by Nora Phoenix
Lidon hmmed noncommittally. “That’s the only reason, that you like them?”
“You like him too,” Enar dared to point out. He was treading on dangerous ground here. “You guys connected.”
Lidon’s nostrils flared. “I fucked him. That’s something else.”
“We both know that’s not true. You don’t do casual sex. You never have, not since…” He took a deep breath, then figured he might as well say his name. “Not since Rodrick.”
The name hung between them, thickening the air and making it tense and breakable. Had he gone too far?
“Lidon, it’s been three years. Isn’t it time to move on?”
Lidon’s head snapped up. “Says who? You? What if I’m not ready?” The anger disappeared from his eyes as fast as it had flashed up. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to trust again. I can’t forget what he did to me, even if you can.”
11
I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready.
That’s what Lidon had told Enar. Famous last words, Lidon thought, as he got out of his car in the parking lot adjacent to Palani’s apartment.
He stopped in his tracks as it hit him. It wasn’t only Palani’s apartment. It was Vieno’s too. He’d been living there for years, so why did Lidon refer to it only as Palani’s apartment?
His stomach rolled, creating an uneasy sensation. He’d always considered himself liberal when it came to omega rights and equality, but maybe he wasn’t as progressive as he'd given himself credit for. It was a sobering realization.
Palani opened the door almost instantly when Lidon rang the bell. Enar’s voice drifted in from the living room, so he’d already arrived. “Thanks for meeting with us,” Palani said.
Lidon studied him for a second. The genuine gratitude on the beta’s face hit him hard. It spoke volumes about Palani’s character that he was willing to sacrifice his own happiness for Vieno’s. Still, he had to manage expectations.
“I haven’t decided yet,” he warned him.
“We’re grateful you’d even consider it.”
Palani closed the door behind him. Lidon waited till he had turned around to speak. “You do realize that if, and it’s still a big if, if I do this, there will be no more ‘we,’ right? You and Vieno, that would be over.”
Palani blushed but held his gaze. “Forgive me, alpha,” he said, and Lidon could only guess how much those words cost the proud beta. “I’m so used to taking care of him that it’s hard to let that go. But I understand.”
Lidon put his hand on the man’s shoulder. “Don’t call me alpha. You don’t need to cater to me. All I want is crystal clear expectations, from all of us. Things could get messy fast if we don’t communicate without holding back.”
Palani nodded. “I’ll let go of him, I promise.”
Satisfied, Lidon stepped into the living room, where Enar sat on the couch, talking to Vieno. The difference in his appearance was staggering. Whereas before he’d been pale with sunken cheeks and dark circles around his eyes, he was now glowing in comparison. He was super cute with his dirty blond spikes, his blue eyes, which reminded Lidon of the ocean, and his lean body with that amazing plump ass.
He was also sitting way, way too close to Enar, and Lidon’s alpha let out a possessive little growl. It made Vieno look up, and his cheeks stained with an adorable blush as he rose to greet Lidon.
“Hi,” Vieno said with an awkward little wave.
Lidon bit back a smile. The kid had zero flirting game, that much was obvious. Then again, neither had Lidon.
“Hi,” Lidon said back, then extended his hand, just because he wanted to touch him.
Vieno stepped closer to take his hand, and his scent wafted into Lidon’s nose. He frowned. It smelled all wrong. He reeked of sex, but not his own pheromones. No, he smelled like… Lidon grabbed Vieno’s hand and pulled him closer to take a good sniff. His alpha growled again, displeased to detect another man’s presence.
“Did you fuck him before we came?” he asked Palani, his voice rough. His hand was still holding on to Vieno, whose eyes widened.
“This morning. It was our last time, our goodbye,” Palani said, his voice trembling. Lidon never looked at him, but it was easy to spot the deep emotions behind that statement.
Enar sighed. “God, you two really don’t know shit, do you? Lidon’s alpha will never accept Vieno if he smells like another man, not even if it’s a beta.”
“We didn’t know!” Palani’s voice rose, both in volume and in pitch. “Please, don’t let my mistake ruin it for Vieno. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…encroach on your territory.”
