by Stacy Eaton
I frowned. “I don’t know.”
“Because deep down inside, you knew someone was staring at you. It’s instinct, and while you might be working, your other senses are keeping tabs on what’s around you.”
I frowned deeper as I turned to stare at him. “Do you make this shit up as you go?”
He began to chuckle, and Devon wiggled again. “No, I’m not making this stuff up. It’s what makes me good at my job.”
“Yeah, if you say so. What makes me good at my job is being able to focus on it and get it done.”
“Then get to work.”
“You can probably lay him down in his bed now.”
“You think he’ll let me?”
“Try it.”
He slowly got up, and I watched the muscles in his back shift as he stood and moved toward the bassinet. As he bent over, I got a good view of his backside and noticed a long scar that disappeared into the waistband of his jeans. Had he been injured overseas?
Devon grunted a little bit, but otherwise remained asleep, and Trevor stretched his shoulders and back. I found myself biting my bottom lip and dragged my eyes off his body and back to my computer screen.
“Why don’t you go lay down, and I’ll keep an eye on him while I work.”
“You sure?” he asked.
“Yeah, that’s why I’m here, right? To let you get some sleep.”
He approached the couch, snagging his shirt from the armrest. “Thank you, Davina. I really do appreciate it.”
“Go, before I change my mind,” I said without looking at him. My fingers were running aimlessly over the keyboard as if I were typing something meaningful. I was typing; I was typing exactly what I was saying to him, not code, but I wanted him to think that I was working, and he wasn’t affecting me.
“Can you give me a few hours?”
“Yep,” I replied.
“Thanks again,” he said and then passed by me and headed to a small hallway. I let my eyes flip to his backside again and watched him disappear into a door in the hallway. A few moments later, I heard the water running and figured he was taking advantage of his time to take a shower. My mind exploded with images of that chest and back wet with soap bubbles slipping slowly south.
“Oh, geez, I need to get laid,” I muttered to myself and then shut out all thoughts of Trevor as I deleted the gibberish I’d been writing and got back to work.
In the back of my mind, I was aware of Trevor finishing his shower and moving around in the other room, but I was on a roll on what I was doing and able to block thoughts of him out of my mind. I sipped from my coffee mug, and after a while, the apartment grew very quiet.
I was letting something run on my laptop and glanced around the living area of the apartment for the first time since I’d arrived. The furniture was dark brown, and the walls were covered with pictures. I set my laptop to the side and got up to investigate a few of them.
Most of them were of men, and a few women, dressed in military gear. There were a few sunsets over vast landscapes, but most were of people, except one over to the side. I went to stand in front of it. Carol would have loved it. It was of a lightning bolt streaking down from the sky in the middle of nowhere. I shivered and turned away from it and went back to the other photos. Trevor was in almost every single one of them, and I found myself studying him in each one. He had a handsome smile, and with his dark sunglasses on, he looked tough and unapproachable.
The image of him lying on the couch with Devon on his chest came to mind, and I realized that even the toughest of men could look different when they held a child. If nothing else, Trevor Vaughn would keep Devon safe.
I sighed and went back to my laptop, lying back and kicking my feet out on the cushions after removing my shoes. My gaze strayed to the storm picture, and I gnawed on my bottom lip. I suddenly remembered that yesterday we’d had wild storms, the kind that Carol had loved. Was it odd that it had been storming like crazy when I took Devon to his father? I shook my head, dismissing the thought, and got back to work.
It was a while later when Devon began to fidget, and I realized it had been almost four hours since he last ate. He must have been worn out from all the crying.
I went into the kitchen and found a clean bottle, preparing one for him. My gaze latched on to the note that Carol had written to Trevor, and I found the envelope still sealed. He hadn’t even read it. Why? Did he not want to hear what she had to say, or did he forget about it?
I glanced at my watch, seeing it was almost five-thirty in the morning. It was going to be a long day, but I needed to keep working. I was almost done and should have it finished in another hour or two. I decided to make coffee and fished around in the cabinets until I found his filters and coffee. I had just put it on when Devon began to cry softly, and I collected the bottle and him and went back to the couch while the coffee brewed.
“Hey there, little boy,” I cooed to him as I gave him the bottle. “You slept well. I wish you had slept that well at my house.” He hurriedly sucked the bottle down, and I put him on my shoulder to burp him. It didn’t take long, and before I knew it, he was asleep again.
I put him back into his bed, poured myself a cup of coffee after finding powdered creamer in a cupboard, then sat back down to finish my work. It was another two hours, and I was almost done when I heard a noise behind me and turned back to see Trevor coming out of his room. He was wearing track pants and pulling a t-shirt over his head.
“Is he still sleeping?” he asked softly, and his husky morning voice did funny things to my stomach.
I took a sip of coffee. “He is now. He woke up a couple of hours ago to eat, but he went right back to sleep.”
He glanced at his watch. “I can’t believe I slept for six hours. Been a while since I was able to do that.”
He stood over Devon for a moment and then turned and went into the kitchen. “You made coffee.”
“Yeah, I needed a boost.”
