by Janie Marie
She shook her head. How could she make it through anything?
“You will.” He squeezed her gently. “Get yourself cleaned up now. I’ll be here when you get out.”
She sniffed, wiping her tears as she looked up at him. “Tell Janie and Ryder I’m sorry.”
He smiled, holding up his phone. There was a text open.
His Angel: Tell her I’m sorry for being a bitch in the elevator. I still mean it.
His Angel: I’d be a good mom and you’d be a good dad with Ryder.
Logan’s response broke a part of her: I know baby doll.
His Angel: I could’ve been less bitchy
Again, Logan had responded, and she could almost hear his tender tone: I’ll tell her. Don’t worry.
His Angel: Luc just makes me feisty
I know.
His Angel: Love you. Be strong for her.
Love you too.
It would’ve been better if the ‘love you’s’ were left out, but Kylie nodded, rubbing her face. Maybe she deserved that. “Okay, I won’t be long.”
He motioned for her to go as he walked to pick up the hospital menu and Lorelei’s hospital phone. “I’m ordering her meal. We’ll wake her when you get out.”
✦✦✦
When Kylie opened the bathroom door, she froze. Not only was Lorelei already awake and being fed by Lance Grimm, Maura was sitting in a wheelchair beside Logan. Janie and Luc were there as well.
“Dad wanted to see Lorelei.” Logan nodded his head toward Lance. “He didn’t want to leave Maura, and we thought it would do her good to see her mom.”
Janie gave her a small wave. “Food’s on the way.”
Logan got up, clearing the cot for Kylie. “We ran out of chairs.”
“It’s okay.” She peeked at Lorelei.
“Sit, Kylie,” Lorelei whispered.
“Okay.” Kylie sat, glancing at Maura. Janie was tying gold ribbons around her wrists, but her stepsister merely stared at the floor.
Logan sat beside Kylie, but he kept a space between them as he spoke softly. “Ryder left to meet up with Nick and Than, but he’s getting breakfast. She’ll go as soon as he gets back.”
Kylie realized he meant Janie. “I’m the one out of place.” She swallowed, putting her things under the cot. “She’s probably the best person for Maura right now.”
“I think that’s why Dad asked her for help.” He leaned against the wall, sighing. “And you’re not out of place—they’re your family.”
She kept eyes on Maura. If Logan had depicted Janie dead in his drawing, he’d portray Maura as a rotting corpse. And Kylie had made her this way.
Her lip trembled. Maura had tried to protect her, even when they were little. No matter how much Kylie hated her and made her life hell, she never treated her badly until she no longer had her dad. No, it was only when she still treated Maura like she was nothing that Maura had changed.
“Hey.” Logan nudged her shoulder. “Not everything was your fault.”
She sucked in a shaky breath when Luc helped Janie up so she could brush Maura’s hair. “It is.”
He exhaled loudly. “You’re helping now.”
Kylie wiped away the tear sliding down her cheek. “How can I ever expect to make it up to them?”
“You don’t give up,” he whispered, glancing at her with a softness she’d not seen from him since her birthday. “They both did what they thought was best. Well, not so much Maura, but I think somewhere in her mind, she was trying to keep you safe from everything too. She, uh, confessed Trevor made her make that recording. He manipulated her and your mom. She said she tried to tell you when she went to your room. She wanted you to know I didn’t hurt her.”
He lowered his voice even more. “I think he essentially raped her. Than played the recording to see what I thought of what seems like my voice and yours. But the rest was too real to be her trying to hurt you. I think she just did it because she believed he would love her or something. She didn’t know about him and Lorelei. Lorelei believed he would be with her and somehow act like a father, or some shit like that. It’s insane. But Lorelei believed his excuse that he’d only date Maura if she gave him what he wanted. She hadn’t realized Maura liked him so much, but she believed everything he said, and she thought she was securing a boy for Maura.”
Kylie’s lip trembled. “He raped her?”
“I think so.” He took a deep breath, tapping his foot. “The hospital wants to discharge her to a psych-hospital, but Luc made arrangements to send her to the treatment center with you.”
