by Sarah Morgan
She dressed quickly, but left her hair up. “Is Izzy there?”
“No. I think she’s with Aiden. She loves Aiden.” Molly dragged her downstairs, chatting the whole way, mostly about Chase.
Flora crossed the lawn, warmed by the evening sun and everyone’s glances.
“Hi.” She smiled awkwardly, and Jack reached out and tugged her toward him.
“Love the dress.”
“Me too, although I always think leopard print is more dog-paw-friendly.” Todd was cheerful. “Welcome. Good to meet you, Flora.” Instead of holding out his hand he embraced her and she hugged him back, relieved that he was so welcoming.
His greeting seemed genuine. Either he was an excellent actor, or he was pleased to see Jack with someone else.
It was a shame Clare didn’t feel the same way.
Becca’s friend was adding dishes to a long table that was already groaning with food. Sliced tomatoes and fresh basil glistened with olive oil. There was a large bowl of mixed salad leaves, a potato salad, sweet corn, its edges darkened from the grill, and fresh, warm bread scented with herbs and garlic.
Flora hoped she hadn’t poisoned any of it.
Clare handed her a plate. “You should eat. I know your brain probably doesn’t know what time of day it is, but I always used to find that eating a meal and having a good night’s sleep helps you settle into the new time zone.”
Flora welcomed the attempt at conversation. “Do you travel often?”
“Not so much now.” Clare helped herself to salad. “I used to. Before I turned freelance, I worked for a fashion magazine in London.” She saw Flora looking at her casual shorts and loose linen shirt. “You wouldn’t think it, would you?”
Flora felt herself turn scarlet. “I wasn’t—”
“I wouldn’t blame you if you were. The truth is I don’t have much use for designer labels here. What use are heels and glitter when I’m trying to tame the garden? Becca used to say—” She froze halfway through the sentence. “Sorry.”
“Why are you sorry?” Jack joined them, and Flora tried to hide her discomfort. It was so obvious to her that Clare didn’t want her here. That she was simply being a good hostess. Couldn’t Jack see that?
“Nothing.” Clare thrust a plate into Jack’s hand. “Can you give that to Todd? You know how he always chars everything if we don’t keep an eye on him. I don’t want him to burn the food.”
“You were talking about Becca, weren’t you? It’s allowed,” Jack said evenly. “She isn’t a banned subject.”
Was that true? In some ways it was. What with the photographs, the stories and the way they were still living the life they’d lived with Becca she couldn’t have been more present if she’d actually walked through the door to the garden. But in another way, she was a banned subject. Jack never talked about her unless the children did. He’d made it clear he didn’t want to talk about her. Flora had assumed it was because he wanted to move on. That he found it hard. But what if there was another reason?
Clare had turned her attention back to the food.
“Rescue those burgers, Jack, for all our sakes.” As Jack walked away, there was an uncomfortable silence and Clare poked at her salad.
Flora decided to address the elephant in the room. Things couldn’t get much more awkward, could they? “I appreciate that this is difficult. You must have been shocked when Jack said he was bringing me.”
“Not at all.” Clare’s response was a little too quick, and a little too smooth. “We always love to see Jack and the girls. I can’t believe how much Molly has grown. Children hate it when you tell them that of course.” She continued to talk about neutral subjects, avoiding the really sensitive issue—Flora.
“Molly is adorable. She loves drawing and painting and she has a really good eye.”
“Yes.” Clare speared a tomato. “And Izzy is such a smart, warm, funny individual. How are the two of you getting on?”
Smart, yes. Warm and funny? Not with Flora, although she’d seen her that way with her father and sister. But there was something about Izzy that worried her. Something she didn’t feel was personal.
If she and Clare had been friends, she might have asked for her opinion and shared her concerns but didn’t want to admit that she was finding Izzy a nightmare. It was something she tried not to admit even to herself. She made constant excuses. She’s grieving, it’s hard for her to see her dad with someone else—
In the end she dodged the question. “I haven’t had a chance to get to know her as well as Molly, but she’s been amazing. She’s held everything together.”
