by Robyn M Ryan
“The massage? We talked about that. I know how manipulative she is, so I totally understand how that ‘situation’ came about. But as for everything else, we have so much to discuss.” She met Tom’s eyes. “I understand if I expect complete honesty from Drew, I need to reciprocate.”
Tom nodded in agreement. “You’re working with a counselor?”
“We have some initial appointments set up with three counselors in the Rehab Center. Hopefully, we’ll find someone we both agree on.”
“You will.”
Caryn shifted on the bed and leaned back against the stacked pillows. When I tell Drew what Kristen did, he’ll be furious…with me, not Kristen. If she’d been honest, maybe they could have avoided everything that happened. But, he did kiss Kristen. He can’t deny that. He doesn’t think I know…not even Tom knows. So maybe the manipulation worked because he had…has feelings for her? Or am I just looking for a way to rationalize my own guilt? Caryn rubbed her temples, then looked up when Tom spoke.
“You okay, Caryn? Headache?”
She shook her head. “I’m good. Thinking makes my brain ache.”
She saw his reassuring smile. “Try not to think,” he said.
“Wish it were that easy.”
“Then focus on the positive. Twins who have two very excited parents awaiting their arrival. And one ecstatic uncle.”
Andrew used his shoulder to push the door open and gratefully handed off some drinks to Tom. He tossed two small stuffed teddy bears to Caryn, one pink and the other blue. Her delighted smile warmed him as she gathered them into her lap as she sat cross-legged on the bed.
“Our first baby gifts…thank you, Drew.” She accepted the cup of swirled soft-frozen yogurt and then kissed his cheek.
“Hedging your bets, I see,” Tom laughed as he stood.
Andrew shrugged. “Could have one of each, you know.” He smiled as he watched Caryn enjoy her yogurt. “If there’s another baby hiding, we’ll have a forward line.” He saw her scowl when she met his eyes.
“Don’t even think about triplets, Drew.”
“Yesterday, twins were not on our radar,” he continued to tease her.
“Dr. Turner said just two. I’m going with twins. A boy and a girl.”
“Maybe two girls—just like their mom.”
Caryn’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t start, Andrew.”
He laughed quietly. “I know. We’ll be surprised and overjoyed no matter what the combination.”
“And healthy,” Caryn added, a smile hinting at her lips.
“Amen,” Tom said. “Before you know it, you’ll be a soccer mom, Caryn.”
“Hockey mom,” she corrected.
“You’ll need a minivan,” Andrew added.
Caryn tossed a pillow at him. “No minivans or huge SUVs. Just a safe family car.”
“Trading in your BMW?” Tom laughed.
Andrew shrugged and sighed. “Too much to think about right now. No, I’m not trading the car. When we need the family car, I’ll keep it. You can drive it, or the car you’re driving now, and not worry about transporting your car here from Toronto.”
“Not going to argue,” Tom retorted. “If you don’t need anything, I’m going to take off. Time to check in with my chief resident to get my schedule for the weekend.”
Andrew looked at Caryn, who shook her head, her mouth filled with yogurt. “I think we’re good for now.”
After Tom left, Andrew stretched, running his hand through his hair. “You mind if I take a shower? I didn’t stop in my room to change after therapy.”
“That would be nice,” she said with a hint of a smirk. “Do you have anything to change into?”
“Yep, I brought jeans and a shirt when I came by at lunch.”
Caryn was quiet for a moment. “That’s right. You put them in the closet right before Dr. Turner arrived.”
“Can I get you anything first? Do you want to lie down for a while?”
“No, I’m fine. I’ve been resting all day.”
While she listened to the sound of the water running in the shower, Caryn’s thoughts returned to her brief conversation with Tom about Kristen. She needed to tell him how Kristen manipulated…lied to her. How Kristen asked her to prepare Andrew for a career without hockey. Her heart ached just remembering those days. It wasn’t fair to Drew. She knew the guilt he carried about what happened. She had to take responsibility as well. Andrew had no idea what Kristen had instigated.