She froze, unable to look away from her stepsister.
“It’s the best place for her. It might be beneficial for both of you to be together for this, too. They arranged to keep you in separate rooms until you’re both ready to stay together.”
Kylie didn’t want to argue, but she couldn’t stop herself from asking, “Can I stay with you?”
He sighed, shaking his head. “I’m staying with Janie and Ryder, and he doesn’t want you around her.”
She turned her face away.
He continued, “I know me being around her makes you upset, but there’s no point lying. I’m going to focus on helping her get better while they search for Trevor and Kevin.”
Kylie peered around the room. Thankfully no one paid any attention to them. Janie was doing Maura’s hair, Luc was on his phone but holding up hair ties for Janie—which was just bizarre—Maura was still staring at the floor, and Lance and Lorelei were talking quietly. “You picked her after all.”
“I’m choosing to stand by her while she’s under threat from Trevor.” He leaned forward, staring at his dad. “It’s my fault things were never stopped, and the only way I can heal from all the harm I caused is to do it with her. I want to get better, and she’s the one I need to earn forgiveness from, because that’s the only way I’ll forgive myself.”
Her throat felt tight. “You’re breaking up with me for her?”
He frowned. “It’s not like I’m dating her, but I think it’s for the best you and I end things. I know we were getting serious, but it’s not going to work. It’s the least of our problems right now, but I won’t be able to get your words out of my head. I can’t imagine being with someone who would wish harm on my child, or someone who would try to hurt Janie the way you have. And I’m trying not to see such similarity in her and Maura, but I do. It wasn’t all your fault, but everything combined—I can’t.”
“I’m sorry for what I said. Just please—”
He cut her off. “We rushed into things together, and it’s clear we don’t know each other at all. If I try to pretend I’m okay with everything, I’ll resent you. I’m calm right now because she’s here. I keep trying to put what you’ve gone through first, but it’s there in my mind. You don’t need that.”
“I need you,” she whimpered.
“No, you don’t.” He wouldn’t meet her pleading gaze, but she felt he was trying to shield her from his wrath. It was radiating out of him like a suffocating blanket, but she didn’t care if it destroyed her. “We need to go our separate ways and deal with our issues,” he said. “I don’t want to hold off on making things right with Janie. It’s not that she’s more important—it’s that I can’t escape it now. I keep imagining her with our little boy or girl. Even if Janie wound up with Ryder, and he was raising my baby—I would give anything for it to happen. I see her happy. I see me getting time with my baby and being a family with her, and I want it so badly. And you just came along and lit my dream for what could’ve been on fire.”
His voice cracked. “I was going to be a daddy. I’d always imagined her having my children. I know that’s painful to hear, but that’s what I’m saying—I need to deal with this. I didn’t plan to break down when I saw her, but I did. I can’t abandon them. My baby is still real for us. I need to be there with her as we let go. I can’t be a boyfriend while I do this, and I can’t try to fix the shit we created with our lies.”
&n
bsp; She put her hand over her heart as it split in half. Everything was ruined. “I’m really sorry, Logan.”
“I know.” He took a deep breath, squeezing his eyes shut before opening them. “I am, too. I shouldn’t have lied about my relationship with her or made more lies to keep from upsetting you. You just made it so easy to be someone I wasn’t—someone who wasn’t an asshole for leaving my pregnant girlfriend. It was addicting to have you think I was this great guy. Deep down, I knew I was nothing like the man you thought, and it would’ve come out, eventually. I just want to be me”—he nodded toward Janie—“how she remembered me. Well, not like that, but you know—the guy who did her right. She’s not the only one I betrayed. I even cut out my two best friends, Devon and Jake. She stays in touch with them. They came by yesterday to see her, right after shit went down, and they wanted to make sure I was okay. I’m gonna see them later, maybe salvage something of our friendship.”
She smiled even though her heart was still breaking. “That’s great, Logan. I just wish we could be—”
He shook his head. “I can’t be a boyfriend. And you need to be there for your mom and sister. I’ll be your friend.”
Her thoughts immediately went to the first day they met.
