As Owen holds me, I find I’m no longer scared. It’s not that I’m suddenly convinced everything will work out, because I’m not. There’s a very real possibility I won’t make it through the spell. I’m simply able to lose myself in this moment, in the feel of Owen’s body, in the taste of our saltwater kisses, in the completeness of his love.
***
Owen and I sit, hands linked, on the living room couch as Jodi explains the spell to the assembled witches and psychics. It’s the same crowd as last time, but there’s a distinctly nervous energy that wasn’t present before. Lexie and Bria pale visibly as Jodi finishes talking. Griffin rubs the back of his neck nervously. Crystal and Dana stare resolutely at the floor. Even the adults—Anya, Shelly, and David—look a little ill.
I don’t blame them. When they showed up today, I don’t think anyone expected this to be the reason. I can’t imagine what’s going through their minds right now.
I haven’t been able to bring myself to glance in Fox’s direction. If I look at him, I won’t be able to stop wondering what’s going on in his mind, and I can’t let myself be distracted right now.
After a few moments of heavy silence, Jodi glances at me and nods. When we discussed going through with this spell last night, I made it clear I wanted to address everyone beforehand. I shift in my seat, and Owen squeezes my fingers as I begin speaking. “To be clear, what we’re asking you to do is dangerous. In case you were wondering, this is dark magic. Anyone who doesn’t want to be a part of this can stand down—no questions asked. I won’t think you’re betraying me. None of you owe me this.” My vision begins to swim. I try my hardest not to blink, but it doesn’t work, and the tears stream down my face. “I don’t want to make any of you do something you don’t want to.”
No one speaks, but it’s not like I expect them to. This isn’t like any spell we’ve done before. I wasn’t kidding last night when I told Jodi she had to kill me. We’re here today to stop my heart in the hope that the Influence will sense I’m no longer a suitable host and leave my body. There are more dangers involved than I care to think about, but I’m willing to go through with it if it means I won’t hurt anyone ever again.
Bridget raises her hand timidly, like a shy girl in a classroom. “Can I ask… What’s the danger? I mean, obviously I see the risk for you, Krissa, but what’s the danger for the rest of us?”
Anya takes a step forward. “Nothing direct. In fact, there’s every likelihood we can cast the spell without any negative effects on us. The danger of dark magic is far more subtle. It’s a seductive force. Having that kind of power over people can be addicting. The more magic is used for darkness, the harder it is to stop using it that way.”
Bridget twists her hands in her lap and stares at a spot on the floor. “I’m probably not alone in this, but when I was bound to the crystal, I used magic the wrong way.” She glances at Dana for a fleeting moment, and I’m reminded of how she used a love spell to steal the affections of Dana’s then-boyfriend. She hurt Dana physically, too—first by causing her to trip and nearly break her nose, then by knocking her down a flight of stairs, resulting in a broken leg. “I’ve already been touched by darkness.”
I bite my lower lip, confident of what she’ll say next. She won’t help for fear of the darkness overwhelming her. I can’t say I blame her. I’m not even mad; instead, I hope she doesn’t feel too guilty for deciding not to take part in this spell.
Bridget looks up, scanning the room, meeting the eyes of every person here. It’s not until her gaze lands on mine that she speaks again. “I know the difference between using that kind of power for something bad and for something good. I’m not afraid to use it to help you now.”
More tears tumble down my cheeks and Owen slides an arm around my waist as others begin to speak up.
“I’ll do it,” Lexie says.
“Me, too,” Felix says.
Griffin leans forward in his chair. “You know I’m in.”
I’m completely overwhelmed as each person in the room agrees to help. I didn’t expect this. I expected some—most—to choose not to take the risk. For the first time, confidence fills me. This could work. In fact, I’m starting to believe it will.
Jodi and Anya switch to organizing mode and begin indicating where people should stand and what different roles they will have. I don’t pay much attention. Just like last time, my part is easy: all I have to do is lie down.
