by Fiona Archer
Willing to make the ultimate sacrifice.
“Shit,” I mumble with a shaky breath while wiping fresh tears from my face. The bag of coffee grounds spills across the counter, causing me to cuss a blue streak as I try to scoop it all up.
“Hey, sailor, easy there.” Anton halts my movements, laying his hands across mine.
I choke out a laugh at the name. He’d tease about my filthy mouth with the ability to cuss like a sailor, saying I definitely missed my calling by not joining the Navy.
I look at his large, dark hands covering my lightly tanned, smaller ones. His warmth seeps into me, spreading up my arms, reminding me of what I may never feel again. His touch is so simple yet somehow intimate now. I meet his gaze, his dark eyes curious, assessing.
“I can get this if you want to go rest.”
I slowly pull my hands from his. “I don’t need to rest. But thanks.” I look away as I brush the grounds into the garbage and start again.
Anton moves away to work on the sandwiches while I finally get the coffee brewing. Our silent dance continues as we move comfortably around the kitchen until everything is ready. We sit on the saddle stools at the counter. Ares comes in, realizes he isn’t going to receive any droppings, and decides to plop himself on his bed in the living room.
I’m amazed I can actually eat, and my stomach isn’t protesting the contents. With a second cup of coffee—this one with that shot of whiskey—Anton and I move into the living room to settle on the couch. I sit in the corner and curl my feet beneath me after kicking off my shoes, immediately savoring the laced java. Anton sits an arm length away, staring into his cup as if it holds the answers to the world’s problems.
After a breath, he takes a healthy chug while staring across the room at the numerous pictures on the wall and cabinet. Many are of me and my favorite dogs over the years. Currently I have only a handful of canines out in their areas. I made sure to give them plenty of water and food before I’d left with Anton earlier. I should go exercise them.
“I remember that first day we met you like it was yesterday.”
Anton’s comment has me focusing on one particular picture. My hair was shorter then, the brunette waves barely reaching my shoulders. Amber eyes much brighter than they are today.
Nearly six years ago I’d been at the opening of PAWS of Coronado, an animal care facility. I’d worked extensively with many of the area’s shelters, rescuing and training canines in order for them to find their forever homes. That’s how I found my Ares. Leesa, a friend of mine and a staffer at PAWS, had arranged for service members to attend, posing with the canines for promotional purposes. A corgi had developed a fondness for Anton while Danny had latched onto a collie.
“You two were so damned cute posing and playing with those puppies,” I say, smiling fondly.
“You did a good thing disciplining that little shit so he could find a home.”
I chuckle. “Aww, come on, he wasn’t that bad.” I assume he’s talking about Bailey, the corgi I ended up training. “Bailey took to his lessons very well. That little guy had been my star pupil.”
“I was talking about Danny.” Anton’s gravelly laughter reverberates against me, making me laugh along with him.
“Dude was so determined to get you to go on a date with him. Said he’d adopt every damn dog and bring them to you for training if that was the only way he’d get to see you.” Anton looks at me with merriment in his eyes. “I threatened to slap a shock collar on him to keep him under control while I won you over with my subtle charm.”
I feel the smile stretching my mouth, remembering the flirty banter as both men played the one-up game, each trying to outdo the other. “You were both damn persistent.”
Two stunningly hot guys, complete opposites in looks and demeanor. Danny with his blond buzz cut, sparkling blue eyes full of mischief, and non-stop antics that garnered plenty of laughter. And Anton, who is truly a gentle giant with his hulking presence, yet possessing an economy of motion and articulation, along with a sense of calm.
“Ladies always go for the funny guy,” Anton teases.
Yeah, it wasn’t hard to be won over by Danny Merrill. Truth be told, I could’ve gone either way. But after conceding to a date first with Danny, one turned into two, then a dozen, and six months later we were married.
“Lucky me, I inherited a best friend.” I try to give him a warm smile before chugging more coffee. With my mug now empty, I consider getting more to keep me wired so I can complete the chores I’m behind on. I swing my legs from beneath me, intending to rise when Anton’s words stop me.