He chuckled, grabbing her hand and squeezing it. “You’re your own category, Kylie. Don’t think about what I told you before. I want you to find Kylie Hood, the girl you’re really meant to be. The girl you want to be. Will you be my friend?” He stared into her eyes.
She wanted to kiss him so much—she wanted to beg him to take her back—to forgive her, but she couldn’t. He didn’t want to be her man-boy. “I’ll be your friend,” she whispered, unable to stop a tear from escaping.
“Don’t cry.” He wiped it away. “It’s better this way.”
She sniffed, wiping another falling tear. “For you. Not for me.”
He looked heartbroken, but he didn’t comfort her more than a gentle squeeze of the hand. It was amazing he was even doing that after all she’d done. It still felt like he’d stabbed a rusty knife into her heart, though, and she was the one who had forced him to do it.
Before she could make a fool of herself and beg Logan to change his mind anyway the door opened.
Ryder strolled in, carrying several bags and a drink holder. “I have good news and bad news.” He put their things down on a small table. “The good news is, I got your Dr Pepper, babe.” He winked, pulling a bottle from his jacket.
Luc rolled his eyes but reached for the drink since Janie was still braiding Maura’s hair.
“Bad news is,” Ryder said, digging through the bags, “the waitress saw me and fainted ’cause I’m too sexy. She dropped everything. Then some old lady slipped, smooshing Than’s bean taco. It looked like she’d shit herself.”
Kylie couldn’t process his behavior; he was talking so calmly.
He continued, “Since I ordered shit for everyone, they had to remake our meals. So, none of the tacos have cheese. Except mine.” He laughed, grabbing about eight breakfast tacos. “Babe, did you eat your food? ’Cause I bought you a taco if you didn’t eat.”
“She ate syrup with a side of Belgian waffles. Make sure she eats a proper lunch.” Luc stood, leaning down to kiss Janie’s cheek. “I’ll see you at home.”
Logan nudged Kylie when she stared at the exchange too hard. She dropped her gaze when Janie returned the kiss, even though Ryder was staring at his brother like he was ready to rip his lips off.
The door shut, and Kylie lifted her gaze. Ryder was holding out a bag to Logan.
“Thanks.” Logan took the bag, pulling out several wrapped tacos before standing and taking the bag to his dad.
Kylie accepted the juice Ryder held out to her, but she wasn’t stupid enough to look him in the eyes. She did mutter, “Thank you.”
He didn’t reply, and simply took the spot Luc had been in as he opened a taco. Instead of eating it, he put it on Maura’s lap. “Eat that.”
Maura blinked, looking at him before nodding.
Janie beamed at Ryder as Maura started eating.
Ryder pointed to the chair beside him. “Come sit, babe. I talked to the nurse. They’re getting your paperwork together. By the time I finish eating, we’ll be able to pack up our shit and go home.”
Janie finished Maura’s hair, then sat where Ryder had instructed. It was awkwardly silent as everyone ate. It was worse, considering Kylie was experiencing her first breakup with an audience. Maybe that had been Logan’s plan—that way she wouldn’t flip out in front of everyone. At least he was still sitting with her.
“Kylie,” Ryder called.
She almost dropped her food. Was he going to give her a lecture right now? “Yeah?”
He stared at her for a few seconds before smiling. “Do you have any idea how bad you fucked Kevin up?”
Everyone turned their attention to her.
“I thought you guys couldn’t find him,” Kylie said.
He chuckled. “We found his eye.”
Lance lowered his taco, scowling. “While we’re eating?”
Ryder snickered, raising his food to his mouth. “I can eat just fine at the idea of that piece of shit fumbling around without an eye.”
Logan stared down at her in awe. “How did you do that?”
Ryder pulled something out of his jacket and tossed it to him. It was an evidence bag that contained her key chain and pepper spray. “He pulled it out on his own, but she got his ass good. She spent the whole can on him.”
There was blood and pieces of skin in the key chain.
Lorelei smiled at Kylie. “Where did you get those?”
“Logan bought them for me,” she murmured, not about to say so she could use them on Maura.