Bria and West move the coffee table out of the way, and Owen helps me to the floor. I breathe deeply. The ever-present thrum of the Influence builds in my veins. It hasn’t been this strong all day. I think it knows what we’re about to do. It knows, and it’s scared. As Owen takes his place in the circle surrounding me, I close my eyes, allowing the Influence’s fear to calm me.
***
My chest burns and my head swims. I gasp. My lungs squeeze the air back out and I take in a new breath of oxygen. I feel like I’ve been drowning.
The spell is over. The spell is over, and I’m alive. Part of me didn’t think I would come back. There was a chance I would have to stay under too long and that even dark magic wouldn’t be able to revive me.
But here I am.
All around me is sound and movement, and I struggle to focus on what’s happening. It’s taking some time for my brain to properly process the input it’s receiving. Owen kneels beside me, and when I reach for him, he helps me sit up. His fingertips brush loose strands of hair behind my ears as his eyes search my face.
“Are you all right?”
I reach up and catch his hands in mine. I want to tell him I’m fine, that our gamble worked and the Influence is gone, but before I can form the words, I know it’s a lie. As my mind begins processing language again, I become aware of sensations in my body. The Influence is still there, but it’s different from before. Stronger. It’s not just the burning feeling or the ripple of electricity anymore—now there’s a thrum of emotions attached. The Influence is angry. It knows these people tried to kill me, its host, and it wants to strike out against them before they have a chance to do it again. It doesn’t want to give me up.
Heat flows into my fingers and they begin to itch with the desire to cast spells. It takes all my energy not to give in.
“We ended it too soon,” Jodi murmurs, standing close to Anya, Shelly, David, and Elliot. “If we waited for even thirty more seconds to bring her back…”
“Do you even hear yourself right now?” Elliot asks, his voice just as low. “We kept her under as long as was safe. Any longer and she might not have come back at all.”
Anya casts a furtive glance in my direction. “Should we try again?”
Elliot’s eyebrows hike up his forehead. “Are you insane?” He glances at Jodi and shakes his head. “You are. You’re both insane. I know you want to get this out of her, but there has to be another way.”
“What if there’s not?” Jodi asks, her voice cracking.
I can’t be in this room anymore. With every passing moment, the desire to strike out grows. I don’t want to hurt anyone, but the Influence does. If they try to put me under again, I don’t know what will happen, but I can only assume it won’t be good.
I shift, intending to stand, but I can’t quite get my feet under me. Owen wraps his strong arms around me and helps me up. All noise in the room dissipates, leaving an uncomfortable silence. “I need to go to my room. I’m weak.” It’s only partially true. I’ll allow them to think the spell took a toll because I don’t want to see the shame or fear in their eyes that will surely come from me telling them I’m using all my energy to keep the Influence at bay. “We’ll find another way. It’s okay. Thank you for trying.”
Felix, Lexie, and Griffin all take steps toward me like they want to give me a hug or reassure me in some way, but I shake my head and ask Owen to help me to my room.
After he helps me onto my bad, he sits beside me and traces a finger down my cheek. “Are you sure you’re okay? Can I bring you something? I c
ould have Jodi make a tea.”
I shake my head. “I’m fine. I just need to rest.”
His eyebrows furrow as he studies me, and for a moment, I’m afraid he can somehow pick up on my lie. I’m not fine—I’m possibly the farthest thing from it. And as much as I want him here with me, I need at least a little time to myself. I know he won’t approve of what I’m about to do.
After a long moment, he finally says, “Okay.”
He moves to stand, but I brush his arm with my fingertips. “Could you hand me my phone?” When he raises an eyebrow, I come up with a plausible reason for needing it. “I want to set an alarm so I don’t sleep too long.”
After another pause, he does as I ask. He turns away like he’s ready to leave the room, but then he spins around and leans down to press a kiss to my lips. My hands find the back of his neck and I pull him down to me. I kiss him fiercely, as if doing so can provide me the strength I need for what I have to do next.
