“That sounds more like the woman I met.”
“I’m starting to realize that myself,” Dax admitted, and I could tell by how he said it that it surprised him. “I think she showed more compassion when I talked to her today than I’ve seen from her in our whole life together. I was going to text you about our talk tomorrow, but felt like you could use some space.”
“Sorry if it felt like I was kicking you out earlier.”
“No need to apologize. It was fair.”
“It wasn’t fair. It was a dick move I pulled. I did need space, but that wasn’t the way to get it. Shutting down, leaving you in the dark like that, that’s not me. It’s just…a hell of a lot happened over the past few days…the past few months, really. It’s crowded my thoughts and left me confused as fuck.”
“I don’t blame you. I know what it’s like when the press gets on a roll like that. When the media strikes the most sensitive nerve at just the right time.”
“They did that, for sure.” I sighed, reflecting on the pain I saw in Nance’s and Keegan’s expressions when we watched the story unfold on the hospital room TV.
Dax snickered, but it seemed a sort of bitter amusement about something. “I really thought when I met you and you told me what you wanted to do with giving all that money to Fever Fight, that it was going to be different. For the first time in my life, I believed something could withstand this whole system. Me, the guy who’s played a role in this kind of performance so many times, seen what happens when the curtain opens and we get to act three…I actually had some fucking hope. I thought, if anyone could survive it, you could…because I’d met a real-life superhero. And then, the very thing I feared…well, it happened, and ripped right through your family in the process.”
“Hey, now. Don’t underestimate the Kruses. We can take a good beating. Nothing we haven’t lived through before, nothing we’re afraid of now.”
He beamed as our gazes met, the first time he’d looked me in the eyes since I arrived, and I reveled in the sensation stirred by being lost in his gaze once again. He seemed just as distracted as I was for a moment, then shifted his look to his drink, and as if trying to remember what we were talking about, said, “No, I don’t doubt you all are plenty tough, but it certainly wasn’t a fair fight, and it never is when it comes to the machine because it’s a beast that doesn’t think or care. It has no compassion. It just destroys.”
“Dax, you talk about it like it’s some kind of monster, but it’s not a monster. A fire’s a monster that can drag the people you love out of your life. This is just people being curious and intrigued about shit they have no business knowing anything about, but only people.”
“It sure can feel like a fire when you’re in the middle of it and it’s shredding everything you love to ashes.”
“Maybe so, but some story about my father can’t kill me. It might hurt like a motherfucker. It might dredge up every terrible thing I’ve ever felt in my whole goddamned life, but it’s gonna take a hell of a lot more than that to take me down.”
I noticed a guy at the end of the bar watching us. Like some of the other people in the restaurant when I first arrived, I figured he knew the story that had been playing on the news. “I think this is the part where we head somewhere a little more private.”
Dax scanned the room, surely picking up on the same attention I was as I surveyed the space. “Privacy sounds nice right about now. I went ahead and booked a hotel room nearby.”
“A hotel room? Jesus, were you just gonna leave your shit at my place?”
“I was going to come back…at some point,” Dax said, glancing around uneasily, then pushed to his feet and started over like he was going to help me up.
“The whole point of this boot is so I can do this on my own. I got this. I appreciate the thought, but I’m good, Dax.”
We headed out together, and as we Ubered back to his hotel, we remained quiet.
“You sure you’re okay?” he asked, leading me into his suite.
Cornering him at the door, I said, “Dax, come on.”
He quieted, pursing his lips together in a way that was oh-so-adorable. In a way that made me want to kiss him that much more.
“I missed you,” I spat out.
“I’ve been gone for maybe a few hours.”
“A few hours too long…of me wondering when I’d see you again, if I’d see you again. What? Were you going to ask me to box up your stuff and send it back to West Hollywood?”
“I would have sent a label,” he joked, though I felt like there was too much truth in it. “Seemed like you didn’t want me sticking around. But I missed you too, stupid as that sounds.”
