“One,” Leo says.
“But what happens on three?” Rose urgently pleads again worried for her friend on the table.
“Two!” Leo shouts.
Brittany’s scream drowns out Rose’s plea the third time seconds before Leo says the magic word, I push Brittany’s shoulders down to the bar top and he takes his knife, cutting into her flesh, piercing the wound and forcibly digging making any attempt possible to pull the bullet from inside her.
Seconds drag like hours as I hold her down and Rose’s cry behind us matches the woman screaming in agony on the table. Just as I can’t take anymore, Leo makes contact with his prize and plucks it quickly from inside her.
“Holy fuck!” Brittany screams out as the rope falls to the floor and she sits up only slightly straighter on the counter before hauling off and punching Leo hard in the face.
He tumbles back a few steps on his feet before shaking off the pain and looking up at her on the bar. “Not what I’d expected for helping save your life, B, but you’re fucking welcome,” he laughs, knowing he put her through a hell she wasn’t expecting but did her a favor she’ll forever be indebted to paying back.
Leo’s friendship is like that. A long list of obligations none of us ever mind actually being forced to keep.
She picks up the bottle at her side and drinks from it heavily again with shaking hands as I go back to my post at the door. “Not as bad as that time in Moscow, but you’re still a bastard for having to do it,” she says with a shaky laugh after taking a drink, a joke the pair obviously share in their friendship that I haven’t the slightest idea about. Grabbing the rope he made from before, Leo unwraps it slightly before grabbing a bar towel and holding it to her wound. He slowly, tenderly, wraps it around her waist and applies pressure to stop the bleeding as I unlock and slightly look outside the door again.
“Liam?” I hear Rose cry quietly as my head darts back to where she is still hidden behind the couch. “He told her to have him pack.” My blood chills at the mention of her, and I know exactly the woman in question. “He said, they were leaving.”
My heart wrenches inside as I look up frantic at Leo and watch as he helps Brittany to her feet. “He’s not leaving,” I hear my friend hiss out. “At least not anytime soon. Not after the bullet I put in his fucking leg.”
I breathe out a sigh of relief and watch as he makes sure Brittany can stand OK and the bleeding is slowing down just before I look back to Rose and see her slowly stand to her feet. “But my son!” She demands, standing and facing the unknown head on as she looks at Leo with a madness, a passion I know well. “He said it was time for me to say goodbye. I’m not leaving here without him!”
“Fuck, leaving! All this la partenza! Who said anything about leaving?” He throws his arms out in frustration before making his way to my side and pulling out his gun. “We’re going to get your son, Ms. Gables.” He says assuring her as he nods for me to crack the door open again so he can get a look outside. “And when we do, then we are fucking la partenza, capire?”
I look behind me as I move out of the way and allow Leo the room he needs to peek down the hallway for trouble. My eyes lock with hers and I feel it. The weight of every damn thing we have been through. But even with it dragging us down. Even with the burden, the load, the impossible task in front of us, I see it.
The truth.
The truth that no matter what may try and stop us, no matter what has tried to slow us down, stop us in our tracks, make us believe things that weren’t true about ourselves, each other, all that matters, all that will ever matter, is us. She smiles, and God the small token of understanding does something to me. It makes a way where there once was none. It forms an oath, without speaking a damn word, and like a man knowing the end may be near, I pull her against me and kiss her hard. Strong. Tough. Like our love. Like the courage she’s given me, to see the truth for myself. In us. In the world.
Her lips part and I allow myself the simple satisfaction of tasting her one time. As her tongue brushes against my own, my whole body savors the moment like a lifeline. The salvation I always needed and now finally found.
“If we are going to do this, we got to move fast,” I hear Leo say behind me. She breaks apart from my kiss and I let her, reluctantly, as the world creeps back in and the truth is this is all far from over. “Britt, you stay here and find out what is keeping that backup,” I hear Leo grit out as he slips his earpiece back in and I watch Brittany do the same. “I might need you to talk them through to me.” She nods in understanding as I watch her glide her body slowly down into a seat nearby and begin to talk to her husband through the once again established radio connection. Her pain is an ever evident crease in her forehead that she pushes through for us, for this hell, until we get what we came for.
“J,” Leo whispers, breaking my train of thought and bringing my attention back to him. “You’re going to have to cover me, and I can’t have you doing that with other things on your mind,” he says, gesturing towards Rose. “Is this going to be a problem?”
I look at the woman at my side and my heart aches. “I am coming with you.” She insists, with fire in her eyes and a spirit full of determination.
“Are you kidding me?” I hiss out a little too aggressively. “I’m already pissed that you are here, Sunshine. Fuck, I love you, don’t get me wrong. But there is no way in hell that I am allowing you into the lion’s den willingly.”
“That’s my son,” she insists.
“And I told you I’d take care of him!” Great, our first fucking fight and it couldn’t have come at a worse time.
She rolls her eyes and takes a step towards me. “It’s not that I don’t trust you, Justin. I do. With all my heart. With all my soul. But I’m going whether you like it or not. End of story!”