“It must have been hideous for her. Izzy was very close to Becca. She worshiped her mother.”
Jack returned with a plate of meat, saving Flora the trouble of trying to find a suitable response. He placed it on the table next to the salads.
“I think I rescued it moments before we needed the fire service.” He slid his arm round Flora and pulled her close.
Had he heard that comment about Becca? Maybe he had, because he was both protective and affectionate. Unfortunately, he chose to kiss her at the exact moment Izzy appeared at the bottom of the garden.
The timing couldn’t have been worse. Izzy stopped so suddenly Aiden cannoned into her.
“Oops—” He caught her by the shoulders to steady her.
Flora instinctively tried to move away from Jack, but he had his arm firmly round her shoulders and tugged her back.
“Izzy! Food.”
“Jack—” Flora spoke in an undertone “—I’m worried we’ll upset her.”
“And I’m worried you’ll be upset by all this talk of Becca.” He kept his arm firmly round her. “It’s fine.”
Was it fine?
Finally Izzy approached, Aiden a few steps behind her.
Flora had never been so tense.
“You two are soaking!” Clare put her plate down and made a clucking noise of disapproval. “What happened?”
“No point in having a lake if you don’t use it. We swam off the dock.” Aiden strolled to the table and scanned the food.
“In your clothes?”
Izzy was glaring at Flora. She decided eye contact was making it worse, so she looked away. Should she say something? Or was it better if Jack did?
His arm was still looped round her shoulders, protective. Possessive.
“It was an impulse thing.” Aiden tore off a piece of bread and ate it without bothering with a plate. “It’s a warm evening. Clothes dry. Don’t fuss.”
Clare turned to Izzy. “Do you want to take a hot shower before you eat? Change?”
“I’m fine, Aunt Clare.” There was an instant change in Izzy’s manner once her attention wasn’t focused on Flora.
She wondered what she’d been doing with Aiden other than swimming. Were they together? A couple? Or just friends.
Using the food as an excuse, she managed to ease away from Jack’s arm just as Molly sprinted up to her.
“Flora! Come and watch Chase run after the stick. He’s so funny.”
“Don’t you want to eat?” Flora put a leg of chicken on her plate and added salad.
“Soon.”
“I’ll come,” Izzy said, but Molly took Flora’s free hand and tugged.
“Flora needs to see. She’s never seen the way he does those spins.”
Flora allowed herself to be tugged away. It was a relief, to be honest, because Izzy was scowling again and you didn’t have to be a genius to know why. Jack shouldn’t have been affectionate in public. On the other hand what sort of relationship would this be if they couldn’t touch each other? Molly seemed to have accepted that they were together. How long would it take Izzy to do the same? Maybe it was never going to happen.
She watched as Chase raced after the stick, tumbling over himself each time he did an emergency stop. When Molly picked up the stick to throw it again, he trembled with anticipation, leaping on the spot and making her giggle. It was a delicious sound. Happiness i
n the moment, all dark clouds forgotten. Girl and dog.
Flora had always wanted a dog. She’d begged her aunt, but her aunt had considered dogs a rung below children on the ladder of inconveniences. She’d pointed out that a dog would bark, make a mess and need walking and Flora had wanted to say But it will love me, and I will love it back.
Now, listening to Molly’s infectious laughter, she wondered what her childhood would have been like if it had been messier and filled with dogs.
By the time they returned to the group, Molly was grubby from stick-throwing and out of breath.
“Daddy, can we have a dog?”
“I’m having enough trouble caring for two-legged creatures. Not sure I can cope with four.” Jack loaded a plate with food and handed it to her.
Izzy snatched it from him before Molly could take it. “She has to wash her hands first.”
“Good point.” Clare gestured to the house. “Go and wash them, sweetie. Use soap.”
Chase whined and followed Molly toward the house. Flora followed her, and when they returned the conversation was still focused on pets.
“Maybe I should get a dog,” Jack said, and Todd rolled his eyes and handed him a beer.