I grinned because damn, I couldn’t help it.
“This might be an awkward moment for this, but I think I need to prop my leg up for a bit,” I confessed.
“Oh, yes, of course.” He led me to the sofa and laid out some pillows.
I felt silly with my legs raised and lying back. Dax grabbed a chair and slid it over to me, then sat beside me—close, but definitely not close enough for my liking.
“So…about you missing me?” he teased.
I thought about what to say, about the conversation I’d had with Nance. I wasn’t sure how to explain any of it to him, so I just went right for it. “Nance came over after you left, and we got to talking about Crawford. I should talk about him more, but the truth is, it’s the hardest thing that my family’s ever had to deal with, and it left a hole in my heart. I’m not sure even I realized how big it was. In some ways, I do think I’ve been pushing people away all my life, trying to keep them at a distance because in the back of my mind, I always feared that if I loved someone too much, I’d wind up getting hurt like I did back when Crawford passed. And also, if I added another member to my family, that was someone I could wind up destroying as much as I got destroyed the night I lost him, and I would never wish that sort of pain on anyone.”
Dax inspected my face as if searching for something, maybe trying to ascertain my feelings about everything I shared.
“I like to think I’m a pretty brave guy, but in one area, I’ve been a coward. It’s not some fluke that I’ve never had a serious relationship, and I don’t think it’s been that way for you either.”
“No, not a fluke. I spent my childhood around people who were always looking out for themselves, sucking the life out of me. I didn’t ever think I could meet anyone who actually gave me more life. And then I met you.”
“I’m not going to sit here and hem and haw around it, Dax, because I’m not that kind of guy—”
“I’m in love with you, Jace.”
I stopped, taken aback, but also relieved as fuck to know that not only did he feel that way, but he was willing to say the words I knew were at the heart of why I had struggled so much with everything that had gone down.
“I wasn’t about to let you beat me to that,” Dax added with a grin, like he was victorious for spitting it out fast enough. He snickered as his grin shaped into a sly smirk. “I could tell that’s where you were going with that, so I kind of cheated.”
“I’m in love with you too, Dax.”
Dax’s smile diminished, replaced with worry, concern even. “Last thing I ever wanted in the world was to fall in love. I spent my life trying to see the worst in people, hoping I’d never get attached, but then I met the one guy I couldn’t see the worst in…who could get through all my defenses because I’d only created walls to protect myself against bastards and assholes. I didn’t stand a chance against a sexy man with a heart of gold.” I could feel the sincerity in his compliment, but just as quickly, he tensed up. “I just wish I hadn’t been the one who brought this poison into your life.”
“Poison? Dax, you didn’t bring any poison into my life. I made the decision to head down this path. You might have wanted me to take the deal, but I didn’t have to do anything I didn’t want to, and if you think back, I wasn’t that easy.”
“Not with that, at
least,” he said with a wink.
I smiled, reflecting on all he’d given me in those parts where I was fairly easy, but we still had more important matters to discuss. “I made that decision because I thought I could do some good, and even after seeing that broadcast, I don’t regret it. I didn’t change, Dax. I’m still the same person I was before. I’m human, and I have my weaknesses, and yeah, all this attention amplifies them like you said it would, but it hasn’t destroyed me or my family or us. We’re as fucked up as we were before, and we’ll be as fucked up tomorrow and the next day. And hell, I’d say between the two of us, I have it pretty easy. I have to wake up worried that there’ll be a story about my dad on the news. You have to worry that you might wake up and I won’t be there the next day. I’d say you have a hell of a bigger decision in all this than me. And if you want to walk away, I get that.”
He pondered that for a moment, and I was glad, because it wasn’t something I wanted him to think on lightly. It was as serious a consequence as there could be in any relationship, a burden I wouldn’t have wanted to push on anyone.