He chuckled, and I found myself mesmerized by his sleepy smile. You need to hate him, not fall for him, Vina, I reminded myself. He’s the reason Carol is dead.
Chapter Seven
Trevor
I stood under the shower spray for a few moments thinking about Davina’s whiskey-colored eyes. She had totally been checking me out, and when she hadn’t known I was watching her, I had done the same.
Her features were soft, not striking, but still pleasant. Her eyes were large and round, and her skin had a darker tone to it, not quite olive, but a browner tone than most. She gnawed on her bottom lip while she concentrated, and her nose was rounded at the end. She was pretty, not the model kind of pretty, but in a more wholesome way. A down-to-earth way, and I liked that probably more than I should have.
Her oversized sweater, baggy jeans, and messy hair shouldn’t have intrigued me either, but they did. I wasn’t sure why, and maybe that is what bothered me more than anything else.
As I climbed in bed, I stared at the ceiling for a moment. I was a father. I had no clue what to do with the child, or what would happen to my life now. I was well aware that life could change in a second on any given day. I hadn’t expected that yesterday was going to be the day that everything I knew would be turned upside down.
How was I going to keep doing my job and raise a kid? Would I be able to find adequate childcare for him? What about someone to watch him while I went away on assignment? My parents were too old to ask for help. Hell, they had both been in their forties when I was born, a surprise to them both. Now they were in their eighties and living in a retirement community down south. There was no way they could help me.
With no siblings, I had no one to turn to. Alex was busy with his own life and his future baby, so I couldn’t ask him for help. I had a few other friends, but none that I felt I could go to for assistance of this type. What was I going to do? Hire a nanny? What about Davina? Would she be willing to assist me? She had come over tonight to help, but would she want to continue?
I
rolled to my side and closed my eyes, needing to take advantage of the quiet for a little while to get some rest. When I next opened my eyes, I was in the same position, and I glanced at my watch to see I’d been asleep almost six hours. I couldn’t remember the last time I had gotten that much sleep straight. Probably a month or so. When I was working overseas, we slept in four-hour blocks so that we could relieve the other people on watch. I was used to that, but after everything that had happened, my body had needed a couple more hours of recovery.
I found Davina right where I’d last seen her, busy at her laptop, and I took a moment to check on Devon. My concerns from last night rolled through me, and I again wondered what I was going to do. Would it be smarter to call the adoption agency and turn him over to them? They could place him with parents that wanted to take care of a child, who were able to take care of a child.
I just didn’t know what I should do about him, so instead of deciding, I went into the kitchen and poured a cup of coffee that Davina had made.
I took the coffee back into the living room and took a seat on the other end of the sofa. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For being here, for watching him, for letting me sleep.”
She gave me a lopsided grin. “You’re welcome.” She closed her laptop and set it to the side, stretching like a cat with her arms held high over her head. As she arched her back, her breasts became more pronounced under the large sweater, and I found myself wondering what she would look like naked and in my bed.
I looked away. Davina was helping me with Devon; the last thing I needed to do was scare her away by sleeping with her. Especially if I was going to ask her for help with him.
“I noticed that you didn’t read Carol’s note,” she said after a moment.
“How do you know I didn’t?”
She slipped off the couch and went toward the kitchen. “Because it’s sitting here on the counter still sealed.” She lifted the envelope and held it for me to see.
“Yeah, I guess I forgot about it.” I held my hand up for it, and she returned to the couch, handing it to me. “Do you know what it says?”
She shook her head. “No, I didn’t even know she wrote to you until she told me in the hospital.”
I set my coffee cup to the side and tore open the envelope, pulling the papers from within and unfolding them.
Dearest Trevor,
If you are reading this, then I didn’t make it. I honestly didn’t think that I would, and you might think it was selfish of me to have continued with a pregnancy when I knew it could kill me. I was being selfish. From the moment I met you at the coffee shop, until now, I’ve been very selfish.
The thing about it is that I had already known that something was wrong with me, and maybe that little whisper inside of me that you spoke of said to enjoy every moment to the fullest. That’s what I did with you. In that weekend that we shared, I loved a lifetime. No, neither of us was in love with the other, but we loved. We shared a wonderful intimacy. We laughed, we talked, and then we said goodbye, and I honestly never wanted anything more from you.
However, our time together gave me a gift that I had never dreamed of having. A gift that, sadly, I am returning to you. How I wish that I could live for many years to raise our beautiful son, but I know my time is nearing the end. I hope that you will forgive me for not reaching out to you, and for not telling you about the pregnancy. I know that you, like Davina, would have tried to talk me out of it. If this was the last thing I could do on this earth, bring a new life into this world, then I was going to do it.
I’m sure you are beside yourself with what to do now. I can only imagine how much of a turmoil this has put into your active life, but I ask you one thing. If you even cared about me a little, loved me a little, then you will raise our child. You will tell our son that we had something special and that I love him dearly, as I will forever love you for this sacrifice.