When we finally separate, he takes a step away from my bed. “If I don’t leave now, I won’t be able to.” The look in his eyes makes it clear he doesn’t want to go, but he knows it’s what’s best for me right now. “You should nap. We can pick this up when you’re feeling better.”
I nod and Owen waves before starting for the stairs. I wait until his footsteps fade before unlocking my phone and opening the messaging app. I tap on Sasha’s name before typing out a message.
I’m ready to do the dissevering spell.
Chapter Twenty-One
Brody
“I was under the impression you would be back already, new assassin in hand.”
I do my best to keep my expression neutral. Apparently dissatisfied with my written reports, Jade decided to check in with me today via video call. She’s mentioned to me before that her main reason for choosing this method is to read a person’s face as he talks, in order to gauge whether or not he’s lying. I wonder if she remembers telling me that.
I weigh my response carefully. Pointing out that I never gave her a specific amount of time I expected this mission to take doesn’t seem like my best move. I don’t want to tell her she’s wrong to her face and sound insolent—or worse, petulant. “I have the situation well in hand.”
Jade’s eyebrows raise. “Really? If that were the case, I would assume she’d have accepted your offer already. Or are you telling me she has, and you’re simply staying in town for the nightlife?”
I can’t help snorting at the idea of Clearwater having any sort of nightlife I might find entertaining. Could Jade honestly think I’d find drinking domestic beers down by the river or watching a movie at the bookstore at all engaging? “I’ll admit, things aren’t progressing as quickly as I originally anticipated. The Influence is making Krissa a bit more unpredictable than I imagined.”
“Perhaps she isn’t the right fit,” says another voice from off-screen. My muscles tense as I place its owner. Before she speaks again, Lena appears over Jade’s shoulder. “We don’t want an assassin we can’t control.”
I inhale deeply through my nose. What is Lena doing in Jade’s office? Did Jade invite her to sit in on this call? If so, it seems Lena has been able to get into the high priestess’s good graces faster than I would have thought possible. It took me years to become a member of her inner circle.
Only a slight flicker of irritation on Jade’s face gives me hope that Lena’s presence isn’t entirely welcome.
“Krissa is fighting the Influence,” I say, hoping to turn the conversation’s focus back to me. “I’ve seen it firsthand.” My free hand rubs my chest. Even though I was able to heal the damage caused by her fingernails, a ghost of pain remains in the spot just above my heart. “I’m fairly certain that’s the problem. She’s unpredictable because the Influence wants to do things that aren’t in line with her will.”
Lena makes a show of rolling her eyes before shoving a piece of paper between Jade and the screen. “I have a list of candidates I’m confident will be pliable to our will and purposes. We don’t need to try to convince someone who’s unpredictable and has no reason to give us her loyalty.”
Besides the paper, only Jade’s eyes are visible on the screen. They flick down at whatever is written on the list before her hand edges it out of the way. “I’m not exactly overwhelmed by any of these names. Judging by the reputations of at least half of them, I doubt they’d be aligned with our mission, either. I don’t even recognize at least a quarter of them. Where did you find these candidates?”
I do my best to keep a satisfied smirk off my face. Lena hasn’t impressed Jade—I still have a chance. “I have no doubt Krissa will be entirely controllable once she stops fighting the Influence.” It’s an outright lie: I have no idea whether Krissa will be more or less pliable once she gives in to the Influence. But it’s the only card I have to play.
Jade glances down, I assume at the list again, before staring back into the screen. “You have one week. If you can’t get Krissa to accept your offer by then, I’ll be forced to go in another direction. Do you understand?”
I can’t help feeling her words carry more weight than what is obvious on the surface. If I don’t come through, there’s little doubt in my mind she won’t endorse me to be her successor. “I understand.”