“He told me to take care of you,” he says softly while turning my way. I see shadows in his gaze, eclipsing his earlier joy. “Told him that was his job. Not that you needed taking care of.” He pauses, his eyes growing more serious. “Told him you were partners, you take care of each other.”
Guilt swamps me. I start to turn away, but Anton shifts, blocking me, leaving me no choice but to face him. I sit tall, stoic beneath his probing stare.
“You think I don’t know how he started pulling away?” Anton tilts his head while continuing. “How each time he returned from a mission a little bit of him never made it back? I saw the strain, the rift dividing you two. Told him he better talk to you; you had each other to lean on.”
“Is that why you weren’t coming around much lately?”
“You two needed your time without me muddling it up. But damn his pride. And his ignorance in not knowing what to say, how not to appear weak.”
I deflate, expelling all I’ve held inside. “I tried so hard, Anton, I really thought I did, but how do you make someone open up who doesn’t want to, who isn’t willing to share? I know I could’ve done more, should’ve done more, but he had to be willing, too, right?”
“Damn right he had to be willing,” he says a bit gruffly. “I wanted to give him the words to say, but then they wouldn’t’ve been his.”
“I failed him.” I look away, unable to bear my own shame. “I can’t even cry or mourn properly for him. If not for the guilt, I’d just feel numb.”
Anton’s hand on my chin shouldn’t startle me, but it does. He turns me back to him, his eyes fierce at first before they soften. “You didn’t fail him. No,” he practically barks as I start to interrupt. “You. Did. Not. Fail.” His hand drops to mine, his fingers curling around my palm. “You were his light, the calm he could come home to when the world around him was chaos. He told me you brought him sanity.” He looks down to our hands, his thumb sweeping back and forth across my knuckles. “But this last time, before he left, he said something felt different.” Anton looks back up. “Maybe because I wasn’t going, it threw our routine off, who knows, but he told me to take care of you like you deserved to be taken care of.”
“Anton…”
He gives me a weak smile. “Told that sucker to stop talking like a puss or I would steal you away and treat you like the queen you are if he couldn’t man-up.”
My grip tightens around his fingers. Anton shakes his head, inhaling a shaky breath. “I shoulda kept my big mouth shut. I shoulda got jacked on antibiotics and jumped on that plane anyway.”
“Anton, you were hospitalized with pneumonia. There’s no way you could’ve gone on that assignment.”
He stares at me, devastating heartbreak written all over his face. “I should’ve been there for him, and I wasn’t.”
“So I could lose both of you?” I say before I think better of it. I set my cup down to place my palm against his cheek. He instantly leans into my touch. “Danny was lucky to have you as a friend. I’m lucky I get to keep you as a friend.”
“I failed him.”
“You failed no one, Anton. No one.”
We stare at one another for what seems like eons, our eyes never breaking contact, searching for… forgiveness? Redemption?
“I won’t fail you,” he whispers.
When he releases my hand, I move away to give him room, thinking he
’s going to stand. But he doesn’t. His gaze remains on me as he reaches out, gently looping his hand around my neck. I try to give him a reassuring smile, but it changes in a millisecond when I realize his intent. He’s pulling me toward him. And I’m not resisting.
Anton looks to my lips then back to my eyes. “Damn me to hell if that’s where I’m going for this, but I won’t fail you,” he says more firmly. He brings his mouth to mine, a teasing touch, like the stroke of a feather. His kiss, an invitation. His statement, an edict. And I want it all.
God forgive me, but I do.
I whimper against his lips. His touch, electrifying. His taste, sublime. I want his comfort and his control. I want to be worthy. I want to be loved.
I sink into the kiss as he takes it deeper, more demanding. Possessive. Like he can’t get enough and he won’t do without.