I know that you might not be able to fulfill my wish, but I hope that you seriously consider it. If you cannot, contact the adoption agency on the list that Davina gave you and speak with Marsha. She is aware of the situation and can help you find a good home for Devon. While it would sadden me, I would understand, and our son would bring joy to another couple.
I do have a life insurance policy, and I changed the beneficiary name on it to you. It’s not much, but it will help you to take care of our son. Davina knows the name of the attorney and can put you in touch with him.
Speaking of Davina, she knows a lot. Ask her to help. Ask her to be part of raising our child. I hope that you two can build a friendship that will last for years. I’d love nothing more than for the two of you to be there for our son as he grows. Maybe you two could even fall in love. I could see no better mother for Devon than my best friend. I would trust her with my life and with my son’s life.
Whatever you decide, I know that you will do what is best for our child. I apologize again for not telling you about him, but as I said, I was being selfish. On the next few pages you will find information about me and as much as I know about my family history. The kind of things that might be helpful in the future.
Thank you, Trevor. Thank you for giving me happiness and love in my final days. For giving me an incredible experience before my journey was over. I’ll be watching over you two, the storm in the sky, and know that I will always love you for what you gave me. Kiss my baby and tell him about me. Tell him how much he was loved, how sad I am to leave him, and how I will always be there in his heart.
All my love,
Carol
My gaze slipped from the page to the picture I’d taken that hung on the wall: the storm in the sky. I’d taken that after my weekend with Carol when I’d gone back overseas. It was such an incredible picture that I had blown it up so I could hang it. I would forever remember my weekend with Carol from just that picture and her love of storms.
I smiled at the picture slightly before I returned my attention to the letter and turned the page to the next sheet and skimmed the information that she had written. It talked about her and what she knew of her family, important medical information that would be good to know for his future. It even listed her favorite color, yellow, and flower, iris.
I sighed as I folded the pages again and set them on the cushion beside me, and my gaze fell on the bassinet. A sound came from inside, and I got up and went to it, lifting Devon into my arms. I stared down at his little face, Carol’s words flitting around in my mind.
“Well, little dude, it looks like it’s just you and me.”
Davina spoke up. “Then you’re going to keep him?”
I turned to her. “I’m going to try, but I’m going to need your help, Davina.”
She looked surprised. “My help?”
“Yes, and if you look at that letter, you’ll see that Carol expected you to help me, too. In fact, she hopes that we have a great friendship. That maybe we will even fall in love.”
“She did not!” She grabbed the note from the couch and unfolded it. I came back to sit with Devon in my arms. He was still sleeping, although shifting a bit as he was on the edge of consciousness. I waited patiently as she finished.
“Oh, my god! How could she think that I could fall in love with you? Or that I would want to help you?”
I skipped the love part; I wasn’t interested in that myself. “Why wouldn’t you want to help me?”
Davina stood, dropping the letter to the cushion. “Because you’re the reason she’s dead. I don’t want to have anything to do with you.” Her words were like a knife to my gut, but I controlled my expression the best I could.
“Excuse me?”
“If it weren’t for you knocking her up, she'd still be alive.”
“You blame me for this? You really blame me for her death?”
“Yes! Of course, I do!”
I got up from the couch and put Devon back into the bassinet as anger began to seep into my blood. The moment I knew he was safe,
I spun on her. “I had nothing to do with her death, Davina. Do you honestly think that I wouldn’t have tried to talk her out of this if I had known? I liked Carol; she was great. I would never wish death on her!”
“That doesn’t matter!” she hissed. “Because of you, she’s dead. My best friend is dead!” Her eyes began to fill with tears. “We were best friends for sixteen years! We did everything together! What am I supposed to do now?”
As the last of her words spilled from her mouth, the tears began to flow too, and I realized that in the time that she had been taking care of Devon and trying to find me, she had yet to grieve for her friend. I stepped closer to her, taking her shoulders, and she tried to pull away.
I didn’t let her go; instead, I pulled her to my chest as sobs began to explode from her small body. “What am I supposed to do now?” She cried into my shirt, her hands no longer pushing me away, but fisted in my shirt.
“You’re supposed to let it out, Davina. Cry and let out the pain. It’s okay; I have you. Let it out, sweetheart.”
As if someone had finally given her permission to grieve, she fell apart in my arms, and I held her. She wasn’t the first person that I had held as they grieved over the death of a loved one, but this felt different. Part of me began to grieve too, for a woman that I had barely known who had given the ultimate sacrifice to bring a life into this world. I stared at the photo over Davina’s head. Carol was a hero to me; she would always be a hero, and as I glanced toward the bassinet, I knew I would make sure that our son knew it.
Chapter Eight
Davina
How could she say that? How could she even suggest that I stick around and help him, be his friend, maybe fall in love with him! Never! I would never do that.
Yet, as I fell apart in his arms, I felt something I’d never experienced before. I felt utterly safe. Trevor let me cry for a few minutes, murmuring soft words of comfort, rubbing my back, and just letting me get it all out. Since Carol had died, I had cried. I shed tears after she passed, and I cried at her funeral, but those were delicate tears as I’d held back the vast grief that engulfed me.