“Instead of leaving, they had me arrested.” I sobbed. “I didn’t save a single person.”
“You’re wrong.”
“It is true.”
“No, it’s not.” He pulled back. “I’ll prove it to you tomorrow.”
I dried my face, feeling like a fool. If I was strong enough to hear my own words confess it, I would have told him about Calish. But no one wanted to hear about that, least of all me.
“I know this may seem like bad timing, especially since I’m a Seer, as you point out all the time,” he stood, “but I have a gift for you.”
“Nik…” I protested.
“No, now, I can’t take it back, so you’re going to have to just accept it.” He pulled something out from under his bed. “We don’t have any fancy paper or anything here, so you’ll have to take it like it is.”
I accepted the delicately folded pink cloth from him. As a Scavenger, gifts were illegal, but the guilt of accepting it never crossed my mind. Nik was right: his timing couldn’t be worse. Gifts were for celebrating joyous moments, and the last few days were anything but. Not wanting to offend my friend, who obviously waited for the moment, I unfolded it in my lap.
It’s a shirt. A woman’s shirt.
The garment had satin tiebacks and short delicate sleeves. “It’s beautiful.” My fingers slid over the fabric with perfectly spaced stitching and tiny decorative buttons down the bust.
“I had it made for you.” He smiled. “The women say that it will fit all the way through your pregnancy. It’s light so you can wear it during Toridia and still keep somewhat cool. This,” he unfolded the other piece, “is a sweater to put over it since it’s still chilly out.”
A simple thank you seemed too shallow of a response for such a sweet gesture. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Will you try it on?”
“Of course,” I said as he moved to the guest side of the curtain. “This is so very thoughtful, Nik.”
I took off my oversized man’s shirt and put on the pink one. While I wasn’t able to see myself, wearing a garment made to celebrate my growing body made me feel better. For the first time in several seasons, I actually felt pretty. Sure, Blue bought me a dress, but it showed too much skin. He got that dress for his benefit. Nik got this for mine.
“I forgot, there are pants in there too,” he called.
I shook the sweater, and sure enough, a pair of woven leggings fell out onto the floor. I quickly changed my pants and pulled back the curtain to present myself.
“Oh, Una. It’s perfect.” He smiled. “I’ll ask the ladies to make a couple more for you if you like it.”
“I do, I mean, from what I can see. I’ll have to take your word for it.”
Nik led me back to the bed side of his room. “Come, see for yourself.” He pulled a cover off a full-length mirror on the other side of his bed. I gazed into it, admiring the gift he’d given me. He stood behind me, basking in the smile of contentment on my face. He fixed the sleeve tops and kissed the back of my head. “I’m glad you like it. They’ve been working on it ever since you left.”
“I feel so, um…” I didn’t have the words to express exactly how I felt; pretty, special, comfortable?
“I don’t know how you feel, but you’re beautiful.” He gave my arms a gentle squeeze, hugging me from behind.
What a wonderful surprise. Now I can stop wearing oversized shirts. Nik smiled as he tenderly caressed my arms. This was not a normal gift, but one that only a person who truly knew me and cared about me would give.
I’m so glad he’s here. This is my home, now, and I don’t ever want to leave it again.
My reflection’s expression changed, but I assumed it was because I let go of the last few days and enjoyed a stolen moment from my thoughts. Nik’s eyes had drifted from our reflection in the glass down to my shoulder, and the girl in the mirror noticed, too. She turned her gaze to him the moment he lifted his eyes to meet hers, still touching my arms. They lost themselves in each other’s stare, his gaze moving only to glance at her inviting lips. His reflection leaned in closer, hesitating for a breath, as if asking her permission. She didn’t pull away and, in doing so, gave him his answer. He smiled then kissed her softly. When she didn’t protest, his kiss opened, and she eagerly received his tender attention. As they continued, their passion for one another intensified while exploring each other’s mouth. The line between friend and lover crossed, they both succumbed to the draw of the forbidden side.