“If you do walk away, though,” I added, “you mind walking a little slow? I’m kind of handicapped at the moment, and I want to be able to catch you.” There was more desperation in my tone than I’d intended, but no matter how much I wanted to protect him, I didn’t want to lose him either.
He chuckled, his forehead wrinkling, his eyes watering. “That’s the problem we’ve got, Jace. You already caught me.”
Relief swelled in my chest. “Thank fucking God,” I murmured.
He reached his hand out to me and ran his knuckles across my cheek. “It isn’t right that someone as beautiful as you can be even more beautiful on the inside, and knowing what you do hasn’t discouraged me for a second. Even a few hours without you felt excruciating. I kept telling myself that I just needed to let you go because I didn’t want to bring any more pain into your life or your family’s life. I can see why you’re worried about hurting other people, but do you think you would rather have lived without knowing Crawford than to have known him and lost him?
“Jace, when Keegan took that call and I saw his panic, for a second I couldn’t help but think the worst. It would have destroyed me, not just to have lost you, but to know you’d gone and I never got to tell you how much I care, how amazing you are, and how much you mean to me.”
I took his hand, still against my face, and gripped on. “So we’re in agreement that it’s better we stick around and hurt each other than to ever be apart?” I was trying to be cheeky, but I meant it too, and I could tell by his expression that he understood just how much truth there was behind it.
“Jace, to feel a moment of joy with you is worth all the pain I could ever endure.” His jaw was tense as he offered his words with such intensity, I could feel their utter sincerity.
I sat up and reach out, gripping the back of his head and drawing him close to me for a kiss. “Come here and give me some of that poison,” I said, pulling him, urging him onto the couch with me.
Dax took care to avoid my leg and rest his on either side of my hips before assaulting me with all the kisses I’d missed in the short time we’d been apart.
I relished the sensation of his facial hair, rough against my face, his nose rubbing against mine, his tongue sliding past my lips—all those sensations I’d feared I might never get to experience again.
I ran one hand through his hair and the other up and down his back, and we claimed one another’s mouths, lapping each other up as much as we could.
As I pulled away to catch my breath, I sighed, relief washing over me. “Okay, let’s not do this fake breakup shit again because it’s too much on my nerves.”
Dax burst into laughter, his eyes alight with enthusiasm. “Are you kidding? I never got to have makeup sex before, but I have a feeling it’s gonna be epic.”
“Two makeup-sex virgins. Sounds like a hot night to me,” I said before stealing another kiss, thankful as fuck the bedroom wasn’t far away. “This fucking leg,” I groaned.
“Just another obstacle we’ll have to figure out along with a few others.” He sounded as undeterred by that inconvenience as he was by my line of work.
God, I loved this man.
Epilogue
DAX
I picked Carter up from his hotel and drove him into town.
The organizers at Fever Fight offered Jace and his family and friends a tour of the campus so he could check out some of the renovations being made using his generous donation. Carter had eagerly invited himself along when he’d decided to come out and visit me in Fever Falls.
Over the past three months, I’d been steadily transitioning my job so that I could work primarily from Fever Falls instead of our offices in Hollywood. I had to travel around as much as always, with and without Jace, but the new situation allowed us to see each other plenty and make up for the times when we weren’t able to.
“Congratulations to KlineSmart on being number one!” Carter exclaimed, throwing his hands over his head as he slid into the passenger seat.
The week before, BizNews, a major online industry insider publication, had named us number one in Trendiest Media PR Firms, which I imagined left Ayda and Fred seething over the number-two mention.
“Do you want to go ahead and do it?” Carter asked.
Because of our victory, we’d had a little present delivered to Freyda Inc.’s offices, one I didn’t want to follow up on until Carter and I could revel in the glorious pettiness together.
“Thank God I have them on Speed Dial,” Carter said as he retrieved his phone and placed them on speaker.
“Freyda Inc.” I recognized Fred’s voice.
“Dax Munro and Carter James from KlineSmart,” I announced, “the number-one media PR firm, according to BizNews.”