Caryn had never considered she had played a huge role in their problems. Not really. Easier to cling to anger and hurt? Maybe if Drew had known everything, things would have been different? He may have believed she did not ask her father to offer him a job. He may not have asked for time and space. Caryn took a deep breath and dabbed her eyes with a tissue.
She wished she had listened to Tom when he first advised her to talk with Andrew back in March. I wanted to protect him, not allow any doubts to slow his progress. Did she truly believe she had pushed Kristen into Andrew’s arms and feared he’d tell her that? Or had she taken the easy way out? Withheld information that directly affected our relationship? I can’t continue to place all the blame…and guilt on Andrew. She may not have kissed another man, but Caryn had betrayed him by withholding information he had every right to know.
She wiped her eyes again when she heard the water stop and then greeted him with a smile when he emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later. “You look so strong and healthy, Andrew,” she said as she took in his Suns’ polo shirt and jeans. “Very nice.”
Andrew laughed as he crossed the room to her side. His fingers danced over her chin and cheek. “Compliments will get you anything you want,” he said softly as he leaned to kiss her. “Strawberry, nice,” he said several moments later. He took the empty yogurt container from her hand. “Can I get you another serving?”
“Maybe later. That sounds better than what I saw on the menu for tonight.” She hesitated a moment. “Andrew, can I ask you something?”
“Anything.” He sat beside her and slipped his arm behind her back.
“It’s about Kristen...”
“Honey, I don’t know what either of us can say to make the message any more clear. I’m sorry she came here earlier.”
“Not your fault. But, did you ever…were you...w-was there anything at all?” she stammered.
Andrew’s eyes held hers. “Kristen was my physical therapist. Nothing more.”
“But, while we were separated, did you ever go out with her?”
Andrew shrugged. “I thought of her as a friend, Caryn. Sure, we had lunch or dinner together sometimes. But just as friends…at least in my mind.”
It was Caryn’s turn to shrug. “I always suspected she thought of you as more than a friend. Even early on in your rehab.”
“I don’t know. I never noticed.”
“Whenever I saw her last spring, she seemed to know so much about me, about us, and the problems we were having.”
Andrew touched her chin until she faced him. “Cary, we worked together every day for hours. Sometimes I needed to talk to someone. She was there, and she was a good listener. Maybe I shared some things I shouldn’t have but it doesn’t mean there was anything between us.”
Caryn studied his eyes. He looks so sincere, like he believes what he’s saying. Why don’t you tell me about the kiss, Andrew? How could she feel confident he had no feelings for Kristen when he still kept that information from her? Suddenly, the thought of competing with Kristen for Andrew’s time terrified her. She needed his one hundred percent commitment and support now and after the twins were born. Should she tell him what she saw? Now?
Andrew interrupted her thoughts. “What’s on your mind, Cary?”
Caryn took a deep breath and then locked eyes with his. “I saw you kiss her.” She saw momentary confusion, and then the truth flashed through his eyes, followed by regret. “In the PT gym. You were alone and didn’t even notice when I entered the room. Why didn
’t you mentioned that if you are ‘just friends?'”
Andrew shook his head as he sighed in frustration. “It was nothing, Cary. I...”
“It was something to me! To walk in and see you holding her…kissing her.”
She started to turn away, but Andrew gently guided her face toward his. “It meant nothing. I’d just walked across the room on my own for the first time,” Andrew said softly. “Using a cane. After all those weeks of working. For the first time, I knew for sure I’d make it back. Kristen was there... and the kiss just happened. It was just the moment, Caryn. Nothing more.” He rubbed his face wearily. “I had no idea you were there.”
“Remember, I was in the hallway when you left the room.” Caryn paused to take a deep breath. “You didn’t say anything to me, then after that day, Kristen’s attitude toward me changed. She let me know she had the upper hand. Sometimes, I thought she did.”
