God in heaven, I was so happy for her.
I was literally combusting with the excitement like it was me who was pregnant.
We were the same when she got married, but her engagement to Pat did not start out the way most peoples’ did. He was her boss/friend and their engagement was supposed to be fake.
I knew that was just a big fat eye-opener waiting to happen because nobody on earth behaved the way those two did, like they were already a couple. It took the craziness of Pat to seal the deal.
Now they were going to be parents.
It was absolutely beautiful and the most wonderful news I could hear right now.
“Oh Georgie,” I gushed and a tear trickled down my cheek. It snuck up on me but didn’t surprise me. It was the kind of news that brought tears of happiness to your eyes. “Congratulations to both of you.”
“Thank you my dear friend. I still can’t believe it. It doesn’t quite feel real to me yet. It feels strange. But a good strange.” She laughed.
“I can just imagine. How did you find out?” We hadn’t gotten to that part yet and I was interested to hear it all. I wished I’d been there with her so we could scream properly.
“I thought I got sick from Pat’s cooking. He made me this elaborate dinner after I got back. And when I say ‘made’, I mean he ordered it in and pretended he made it. I saw the food cartons in the bin.” She chuckled and I rolled my eyes. That was just the sort of thing Pat would do. He was crazy like that.
We both giggled and she continued. “Anyway I was so sick and of course I thought it was food poisoning. The poor guy felt so bad because I couldn’t keep anything down. I ended up spending the night in hospital and the next morning they told me the news. I’m four weeks pregnant.”
I blew out a ragged breath. That all happened last week.
Last week when I was tangled in bed with Ryan.
God… I should tell her. I knew it was something she’d want to know and when the phone rang earlier it was something I’d wanted to talk about for certain.
It was something I needed to talk about because I didn’t know what it was supposed to mean for me.
“Georgie, I’m thrilled. Sorry you were so sick you were in hospital though. Do you need me to come back?” I was serious. I would fly back in a heartbeat and see her, even for a day if she needed me.
“No, of course not.”
“You know I would, and I will if you need me.”
“I know girl. You don’t have to do anything at the moment, especially with my crazy husband at my beck and call. He’s decided to place me in a glass ball and laid down the law. I’m not allowed to move or go anywhere out of his range. He’s hired a midwife and some other assistants.”
I laughed. “That sounds good Georgie.”
“He is over the top and you know who’s worse? My in laws. Lord have mercy. It’s like all of us are pregnant. So sweetie, I’m well taken care of and I’m feeling heaps better. The doctors gave me some cool antacids so I can eat again.” She sighed and the line sounded staticky. I’d noticed that a few times during the call. It was probably to do with the signal by the house.
She laughed and continued. “I’m more concerned about you. What’s happening? We’ve been screaming for joy. I called a few times last week and I just thought you were busy. You said so in your text.”
I texted a total of one time only and it was to tell her exactly as she’d said.
I said I was busy with stuff and would call her. I never got to though. The call of Ryan’s masterpiece of a body was too much.
I placed my hand to my forehead and glanced over at the clock on the wall. He’d be here soon. It was ten to twelve.
Ryan would be here soon and I already knew what kind of day we were going to have. We were just like we had been as teenagers.
No… scratch that.
We were worse. We were worse than we were. The teenagers we were back then were actually a tamer version of the man and the woman who’d devoured each other all six ways to Sunday. Literally.
I had to shake my head free of the memory to focus.
“Yeah.” I answered eventually with a little sigh.
“Anything happen with Detective Gracen? I guessed maybe nothing happened but did he make any kind of contact?”
“No, sadly not.”
All of last week had passed and I didn’t hear from Detective Gracen.
I knew these things took time but I was eager. Wrapped up in Ryan as I was, I was totally eager to hear if Detective Gracen had found anything out.
“Did… um, anything else happen?” she asked hesitantly. I knew my friend and the cautious tone her voice had taken meant she was referring to Ryan.
“Yes.” I breathed.
I heard her suck in a sharp breath and I could almost visualize her sitting up straighter with that bounce in her hair.
“Like what? Lana sweet Jesus please don’t keep a girl in suspense. I swear it’s written somewhere that it’s wickedness to get a pregnant lady all worked up, especially one who’s your best friend. Something happened between you and Ryan, didn’t it?” Her voice rose by several octaves.
“Yeah… it did.”
“God, Lord, what? What happened? Did you sleep with him?”
My chest tightened and I tensed up. Saying it would make it all real.
“I did. We spent the week together.”
She made a choking sound. “Oh my God. The week! Thank God I left and gave you the room to run free with the gorgeous man.” She laughed out loud.
“Oh Georgie. I don’t know what I’m doing.” That was a confession of the truth enhanced and amplified with everything.
Everything including the knowledge that Mr. O’Shea had looked for me when I left.
Just knowing he cared that much meant more than I realized. Over the years I’d thought he was just like his wife. When Mrs. O’Shea threw me out I’d thought at the time that it was coming from both of them. In my wracked state of mind and body I didn’t have the strength to decipher friend from foe.
