by Robyn M Ryan
Andrew stood and gently ruffled her hair as he walked passed her toward the shower. “You have good instincts, Caryn. Trust yourself.”
Caryn mulled his words as she took a water bottle from the refrigerator. Talking with Drew feels so…so normal. As if the last few months hadn’t occurred. But those months were real and absolutely shredded her heart. The last time she stood in this room with him still haunted her dreams. Could she ever put that behind her? Could they recapture what they had? How do we navigate going forward? I don’t want to get stuck in the past, but there are so many hurdles to jump before we can move forward.
She walked across the room to pour a little water on the fresh African violets. Did Andrew have any clue the others withered from lack of attention? Probably not. Too focused or distracted by more important matters. Kind of like our marriage.
She shoved the negative thoughts aside as she leaned against the half wall room divider. Look to the future. Don’t wallow in the past. She put a bright smile on her face when he emerged from the bathroom, hair damp and a towel around his waist. Physically, she saw no evidence of the accident. His hair covered the scar; his upper body had not lost a centimeter in muscle tone. If anything, Caryn thought he looked more muscular. She had a crazy urge to run her fingers across his chest and upper arms.
She shook her head when she realized Andrew had spoken. And caught me gawking like some puck bunny. “I’m sorry, what did you say? I was daydreaming.” He raised an eyebrow, and she felt her face flush.
His blue eyes trapped hers with a hint of a smirk. “Don’t suppose you’d share your daydream with me?”
Caryn turned to hide her embarrassment. “You look really strong, Andrew. What’s on your schedule today?”
He answered as he quickly dressed. “Yoga, cardio, and PT in the morning. Weight training and ‘intensive visual perceptual sessions’ this afternoon. Trying to improve my balance…and I’d like to get cleared to drive one of these days.”
Caryn glanced at him. “You’re tired of having your own chauffeur?” A slight smile tugged at the corners of her lips.
“My chauffeur’s time will be slim-to-none once the residency starts.” He grabbed his keys and nodded toward the door. “Though I guess Uber or Lyft are always options.”
Caryn shook her head as she preceded him into the hallway. “Don’t forget I can drive, too…if you ask nicely.”
She looked up at him when she heard him chuckle. “Should I get you to define what ‘asking nicely’ entails?” he asked.
“Probably.” His eyes met hers and Caryn felt her stomach’s familiar flip-flop. How can he affect me this way? Ten minutes with him and I was ready to jump him in the bedroom…now we’re acting like nothing happened between us. How stupid is that?
She slipped into the room when he opened the door, then quickly retrieved two yoga mats from the storage area. Holding one out to him, she said, “I’m going to be lagging behind everyone—it’s been so long. I’ll just hang out in the back and do what I can.”
“You think I’m going to be sharp after taking this break? I already know stretching is going to be a problem.” He lightly held her elbow and guided her away from the back of the room. “How about here? We can help each other, and you’re in no one’s sight line, but mine.” Caryn saw him barely suppress a grin when he spread a mat on the floor, then motioned for the other.
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” she said as she began to stretch. “Feel free to move your mat if I embarrass you.”
“Not a chance.” Caryn could feel the heat rising in her cheeks when he looked at her. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea? She shouldn’t be thinking about him that way. How could she just forget the past four months…or pretend nothing happened? Maybe Andrew wanted to, but Caryn wasn’t sure she could. She just needed to remember that when he looked at her that way.
Andrew was surprised and amused by Caryn’s discomfort. Probably should dial it back a notch. But, it just feels so damn good to be with her without a wall of tension dividing us. He knew he needed to keep the pressure low and to not rush things. That would be his challenge. He watched Caryn as she stretched. She moved slowly as if testing her body. Her shirt slid up when she leaned to touch her toes, her yoga pants leaving little to the imagination. He fought the urge to grab her and take her back to his room. Just like a freaking caveman. She’ll fight her own desires, but hopefully she’ll come around—the sooner the better. He’d caught the expression in her eyes when he’d stepped from the bathroom. He knew she wanted the intimacy as much as he craved it, even though she’d pushed it aside when she realized he’d caught her staring.