I couldn’t look away.
My reflection turned to him, still attached to his kiss, fully giving herself to his embrace and obvious desire. She lifted her hands above her head, and he read her body’s invitation immediately. The front of his body pressed up against her, and he removed her blouse, separating his lips from hers only long enough for the soft pink fabric to pass over her waiting mouth. The gift he’d given to me moments before fell carelessly to the floor. Without hesitation, he grabbed her upper arms, turning her so that her back faced the bed.
He kissed her and touched her most sensitive exposed areas before deciding to undress himself. She untied the drawstring of his pants and let them fall to reveal the proof of his desire for her. Impatient with the meddlesome buttons of his shirt, he ripped the front of it open, sending the spheres tumbling across the floor. She tried to help him take it off by pushing it off his strong shoulders, but her efforts were too slow for his liking. The muscles in his back, arms, and chest tightened as he tore it away, furious it wasted so much of his time.
My mouth fell open as I watched him pick her up and throw her effortlessly onto the bed, ripping her new pants off as the last barrier between them. Their desperation to become one flesh became their only objective. Now completely naked, she sat up, grabbed him by his neck, and pulled him on top of her. He slid his hands along her sides, raising her arms above her head, her full breasts heaving with anticipation. Holding her wrists high with one hand, he wetted his fingers in his mouth before burying them in the secret place between her legs. Her gasps for air and twists of her body enthralled him. Nothing she did warned him to stop, and when his hand resurfaced and grabbed her hip, she nodded yes, wrapping her legs around him like a hungry serpent. With her hands still restrained above her, he lowered his body onto hers.
I flinched and covered my eyes to allow them privacy a moment too late. Nik had already snagged the drape from the far side of the room, and if I hadn’t moved, he wouldn’t have tripped over me on his way back. He stumbled to regain his balance but lost his footing somewhere in the drape. Reaching for the mirror, he pushed it over onto the floor. My reflection snatched the sweater off the bed and covered herself. She clung to her clothes as if we’d come uninvited to their lovemaking.
Nik hid the mirror, careful to make sure all the glass had been covered. “I’m so sorry,” he apologized in a low voice, kneeling on the floor next to it.
“Did you see that?” I asked, almost afraid to hear his answer. He nodded subtly. “Oh my gods.” I went into the guest area of the tent, mortified. “You saw the same thing? Are you sure?”
“I’m so very sorry.” He followed me sheepishly.
“What was that?”
Avoiding eye contact with me, he stammered an obvious response.
“For crying out loud, Nik! I know what they were doing.” I rolled my eyes. “I want to know why. And how is it possible that we saw the same thing?”
“I touched you, the skin of your arms. It’s totally my fault.” He ran his hands through his hair, thoroughly ashamed. “I wasn’t thinking. I should have controlled myself.” He sat in his chair on the other side of the table.
I didn’t say a word.
His breathing was labored as he spoke. “Nothing like this has ever happened to me before. I mean, I’ve never met another Seer, other than my parents, of course. We’d play in the mirror when I was a child, but I certainly didn’t expect this. Not with you. Gods, this is so embarrassing.” He stared up at the
ceiling of the tent.
“Nik,” I said sternly, “help me understand what I saw.”
He swallowed. “Mirrors reveal things to us. Not all the time, but sometimes. It’s more likely to happen during times of extreme emotion. It’s why I keep the damn thing covered.” He got up, grabbed the ale, and drank straight from the bottle. “I may be a Seer, but I’m still a man. That I can’t help, obviously. I just…I mean, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel something for you, Una, but I don’t pursue it. I know you have Calish, and I respect that.”
“What I saw was your vision?”
He took another swig of the drink. “Men are different than women. Every man who is attracted to a woman thinks about that. It’s only because you’re gifted that you saw it.”
“It’s my fault?” My eyes widened.