The look in his eyes yesterday held the wealth of emotion that I’d always seen in him. It was the sort I’d always compared to that of a father.
I was in two minds about seeing him when he’d first arrived. Then I heard him say he was going to fly out to LA to see me and it was then that I knew he could have had no part in what his wife did to me.
“Lana, you’re always telling me to follow my heart and live for the moment, seize opportunity and don’t hold back. That’s stuff you’ve said to me many times and I don’t think I’d be where I am today if I never listened to you. When we met back in college, the first thing I’d noticed about you was your passion for what you wanted. I think you know what to do but you’re holding back.”
I nodded even though she couldn’t see me. “Is there such a thing as telling yourself you’re happy and believing it?”
“You know there is. I know for damn certain there’s no way you could enjoy being busy the way you are all the time. No one can. You’re gifted and talented and you’ve had the opportunity most people don’t have by doing what you love for work. But there’s a line. There’s a line between working and enjoying what you’re doing and becoming an over-obsessed workaholic who has no life.”
I listened to her and wondered when it was she’d gotten so wise.
“You’re right.” I shuffled on the sofa so I could gaze out to the river through the floor to ceiling glass windows. “I wish that life could have been different. I wish that I could just tell Ryan what happened. I’m scared. It’s not a nice thing to tell a guy who adores his mother that she hated his girlfriend so much she sent her away, and during a time that I needed people. I actually needed people around me.”
It wouldn’t just be telling Ryan, it was Mr. O’Shea too.
He’d deserved to know as much as Ryan did. Hearing he looked for me for two years showed that he’d done so with his wife most likely lying in the background and selling him some
story of what might have happened to me.
“It’s going to come out Lana. The truth has a way of coming out when it needs to.”
Again, she was correct.
“Yes, I think that’s what I’m afraid of.”
“Don’t be. Truth can do all sorts but it’s a good thing.”
Truth. It had a way of taking on a life force of its own and finding a way to reveal itself. Just like the past when Ryan and I first got together. When we did it felt like something that was waiting to happen. A long time coming.
Emotions brought out the truth.
Emotions drove you to your decisions. Mine had gone straight back to the girl I was so long ago. Over seventeen years ago who just wanted to be with the boy she loved.
The doorbell rang as if on cue to my thoughts.
It was the boy, now a man, and he really deserved answers, especially since I couldn’t deny that I felt the same way I did about him.
“Sweetie, I’m so sorry. I’m gonna have to go. He’s here.” I didn’t even register how that cut into our deep conversation.
“That’s okay Lana. I’m glad he’s there.” There was a smile in her voice. “I’ll come as soon as I can.”
“You need to rest. How about I let you know if I need you to come? I have to take care of you now.” I smiled.
“Okay, Miss boss lady.”
“Congrats again. I’ll call you later,” I promised.
“You better.” She chuckled and hung up.
I ran my hands over the soft cotton of my skirt. Nerves filled me, my nerve endings were tingling from yesterday when I got back and I couldn’t stop thinking about Ryan.
I went to open the door and there he was looking like he’d just stepped out of the past.
He’d shaved and that automatically made him look younger. His clothes were what did it for me though. The black leather biker jacket, the white t-shirt that clung to his muscles, the Levi’s hung low on his hips and the sexy way that lock of hair hung over his eye.
It took me a few seconds before I realized I was just staring at him, then he smiled, bringing out the dimples.
Before I could say hello his lips were on mine. Then my clothes were off before I could take my next breath. His too.
In seconds we were both naked pressed against the wall of the living room, starting out the day exactly as I thought.
Me against the wall with him buried deep inside me.
Once we were finished in the living room, we ended up in my bed where we spent most of the afternoon.
I barely heard my phone ringing when it did and I was half tempted not to answer because Ryan was kissing my neck.
I only answered because I knew it could only be one of a few select people calling me. My first thought was Georgie.
But it wasn’t Georgie on the phone. It was Detective Gracen.
“Hi Detective Gracen.” I tried to sound bright but anxiety gave my voice a slight quiver.
“Hi Lana, I hope I haven’t caught you at a bad time,” he began.
“No, I’m fine to talk.” I glanced at Ryan next to me in the bed who’d sat up the minute I’d said Detective Gracen’s name.
“Good. I wonder if I could ask you to come down to the station as soon as you can. If you could come today that would be great. Tomorrow is fine though if this is too short notice.”
His voice… there was something about his voice and the tone that lingered within it worried me.
“I can come now. I’ll be there in half an hour tops.”
“Perfect. Will your friend be coming with you?” he asked.
“No, she’s not here.”
“Oh, okay.” The tone was there again.
Ryan had already slid off the bed and was dragging on his clothes.
“I’m going with you,” he cut in with a determined nod.
I mouthed thank you to Ryan but a lump formed in my throat and I swallowed hard past it.
