by M. D. Grimm
I raised an eyebrow. “Who said I was going to kill you? I’m taking you back to our correct time and handing you over to the Hand.”
I changed my mind about killing her. I realized I didn’t want her suffering to end so soon. I didn’t want her to find her way into the Mother’s comforting bosom just yet. And, what the hell, I’d earn points with the council if I turned her over. Uzzie would be so proud of my restraint.
A high-pitched keening noise came out of her mouth. I chuckled and tapped her face. She looked at me. “Now, I have some questions. You had better give me some answers.”
She did. Apparently, Drasyln had learned most of her information from her mentor. She’d wrapped the mage around her little finger, and used him to her advantage. Her mentor, a Master Mendonn, had ancient accounts, written by those claiming to have witnessed the battle against the formoryans ages ago. The battle where, legend said, the first seven mages created the Pferun Dulleriin. The account spoke of a stone of time, an agate, hidden deep in the ground after the battle. Drasyln grabbed hold of that idea and used her wiles to seduce and deceive anyone who might have some information. She wanted power. She wanted, not so much to usurp the Mother, but to become powerful enough where she didn’t have to follow any of the Mother’s rules.
Searching for the stones had become a lifelong ambition for her. But the first stone she wanted in her arsenal was Atcoatlu. Since time travel was forbidden, she wanted to immediately break the taboo, since it would be the ultimate rebellion against the Mother, and the Council of Mages. She’d come to me, of course, those years ago, trying to learn what stones I had. But after I blasted her away, I’d earned her wrath, making my destruction second on her priority list.
When she learned about Kayl, and the fact I now had Rambujek, she became desperate. She knew she’d never get it from me, but if she could get her hands on Atcoatlu, she could travel back in time and take the stone before I even knew of its existence. Through travel and various disguises, and the help of her cowed mentor, she was able to find out the Ravena tribe had the stone, as well as the territory they camped at depending on the seasons.
Then came her chance. She apparently had a few spies in my territory—I immediately got their names—and used them to intercept all my querians. She’d known about Atcoatlu before I did. So, she disguised herself as a ludki, stayed in the background, and waited for her chance.
I wanted more. She told me how she’d infiltrated the Ravena camp. Her anger had been her downfall at first. After we arrived in the past and she’d kicked me in the head—she didn’t kill me because she wanted to trap me in the past—she hunted for the tribe. But she’d never been skilled as a tracker. She’d gone in the wrong direction and only after her anger had begun to fade, did she realize using me would be her best bet. She could just follow me back to the tribe if she was careful.
But I was already gone by the time she found her way back to the field. So she waited, knowing I would return. After our battle and her loss, she was too enraged to correctly use Atcoatlu to take her back to the time she wanted, and that meant she ended up traveling to other times, the wrong times. When she finally traveled back to our current time in the past, she was too exhausted to use the stone again. Coming across the tribe and Aishe the night she wounded him had been pure luck, or fate. Because of her injuries, she finally had to stop and think and managed to find the strength to time travel and journeyed back to when we first landed, watching herself leave, watching me meet Aishe. She followed Aishe back to his tribe, disguised herself as a dialen scout, and found herself welcomed with open arms. She was healed and then stayed in the background, out of my sight.
Clever, but unsuccessful.
She fell silent. I stood. “All those years of planning and conniving, and you still lose. You are pathetic.”
Her eyelids fluttered. I was losing her, she was about to pass out. I knelt, gripped her sweaty hair and yanked her head back. Her eyes popped open.
“I suppose I should thank you,” I said. “You made it possible for me to fulfill what the Mother has written. You were supposed to do exactly what you did. The Mother wrote you this way, she planned out every one of your actions.” I tilted my head slightly, smiling. “How does it feel to know that even your attempted rebellion was all part of the Mother’s plan?”
Drasyln narrowed her eyes at me. She bared her teeth. I had to give her points for acting fierce when I could simply kill her with a quick snap of her neck.
“Don’t feel so smug, Morgorth.” Her voice was a strained pant. “The Mother’s plan for you won’t be sunshine and roses. The Destroyer destroys everything, even those things he cherishes. Don’t think your precious dialen pet will be spared.”