I see Leo grow irritated out of the corner of my eye as he releases a heavy sigh and waits for this charade to be over. “No it is not the end of the damn story, Rose. Fuck, I swore to protect you. To protect Liam. I can’t do all that I have to, to ensure his safety, and bring him back unharmed, if I am worried about you at my damn side.”
“It worked out well a few minutes ago,” she insists, her unwavering demand that I do what she says growing stronger. “What’s to say that it wouldn’t again?”
This time, it is my turn to grow irritated as I roll my shoulders and close my eyes trying to think of a good response. “That’s not how this is going to work and you know it.”
“Try me!”
“Rose I….,” but I am cut off as Leo curses under his breath and cocks his weapon, signaling that the time is now and we all better not waste one more precious second.
“I have an idea.” Brittany says, catching us all off guard. Like three moths drawn to a flame we all instinctively look to her for the answer. She pauses for a moment, no doubt listening to something Dylan has just said through the earpiece, a side note I can’t hear since I haven’t turned mine back on yet, and then I watch as she rolls her eyes and sighs before glancing back our way. “It’s worked. One time before. But you’re going to have to trust each other. Can you do that?”
I look at Leo and he gives me an exhausted expression, one that tells me this is the absolute last time he allows women anywhere near a job he wants done, and then shrugs like he’d do any fucking thing to end the bickering and get back to the business at hand. Rose catches my eye next and a pleading look digs deep into my soul as a smile spreads across my face.
I’d do anything for her. Anything at all, just so long as she continues to love me, effortlessly, trusting me with all her beautiful heart, like she is standing in front of me right now.
I hold her hand in mine, and know no matter what happens, I love her, and that in itself will always be enough. Always has been. Always will be. “What do you have in mind?”
Chapter 13
Rose
Me feet clank against the tile in the house as I slowly, cautiously, make my way down the hallway. My palms sweat. M
y heart rate is spiked. My legs wobble slightly with every step I take towards the unknown.
Kind of like the minutes in the day that slip by. The unknown, never knowing when or if the fear, the anxiety, the trap I feel in my mind will surface again.
But this time I know, even if it does even if it comes back to haunt me, I will fight. Fight with every amount of strength I have and never let it win.
I reach a corner and look both ways. The house is still. Too still. And the reality makes my hands start to shake as I look behind me, my breathing quickens and all that I see starts to become a blur. Facing forward again, I tell myself to settle my heart rate as I force myself to take a deep breath in, and then let it out.
One.
Two.
Three.
Breathe.
A smile graces my face, because the irony of feeling like I am starting back at the beginning is all so ridiculously unexpected.
Come on! Where are you, Liam?
A creak behind me alerts my attention and I glance back to see Leo has made his way out of the door and is providing me the cover he promised.
“I am going to need you to listen to every damn word I tell you, got it Rosa?” I nod as his voice comes through the earpiece. The one that Justin gave me when he involuntarily agreed with Brittany’s plan. Something I don’t think he will ever let me live down. But seeing he was outnumbered, all three of us against him, he didn’t have a choice. I’ve noticed Leo’s accent grows thicker as impending fear closes in and it blankets me standing in the hallway, feeling alone, but it has a way of calming and offering reassurance. Almost as if the strength in where he has come from, what he has overcome, been through, will undoubtedly help us out of this very fucked up situation.
The plan? Use me as bait. Flush them out by dangling Michael’s obsession in front of him. The opportunity to screw with my mind, just one last time. Fight fire with fire. Manipulate. Control, and don’t let them control you.
In life you can fight it or accept it. Fear it or control it. I pick fight. Control. And I know that now that my mind is finally made up the devil in him doesn’t stand a chance.
“We’ve got three guys on the roof,” I hear Dylan say through the earpiece Justin instructed I take and wear, no excuses. If I was going against his wishes, I was taking it. Call me old fashioned, but a woman should never be put in danger, not if there is anything I can do about it, I can still hear him say as I took it from his hands. But that is where he is wrong. I am never in danger. Not with him by my side, protecting me like I always know he will. “There are more closing in on all sides,” I hear Dylan say again. “But that doesn’t mean that Diaz doesn’t have just as many waiting, lurking in the corners. Keep your damn eyes out and your head straight. Rose, I know when you see your son you’re going to want to run to him, but I’m going to need you to hold off. Don’t move until I tell you I’ve got you covered.”
Justin eases out of the door behind Leo and I catch his concerned stare before I smile slightly and release all the bravery, the courage, the damn strength I have inside of me as I turn back forward and wait for instruction.
“There is motion to the right, down the hallway and almost to the courtyard,” I hear Dylan say a moment later. “But stay alert! Do you hear me Rose?”
I nod, because if someone forced me to speak right now I am not sure I could. Not when I have to keep the perseverance, the endurance inside built up to face what I am about to.
“She hears you,” I hear Leo whisper, low and steady as he comes up behind me in the hallway.
“La fretta fa danno,” I hear him whisper as he places a steady hand on my shoulder. “Chi va lento va al sicuro e lontano.”