“Only if you’re prepared for chaos. And to ditch those white sofas of yours. Crazy decision.”
“Not my crazy decision.”
Flora agreed with Todd. She thought white sofas were a crazy choice when you had children. Don’t go in that room, don’t touch—her aunt’s most used word had been don’t.
Had Jack protested at the choice of white?
“Bring me up-to-date on your news. Have you started applying for colleges, Izzy?” Clare handed a plate to Todd and he lifted the rest of the burgers from the grill. “Which place is at the top of your list?”
“I’m not going to college.” Izzy spoke in a high voice, her announcement emphatic and clearly shocking to those who knew her.
Everyone stopped what they were doing. Clare glanced across at Jack, who stood with his empty plate held midair.
Even Aiden frowned.
Flora stood without moving. She’d sensed right from the first moment that Izzy was wound tight. She’d witnessed the emotion building inside her and wondered when and where they’d eventually be released.
Was this it?
Molly was the first to react. Delighted, she flung her arms round her sister. “Yay! You’re not leaving.”
In the few seconds before Izzy closed her eyes and hugged her back, Flora caught a glimpse of desperate vulnerability.
“You’re not getting rid of me that easily, bunny. I’m going to be hanging around for a while, taking care of you and Dad.”
Was that what this was about? Did Izzy feel she needed to stay at home and take care of the family?
“Wait a moment—” Jack’s voice was even, measured, as he tried hard not to overreact. “What do you mean you’re not going to college? Of course you’re going to college. You’ve been planning it forever.”
“Plans change, don’t they? Life changes. Nothing stays the same.”
There were so many undercurrents in her little speech that Flora wanted to throw her a life belt. Izzy was struggling. She’d been right about that.
“Some things have changed that’s true, but not everything.” Jack was gripping his plate. “Your home, me, your sister, your friends—being here with Aunt Clare and the gang. That hasn’t changed. Your future doesn’t have to change either.”
“Yes, it does.” The toss of her head challenged her father to argue. “I’m going to stay home, and then maybe I’ll travel for a couple of years. The Far East. Vietnam. Cambodia. Spend some time in Thailand.”
Jack struggled to find his voice. “Vietnam? Cambodia? What are you going to do there?”
“I don’t know.” She lifted a shoulder. “Get a job in a bar or a restaurant? Hang out on the beach?”
Flora wondered if she really wanted to travel, or if she was trying to push her father into a reaction.
She got one.
“You are not traveling alone through the Far East. And you’re not hanging out on a beach.”
He was always so patient with the girls, but Izzy’s words seemed to flip a switch. Flora had never seen this side of him.
“Why not?” They were locked eye to eye, father and daughter, everyone around them forgotten.
“Where do you want me to start? First, because it isn’t safe. You can’t travel the world on your own.”
“Because you’d worry?”
“Because it is an outrageous idea. Also, because you’re going to college.”
She wants him to worry, Flora thought. She wants him to show that he cares.
“I’m not going to college. I’ve decided.” Izzy was all attitude, her expression mutinous. “That’s not what my life is anymore.”
“I want the very best for you, that’s all.” Jack took a deep breath and sent an apologetic look toward his friends. “Drop the subject.”
Flora leaned closer. “Talk about it now. Take a walk together.”
Jack shook his head. “It’s our first evening with our friends. Clare has been cooking all day. We’re going to enjoy ourselves and talk about this another time.” He gave Izzy a loaded look that she returned. It was hard to figure out which of them was more wound up.
“I’m not the one who needs to talk. I’ve made up my mind.” Izzy leaned down to hug Molly again, who this time wriggled and squirmed.
“Ow. You’re squeezing me.”
Jack put his plate down on the table, rattling cutlery. “But you’ve talked about college for ages.” Despite his suggestion that they drop the subject, he seemed unable to. “How you’re going to be a journalist and change the world.”
“The best way to write about the world is to experience everything it has to offer. I can’t do that if I’m trapped in a dorm room. I’m going to write about travel. Backpacking. Meeting new people.”