“There’s no fault in what happened. What we watched is not real. Here, on this side of the reflection, is real. Here, I’ve never done anything inappropriate!” He took another drink.
“No, you haven’t,” I agreed in a light voice.
“You just saw my—” he puffed out his cheeks and breathed it out, “my attraction for you. I’m so, so sorry.”
It took a moment to process what he was saying. I knew we were close. We’ve spent hours upon hours together, and our connection to one another, to our ability, transcended any other relationship I’d known. Still, I misread his feelings.
“How did you control my reflection?”
Nik swirled the liquid inside the decanter. “I can’t.” He took another drink.
“Wait, that was me?”
He swallowed his ale. “If your question is could you have stopped it? Then the answer is yes.” He looked up from the bottle. “If you didn’t want the activity to continue, your reflection would have ended it abruptly.” Nik clenched his teeth and adjusted himself as if it might make him sit more comfortably. “I don’t mean to pry, but why open yourself to me if you’re in love with another man?”
Suddenly cold, and interested in keeping my flesh covered, I put on the sweater. “You didn’t see it?”
“I don’t read you without permission,” he quipped. “Besides, I was a bit distracted with other things.”
I sat down in one of the guest chairs, staring off into the corner of the tent. What is happening to me? Bracing my elbow on the armrest, I pressed my fist to my lips. Before I could stop them, the words tumbled out of my mouth. “Calish is engaged.”
“He’s what? How do you know that?”
“I met her. Her name is Merci. She told me that she wanted to have lots of babies, but he didn’t want any.”
Nik came to the other guest chair and sat. “That can’t be right.”
“She’s the reason he never came home. Why he never came back for me.”
He shook his head in an exaggerated manner. “That doesn’t make any sense, Una. You’re not the kind of woman a man simply walks away from, especially when you’re carrying his child.” He rubbed my back with his open hand. “Did you assess him?”
“No.” I wiped my nose on the back of my hand.
“Then I’m a worse teacher than I thought. The same principles we practice here inside the camp apply to the world out there, too. You don’t know his intentions or his motivations.”
“I know enough.”
“Your perception could be totally wrong.”
“They are getting married, Nik. What can I misperceive about that? I’m pregnant with an engaged man’s baby. My purchaser is here at the camp, and now I’m sharing myself in the mirror with the only real friend I’ve ever had!” I bent over in a raw effort to hide my grief.
“True statements, although taken out of context to sound worse than they are.” Nik continued to rub my back. “You carry life inside you. It’s beautiful and natural, a gift many women pray and make offerings for. And don’t worry about Blue. His future isn’t even with you. I’ve seen it, remember?” He lifted my chin and caught my eyes with his. “What transpired in the mirror wasn’t real, it is just pretend. Nothing is different for us on this side of the glass. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had. I’ve never felt this way about anyone, I’ve never been in—” he took a deep breath “—what I’m trying to say is, you’ve changed me. From the moment we first met, you’ve inspired me. It’s a shame you don’t know it.”
His brown eyes were soft and sincere. Judging him for thoughts I indulged didn’t seem fair, although to act as if it never happened would be impossible. In my sadness and desire to be loved, I let those things happen in the mirror. To face the reality of my pain was sad and confirming. Did I allow it because I had feelings for Nik or because of the anguish of Calish’s rejection? Manipulating Nik to make myself feel better would only hurt us both. At least I recognized my own motivation before it complicated things.
I stood, drying my cheeks. “I should go.”
He stopped me. “You cannot go to your tent upset like this. What will you tell your roommates?”
“I don’t know.”
“Then, don’t leave.” He took my hand. “Stay with me.”
I shook my head. “It’s not right, Nik.”
“What’s not right about it? I have feelings for you, and you have feelings for me. So what? We are not children; we can be in the same room; nothing has changed. People fantasize all the time about things, mostly because they’ll never happen in real life. We just happened to see into the other person’s imagination. Tell me if you think I’m lying.”