“Caryn, I’m sorry you saw that. It was a one-time mistake. I wish you’d said something.”
“I wanted to see if you’d tell me. I didn’t tell anyone except Kelly and Terri.”
“Tom didn’t know?” When Caryn shook her head, he continued with a sigh. “I didn’t want to make things worse between us. The kiss meant nothing to me, and I didn’t want to put more stress on us.”
“You thought it was easier just to pretend it didn’t happen?” Caryn challenged as she moved away from him.
Andrew didn’t look at her when he spoke. “Yeah, actually I did. I buried it in the back of my mind and tried to forget about it.” He met her eyes for a long moment. “I knew it gave Kristen the wrong idea, Cary. I just pretended it never happened.” He rubbed his face. “I wish you’d told me.”
“So do I…but, we were having so many disagreements,” Caryn said quietly. “I was doing my best to support you, and you already knew I did not want you even thinking about playing again. I tried to give you space, because you were right about me hovering…you saw through me every time hockey came up even when I tried to say the right words. I practically pushed you into her arms.”
“I own it, Cary,” Andrew replied. “I knew as soon as I kissed her I had betrayed our love, but I just pushed it aside, hoping to forget. Was that why you and Kristen…I don’t know…I didn’t expect you to be friends, but I felt the tension when you were around her. I thought you resented her because she was helping me get back to hockey.”
“I probably did resent her.” Caryn forced herself to meet his stormy gaze. “How could I blame you, if you’d turned to her? She was your cheerleader and one hundred percent committed to your complete recovery. All I could do was try to hide my anxiety…you know how well that worked.”
“So all this between us began with a fucking kiss?”
“Yes,” Caryn said softly. “It just started a cycle that spiraled out of control.”
26
Andrew looked at Caryn for a long moment. “What do you mean—‘spiraled out of control?’”
Caryn took a deep breath. “Could you get me some water, Drew?”
He retrieved a bottle and unscrewed the top. He saw her close and open her eyes several times. “Are you okay, Cary?”
“Just a little light headed.”
Andrew’s sudden anger disappeared, and he sat beside her, gently drawing her against his chest. “We don’t need to do this now. Please believe me when I tell you I never stopped loving you, even when I shoved you away.”
Caryn nodded against his chest, her voice soft. “You also need to know the role I played in our marriage getting so far off track.”
Question after question raced through Andrew’s mind and he tried to quell the anger that threatened to erupt. Why bring this up now? Why would she think he’d choose Kristen over her? Did he make her feel so insecure she questioned his love, couldn’t confront him about that kiss? Was that the cause of their meltdown? What did she mean about her playing a role in getting them off track? Did she initiate those job offers from the Stevens Company, even though she and her father denied it?
He felt the anxiety and tension radiating through her body and forced his mind to focus on the moment. He tightened his arms around her and kissed the top of her head.
“This is enough to process right now. Let’s try to put this aside for now. Think about something else. Like the terrible two’s with twins or what you’ll do if you have two toddlers running around shooting hockey pucks in the house.”
“Mmm, I think the terrible two’s will occupy my mind for now. Pucks flying around the house might take a while to imagine.” She pulled back so she could see his eyes. “I love you, Andrew. I want to tell you just one more thing right now…I knew our problems started when I’d told you I didn’t want you to play hockey again. I knew Kristen always supported you and helped you focus on your goal. I didn’t blame you when I thought you’d chosen her.”
Andrew leaned his forehead against hers, taking a long breath before he spoke, his voice hoarse. “Sweetheart, since the day we met, you’ve had my heart—all of it. There’s no room for anyone else.” He pulled back slightly and grasped her hand as his finger traced her wedding ring set. He then indicated the gold band he wore. “This has never left my hand. Despite that kiss, I never stopped loving you or believing you’re the only woman for me, Caryn. I never will.”
