by Kevin Deeny
Marcus was aware that in the short term, there would be fewer people who could benefit if he spent the majority of his time doing other things – like earning a living. Yet he thought that it was vital for him to have a better understanding of the process. He also saw a parallel to one of the questions he asked of God when he was a kid;
Why didn’t Jesus heal everyone?
He now thought he understood. The answer was in the form of an adage he heard since he was a boy but only began to appreciate as an adult.
Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.
He believed it was Jesus’ intention to teach but the lessons he taught about healing got wrapped up in religious mystery instead of being acknowledged as a facet of human potential. He was also aware of modern-day examples of people with the ability to heal. He was convinced that this latent ability existed in all of us. He knew that research had to be done to understand what was going on in his specific case and he was anxious to transfer the capability to as many as possible because he was aware that all healers die and their ability dies with them. He understood that unless there is a resource that can teach new generations, each new would-be healer would have to stumble along their own path of discovery and may or may not be successful in developing that potential. Marcus hoped that there could be a shared understanding which could be taught broadly. In the long run, far more benefit could be realized if a path to knowledge and transfer of the ability could be found.
Rosalind had some success in gaining the interests of a few of her colleagues for their technical participation and of a foundation for financial support. However, the process of producing a plan of study and a proposal for funding, even from private sources, is a daunting task with many bridges that must be crossed. It would take time. Marcus continued with his work and began arranging his files, books, and papers he amassed over the years. He also had a long talk with Robert and Alecia about their daughter Emily. It was time.
Chapter 29
Emily
I dwell in possibilities. – Emily Dickenson
Robert and Alecia were family to Marcus and Rosalind in every way that mattered to them. Their daughter Emily grew up knowing them as her Aunt and Uncle. Rosalind and Marcus attended her elementary school plays with her parents and followed her high school soccer games. They both proudly attended her high school graduation and were truly happy to learn of her scholarship for college.
Emily had been a bright and curious child who grew up to be a lively and curious young woman. She was also becoming a remarkable healer. Years ago, when Emily was in elementary school, she began to suffer from headaches that were at times severe enough for her to miss school. She went through a series of tests to identify the underlying cause, but none was found. One day during a visit while Marcus and Robert were in the barn tinkering, Emily developed a severe headache and had to lay down to fight nausea that now came with her migraines. It was difficult for Rosalind to watch this little girl suffer and she took Alecia aside and told her about Marcus’ experience and wondered if he could help Emily. Alicia said right away “I’ve been worried for some time. If he could help, that would be wonderful.” Rosalind called Marcus and Robert in from the barn.
Marcus was surprised to see Emily in so much discomfort, and he readily agreed to teach her the color technique. Rosalind, Alecia, and Robert watched as Marcus sat on the edge of the sofa and took Emily’s hand. He felt her rapid pulse which was a response to the pain she was experiencing. He closed his eyes and felt the color of her pain as his heart rate quickened to match hers.
He opened his eyes, looked into her eyes and said, “Emily, I want you to take a deep breath and relax your body all over, from the tips of your toes to the top of your head. Look at all of the parts of your body one by one and let them relax.” As she did so, he felt her pulse slow slightly. “Now I want you to think about your hands, completely relax them and feel your heart beat in your fingertips. Every time it beats, you’ll feel it there.” He gave her some time and resumed, “Now breathe deeply and slowly. With every breath, see golden light flow into your lungs and into your body. With every heartbeat you feel in your fingertips, see the golden color flow into every part of your body and as it does, let it help you relax even more. Think of your pain as a red color and every time your heart beats, the golden color washes more and more of the red away until it is completely gone.” He paused for several moments as the rhythm of her breathing changed and the tension in her body eased. “Now relax and let your body do this for you; it’s ok if you fall asleep.”
Marcus sat by her side holding her hand and felt her pulse slow, and her breathing settle into a steady restful rhythm. After a few minutes, he tucked her hand under the blanket and moved quietly from the room.
In the kitchen, he explained to Alecia and Robert, “What we just did is a mixture of suggestion and visualization. This was similar to what I did as a kid, and I would almost always fall asleep even if it were only for a few minutes. What I discovered by doing this is that my body would relax, my heart rate would drop, and my headache would ease. I know that Emily is only 10 years old, but I wasn’t much older when I taught myself to do this.”
Rosalind offered to make a fresh pot of coffee while they waited to see how Emily felt when she woke up. They were each nursing their second cup when Emily padded into the kitchen, yawning and wiping the sleep from her eyes. “I’m hungry,” she announced. “Aunt Rosalind, do you have any animal crackers?”
“Sure honey, I have some right here in the cabinet.”
Robert turned to Marcus and said, “You continue to amaze me. Could you teach me how to do that too, so that I can help Emily?”
“Any time Robert, really, any time.”