I removed my hand from her hair and patted her head. Then I tweaked her nose. Her eyes flashed with confusion as I stood. “Drasyln, know this. Should I become the Destroyer, Aishe is the only one who will be spared.”
I left, vanishing the sweat from my hand. My mouth curled in distaste. The scent of sweat, piss, and other things filled the tent. Disgusting.
Stepping outside, I took a deep breath of fresh, forest air. I received glances from the guards but they were mute. They wouldn’t have heard anything, which would have piqued their interest about what I’d done to her. I picked up the crystals and returned them to my pouches. Then, stretching, I walked away, Atcoatlu a subtle weight against my thigh.
I’d spoken the truth to Drasyln about Aishe. He was my greatest weakness and my greatest strength. I managed to do many great things when he was by my side—especially if he was in danger—and now, by extension, his tribe provided the same benefit. I cared about them; they had faces now. I swallowed hard. It wasn’t time yet. I couldn’t grieve yet. I looked around at all the faces who’d started to become familiar. I was greeted with nods and waves as if I was one of them. Children running by would laugh and wave, making up songs about the great mage and the bad mage’s defeat.
I shook my head. If only they knew. I glanced back at Drasyln’s tent, absently thinking what I had done in there was why they called me villain. Not just because of what I’d done, but because I enjoyed it...a lot. Too much. Shoving all that to the back of my mind, I walked away from the tent, away from that cold mage I’d become, that I’d once been, years ago. I couldn’t be him again. I couldn’t become that hard, bloodthirsty, power-mongering villain I’d embraced in my younger years. Not if I wanted to resist becoming the Destroyer, and not if I wanted to be worthy of being Aishe’s mate.
Taking a deep breath, I looked around, wondering where Aishe was. I had to leave soon; I couldn’t linger. Now that I had Drasyln and Atcoatlu, I knew in my gut it was time for me to go. But I had so much to say to the younger Aishe. Amyla told me he was sleeping, that he’d watched me all night. Sweet, sweet boy.
Just as I strode forward, looking around for Amyla, I noticed Aishe come out of a tent to my left. He was smoothing his hair, walking stiffly, but he hadn’t suffered any other injuries during the battle. He didn’t see me. I watched him, knowing I could spend the rest of my life watching him, soaking in his beauty. Even as a clumsy child, he still had innate grace, it was just unskilled. He walked to the tent I’d woken up in. He stepped inside but just as quickly stepped out again, eyes wide, swinging his head around. I smiled slightly.
I walked toward him, raising my hand. The instant he saw me, he visibly relaxed, and a large smile brightened his face. We met halfway.
“I’m so glad to see you’re doing better,” he said.
“I could say the same.”
He rubbed the back of his neck, looking slightly embarrassed. “I said it before but, um, I’m sorry I broke my promise to you. I...she was going to kill my father.”
I gripped his shoulder. He met my eyes. “I forgive you, Aishe. You wouldn’t be you if you ran and hid when your family needed you.”
His smile was one of gratitude. I sighed and took his hand. “Aishe, we need to talk.”
His face got t
hat Oh, shit, look but he followed me docilely as I led us out of the camp, and a little way down a trail. I wanted absolute privacy. I stepped off the trail once I was sure we were well past the ears of the sentries, and gestured to a fallen tree. He sat, looking nervous but trying to hide it. I sat on a large boulder across from him, and rested my elbows on my thighs. I took another deep breath. Where did I begin?
I clasped my hands in front of me and met his gaze again. It seemed so obvious now, why my Aishe never told me about my journey to the past, my involvement with his tribe. Aishe didn’t break promises, and if he did, he always had a good reason for doing so, like when his father had been in danger. But his loyalty, his strong core of honor, rebelled at the idea of breaking a promise; his sense of failure and embarrassment at breaking the vow to me, evidence of that. My Aishe hadn’t told me about this vital part of both our lives because I made him promise not to.
“Aishe, do you remember what I told you, in the healing tent? About your future?”