His lips found hers, tenderness replacing the passion of the other day, as each responded to the emotions expressed by the other. Caryn lightly fingered the damp hair on the back of his head as she urged him closer to her, pressing against his chest as he gathered her in his arms. Instead of burning intensity, sweet gentle love guided their actions.
She protested softly as he dragged his lips from hers, her amber eyes bright with emotion. Andrew’s smile was wry, as he lightly brushed his fingers across her cheek, and then leaned to kiss her forehead softly. “We have company, Cary,” he whispered.
Caryn looked past his shoulder, and Andrew watched her face redden when she saw Dr. Forster standing inside the door, an amused expression on his face as he pretended to read her chart. Caryn leaned her face against Andrew as he turned his head towards the physician. “Once again, your timing is incredible, Dan.” He hugged Caryn for a moment before standing and extending his hand toward his friend as he took a step toward him.
“Sorry to interrupt,” Dan retorted as he set the chart on the table. “Did you go to therapy?”
“Yep.”
Forster nodded approvingly, then turned his attention to Caryn. “It’s good to see you sitting up. How are you feeling?”
Caryn answered quietly. “Much better.”
“Headache?”
“Not too bad.”
“Any dizziness? Nausea?”
“It comes and goes. It’s getting better.”
Forster stepped toward the bed and pulled the penlight from his pocket. “Let’s run through the basics.”
Andrew watched as Dan performed the quick neurological exam, knowing from experience the physician was pleased.
“You’re doing terrific, Caryn. I will release you tomorrow if you continue to improve. One more night following the over-cautious protocol,” he added with a smile.
“You have any objections if I take her for a stroll around the floor?” Andrew questioned.
“No, just don’t overdo it. If you get dizzy or tired, Caryn, tell Andrew immediately.”
“Promise,” Caryn said softly.
“That’s the main concern about releasing you too soon,” Forster added. “It’s easy to begin feeling better, then jump right back into your normal routine too quickly. I don’t want to see you back in the hospital until Dr. Turner says it’s time.”
“He told you about the surprise twins?” Andrew asked.
“Yes, he did. Congratulations, both of you. That doubles my level of concern about sending you home—you’ll need to assure me you have someone in the house twenty-four hours a day.”
“We’ll work on it,” Andrew said. “I wouldn’t complain if
you kept her here.”
“Speak for yourself,” Caryn said, a smile hinting at the corners of her mouth.
“Andrew, you’ve got your work cut out for you. Show her your favorite sites; I’ll see you both tomorrow.” The doctor clapped a hand on Andrew’s shoulder as he walked toward the door. “You might want to put a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on the door, Chadwick.”
Andrew laughed, and then turned toward Caryn, her smile pulling at his heart. He clasped her hand securely as he sat on the bed beside her.
“Where were we?” he said as he leaned to kiss her gently.
“I think you need to look for a lock.” Her eyes danced mischievously.
Andrew brushed his hand against her hair. “No chance around here, sweetheart. Remember back when I was the one in the hospital bed…step-down unit?”
Caryn smiled in memory of that one time she’d pulled the curtain around his bed. “How can I forget? I still have trouble believing we took the chance.”
“Grabbed an opportunity,” he retorted.
Caryn slapped his arm playfully. “And what would you do if I said, go ahead?”
“You have to ask?” His fingers lightly played against her neck. Caryn’s skin tingled under his touch, and her stomach contracted expectantly. Her amber eyes darkened with desire as he gently raised her face toward his and kissed her tenderly. He slipped his arms around her and held her against her chest. “Just as soon as Dr. Turner assures me it’s safe.”
“I’ll let you ask that question.” She laughed lightly.
“Oh, I intend to. Definitely.”
Dozing early in the evening, Caryn half-listened to the soft music playing in the background. The anti-nausea medicine made it difficult to keep her eyes open. When Lauren’s ringtone played on her phone, she jerked awake. She must think I fell off a cliff. She reached for her phone, but Andrew had already answered it
“Doing really well. Probably go home tomorrow,” she heard him say.
“Andrew…”