His empty mug drops to the floor, and I barely register a quick whine from Ares as Anton’s hands frame my face. My hands anchor on his arms. Then the dam breaks. Our lips feast on each other as our mouths open, our tongues joining the frenzy. I taste the blend of whiskey and coffee. And Anton. I’m practically crawling into his lap as I scoot closer to him, and evidently that’s right where he wants me as his hands suddenly grab beneath my thighs and pull me across him.
My breath hitches, but he doesn’t stop his pleasurable assault. He’s kneading my flesh through my jeans while his mouth continues to devour. His hands journey over my ass and up my back, crushing me to him. His chest is a solid wall of muscle against my aching breasts. My nipples contract, and I moan at the heightened sensation, rubbing against him to feel more. I lock my arms around his head, kissing him with a wildness I’ve never known.
He breaks the kiss much too soon, breathing heavily, his forehead against mine, his hands on my thighs.
“Tell me this isn’t wrong,” he rasps. “Please.” He throws his head back as if he’s looking for permission from above.
“I… Is it wrong that I can’t?” I whisper. “Is it a betrayal when I’ve just lost Danny?”
He looks at me, his eyes soft. “I loved Danny like a brother, but I think you lost him long before now. You gotta know I would never come between you two, always hoping he’d see what he had right in front of him. Hoping he’d get help to deal with his issues instead of pushing us out. Because he pushed me out, too.”
“Oh, Anton.” I massage his neck, trying to ease his tension. “I know you loved him. And of course I know you’d never betray that friendship.”
His hands never leave my body, molding around my hips. “I didn’t intend to come over here tonight and have this happen. I…” He shakes his head. “Damn, Jess, I just couldn’t hold back.” The intense look he gives me makes my belly clench. “I don’t want you thinking anything is your fault. Not with Danny. Not with me. You were never lacking. You chose him and gave that man everything he needed. You—”
“Did I? I’ve agonized over my actions, our conversations, wondering if I had tried hard enough to understand him, to help him. I loved Danny, but it didn’t seem to be enough.”
“Some men can’t open up or seek help when they think they don’t have a problem. They’re not wired that way. You know I’ll never say a bad word about that man, and if I could change the situation, I would. If having him back here would make you happy, I swear to God above I’d give you that.”
“Of course I wish he was still here.” I immediately feel Anton’s body tighten. “I would want him to have a fulfilling life, but I don’t think it would’ve been with me. Yes, we were drifting apart, and once he returned from this deployment, I think I was ready to have a talk with him about—” My voice shakes as I stumble with my words, emotions choking me.
“Jess...”
My hands drop, and I look away, unable to face him. “I’ve been a coward, not wanting to hurt Danny, but also not wanting to admit my shortcomings. And—and now this.” I take a quick peek at Anton, wondering if he thinks I’m a horrible person, reacting the way I did with him. I start to move off his lap, but he doesn’t relinquish his hold.
“Did you start out your day thinking this would happen? No. And neither did I.” Once again, he lifts my chin so our eyes meet. “Jessica, I think I’ve loved you from day one, but if having your friendship was all I’d ever get, I told myself I’d be satisfied. Not once did I ever think if Danny was gone or you two didn’t work out, that I’d pounce on you.”
“I would never think that either! I know that’s not the kind of man you are.”
He takes my hands in his. “But I’ve changed my mind. I won’t let you slip away. You gotta know, right here, right now, I’m ready to stake my claim on you when the time’s right. If you’ll consider having a man like me.”
I twist my head in confusion. “A man like you? What the hell does that mean? Anton, you’re a wonderful, honorable man, and any woman—”
“Would an honorable man lust after his best friend’s wife? A best friend who just died?” He shakes his head. “If you tell me this isn’t what you want, then yeah, I’ll do the honorable thing and walk away. But know that I don’t want any other woman.” He brings my hands to his mouth, kissing the knuckles. “I want you, Jessica Douglas Merrill.”
My heart jumps at that declaration as my insides heat. I’ve known I’ve loved this man as a compassionate friend, someone who’d dispel the gloom with his dry humor and quick wit. A solid foundation when the walls started to crumble.