Andrew shook his head as if to banish the images, and he forced himself to focus on the instructor as the class began. As expected, it took longer than usual to stretch completely, and even then the instructor came beside him several times to correct his position. From the corner of his eye, he saw her stop by Caryn, who declined any assistance.
“I’ll catch up,” she assured the instructor with a soft laugh. “I’ll ease back into things. Obviously, I haven’t practiced on my own.”
“Go at your own pace. Nice to have you back with us.”
Andrew couldn’t hear Caryn’s quiet response, but the instructor smiled and nodded in response. He refocused, making a mental note to find local classes if he took any breaks in the future. His body felt out of sorts. Hopefully, the rest of the day’s sessions will prove easier.
Caryn appeared exhausted following the cardio class, even though Andrew saw her take frequent breaks. “You okay?” he asked as he handed her a towel and water bottle.
“Fine, just incredibly out of shape. Haven’t had much exercise lately. This is good for me.” She looked up at him. “Helps my brain to focus.”
They were headed to the PT gym. “You can relax and watch me struggle now. Have no idea what to expect. Dan said I have a new therapist.”
Caryn’s expression remained neutral. “Really? Why the change?”
Andrew avoided her eyes and shrugged. “A number of things,” he said softly as he pushed the door open. “I’ll tell you later, if you want.” He saw a flash of irritation cross her face, but Caryn’s voice revealed nothing.
“Of course. Whenever you want to tell me.” Her cell phone vibrated in her hand and she sighed when she looked at the screen. “I need to take this, Andrew. It’s from our contact at McRainey.”
He nodded and offered his key. “If you need some privacy.” Caryn accepted it with a smile of thanks as she swiped the screen and slipped from the room.
11
The longer Caryn spoke with Jim Wesley, the more difficultly she had masking her impatience. Especially after she’d explained three times why they couldn’t move forward without a contract, and why they would not sign the contract the company presented. She could tell Wesley was running out of patience, too.
“It’s our standard contract, Caryn,” he repeated. “We do our best to protect both parties.”
“I understand. But, you are asking us to provide a six-week free trial before you provide any retainer.” She closed her eyes in frustration as he parroted the same response.
“This is our standard contract. I seriously doubt legal will change anything for a new supplier.”
Was that condescension in his tone? “I seriously doubt our lawyer will approve this as written.”
“Let’s do this, Caryn. You consult with your lawyer; I’ll speak with our legal team. Then, let’s talk again—maybe over dinner—and see if we can reach an agreement that is satisfactory to both parties?”
Caryn glanced up as Andrew opened the door and silently entered the room. Have we been talking in circles the whole time Drew had his PT? She did her best to project a professional tone. “I’ll get the contract to our lawyer today. Just keep in mind, the fees we quoted are non-negotiable. Please convey that to your legal team.”
“I’ll pass that along. Call after you’ve consulted with your attorney. Just keep
in mind, our completion deadline is not negotiable either.”
After terminating the call, Caryn flung the phone across the couch. She looked at Andrew and saw the hint of amusement in his eyes. “Don’t laugh, Andrew,” she warned. “This is the most frustrating, demanding, condescending, patronizing client we’ve had. I feel like he’s patting me on the head like a child—we spent the last fifty minutes talking in circles.”
Andrew sat next to her on the arm of the couch. “How badly do you want this contract?”
Caryn laughed without humor. “I’m beginning to ask myself the same question. I should discuss it with Lauren before I do anything rash…”
“Such as?”
“Just rescind the entire proposal. If this is what diversification brings, I’m not sure I want it.” Caryn rubbed her temples, the hint of a headache forming. “How was PT? Tell me about your new therapist.”