Fred feigned a laugh.
“Is Ayda there?”
“She is. I’ll put her on speaker. We want to congratulate you guys together.”
“I’m sure you do,” I said, unable to cloak my sarcasm or disdain.
After a moment of waiting, Ayda’s voice came on. “Donnie, it’s Ayda and Fred. We got your little gift basket. How generous of you to send us a framed copy of the certificate BizNews sent you.”
Carter couldn’t stifle his snicker.
“Oh, just returning the favor from last year, when you sent us yours.”
“We’ve been so swamped, we haven’t had a chance to send you a card yet,” Ayda added. “I guess we’ll have to try harder next year.”
“Speaking of effort, I have to hand it to you guys. Really impressive how you worked with Glitz & Glam to get those pictures leaked and then to try and get my mother to dish some dirt on us in an interview.”
“I can’t imagine what you could be referring to,” Ayda said, audibly gasping.
“Oh, a little birdie told me something.”
“Is that birdie’s name Carter James?” Fred asked, sounding more than a little annoyed.
“Yes, that’s his name,” Carter chimed in, taking his much-deserved credit for everything he discovered during his sexual exploits with his WME agent.
“Nothing like a little friendly competition,” Ayda added.
“Yeah, sure. Hey, Freyda Inc. Why don’t you guys go fuck yourselves? See you on top again next year.”
They started to chatter, but I hung up, feeling gratified with leaving it right there, having given them a goddamn piece of my mind.
“I think that went well,” Carter said, beaming.
“Well, couldn’t have called them on their shit if Fred hadn’t blabbed about their whole scheme to Brant, who then apparently felt the need to share it with you.”
“Give me some credit. I’m pretty much the James Bond of PR, thank you very much.”
“I don’t recall James Bond sucking a lot of dick to get his intel.”
“Sucking? I don’t take the easy way out. I have to work this ass like nobody’s business.”
&nb
sp; I grinned, enjoying his playfulness along with our victory over Freyda Inc. in more ways than one.
We continued en route to Jace’s place, where I was picking him up to take him to the Fever Fight campus. He’d initially suggested we all meet there, but I wasn’t about to let him get a look at the place without me.
When we arrived at Fever Fight, I parked in the lot beside Nance’s SUV, and we headed up to their facilities, an impressive space big enough to have been a school.
In front of the building’s entrance, Ash, Beau, Linc, and Rush were clustered in a group with Nance, Keeg, and Serena. They all seemed to be catching up but stopped as we neared, Nance turning to Jace, looking as proud of him as ever. When we reached them, we all exchanged hugs and pleasantries and waited for the president of the Fever Fight board to arrive. Once he showed, he gave us the grand tour, taking us through the gym, the rec center, the theatre, and the library. I had a hard time paying attention to any of it, because all I kept doing was checking Jace’s expression and detecting the sheer pride he had for all the changes being made due to his contribution.
He must’ve noticed at one point, because he turned to me, and seeing my interest in his appreciation of the spectacle, smiled that smile that left a swirling sensation filling my chest. He still had this almost mystical power over me, and I wasn’t sure that would ever go away.
We’d been through quite a bit since our adventure began. Being with Jace had forced me to confront so many of my personal demons. They’d held such a grip on me for so long, but as I’d learned over the past three months, the slight celebrity status we enjoyed wasn’t so bad. We weren’t in Hollywood, constantly hounded by the media. We’d grab headlines every so often, and after the folks around town got their selfies, they tended to be just nice, down-to-earth people who understood we wanted to have our peace at whatever restaurants or events we attended. In some ways, the experience had been a sort of much-needed therapy for me.
After the tour finished, I headed to the restroom, and as I was heading out, Jace entered and didn’t hesitate to assault me with kisses. He pushed me back against the counter, and the way he embraced me, his lips and tongue working their magic on me effortlessly, made me feel whole.
#BURN (Fever Falls Book 2) Page 26