“Izzy—sweetheart—I don’t know what to say.” There was something endearing about Jack’s desperate honesty. “Your mother would have wanted you to go to college.”
That was totally the wrong thing to say, Flora thought, and Izzy’s reaction confirmed her suspicions.
“My mother isn’t here.” Izzy’s voice shook. “I’m on my own now. We’ve all had to make changes. We’ve all had to make new choices, and maybe those choices don’t work for all of us. I’m forced to accept yours—” her gaze flickered briefly to Flora “—so you should accept mine. This is my life. My decision. I’m not going to college.”
Flora shifted uncomfortably. Was she the reason Izzy had changed her mind about college?
And why would Izzy feel she was alone, when she was standing here with her father, sister and close family friends?
Still, despite the personal gibe, Flora admired Izzy for having the strength to fight for what she believed was right for her. To carve her own path, even if it went against the wishes of others.
“Why don’t you sleep on it?” Clare tried to reduce the tension but Izzy and her father were locked in battle. Izzy had a stubborn, miserable look on her face and Flora willed Jack to give her a big hug and take her off for a proper talk.
But when she looked at him all she saw was a deep frown of parental frustration. He was trying to work out what to say to make Izzy change her mind.
Was that why Izzy felt she was on her own? Because she believed she had no supporters?
“I don’t want to sleep on it.” Izzy’s voice rose. “I know what I want. Why doesn’t anyone at least try to understand? Why doesn’t anyone listen? Sometimes I feel like I’m an alien, alone on a planet.” Her pain was so obvious it was painful to witness. It sucked Flora back in time. She was a child again.
No one had listened to her. No one had been interested in what she wanted. It was expected that she’d somehow blend into the background of her aunt’s life. She’d been expected to fit the mold someone else had shaped for her.
Flora
stepped forward, even though it felt a bit like throwing herself in front of a speeding car.
“I understand, Izzy. And I’m listening.” No one had supported her, or even cared what she truly wanted. That wasn’t going to happen to Izzy. Not while she was around. She was here, and she was going to help. “I think you’re right to stand up for what you want. It’s your life. Your decision. And if you want to talk about it, I’m here.”
Jack put his hand on her arm. “Flora—”
“Izzy is right. Sometimes when life changes, our decisions change, too.” She ignored his effort to interrupt her. “And what is right for one person isn’t right for another. Dreams are personal and everyone has a right to do what feels right for them.”
Izzy looked stunned. She stared at Flora without speaking. Her fists unclenched slightly. The rise and fall of her chest slowed.
Flora felt a flicker of connection, and then it was gone and Izzy’s face contorted.
“You think you understand? You have no idea how I’m feeling. None.” She turned her fury and frustration on Flora, snarling like a rescue dog who hadn’t yet learned to trust. “And you pretend that you care, but you don’t. You’re just desperate for me to like you because you’re crazy about my dad and you need my approval if you’re going to stay together. And you’ll do anything for that, won’t you? You’ll even do stuff you totally hate, including running, which half killed you. I mean, how far are you prepared to go to fit in? I don’t even know what you really like! But whatever you do, you’re never going to be my mom and sleeping with my dad doesn’t make you a member of this family, and—”
“Isabella!” Jack’s voice cut through her tumbled speech and he pulled Flora close, providing a physical barrier between her and the weaponized words. “That’s enough. Apologize, right now.”
“No way!”
“Then go to your room.”
“Go to my room? I’m seventeen, not six! Mom would never have said that to me.” Izzy’s voice was high and she was physically shaking.
Flora was shaking, too. Shaking and embarrassed. Izzy had made her sound so manipulative and cold. The implication was that she really didn’t care at all, and it wasn’t true. She cared a great deal. She’d been genuinely trying to get to know Jack’s children by sharing their interests. Did Izzy even know how much she admired her? Not just the way she’d handled the past year, but the way she knew what she wanted and wasn’t afraid to fight for it. She wished she’d been more like her as a teenager.