She nods. “Good. In the meantime, Lena, I want you to get back to work on the other problem in Crystal Taylor’s message. We still have no idea what the ‘power of deepest night’ is. I want everything in order so once we have an assassin, nothing will stand in our way from acquiring the carcinite and our immortality.”
Lena ducks her head, and I fight another smile. Jade is giving me another chance. I won’t let her down. I can’t. My future depends on it.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Fox
I haven’t been able to talk to Krissa since she left my house so abruptly the other day. She hasn’t been at school and hasn’t responded to any of my text messages. I didn’t even have a chance to get her alone at her house last night before or after the spell. I’m so worried about her. It’s killing me that she won’t even let me check in. If she’s still mad about me wanting to tell everyone the truth about us, I wish she’d tell me. All this avoidance is making me crazy.
I stand outside the shop two doors down from Hannah’s Herbs. There was a time when I knew Krissa’s work schedule backward and forward, but it’s been so erratic lately I don’t know if she’s even working regular hours anymore.
I should walk in and see if she’s there. It’s not outside the realm of the ordinary for me to shop there. Simply going in won’t reveal our secret.
I’m not sure what keeps me from doing it. How will she react if she is there? Will she talk to me, or will she go hide in the back room until I leave? I hate that she’s mad at me and there’s nothing I can do to fix it. I hate that she’s not giving me the opportunity to fix things.
I glance toward Hannah’s Herbs. I haven’t seen anyone come in or out in the five minutes I’ve been standing here. It’s entirely possible there are no customers inside. Now might be my best opportunity to talk with her alone—provided she’s working.
Before I start toward the store, I glance down Main Street in the opposite direction to make sure no one I recognize is out and about. The last thing I want is someone we know to walk in while we’re talking. My scan doesn’t turn up anyone heading toward the shop, but a familiar form steps onto the sidewalk from near the bookstore, making my trip inside unnecessary.
Krissa hasn’t caught sight of me yet. Her gaze is fixed on the pavement in front of her. I jog toward her.
She’s distracted, consulting a piece of paper, and she doesn’t notice me until I’m an arm’s length away. The look on her face indicates she’s less than pleased to see me. She glances nervously down the street beyond me as she hastily tucks the paper into her back pocket. “Hello.”
The formality in her tone hits me like a punch. It couldn’t be clearer that I’m the last person she wants to be running i
nto. “You haven’t responded to any of my messages. You’ve been ignoring me at school. We need to talk.”
She shakes her head and attempts to walk past me. “Now is not a good time.”
I grab the crook of her arm with my hand and she reluctantly turns to face me. “Too bad. Look, I’m sorry if I pushed too hard the other night, it’s just… I’m tired of living like this. I’m sick of lying to everyone. I’m trying to understand where you’re coming from, but the more I think about it, the more I disagree. Keeping this a secret—keeping us a secret—we can’t do it anymore.”
She’s shaking her head again. “I really can’t talk about this right now.”
“I get that this isn’t an ideal venue.” While I don’t recognize anyone, it doesn’t change the fact that there are dozens of people walking up and down Main. “My truck’s down the street. Let’s go for a drive and—”
She takes a step back. “No. I can’t.”
“Yes, you can.” It occurs to me that I may have caught her on a break from working at the shop, so I add, “Just for a little while.”
She can’t hold my gaze. “I’m meeting Owen.”
My stomach clenches. He was already at her house when I arrived for the spell last night. I saw them come downstairs from her room, and it took everything in me to suppress the wave of jealousy. I should have been the one comforting her beforehand, not him. The fact that she wants to blow me off so she can go see him now is almost more than I can take.
She rubs her bare arms as if trying to ward off a chill. “But you’re right about one thing—we can’t keep lying.”
A bubble of hope builds in my chest. Maybe this is what’s kept her from responding for the last couple of days—she’s been sorting out how to end things with Owen. “I’m so glad you agree. I’ll let you go so you can break up with Owen, and I’ll go and tell Dana. Then—”
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