Can I be honest with myself and admit those feelings morphed into something more over the past several months? Can I release my guilt and accept Danny’s words to Anton?
“I know you loved Danny, and he had love for you, but let go of your doubt and accept his blessing.”
I fail to cover a sob with a strangled laugh as I stare into Anton’s eyes. There’s understanding. And hope. “How are you so good at reading me?”
His hands tighten around mine. “I’ve spent a good six years studying you.” His grin is there and gone in a flash. “You feel guilty that you want this.” His hands release mine to frame my face, his thumbs sweeping gently across my tear-stained cheeks. “There’s no shame in wanting love—to be loved. And if others think it’s too soon, fuck them. We answer to ourselves.”
I close my eyes as if that could block out the many thoughts swirling in my head. I take a deep breath, open my eyes, and focus on Anton again. “I just wish I could tell him how sorry I am. How I wish things could’ve been different.”
“I think you just did. And I think he probably wished the same. Maybe that’s the reason for him telling me what he did, even though I wish he would’ve just talked to you.”
“Me too,” I sigh.
Anton pulls me closer, his lips a breath away. “Time to let go of all that. Time for us. Tell me this is what you want.”
My hands lock on to his waist as I whisper against his lips, “Yes.” No sooner are the words out when he’s latching on to my mouth, kissing me with more passion than I could’ve ever thought possible. I squirm atop his lap, wrenching a groan from him. I break the kiss to say, “Love me tonight.”
His eyes shine with determination. “I’ll love you for all my nights.” Never breaking our gaze, he hooks his hands beneath my thighs and stands. I get a glimpse of Ares raising his head to stare at us before he’s back into doze mode. Anton walks us down the familiar hallway, into the guest room I’d long ago associated as his. He doesn’t bother with any lights; none are needed as twilight begins to bring this day to a close.
He releases me, and without any preamble, we’re undressing and falling to the bed. Foreplay isn’t needed, as we’ve been building toward this moment for some time, I realize. With his body across mine, forearms braced next to my head, Anton positions himself between my legs, his erection lining up perfectly with my sex. I don’t worry about protection. I’m on the pill, and somehow I know Anton’s not been with anyone for quite some time.
I wrap my legs around his ass and pull him forward int
o my willing body. The look of rapture on his face is my undoing. He fills me completely as we swallow each other’s moans in a languid kiss. Our bodies in sync, we unleash all we’ve held back until now, desperate to reach that pinnacle together.
And we do.
It’s fast and hot and just what we needed. Orgasms quickly rip through us as we cry out, our bodies wrecked in the best possible way.
“Damn near perfect,” he pants.
I hum contently. “Here’s to finding perfection,” I tease, feeling amazingly sated.
He raises his head, giving me a wicked smile. “Which begins now.”
He’s moving again, and we work at getting it right as we start our forever together.
Copyright Laura M. Baird
About Laura M. Baird
Laura knew she wanted to write since receiving encouragement from her 4th grade teacher. After dabbling in retail, serving in the U. S. Army, and becoming a dental hygienist (of over 20 years), she can now humbly and proudly say she’s an award-winning and Amazon best-selling author after three years of publishing. She’s thrilled to be included in this anthology, among fantastic authors! Laura is also honored to have had a story chosen from hundreds of international submissions for a charity anthology, Happy Holidays-anthology of short stories, which benefits the World Literacy Foundation. As a veteran (hubby as well) she proudly donates all sales from her military romance, The Soldier’s Final Mission, to the organization, Soldiers’ Angels, as a way to give back. Soldier’s Angels benefits deployed military, their families, and veterans.
For more on Soldier’s Angels, visit https://soldiersangels.org/
Happy Holidays: https://tinyurl.com/y9ymhn4b
When not writing or reading, Laura is enjoying time with family in the Pacific Northwest. She loves engaging with readers as well as supporting other authors, and encourages you to follow along on her journey.