Again, the lengths to which this stubborn beta was willing to go for his lover astounded Lidon. Still, it didn’t solve the problem. Even though he felt the attraction to Vieno, the connection they’d experienced before, his alpha wanted nothing to do with him while he smelled like Palani. If he wanted to consider this whole marriage thing, he’d have to first erase that scent.
“I need a few minutes alone with Vieno,” he said. To his surprise, he discovered he was still holding his hand. Even more surprising, Vieno had made no move to pull it back. “In the bedroom,” he added.
Vieno bit his lip, then nodded. “Okay.”
Lidon wasn’t sure where the self-control was coming from Palani was displaying when he didn’t say a word, but it was impressive. Lidon led Vieno into his bedroom, closing the door behind them. Inside him, his instincts battled. One half of him was angered by the other man’s smell on Vieno, but the other half still wanted him.
“You can fuck me, if you want,” Vieno said, his voice soft but steady.
“Because you think it will make me want to marry you or because you truly want me to?”
Vieno cocked his head. “Both.” His cheeks grew red again. “I really liked it when we…last time, I mean.”
He couldn’t have known, not with his limited experience, but it was exactly the right thing to say to appease Lidon’s alpha. And the fact that he didn’t know that, that it was pure honesty and not some convoluted attempt at influencing him, meant more than Lidon could express.
“I can’t right now. We have things to talk about, and once I start, I won’t be able to stop for a while. But I do need to erase Palani’s scent off you.”
Vieno nodded.
“Strip,” Lidon told him as he worked on his own clothes at the same time. “Did he fuck you here? Or in his room?”
“His room. And I already washed the sheets.”
“Good. I need you to smell like me, at least while I consider your proposal.”
Vieno had stripped naked, standing somewhat shyly before Lidon. The sight of that tight body, that gorgeous smooth skin…and oh heavens, that ass. That plump, bouncy ass, which jiggled so perfectly when he buried his cock deep inside him. Lidon’s cock stood hard at the mere thought, eager to erase all smells of another man.
Still, words needed to be said. Important words. “This doesn’t mean I say yes,” he warned Vieno.
“I know. I’m sorry for sleeping with Palani. It won’t ever happen again. I would never cheat on you.”
He said it with such earnest conviction Lidon had no doubt about the veracity of his statement. His alpha approved too. Then again, he’d never thought Rodrick would betray him either, and look how that had turned out. He shouldn’t compare them, though. Vieno wasn’t like his ex in any way. Hell, he’d bet all his money Vieno couldn’t even lie if he had to. You could read the truth off his face like a book.
Without saying a word, he reached out to grab Vieno’s wrist, then yanked him close. Vieno’s startled blue eyes looked up at him, and his heart did a little flip flop. “Can I kiss you?” he asked, ensuring he was not using his alpha compulsion.
Vieno nodded.
For one second, his alpha protested that the smell was all wrong, but he pushed through it and kissed Vieno. The sweet omega offered little resistance as Lidon’s tongue swept into his mouth, claiming him. It was like coming home,
like finding a part of himself that had been missing. Fuck, he tasted so good, sweet and arousing at the same time.
It only took seconds for Lidon to get frustrated with their height difference, so he picked him up. Vieno wrapped his arms around his neck and his legs around his waist, and oh, that was so much better already. Lidon’s hands cupped that ass possessively, supporting Vieno’s weight.
He walked forward to the bed, then lowered them both onto it, settling himself on top. He rutted against him, his cock already leaking precum. His mouth tasted so addictive, and that pliant body under his was such a fucking turn-on. His alpha let out a satisfied growl into Vieno’s mouth.
Mine, mine, mine, his heartbeat pulsed through his body. He wanted to claim him all over again, knot him until he was drenched in his seed, until every pore of his body would scream Lidon’s dominance to every other man. What was it about this little omega that made him feel things he never had? Not even with Matteo, and he had loved him.