Andrew stepped into the kitchen area as he answered. “PT was good. The new therapist, Glenn, is a sports medicine specialist. I think he’s exactly what I need at this point.” He pulled two Cokes from the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of Advil, then held it out to her before he offered the drink.
“Thanks,” Caryn said softly as she shook two tablets into her hand, and then accepted the Coke. Their eyes met when she handed the Advil back to him, and Caryn read the concern on his face. “Lesson learned…don’t discuss contract details on an empty stomach.”
Andrew opened a drawer and rifled through the contents until he found the room service options. “See if anything appeals to you. Or we can go down to the food court? Either way, I know what I’m getting.”
“Which is…?”
“Couple of burgers.”
“You know what sounds good? A vanilla milkshake,” Caryn decided and then set the menu aside. “I guess I’ll get in touch with Dad, we don’t have much time to respond—if he agrees to look at it.”
“You know you’ll get a straight answer from him.”
“Yeah, I can hear him now. ‘Are you out of your mind considering this piece of…’” Her voice trailed off as Andrew leaned over to kiss her forehead.
“More likely his legal team will completely rewrite the contract to your advantage.”
By the time Andrew returned to the room, Caryn had set the table in the kitchen area, placing the African Violets as a centerpiece. “Looks nice, Cary.”
“No big deal.”
Andrew saw the hint of exhaustion in her amber eyes, and he motioned for her to sit as he placed the milkshake on the table. He set two water bottles on the table and unpacked his bag as he took the seat opposite her.
“I got extra fries in case you decide you’d like to share.” He dumped all the fries on one plate and set it between them, then laughed as she immediately reached for one. “Headache better?”
“Holding off. I’ll probably get brain freeze from this milkshake.” She sipped the milkshake and then nodded towards Andrew. “Tell me about PT. Are you starting such a new direction Dan felt you needed a different therapist?”
Andrew held up a finger as he swallowed, then set the hamburger on the plate. “Glenn will challenge me in new ways. Actually, he plays hockey in a rec league, so he has a good understanding of what I need to emphasize.”
“And Dan didn’t think Kristen was a good fit now?” Caryn met his eyes as she asked the question. Andrew saw the anticipation in her expression and shrugged as he thought how to answer.
“It was time for a change. I asked for a new therapist before we went up to Toronto.” Caryn raised her eyebrows in surprise. Or is that skepticism?
“I thought you both were in sync. I can’t imagine you requesting a change.”
Andrew leaned back in the chair as he held her gaze. “A lot changed over the last several months.” Caryn cocked her head, waiting for more. He sighed and then continued. “I…discovered she’d misread our relationship and thought I wanted…more than a friendly professional relationship.”
“And you realized this when?”
When I kissed her? “Just before we went to Toronto. She…acted in a way that was…inappropriate. Definitely not professional. So…I told her to request a new therapist before I returned from Toronto.” He considered mentioning the kiss in the gym, but returned that detail to his brain’s lockbox. No need to add unnecessary complications. He could see Caryn wanted to ask questions, but instead, she spoke quietly.
“I hope this change doesn’t interrupt the progress you’ve made.”
“Truthfully, I think working with Glenn will jump-start beyond the plateau I’ve been stuck on for weeks.”
“I hope so. You deserve to work with the best team available.” She dropped her eyes and focused on sipping her milkshake. “May I ask what she did?”
Tom’s advice ran through his mind. Regaining trust requires honesty. He took a bite of his hamburger as he thought how to frame his answer.
He swallowed and sipped his drink. “I overdid my evening run on the track…trying for a new personal best. So, I was hobbling a bit afterward. Kristen saw me and suggested a massage…I guess I fell half asleep as I relaxed. Zoned out…thinking about our time in Antigua and the way you’d spread suntan lotion on my back…I could almost hear your voice. But, slowly I began to understand it wasn’t you whispering to me. I came out of my haze and, of course, it was Kristen.” He watched Caryn as he spoke, waiting for her to look at him. “The simplest way to say this is that she didn’t want the massage to end, and I ‘declined’ her offer.”