I have no idea what he just said, but his words wash over me as I exhale a deep breath and force myself to inhale another before I hear Justin come up on my other side.
“Haste makes waste,” I hear my love whisper. “He who goes slow, goes safe and far, Rose.” I look to my side and catch his eye and he smiles. “I love you, Sunshine. I won’t let anything happen to you, or Liam. Go slow. Be aware of your surroundings. Don’t take any step for fucking granted. We’ll cover you, but don’t do anything rash. Even when you see Liam.”
I nod. He’s right. Don’t take any step for granted. Every damn step I have ever taken in life was a gift, and I promise myself, as I turn the corner and start to make my way down the hall towards the courtyard, that when I make it out of this, when we are all safe back in Georgia, no more taking life for granted. No more letting the voices rule.
I have found my strength. I always had it. It was always there. Buried inside under the lies he told me, and the ones I told myself believing the worst. He made me a victim to myself. He tricked me. Manipulated me. Made me actually accept the fact that I was insane. That the voices were real and I was even more crazy to not believe them.
Not anymore.
The enemy doesn’t stand a chance when the victim decides to survive.
And now that I know the truth, now that I see him for what he is, I’ll meet every attack head on to protect what is mine. Liam and my own damn sanity included.
I hear the clank of my shoes once again against the tile and focus on the noise to steady my breathing as I make my way towards the unknown. But this time, instead of fear, instead of anxiety, I’m filled with a peacefulness I didn’t expect. A quiet calm that starts in my chest, in my heart, and washes its way through the rest of my body.
I am a fighter. I’ve been fighting since the day he started his mind games. Since the day I shamelessly started to war with myself questioning if I should believe them. He’s beaten me down and I let myself stay inferior to his advances and my own mind. But not anymore. Never again. And as I hear voices in the house, as I turn and wait, making sure they are coming from the door to my left, my back straightens and I make my choice to finally fucking win! From now on!
Grabbing out and taking the door handle in my own, I know that no matter what is on the other side, I will never stop fighting. For Liam. For myself. For life. That is my new truth. My new reality. And God, life has never felt sweeter.
Justin
My conscious tears me apart as I watch her hand grip the handle. This is bullshit. Such fucking bullshit. I should be the one going in there first. I should be the one protecting her.
But you did. All along. You helped her see the light. You held her when she couldn’t even hold it together herself. She mended you back together too, and you gave her strength to face her demons head on.
But this battle, the one she’s been fighting, she has to stand up to it herself. She has to walk it alone. Choose. Decide. Finally come out on the other side. And know you’re standing by her, giving her the strength to do that now.
I shake my head as the truth I don’t want to admit creeps up my spine and makes itself known.
The hardest part about loving someone is that you can’t take away the scars that life made. All you can do is stand by them, help them heal, bandage a wound you promise to never inflict on them yourself and know that ultimately the choice to except the challenge to never look back, never open it back up, is their own free will. And even if they do, even if they pick at what once was forgotten, real love will always stand by their side. And that is something I will always promise to do for Rose, because she’d do the same for me.
Always have. Always will.
Even standing at her side, I am protecting her. I am giving her a shoulder to lean on, a friend when she can’t see one in herself, and the knowledge that all she has to do is look at me with those damn beautiful eyes like she did the first day I met her and I would do anything in my fucking power to keep her safe. To keep her happy.
“It’s just Michael, Natasha and Liam, we’ve lost eyes on the guard,” Leo whispers informing us there could be trouble brewing, a fact I can’t hear since I made Rose wear my ear piece. “From what we can see, Michael is the only one armed, so move with caution.”
I watch as Rose no
ds before my eyes look down and see her turn the handle. “I love you, Sunshine,” I whisper. I can’t help myself. I need to say it. She needs to hear it. Before we walk headfirst into a death trap.
“Always have,” she whispers as she takes a deep breath and pulls strength from within. “Always will. Forever, Justin.”
Chapter 14
Rose
1.5 years ago
Dear Self,
You are strong. Courageous. Fearless. I believe in you.
I believe in you even when the world doesn’t and even when you don’t believe in yourself. I believe in you the days you look in the mirror and hate what stares back. The nights you lay awake in pain, hating your own personal torment and wishing you could find something, anything, to take away the sting. I believe in you even when you are not strong enough to ever believe that one day, you might find a way. And what’s more, I believe that if you keep fighting, if you keep searching, one beautiful day you will.
Through this battle already I’ve learned that strength doesn’t come from what you can do, it comes from realizing you are so much stronger than what you once thought you couldn’t. Keep pushing forward. Stay positive. Because in doing so, your optimism gives birth to hope. To confidence. To a light at the end of a dark tunnel. Stay positive, because no matter how things turn out, you will always be OK, if you don’t lose faith in yourself. The one thing the quiet, the voices, the fear and anxiety try to steal is that you will never be good enough. But you will. And what’s more. You already are.
And as you walk forward, as you put one foot in front of the other, don’t be afraid to take deep breaths. To calm your racing heart. To never be too busy to tell yourself you are OK. To war with your mind and silence the irrational thoughts that try to push through and tell you any different.
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