He nodded slowly. “You told me I was...going to be your mate.”
“Yes, I did. I meant it.”
Aishe paled slightly, his eyes shining. He suddenly looked down, and wiped his eyes. Pain twisted my gut. I didn’t want to leave him. I didn’t want him to suffer. I wanted to put a protective bubble around him, so nothing could touch him, or harm him. But that wasn’t the way. It wasn’t my choice. He wouldn’t be the dialen I loved if he never experienced life and all its tragedies and enjoyments.
“Why?” His voice was small. “Why me?”
“Because I love you.”
He gasped and his eyes flew to mine, the green brilliant, far more brilliant than the greens of the forest surrounding us. His eyes were even brighter than his father’s.
“Y...you do?” he said, stammering. “I—”
“Calm down, Aishe.” I held up a hand, my tone gentle. It surprised me how gentle I could be, especially when I had little experience with it. “I have more to tell you, and I need you to be calm. Can you do that for me?”
He took steady breaths, his eyes riveted to my face. He nodded.
“Good.” I swallowed hard. “The stone Drasyln stole from me is named Atcoatlu. It’s the agate of time.” I paused, waiting to see if any comprehension dawned. He only stared at me. Well, this had to be overwhelming for him. “The stone allows the user to travel to the past or the future. That is how I came to be here. I’m not of this time. I’m from the future.”
That still sounded so strange.
Aishe’s eyebrows bunched over his eyes as he frowned, and I could see him trying to understand. “You traveled to the past? This is your past?”
“Yes.”
“So...when you say I’m going to be your mate in the future...” He trailed off. I waited. His eyes suddenly widened. “I’m your mate already, aren’t I? In your actual time.”
I smiled. “Yes, you are.”
Then he frowned again and I saw pain and anger in his eyes. “That means you’re going to leave, doesn’t it?”
My own smile vanished. “Yes. I have to.”
His eyes filled again and he looked away. “You’re leaving me.” He hunched his shoulders.
“Oh, baby.” My words were spoken in a murmur. But he heard them and wiped his eyes roughly.
“I’m not a baby.”
I barely managed to swallow a snort. I tended to forget, this Aishe wasn’t familiar with my terms of endearment.
“No, you’re not. I apologize. But you must understand why I have to leave, yes?”
“Sure, I do. But....” His eyes showed desperation, fear. “What am I going to do when you leave? You’re...you’re the only one who cares.” He picked at the fabric of his leggings, his eyes lowered again. “You make me feel important. Wanted. No one else wants me.”
I frowned. “You have your family, Aishe. They love you.”
“I know they love me, but they don’t want me.” He glared at his feet. “I’m a joke, Morgorth. I embarrass them. I’m an embarrassment to my entire tribe.”
I huffed out a breath, irritation coloring my voice. “Stop pitying yourself, Aishe, and do something about it.” My sharp tone had his head snapping up, and his eyes widened on my face. I swallowed again, trying to tone down my own emotions. “Listen, Aishe, I know what you’re capable of. I know you in the future, right? You’re a swordmaster, an expert archer, and a healer. My life is dangerous, Aishe, full of pain and darkness. I need you to be a warrior. Being my mate is not an easy thing.”
He stared at me as if I’d asked him to sprout wings and fly to the moon. I knelt in front of him, touched his knee.
“I need you, Aishe. But you need to grow up. You need to dedicate yourself to your studies, and I know your family will help you. They do want you, Aishe. Your sister adores you, your parents are proud of you. And while your brothers might make fun of you, you should rise to the challenge and stand up for yourself.”
“It’s so hard,” he whispered. I cupped his cheek, and his hand instantly came up and cupped the back of mine.
“I know. Believe me, I know. But sometimes, doing what’s hard is the only way we get what we want. I believe in you, Aishe. Consider yourself blessed that you have such a supportive and loving family and tribe. Not many do.”
He stared at me for a moment. “What about your family?”
I shook my head. “Let me just say they weren’t the loving and supportive type, and leave it there.”
