound like screwing around.”
“Once I started researching résumés, I went down a virtual black hole and ended up on Google Earth looking up my mom’s house.”
She inhaled sharply, shifting in my arms to see me better. That gasp meant more to me than she knew. She realized the magnitude of such a seemingly small thing. “How come?”
“The possibility of losing my job has spurred me into action.” I paused, tucking some of her hair behind her ear. “Ever since you came along, I’ve been thinking more about the future.”
Was her heart hammering or mine? I read the fear in her eyes, but it didn’t scare me.
“How’d the house look?” she asked.
“I stared at it for about five seconds, trying to convince myself it wasn’t that scary. That I could go back, fix it up, and finally sell it.” The rundown neighborhood I’d grown up in was gentrifying. I’d been torn between a vivid image of a new family putting down roots, making memories and height charts—and my mom’s cold, dim final days. The faded memories of Libby and me fighting over the TV clicker while the aroma of tamales filled the house. Of my visits as an adult when I’d updated the television set, installed a bookshelf in the living room, or replaced her fifteen-year-old mattress with a Tempur-Pedic. “I closed the tab. I can’t do it. Not yet.”
Her limbs loosened. Maybe she’d thought I’d want to go back to Boston, and that was the fear I’d seen. If she didn’t want me to go, then she still had hope for us.
I did. And I wanted to show it to her. Despite her tear-streaked cheeks, she was beautiful. With her mouth inches from mine, I could ease her pain with a kiss. Forget my troubles. Erase the strenuous hours since we’d woken up together. Would that be taking emotional advantage of her?
The last thing I wanted was to be compared to her prick of an ex-boyfriend again.
“You could’ve called me, you know,” I said quietly.
She shuddered. “Even after this morning?”
I picked up the blanket, wrapped it around her shoulders, and held her to my chest. “Even after the last couple months, Georgina. Including this morning, yes.”
“I almost did when I couldn’t reach anyone else.”
I set my jaw. I didn’t want to come after anyone else, least of all everyone else. I wanted to be her first call when Bruno had a seizure. When she was facing the rare thing she couldn’t do on her own. When she got a job offer she was excited about. I was tired of being someone, of walking into a room and adapting to my surroundings the way I’d moved to New York and adopted a persona. I wanted to be the one, a man my mom and Georgina could not only be proud of, but could count on. I didn’t know how to say all that to her when she had enough on her plate, so I just rubbed her arm, hoping to warm her.
Luciano returned with a drink carrier, and Georgina’s eyes had almost dried when a woman in a white lab coat pushed through the metal doors to make her way toward us.
Georgina jumped to her feet. “Dr. Rimmel.”
“How you holding up, Georgina?” She held a clipboard to her side as she shook hands with Luciano and me. “Dr. Rimmel, nice to meet you. You guys caught me right before I left for the night.”
“Thank you for staying.” Georgina’s voice was clear, but she was shaking, drowning in my blazer. My back muscles had tautened with the arrival of the vet, but I did my best to appear calm. I slipped my hand into Georgina’s. “Come sit,” I said, tugging her back.
She returned to her seat. “How is he?”
Dr. Rimmel hugged the clipboard. “Bruno’s doing great.”
Luciano blew out a sigh of relief and fell back in his seat. “Thank god.”
Georgina had gone pale. “Are you sure?” she asked. “Is there a ‘but’?”
“No ‘but.’ Based on your excellent and detailed reporting, we believe he suffered an episode of what we call ‘syncope.’ In other words, he fainted.” She flipped through her notes. “We did a work up and an ECG, and his health is about on par with his last visit. I feel comfortable releasing him to you.”
Georgina sobbed and covered her mouth. “He’s going to be okay?”
“He is,” Dr. Rimmel said.
I rubbed her back but leaned forward to address the doctor. “Why’d this happen?”
“We’re not sure, but it sounds scarier than it is. For now, Georgina and I will continue to monitor the situation. As she knows, Bruno’s prone to crises due to his heart disease, but so far he’s been pretty lucky.”
“Does this mean things are getting worse?” Georgina asked. “Is there any . . . permanent damage?”
“No, but we can review the procedure for crises if you like.”
“Should you run more tests?” I asked.
“Let’s just keep an eye on things. It could’ve been a one-time occurrence, so trying to treat it could be invasive and cause more distress than necessary. If it happens again, we’ll look at adjusting the dosage of his meds and some other options.”
“Was there anything I could’ve done differently?” Georgina asked. “Anything at all?”