From that time on, with a little encouragement from her father, Emily took control, and whenever she felt a headache coming on, she would find a quiet spot to go to and would ‘push her colors’ as she put it. In time, she stopped mentioning headaches all together, and when asked by her parents, she would have to stop and think when her last headache occurred. Eventually, they ceased altogether. As she got older, she would use the same technique to recover from the bangs and bumps and sore muscles from soccer practice.
Marcus noticed how rapidly Emily progressed in using the technique. She and Marcus would talk from time to time and compare notes. He described to her how he could sense the build-up of stress in himself at times, and used the same technique to ease that too. He passed on to her something he read when he was her age, about a man named Edgar Cayce. “Mind is the builder” he was often quoted as saying. And although that phrase could be interpreted to have several meanings, Marcus emphasized to Emily that she could control her headaches and many other things. She was curious to know more and when she visited, was often found in Marcus’ study, sitting in an overstuffed chair with her legs curled beneath her, reading one of the books from his collection. She would inevitably have many questions, and they would talk for hours, bouncing from one topic to another.
When she turned 16, Emily began to help at the clinic and witnessed for the first time as Marcus helped a farm worker who suffered from back pain. He had brought his son to the clinic for treatment, but was in obvious pain himself and inquired about Marcus. Rosalind found Marcus working on one of the computers and brought him to meet the father. Emily watched as Marcus laid his hands on the man, closed his eyes, and breathed calmly and steadily. The man began to wiggle after a few minutes as he tested his back and stood without pain.
Rosalind discussed various therapies with the man and cautioned him that his back was likely to continue to be a problem with the type of work he was doing. Marcus quickly looked over at Emily, winked, and took her hands in his. She felt the warmth and was amazed. She insisted that he teach her how to do what he just did.
As Emily approached her high school graduation, Marcus thought that
she was more knowledgeable and further along with her ability to control her own body, physically and mentally, than he had been at her age. She was wildly curious. He thought that she would be a perfect candidate to test his theory that access to the flow of energy is available to everyone. However, he would not bring up the subject with her without first discussing it with her parents. He had talked over the possibility with Rosalind, and she agreed that Emily would be a perfect candidate. He was looking for an opportunity to bring it up with Alecia and Robert when the lawsuit forced him to move more quickly.
Chapter 30
Day of the Jury
Solitude is different from loneliness and it doesn’t have to be a lonely kind of thing. – Mr. Rogers
Once the process of discovery, deposition testimony, and pretrial settlement negotiations ran their course, a trial date was finally set. Two years had elapsed since the initial filing of the suit. Marcus had met several times with his attorneys as the date approached. The lawyers were well prepared; Marcus was not. His attention was elsewhere. When he wasn’t working his consulting job, there was a lot of work to do to summarize his informal research, and on top of that, activity at the clinic picked up as more people seemed to be squeezed out of the health insurance market and saw the clinic as their only option. He also spent a lot more time with Emily exploring as much as they could about healing until she had to leave for college.
Given the number of defendants in the case, the trial was expected to be complicated and lengthy. Marcus’ part in the overall events of the day Lily died was considered to be relatively brief and largely uncontested; he did initiate CPR, he did pause in the delivery of CPR, and he resumed CPR at the urging of Lily’s parents. What was at issue for Marcus was if the pause in administering CPR contributed in any way to Lily’s death.
A week before the trial, insurance companies for the other defendants agreed to a settlement which left Marcus as the only remaining defendant in the suit. He was opposed to a settlement. It was personal for him; he tried hard to save Lily in more ways than could be appreciated. He was also aware of the sorrow that Lily’s parents felt over the loss of their child and knew that money would be a poor substitute for knowing the truth. Since he was now the lone defendant, the case focused solely on him. His lawyers had to consider a revised strategy and were busy preparing for the remainder of the week.
Monday was dedicated to jury selection, and Marcus was fascinated with the process. He was aware that Jason and Cecily had a strategy that they employed for juror selection. While they were busy assessing the prospective jurors, Marcus would study them – as subtly as possible. While he did so, he found himself tuned into them much more than was typical, at least for him.
For years now, Marcus had been exploring healing, and through his work at the clinic, he observed that the energy transferred to a subject had become more specific and more finely tuned. He seemed to resonate with a person at some level to achieve the proper attunement before energy was transferred through him. As his healing capability matured, Marcus also found that the “naming” thing of his was changing too. He never ascribed much importance to this quirk, yet now when he worked with a person, he was aware of much more than their name, even if he had never met them before.
The resonance that helped to fine tune the energy now also gave him a deeper understanding of the state of their physical and emotional conditions. With one exception of Lily’s mother, he had only connected with a person this solidly in the clinic setting while he was focusing his intention. However lately, he noticed that this deeper connection would occur elsewhere with other people he encountered. He was curious about why this was happening now and speculated that it could be a response to stress; even though he was usually pretty calm in a crisis, he wasn’t entirely immune.
Now while his lawyers did the hard work of meticulously reviewing juror questionnaires and working through their own list of questions, Marcus took the opportunity to “know” them.