He tore away his mouth, panting. Vieno’s lips looked moist and swollen from the kiss, a little trickle of saliva meandering from the corner of his mouth. Lidon licked it, humming with pleasure. He traced those plump, warm lips with his tongue, then made his way to his smooth jaw, nipping at his skin along the way. He teased the sensitive spot behind his ears with his tongue, eliciting the sweetest little moan from Vieno.
“You like that, huh?” he whispered.
Vieno closed his eyes and offered him his neck, a clear invitation. Lidon rubbed his stubble against it, watching with satisfaction as the skin rose into goose bumps. Fuck, he wanted to rub him all over. Kiss him. Lick him. Fucking claim him. Own him. Then do it all again until he had nothing left to give.
His hands roamed all over the small body underneath him, touching him everywhere. Vieno’s nipples were perfect pink buds, hard and ready for his touch. He licked them, savoring the taste. Hmm, he already smelled more like Lidon while maintaining his own tantalizing aroma.
He closed his mouth around the right nipple, then sucked. Vieno bucked, grinding his cock into Lidon’s hard body. Oh, the sounds he made when Lidon played with his nipples… They were intoxicating. Everything about the omega drew him in, reached deep inside him to trigger urges he never knew he possessed.
He gently scraped the bud with his teeth. Vieno’s hands grabbed his head and dug in with just enough force to make Lidon feel deeply wanted. He wasn’t playing this. Nobody was that good an actor. Vieno wanted him. Truly wanted him.
He gave his other nipple the same treatment, smiling when Vieno restlessly moved under him. Fuck, he was so wonderfully responsive.
“I swear, I only wanted to rub my scent all over you, maybe jack off and cover you in my cum.” His voice was deeper than it had ever been. “But I can’t seem to stop.”
“Don’t stop,” Vieno whispered. “Please, don’t stop. I…it’s okay.”
Lidon lifted his head from where he’d been kissing and licking Vieno’s stomach. “It’s okay? That sounds like you’re enduring it.”
Vieno vehemently shook his head. “No, that’s not what I meant. It’s just… Palani.”
Ice cold bands wrapped around Lidon’s heart as he pushed himself upward until he was face-to-face with the omega again. “What about Palani?”
Tears formed in Vieno’s eyes. “I love him. I’ve always loved him. But I want you so much, and you make my body feel things I’ve never felt before. And when you fucked me last time, it was so perfect. I’ve never felt so good as when you knotted me, and I want that again, more than anything. And I like you. You’re kind to me, and you respect me, but it feels like I’m betraying him to want you so much. I’m sorry. I’m fucking it all up, aren’t I?”
He was such an idiot. Vieno’s eyes welled up as Lidon’s face tightened. He’d fucked it all up. Lidon had been open to the idea of marrying him; Vieno had felt it. And instead of doing what the gorgeous alpha wanted, Vieno had to open his stupid mouth and bring Palani up again. As if the man had needed another reminder of what he and Palani had done that morning, of what Palani meant to him. What man wanted to hear that in the first place, let alone when he was considering marriage?
Lidon rolled off him, leaving him shivering. Alone. He closed his eyes, his heart cramping painfully as a single tear slid down his cheek. The bit of hope he’d experienced when Lidon had agreed to meet with them disappeared. He had no way out now, no means of escaping Aloysius.
Then a strong hand grabbed him and pulled him close. Lidon gathered his arm around Vieno and put his head on his shoulder. Vieno tentatively put his hand on the man’s massive chest, too confused to even form coherent thoughts. What was Lidon doing? His heart racing, he waited for the alpha to speak.
“I don’t like it. Hell, my alpha hates it. At the same time, I understand it, and I respect the hell out of your loyalty and your honesty. Love can’t be turned off simply because circumstances require it.”
Relief flooded Vieno, and the hold he’d had on his tears broke. He snuggled closer, needing the sense of comfort and safety those strong arms brought him, and Lidon accepted it, accepted him. His other arm came around Vieno as well.
“I’m sorry,” Vieno said with a half sob.
“I know, sweetheart. Not sure you have something to apologize for, though. You can’t help who you love.”