“Nope,” Dr. Rimmel said. “You reacted swiftly with awareness and clarity. At least it appears that way to me. Bruno’s in great shape and
going crazy back there. You ready to see him?”
Georgina pinched the inside corners of her eyes and shook her head. I had a feeling she’d prepared herself for all possible scenarios—except good news. “What if I hadn’t been there?” she asked.
“At worst, he could’ve hit his head or fallen in a dangerous area,” the doctor answered. “But odds are he would’ve been okay.”
“If I know Georgina, she’s beating herself up because she left him home alone for a few hours,” Luciano said. “Please tell her that’s allowed.”
“It’s not my job to tell her what is or isn’t allowed,” Dr. Rimmel said. “But what I can objectively say is that Ms. Keller is one of the best dog owners I’ve encountered in my career.”
I squeezed her hand as she said, “Thank you, Doctor.”
Dr. Rimmel nodded. “I’ll go get Bruno. Then we can review what to do if this happens again and some small changes you can make to Bruno-proof your apartment.”
She tensed, but before I could ask if she was okay, Luciano stood. “I’ll stay for the demonstration too since I dogsit,” he said, narrowing his eyes across the room. “Right after I give the cutie at the front desk my number.”
Once we were alone, Georgina took her hand back. I flexed mine to keep from reaching for her, not ready to let go yet.
“I’m sorry if my palms are clammy,” she said. “And if I look scary.”
I moved her hair behind her shoulder. After having unfettered access to her just the night before, it wasn’t easy keeping my hands to myself. Likewise, it was hard to resist leaning in to kiss her when I’d had my mouth all over her so recently. “You look like a girl who loves her dog.”
She shivered, from the cold or from my touch, I wasn’t sure. “You don’t have to stay,” she said. “I’ll probably make the vet go over it with me at least three times.”
“I’m staying. I’ve got a Ruff Ride on standby, and I’m making sure you and Bruno get home in one piece.”
“Sebastian—”
Bruno burst through the door with a technician in tow. She released his leash, and he nearly knocked Georgina over with the force of his excitement. Seeing her laugh relieved some of the tension in my neck.
I squatted to get eye to eye with Bruno. “Handsome as ever,” I said, scrubbing his head. “Opal will be so impressed.”
“Opal?” Georgina asked.
“I talked with the shelter today,” I said, glancing up at her. “I’m going to stop by after work tomorrow to start the paperwork.”
She started to smile and then stopped herself. Why? Did she still have doubts about whether I’d be a responsible pet owner?
“She’s a lucky girl.” Georgina backed away slowly. “Can you watch Bruno while I pay?”
“Of course.”
While she was at the counter, I scratched Bruno’s chest. “You gave us a good scare, you brute,” I said. “Your mom was pretty upset. And me too. I was just getting to know you.”
Bruno whined and put his paw on my knee.
I glanced back at reception and Georgina was staring at us, pen in hand, as if she’d turned to stone in the middle of paperwork. Maybe filling it out was too much, and she needed my help. This was what life was about—showing up for the people you cared about when things weren’t pretty.
Because fuck, I didn’t know when it’d happened or how, but I did care about her.
Maybe even more than that.
When she’d resumed the paperwork, I walked Bruno across the street to a patch of grass, assuming he hadn’t been out lately. Once he’d relieved himself, we started back and found Georgina out front, watching us from the curb.
“You all right?” I asked her, crossing the street to stand in front of her.
Her hand rested over her heart. With a thick voice, she said, “I love the way you are with him.”
Relief filtered through me, and I loosened the grip I’d had on Bruno’s leash. Maybe I was reading into it, but it almost seemed like her way of saying she loved me. Or could love me. Whatever had transpired over the last twenty-four hours, she hadn’t given up on us.
“Earlier, I said you could’ve called me for help,” I said. “What I meant was that I wish you’d called me, Georgina. I want to be there for you—both of you.”
She pulled my blazer closed around her. I should’ve brought her a damn sweatshirt instead of a useless bunch of roses. “You were right this afternoon,” she said. “By trying not to fall into old patterns, I overcorrected and pushed you away.”
“I know, but I’m not going anywhere. See?” Behind her, the hospital’s neon sign buzzed. The automatic doors opened for a woman in scrubs. “I’m here.”
“I can’t tell you what that means to me.”
“Don’t tell me,” I murmured. On the curb, in her heels, she was tall enough that I wouldn’t have to bend to kiss her. Did I have to wait any longer? “Show me.”