The process of juror selection took hours. They broke for lunch which Marcus spent in the courtyard enjoying the warmth of the sunny day. The jury selection was finally completed by mid-afternoon, and they were empaneled as a jury, instructed with all of the usual cautions and prohibitions and sent home for the day. Marcus was confident in the jurors; he knew each would follow their conscience. The trial would open in the morning.
Marcus had booked a room in a hotel outside of town to avoid the daily commute back and forth from the courthouse. Rosalind planned to drive out in the morning and stay for the duration. After the early dismissal, Jason and Cecily planned to huddle for an hour or so and review the selected jury to decide if any adjustment in trial strategy was required. Marcus wasn’t needed for this pow-wow, and he gladly took the opportunity to get out and enjoy the remaining hours of daylight. Marcus checked in with Rosalind and then drove north through several small towns until he found himself at the entrance to the state park. He followed a different roadway into the park than he used that day and followed it to the lake area where Lily had drowned. He parked his Jeep and walked to a picnic table and sat on the table top with his feet on the bench as he looked out over the lake.
In solitude, he came seeking peace. Although he had the opportunity to settle the case along with the other defendants it bothered his sense of right and wrong. Legal expediency is not always the path that brings you to peace. There was another issue that troubled him. He was still concerned about the depth of sorrow he sensed in the courtroom from Lily’s parents, and he felt that they needed to hear about Lily as Marcus last “saw” her. He hoped that it would bring them some solace. Even though her parents chose a lawsuit as a means to assuage their grief, Marcus would use it to speak to them, albeit indirectly. Besides, he thought to himself, I may have triggered this myself when I sought a way to help Lily’s mother. He smiled and thought about blaming Tim the next time he talked to him.
As he sat on the table top, he stilled the voice of his thoughts and listened instead to the sounds of crickets, water lapping against the dock and leaves rustling in the breeze. He let these sounds take him into a reverie where for a brief moment, he once again stood in the valley and could hear the sounds of a little girl laughing and playing with her dog. He breathed deeply and found the peace he was seeking.
Chapter 31
A Friend
Words are easy like the wind; faithful friends are hard to find. – William Shakespeare
He slept well that night, rose early to witness the sunrise, dressed for the day quickly and left the hotel searching for breakfast. Following directions from the desk clerk, he walked a block north and crossed the street to the Coach Diner where he settled into a booth, ordered black coffee and scanned the menu. He chuckled as he said to himself “I don’t know why I even look at the menu, I always get the same thing.” He ordered his usual pancakes with bacon and took a sip of his coffee as he looked up and saw Carlos enter the diner. He smiled and raised his coffee cup to get his attention. Carlos seemed surprised to see him and happily joined him in the booth. Marcus waived to the waitress. “Carlos it’s good to see you. I just ordered, please join me for breakfast.” After Carlos ordered, Marcus asked, “You’re far from home. What brings you here?”
“I came up to sit in on the trial and offer you some moral support. It’s not fair that the family sued the guy who tried to help that day, especially you who have helped so many others.”
Marcus was moved by Carlos’ act of friendship and reached across the table to shake his hand. “I appreciate the support, Carlos.” After a short pause to consider, he continued, “I think I understand why the parents filed the suit. The grief of a parent who lost a child at such a young age is a very difficult thing to deal with, and this may be one way to keep Lily’s memory alive for them. This may not be how they explain it to themselves, but I suspect this is likely what motivates them.”
Marcus continued and tried to add
ress Carlos’ concern, “We’ve known each other for some time, but to Lily’s parents I am a stranger, and none of the things I’ve done elsewhere are relevant to their grief. I don’t feel upset about that. That’s all about to change, but for now, I do think I understand.”
Changing the subject, Marcus asked, “How are Josh and Sarah; I haven’t seen them in weeks?”
They took their time over breakfast and caught up on the news throughout the community. Marcus learned that Josh and Sarah were well and their farm continued to thrive. Josh was almost entirely back to his old self.
Marcus noticed that Carlos looked pensive and played with his food as if he had something on his mind. Marcus interrupted Carlos’ musings and said, “Hey Carlos, what are you thinking about?
“Marcus, if you don’t mind me asking, how do you do the things you do? Some of the workers that have come back from the clinic speak of you as a miracle worker and from what I saw you do for Josh, I would have to agree with them.”
Marcus sighed. This is precisely what he was trying to avoid. He checked the time and confirmed that he had time before he had to get to the courthouse. He told Carlos, “I’m just a regular guy like you.” And then told him the story about his struggle with asthma as a kid and how he was able to teach himself some control. “Carlos, I’m convinced that anybody can do this. It takes some focus, but if I could teach myself how to do this when I was 12, anybody can.”
“What about what you did with Josh? That’s a lot different than asthma.”
Marcus thought for a moment about how to explain something he is still trying to understand. He decided to come at it from left field. “If you don’t mind me asking, did you normally go to church with your family when you were growing up?”