He nodded, his eyes still shimmering but he didn’t let his tears fall. “I don’t want you to go.” His voice was lower than a whisper.
Saying nothing, I leaned forward and kissed his cheek. I could tell he wanted me to kiss him on the lips but that wasn’t going to happen. His arms snapped around my neck and I hugged him. Poor Aishe. I put so much on his shoulders. I asked so much of him. Did I have a right? Sure, the Mother might have written this for us, and I was just an instrument, a character in her Book of Creation, but still....
Still.
Guilt was a physical force that weighed me down. I held Aishe tighter, closing my eyes. I wasn’t the one who wrote the tragedies in his life, but I was the one allowing the cycle to continue. I was the one condemning him to such paralyzing heartache. Aishe would always humble me with his strength, his courage, and his determination to do what was asked of him, no matter the consequences. Aishe’s fingers lightly played with the ends of my hair that lay against my neck. I smiled. I allowed myself to stroke his hair, once, twice, then I pulled away. He tightened his grip on me.
“No.”
“Aishe.” I reached behind my head, grabbed his wrists, and removed his arms from around my neck. He let me, frowning heavily. Our eyes met again.
“Train, Aishe. Learn. Live. I need you to. I need you to experience all life has to offer, even,” I paused, not wanting to voice the words, but knowing I needed to, “even lovers.”
He blushed.
“We will meet again, Aishe. I promise you that. We’re meant to. But you have to promise me something.”
“What?”
“Promise me, that when we meet again, you’ll greet me as you would a stranger.”
He blinked in shock. “Wh—why? We’re mates.”
“Yes, we are.” I held up a finger. “But we’re mates before I travel back to this time. We’re mates before I know about the events in this time. I won’t know you when next we meet.”
Aishe frowned but I could see he understood. He didn’t like it, but he understood.
“You have to promise me, Aishe.” I stared into his eyes. “Promise that you won’t tell me about this time. You won’t mention it, or allude to it.”
“Why can’t I tell you?”
“Because I know myself. I won’t believe you and it could harm what the Mother has written. I know it sounds harsh, and I’m so sorry to ask this of you, but I must. Can you promise me this, Aishe? Can you give me your word you will make no mention of this time?”
Aishe looke
d pained. But then he slowly nodded.
“Say it.”
“I promise to keep silent about the deeds of this time when next I meet you.”
“Good. You had better keep that promise. A lot is riding on it.” I stood, hating myself for the weight of responsibility I had to put on Aishe’s shoulders. “And since I won’t know you, I will be cruel. Harsh. I’m asking you to look beyond my words, Aishe. Use your gift and see me. I promise I will love you. I promise we will be mates.” My voice lowered. “Don’t give up on me. Please. Do you understand?”
He nodded, then stood, and took a deep breath. “Would it be really bad if you stayed?”
I smiled slightly, cupped his cheek again. He leaned into my touch. “Yes.”
He sighed.
“Let’s go back.” I took his hand again, and he wrapped his other arm around mine, leaning heavily into me. I didn’t have the heart to push him away.
Chapter Thirteen
Despite my urge to leave, Breyln and Nunya managed to convince me to stay one more night. I itched to return to my proper time but it also pained me to. So I stayed, knowing the tribe wanted to repay me for what I’d done for them. They repaid me by partying.
As the sun sank, they lit bonfires and played instruments with grace and talent, their lively jigs echoing through the night. Many dialen danced, celebrating the lives of those lost, celebrating the lives of those saved, the victory hard won. Drink passed freely, food was shoved into mouths. Laughter, gaiety, and while I couldn’t feel as happy as they did, I liked watching their festivities. It went a long way to smother some of the grief I felt.
While some dialen danced alone, rather erratically to the energetic jig, others moved to actual dance steps, which were still fast-paced. Palm to palm, they circled each other, their feet doing impressive turns and points, then trading partners, then coming back to their first. I watched, bobbing my head, taking advantage of the drink. I wasn’t drunk, but I knew I was buzzed. My foot actually tapped to the tune. It was familiar to me since it was played in many places around Karishian, sometimes slower, sometimes faster, or modified with new melodies.