She glanced at the ground. “Who would’ve thought, all those weeks ago, that you and I would be standing here?”
“Not me, but if I weren’t here, I’d either be at the office, home by myself, or enduring some insufferable club with Justin.” I reached out, took her hand, and kissed her palm. “That’s an elaborate way of saying, bad circumstances aside, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”
She threw her arms around my neck and buried her face in my collar. “Me neither.”
“So let me take you home and wake up with you tomorrow.” I rubbed her back, unfazed by her sobs. If I’d had an exhausting day, I couldn’t imagine how hers must’ve been. “After such a short time, your apartment feels more like a home to me than my own,” I whispered to her. “What does that say?”
She pulled back, keeping her palms on my chest as if she might pull me in for a kiss at any moment. “Sebastian—”
“Don’t fight me anymore. Don’t tell me all the reasons you think we can’t make this work.”
She shook her head. “I’m out of reasons. I want you. You, me, Bruno and Opal—I want that so much. I see it. But not in my apartment.”
“Where then?” I asked, thumbing away a tear as it slid over her cheek. I wasn’t fool enough to deny her anything.
“My boss called me earlier tonight about a promotion.” She sniffled, her eyes sparkling with tears. “I’d be really good at it, Sebastian. We’re opening a new branch, and I’d get to run it. Choose clients, build a team, call the shots. It encompasses all the things I love about my job now, but it’s a step up and it’s more.”
After the angry, not to mention false, things I’d said that morning, there was only one response to that. “Sounds like a no-brainer. If it excites you, accept the promotion. You’ll kill it.”
Her eyes drifted to the knot of my tie. “It’s not in New York.”
Fuck. She was leaving?
Not just the job, but the state?
I sucked in a breath. I’d readied myself to support her no matter what. I’d steeled myself to combat any excuse she might give me for us not to work.
Except this one.
I should’ve been grateful she wasn’t fighting us anymore but leaving New York was a whole other issue. “All right,” I said cautiously, and prefaced my next question with, “I’m just asking this so I understand, not to challenge you . . .”
She nodded. “Okay.”
“The options are either stay in your current job or accept the promotion and leave?”
Her throat constricted as she swallowed. “Correct.”
I could go with her. The thought came unbidden and wasn’t as scary as it should’ve been. Maybe not right away, but eventually, I could leave. What was stopping me? A job that hadn’t challenged me in over a year? A boss that no longer wanted me there? A city I wasn’t sure I identified with any longer?
I failed to suppress a smile, surprisingly intrigued by the idea. “I’m not opposed to doing long-distance for a while. Where is it?”
She wasn’t smiling. “Boston.”
I stared at her as the blood drained from my face. Boston was all at once mine, and nothing to me at all. I didn’t want it anymore, but I could never extract it from myself.
“Boston?” I repeated. “But I . . . I can’t go there.”
She bit her bottom lip and didn’t respond, because there was only one way to answer. She already knew that. She knew I was done with Boston.
Tears glossed her eyes. I’d been wrong about her pulling me closer. Her palms on my chest stayed me, putting distance between us. “Sebastian, I—”
I took her wrists and pulled her hands off. “So that’s why you want this job,” I said. “Because you know I won’t follow you there.”
“Of course not,” she said, shaking her head vigorously. “I had absolutely no say in the location.”
“Maybe it’s subconscious, but this is just another form of pushing me away. Of letting your fear win.” Neal must’ve really done a number on her. I’d been willing to pick up the pieces to ensure she never felt as small with me as she had with him, but how could I when she clearly didn’t want to even let me try? I took a step back. “I was willing to make this work no matter what, but I guess I should’ve suspected you’d find a way out.”
“I thought I made myself clear this morning,” she said firmly. “This isn’t about you, Sebastian.”
“Bullshit it’s not.” Anger flared in me. She knew. She knew I wasn’t ready, and might not ever be, to face my past in Boston. I was barely able to look at it on the Internet. “You’re running, and I can’t ask you to stay without sounding like a jerk. It’s easier to leave and blame it on an opportunity than put yourself out there again.”
“That’s not true.” She crossed her arms and then her ankles, warding off the cold.
I would’ve taken her inside to have this out, but I could barely stand to stay a moment longer. “I’ve never even heard you mention leaving. And I thought you were happy in the position you’re in now.”
“I thought so too,” she said. “But a lot has changed in the last couple months. In the last week, even. I want to be with you, Sebastian, but I need to try this. If I don’t, I’ll resent myself. And you.”
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