“And you never encouraged her? That just happened out of the blue?”
He saw anger clouding her eyes, but he kept his voice neutral. “I never knowingly did anything that would lead Kristen to think I was interested in her personally.” Except maybe kiss her? But, Kristen knew it meant nothing. Right?
“Remember, I told you to keep your shirt on during massages,” she finally said.
“Obviously, I didn’t remember. You don’t seem surprised.”
Caryn shrugged, averting her eyes. “I often wondered if she thought of you as more than her client.”
“You never mentioned it. I would have requested a change sooner.”
Her eyes flashed as she looked at him. “Seriously, Andrew? It wasn’t my place. You were making such good progress…it was just a feeling I had. It would have sounded ridiculous even to mention it. I wasn’t exactly in the best place mentally, I’m sure you remember.” The touch of bitterness in her tone felt like a knife stabbing him.
“Neither of us was in a good place.” Andrew reached across the table and covered her hand with his. “And to be honest, back then I probably would have thought you were imagining things. I’m sorry, Caryn.”
“So that’s all there was to it?”
Andrew studied her eyes. Once again the memory of the kiss tickled his conscience. Why add to her hurt? “Without more graphic details, yes.”
He saw the change in Caryn’s expression, but he could not decipher it. Was she expecting more?
“I really don’t like thinking about those months,” she said finally. Her smile looked forced as she glanced at her watch. “Don’t be late for your next session…I need to get back and deal with that contract.”
Andrew stood and grasped her wrist so she wouldn’t turn away. Her eyes showed vulnerability when she looked up at him. He gently brushed his hand across her forehead. “I know we’re just beginning, Cary. As much as I want, we can’t just brush everything aside and pretend it didn’t happen. Are you willing to work through this with me?”
She nodded, her eyes brimming with tears. “Talking about it hurts so much more than I thought it would. But, you’re right. We can’t pretend nothing happened.” She swiped at her eyes and then forced a smile. “I enjoyed being with you this morning. Even though I was rather pathetic at everything.”
“Come back tomorrow?”
“If I can. I’ll try to take care of business this afternoon. But, I never know what might come up.
Lauren’s still on the West Coast. If she needs anything…”
Andrew pressed his lips against her forehead. “I understand. I enjoyed this morning, too. I hope we can work together as often as possible. You make me step up my game, you know.”
Caryn’s smile promised hope. “Talk to you later?”
“Look forward to it.” He drew her into his arms and held her for a brief moment…too brief. Although she did not stiffen, Andrew sensed hesitancy in Caryn’s response. He pressed his lips against the top of her head and then tightened his arms when she relaxed against him. She clutched his waist and raised her face towards him. Without thinking, Andrew pulled her closer. Their lips met and suddenly their problems never existed, the hurt and separation disappeared.
Caryn wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed against him, a quiet moan escaping her mouth. He lifted her against his chest, and Caryn instinctively hooked her legs around his waist. He raked his hand through her hair, deepening the kiss, both expressing the depth of their love.
Caryn finally broke the kiss, unlocking her legs and slipping to the floor. He felt her heart pounding as she leaned her face against his chest, struggling to capture her breath. He stroked her hair as he restrained his desire, pressing his lips against her forehead.
Reluctantly, he held her in front of him, tenderly cupping her face in his hand. “I love you, Cary.”
Her eyes met his, a soft smile crossing her face. “Love has never been the issue, has it, Drew?”
He shook his head. “Never.”
“I should get home and take care of that contract. And you have a session in a few minutes.”
“I’ll walk you to the car.” He held up his arm so she could see his watch when she protested. “There’s plenty of time. I won’t even have to sprint to get back for the afternoon sessions.”
Caryn paired her iPhone with the car’s hands-free option and pressed her father’s office number before she left the parking lot. Hopefully, he’s not halfway across the world right now. Lisa, his personal assistant, greeted Caryn warmly.