“I’m still in love with Calish.”
“And love like that will never leave you.” He nodded, caressing my hand in his. “Let me be the friend you need right now. I promise nothing will happen if you stay.”
I sniffled. Where else is there to go?
“I’ll leave my clothes on, all night, no matter how much you beg,” he joked.
I laughed and pushed him away.
“Stay.” He found my stare. “Please.”
I bit my lower lip. “You’ll keep that mirror covered?”
“For the rest of my days.”
I paused, considering my options. He was right; I didn’t want to be alone, but I didn’t want to return to my housemates either. When would things get easier? Hadn’t I earned the right to breathe yet? For all the effort I had made to save others, I’d lost myself somewhere in the process. What did I want? The only person I had to answer to was me.
A small part of my spirit felt guilty as I crawled into Nik’s bed. Staying with him wasn’t being unfaithful to Calish, not that it mattered anymore. As much as I wanted to be strong and independent, I tired of being isolated and alone. Nik understood that more than anyone else in the world or what remained of it.
The gentleness he showed in making sure his blankets covered my feet and tucked around my middle made me feel cared for. Finding a spot under his arm, I cuddled up to him, and he held me tightly against him. The feeling was both familiar and yet completely foreign.
There was nothing wrong with my feelings for Nik, confused as I may be about them. When the guilt would creep in, like when he brushed my hair behind my ear, I reminded myself of the truth about my situation. I wasn’t engaged. I’m not doing anything wrong. The tears absorbed by Nik’s shirt told their own version of the sad tale. A broken heart bleeds through the eyes.
“Try to sleep, and we’ll find the sun in the morning,” he whispered as his head found a comfortable spot above mine.
“Thank you.”
He squeezed me tenderly. “Anything for you.”
Chapter 28
The great horn sounded to wake up the camp. I woke up next to Nik, wishing we might delay the start of the day just a bit longer.
“Did you sleep?” he asked while yawning.
“A bit.”
“Are you feeling any better?” He pressed his lips against my forehead, not a kiss, but an intimate expression of attentive compassion.
I closed my eyes, pulling the covers up and breathing deeply. “Do we
have to get up?”
“No.” He rubbed my shoulder. “Do you want to go back to sleep?”
I nodded, my eyes still closed. “I’ve not slept in days.”
“Do you want me to leave?”
“No,” I confessed.
His bed already provided more comfort than I knew the mat in my bunk ever could. My roommates probably were up, readying themselves for the day, but in Nik’s bed, I could remain undisturbed. Who would know to find me there? Knowing he wouldn’t argue or ask me to leave, I had discovered the perfect hiding place.
In his arms.
The idea hurt as much as I welcomed it. He’d offered me a safe place, expecting nothing in return. Snuggling into his fold, I accepted his extended invitation to stay. His scent, like trees and sun and humbled strength, filled my lungs and soothed my heart. Lying next to him felt both familiar and unknown. It was different than it had been with Calish. Perhaps I felt that way because…
Because Calish is gone.
My eyes would have filled with water, if either had more to give. Nik kissed the top of my head, and his embrace tightened subtly.
Is he reading my thoughts?
Does it matter?
I nuzzled my face against his chest, trading questions for much-welcomed slumber.
* * *
When the day warmed and our blankets pushed off the end of the bed, something cold and wet on the underside of my toes woke me. Popping my head up, I caught Rain nuzzling my feet. I kicked at him to go away, but he sat on the floor at the edge of the bed. His tongue hung out of his mouth, creating a wet spot on the sheet under his peppered snout.
Nik lifted his head and chuckled. “He’s staring at you.”
“I know.” I buried my face in Nik’s chest.
“I wonder what time it is.” He dropped his head back down on the pillow, running his fingers up and down the length of my spine.
“Who cares.” I yawned. Based on the noise happening in the camp, I imagined it late in the morning, if not already afternoon.
Season of Hytalia Page 33