“How weird is it we’re eating here like a family as we all stare at Kevin’s blood?” Janie asked, shaking her head. “I guess it’s better than Ryder discussing hospital sex in front of Gawain.”
“We can add outpatient hospital sex once you’re discharged.” Ryder leaned over, chuckling as he kissed her cheek. “Let’s use Ms. Payne’s bathroom.”
“You’re not having sex in this room.” Lance glared at Ryder. “She’s practically my daughter. I should shoot you.”
Ryder laughed as he prepared to take a bite of food. “You already know you can’t kill me. How about I make you a grandpa?”
Lance sighed, but he wore a grin as he ate.
“Babe, Lance wants me to knock you up.” Ryder winked at her before sitting up and putting an orange juice bottle on Maura’s lap. “Try to finish all this.”
“I think we have problems if we’re talking about sex around Lance and everyone,” Janie said, messing with her phone.
“Our sex is legendary.” Ryder smirked at Lance. “Ready to go a round with me, pops?”
“Just one?” Lance smirked right back.
Ryder shook his head. “I want all Grimms at once. My place. Street rules.”
Janie giggled as Lance pulled out his phone, nodding as he typed something.
“Yes!” Ryder did a fist pump. “Babe, it’s gonna be like Christmas. I’ll re-gift them to you. You can bandage their wounds.”
Janie smiled up at him. “I’ll use my new paintball gun for anyone who fouls.”
Kylie felt they were trying to ease the darkness of the situation. It was nice of them, but she wanted to be alone. She wanted to cry. She wanted to hate herself.
Logan chuckled, closing the cap on his drink. “Baby doll, you’re not supposed to encourage these things. And there are no fouls in street rules.”
Ryder regarded Logan, a wicked gleam in his eyes. “You know you’ll cry to her when I beat your ass.”
There was a smile on Logan’s face, but she noticed how he sent a cautious glance her way when he stared a little too long at Janie.
“Ow.” Janie covered her mouth as blood seeped out of her lips.
“Janie.” Ryder’s scolding tone was actually cute, and she couldn’t believe she did
n’t feel absolute rage at their sweetness with each other. She still envied it, and that’s what she realized was different—she was okay envying the good relationship they had, the love they had.
She took a deep breath, not sure why she smiled when Ryder used his thumb to wipe the blood before licking it.
Janie stared at Ryder as he sucked his thumb.
He leaned over to kiss her. “The little vampire in you is showing.”
Lance chuckled, holding Lorelei’s hand as she smiled at the group.
“You saved yourself, Kylie,” Janie blurted.
Logan tossed the bag to Ryder before he put his arm around Kylie, hugging her. “I’m proud of you.”
Ryder wadded up the wrapper from his third taco. “Blondie, when you’re allowed to leave the center, you can come to the estate to train.” He opened yet another taco. “Everyone is in full war-mode now. Janie will start training again, and since it might take a while to catch them, training will be good for you two girls. Kevin hid right under our noses, and he knows the area too well.” He glared at Lance. “Your brother is on my list for training Trevor.”
Lance nodded. “I told you I stopped it when I saw. I don’t think he’s the other one, though. There’s no telling how long Trevor has been training with Kevin.”
Ryder grunted, patting Maura’s leg when she flinched at Trevor’s name. “He won’t hurt you again, all right?”
Maura nodded, but she didn’t look up.
Lance rolled her wheelchair closer to Lorelei, and he whispered to her, a heartbroken look on his face as he held one of her hands.
Kylie peeked at Logan, wondering what the hell was going on there.
He gave her a subtle shake of his head. “Don’t ask.”
Ryder eyed Maura. “Well, Maura, you can watch until you’re ready. You’re gonna stick close to us from now on. You belong with us. We have no idea if there are others with Kevin. I hope he’s a lone wolf, but I won’t take chances.”
Lance caressed Maura’s cheek, still talking softly.
Kylie wasn’t sure what was going on, but if Lance Grimm made Maura feel safe and at peace, she didn’t mind sitting in the uncomfortable room. Even if she wasn’t the one Ryder was saying belonged.