“Detective Gracen, I have someone coming with me. Can you give me an idea of what’s happening? Did you get the results back, or find anything?” I doubted that he would be calling if he hadn’t. I’d just figured that was the best way to ask the question of why he wanted to see me.
“We have,” he answered and I realized the tenor in his voice was carefulness. That was what it was. “It’s best if I see you in person. We’ll talk when you get here.”
“Okay. I’m on my way.” My hands started shaking. Ryan noticed straight away and came to my side.
“Good. See you then.”
Detective Gracen hung up.
I bit down so hard on my back teeth and the edge of my lip that I thought I’d pierce the skin.
“What did he say?”
“Not a lot. Ryan…”
He took hold of my shoulders. “Lana, let’s go. Don’t think too much or worry. We’ve all been waiting to hear what this guy has to say. Let’s go see what’s happening.”
I nodded.
* * *
We got to the station in less than half an hour.
Ryan drove me which was great because I was too nervous to drive.
That lump in my throat was still there.
It was crazy though. Why was I so worked up? I already knew the worst had happened.
Mama was dead.
That was the end stage of what could possibly happen.
It wasn’t as if she’d gone missing and I was waiting for the news of where she was or what had happened.
I already knew.
So, this was just details.
Detective Gracen came out to meet us in the foyer of the station and took us to his office.
“Thank you both for coming,” he said, looking from Ryan to me, then back to Ryan. “I guess this involves you too Mr. O’Shea, so it’s good you’re here.”
“What’s happening?” Ryan asked.
“When we found the extra report document we did a full investigation on the lab it came from and looked over the findings it presented. The analysis has now come back and shows conflicting information to the report that was made in the final post mortem examination.”
“What does that mean? Forgive my language, but that sounds suspicious as fuck.” Ryan tensed. I knew that he only spoke like that when he was angry.
“It is. It was.” Detective Gracen nodded. “It suggests tampering. We’re still looking into that part.”
Tampering?
My ears started ringing.
Why would anyone tamper with a report for a suicide victim?
Detective Gracen looked back to me, and his eyes filled with compassion. “We went with what the omitted report showed. The data listed on the report suggests that your mother was dead before she fell in the river.”
My heart tightened up. It squeezed and my breath hitched. “She died before?”
He nodded. “Yes, we strongly believe that. There were marks listed on her body conclusive to strangulation. Her windpipe was crushed and …” his voice trailed off when I wheezed.
Tears poured from my eyes. They just poured out like someone had knocked down a dam and the water had come crashing through.
I struggled for air to breathe. Ryan took me into his arms and it was only when he held me that I realized he was crying too.
“What are you telling us, Detective?” Ryan’s voice cracked.
I was crying so much I could barely see. I didn’t need the clarification.
I knew before he answered what he was going to say.
“We think she was murdered,” he replied.
There it was.
The truth.
The answer. The truth…
Although… somehow I knew.
I didn’t know how I knew, but I’d felt it. All this time I’d felt it.
I’d thought it all along in the pit of my stomach. Gut feeling, gut instinct.
That would have been the only way she would have left me without saying goodbye.
I screamed as it all hit me, as if my soul was weeping.
>
This was worse than hearing she’d died.
Knowing someone killed her.
My mother.
Chapter 17
Lana
I remembered the day we went to live with the O’Sheas.
The buildup was exciting because it meant that we’d be moving from that horrible apartment complex in Charlotte.
It was awful. The kind of place you couldn’t feel comfortable in.
The sort of place that I, even as a child, knew to be wary of.
Situated on the outskirts of town, near the trailer park, the dinky apartment we’d lived in was all Mama could afford with her cleaning job.
Mama was supposed to be a teacher.
She’d taught English literature at the high school near the grade school I attended.
She’d loved that job so much and we were supposed to be saving to move somewhere nicer. It was all I’d hung onto and at nights we escaped in the world of fiction.
Mama loved poetry. She didn’t think it mattered that I might have been too young to understand the words. She read poems to me.
She loved romanticism and the post-romantic era the most and she always read me something by Browning, Byron, or Swinburne.
I used to relish the sound of her voice when she’d recite her favorites to me.
Then she lost that job and she was so sad. She didn’t tell me why, but I heard her talking to my aunt about it. They were arguing. They’d had a lot of arguments but this one was the worst. The principal found out that Aunt Larissa was not only a drug addict but she was dealing too. Mama lost her job because of that. Because of my aunt and her unsavory life.
The only thing Mama could do after that was clean. I always wondered why she never tried to go back to teaching but I never asked. She still read to me and as long as we had each other we had hope.
That hanging on to hope seemed to pay off when she got the job at the O’Sheas. They needed a live-in housekeeper/nanny who could handle a large house and look after their son occasionally when they were working.
I thought large house was a complete understatement.
The place was more like a castle from the fairytales. There were other maids, a butler who wore a uniform, gardeners, someone to do this and someone to do that.
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