There was an emotional depth to his words. Was Lidon in love with someone, someone he couldn’t have for whatever reason? It filled Vieno with a mix of sadness and relief.
“No, you can’t. Believe me, I tried.”
“I’m not sure where this leaves us, though,” Lidon said a while later, after Vieno had calmed down and was enjoying the alpha’s presence. “If there’s even a possibility for an us.”
“Do you want there to be?” Vieno dared to ask.
“Marriage is not something I’ve been looking for.” He seemed to hesitate, then quietly said, “I’ve been engaged before. Matteo, my omega, passed away a few weeks before our wedding. He was at the wrong place at the wrong time and got caught up in a store robbery. I didn’t think I’d ever want to marry someone else.”
His words stabbed Vieno in his heart. Never in a million years had he expected Lidon to say this. “I’m sorry,” he said. The words came automatically, but then his emotions caught up. “I truly am. I had no idea, and that must have been devastating for you.”
Lidon’s arms tightened for a moment before he relaxed again. “You remind me of him. Not in your appearance, but your character. He was a pleaser. His biggest joy was to make me happy.”
That was a promise Vieno could make. “If we marry, I will do anything I can to make you happy.”
“I know you will. That’s why you remind me of him.”
“That’s also why you’re reluctant. Because I remind you of what you lost,” Vieno understood.
“Partly. I had another boyfriend a few years ago. Rodrick. I was close to asking him to marry me when I discovered he’d cheated on me. He fucked around with a mutual friend behind my back and got pregnant.”
Vieno gasped. “What…how…I would never do that to you!”
His appalled tone comforted Lidon, but he had to ask. “Not even with Palani?”
“No. I couldn’t. And he’d never allow it. He’s incredibly loyal, you know.”
He lifted his head to make eye contact and found Lidon studying him for a while, then nodding, accepting his words. “Is that why you don’t want to get married again?” Vieno asked, putting his head back on that safe spot.
“I’m hesitant to give up my independence, since I do love the freedom I have as a bachelor.”
Vieno frowned, trying to understand it. “But you don’t do casual sex.”
“No.”
“Why?”
Lidon sighed. “It’s complicated.”
“Forgive me if being I’m stupid, but if it’s not for sleeping around, what do you need that freedom for? I don’t understand.”
“No, you wouldn’t, and it
’s not because you’re stupid. Look, if I were to marry you, I’d become responsible for taking care of you.”
“I can take care of myself,” Vieno said, then bit his lip. Could he? As hard as it was to admit, he leaned on Palani an awful lot.
“I’m sure you want to be able to take care of yourself,” Lidon said diplomatically. “But the bottom line is that you can’t. Because of biology, society, your upbringing, my instincts, and everything else, my job would be to take care of you. And that would take away my freedom.”
Yeah, he understood. Right now, Lidon could go where he wished, do what he wanted. He had no one to come home to, no one who needed him. That would change if they married; there was no denying that.
“I’m sorry?”
“You need to stop apologizing for things that aren’t your fault. You are who you are, Vieno. You don’t need to apologize for that.”
“Even for an omega, I’m kinda dependent, though,” he admitted.
He startled when Lidon laughed, the sound rumbling through his chest. “God, you suck at selling yourself.”
Vieno’s cheeks flushed. The alpha had a point. So far, he was doing a sucky job of presenting himself in a way that would make the man want to marry him. On the contrary, he seemed to be saying and doing shit to scare him off. If he wasn’t careful, Lidon would come to the conclusion Vieno didn’t really want this.
“Sorry.” He wanted to crawl somewhere under the bed.
Lidon kissed his head, an uncharacteristic tender gesture for him. “Stop apologizing.”
“But I…”
“Stop apologizing.”
This time, Lidon’s alpha reverberated through his words, and Vieno found himself responding to the authority.
“Yes, alpha.”
“I usually dislike it when people call me alpha ‘cause it feels more like an automatic gesture than true deference that I somehow earned, but I may make an exception for you.”
“Yes, alpha.”
More laughter. “You’ve finally come to that famous realization about honey being more effective than vinegar, huh?”