by Dee Palmer
Pink responds first. “You don’t have to. Finn understands where we’re coming from. It’s just a shock. I think, over time, she’ll come round.”
Toxic continues in a seamless train of shared thought. “This doesn’t have to be a cold turkey situation. I think we all need to spend time with her, to reassure her that we love her and want her, but we want something more, something like you guys have.”
Tug chips in. “We may never find it, and that is what it is, but we’ll never find it if we don’t at least look.”
“We personally want the woman we love to help us, and, I think, given time to get used to the idea, she will.” Pink explains.
“She wants you to be happy too,” I offer.
“So?” Tug asks.
“So?” I can see the furtive glances firing left and right, and I hate that I’m so clearly out of their loop, I have no idea what they are thinking. “Look, guys, my sixth sense at reading minds is obviously on the fritz, so you’re going to have to just spill it.”
“Sex?” Tug states, but it’s definitely a question.
“Oh. You’re asking if you can have sex with my wife.” I feel my spine prickle with agitation, I straighten my back even if I know they are going to pick up on my mistake, and Pink rightly corrects me.
“Our wife. Look, Charge, we haven’t, but it’s a very recent thing, and mostly because we felt things were changing. If I’m honest, I’m not sure I want to. The desire has already shifted into a strange ‘friend-zone’ for me, but that’s not to say I will remain feeling like that. I mean there might be a situation where it’s unavoidable.”
“Oh, the I-slipped-and-fell-defence. Yeah, I can see that being an issue.” The others chuckle, and it lightens the underlying tension. This isn’t easy for any of us.
“Asshole, not what I meant.” Pink leans over and punches my shoulder. I take the hit and take my time to look directly at each of them.
“Look, guys, this is an unprecedented situation. The most important thing we can all agree on is to be honest with each other, no matter how tricky that might be. We have to be honest. That can’t change.” Toxic grabs my shoulder and pulls me into a sideways hug. When he releases me, I continue in earnest. “I understand where you’re coming from. I feel different, too. I know you love her, and she loves you. I also know without a doubt she’s mine. I’m happy for you guys to work this out between you and Finn. She’s still our wife, and I’m still selfish and don’t share the time I have with her, so nothing has changed.”
“You’re the least selfish person I know.” Pink adds.
“What I don’t want is Finn feeling guilty for doing something we all agreed on while you figure out what you want. You each have to make the decision whether intimacy is right, but no lies.”
“And you’re okay with this?”
“As soon as you said it I won’t deny I liked the idea of Finn being forever mine and just mine, but I want you all to be happy with the decision. And never in a million years would I expect you all to be able to flip a switch on your feelings. To go cold turkey, as Toxic said, is just crazy.”
“You think she’s going to be all right with the change?” Toxic asks.
“I think it’s up to you guys to make it all right.”
“You know, if anyone else was listening in on this, they’d think we were all nuts.” Tug barks out a throaty laugh, and I sniff and smile.
“Unconventional, maybe.” Pink offers his alternative and I add mine.
“I prefer unique.”
“Just because we don’t fit inside a box, doesn’t mean we don’t fit somewhere,” Toxic says, and we all relax, happy with our unique approach to life. It fits with us.
“What box?” Finn’s voice makes us all jump. Her approach was silent as she descended the stairs, and we were too engrossed in the conversation to notice.
“Morning, sugar.” Toxic swings round and is on his feet, wrapping her small frame in his large arms. She sways on her feet when he puts her down and shuffles my way, but her half-sleepy eyes are clearly focused on the pot of coffee on the stove. She fills a small cup and takes a deep inhale before sipping the searing hot liquid.
“Mmm, coffee.” She hums with pleasure. Her soft smile changes, and a frown wrinkles her forehead when she looks at each of us staring right back at her. “ Why do you all look so serious? What have I missed?”
“Just making plans.” I say.
“For Hope?”
“Hope?” I can’t believe I forgot about our new houseguest.
“Yes, plans for what we’re going to show her while she’s here, no?”
“Oh, not exactly.”
“Am I going to need to let the coffee take effect before I have this conversation?” She places her cup on the counter, drops her hip, and raises a piqued brow with all the sass of a sexy-assed siren.
“No, nothing major, just talking through what the guys brought up yesterday.” I clarify.
“Dumping me, you mean? Ahh! Tug!” She squeals as Tug moves like lightning to scoop her high in the air. He catches her hips and lowers her carefully bent over on his bulky shoulder.
“I think everyone gets to spank this ass for Finn thinking this.” He offers up her ass, all smooth and round, covered with a second skin of silky boxer shorts.
“Tug! I swear…Ow!” I decline, but Toxic and Pink accept the tempting invitation. It’s almost too good to pass, almost.
“Not dumping, please don’t think that. It hurts that you would think we would ever…” Tug slides her down his body and plants her on the empty stool at one end of the island.
“I’m sorry. It’s just…hard.” She pouts and narrows her eyes playfully as she rubs her ass and scowls at the others.
“That’s what she said,” Tug jokes and instantly holds up his hands as we all groan and Toxic attempts to nut punch his crass ass. “What? Someone needed to lighten the mood, no-one’s died. We’re just re-negotiating.”
“We are?” Finn’s shy smile pinches hard in my chest. Her first thought that she’s not wanted fucking kills me. She should know better, and it’s my life mission to make sure she does.
“Yes, that’s all.” Pink confirms and leans over to take her hand, which is curled into an anxious fist in front of her. He threads his fingers with hers, and I can see the tension leave her frame. It’s become obvious to me, she may be a hundred percent about us, but she’s not quite ready to let them go.
“And what does that mean?” She slips from the stool and wanders over to Pink as he opens his arms. She smiles at me, and I just love that she will always look to me, whether she’s checking if I’m okay, wanting reassurance, or just letting me know she’s happy. I don’t much mind. I’m just glad I’m her first counterpoint. I’m her rock.
“Well, we—Tug, Tox, and I—are going to ask you to help us find someone, help us to find our own Finn.” He lifts her on to his lap. She tilts away, and her wary smile purses into a full puckered pout. “Oh, we know you’re one of a kind, darlin’. It took us long enough to find you, but we want to try. We want what you have with Charge.”
“I understand.” She gives a sharp nod and fights to hold the smile on her face. She’s being brave, and I couldn’t love her any more.
“But we can still fuck.”
“Tug!” Toxic throws his head back in utter despair that I happen to share. It’s lucky we love him.
“What? That is what you said, Charge, wasn’t it?”
“Not my exact words, no.” I shift in my seat at Finn’s penetrating glare.
“Oh, I’m curious to know, what were your exact words?” However, a second later her lips start to twitch with humour.
“You’re mine, here and here.” I hold her gaze and root her to me. In this moment there is only us, and when I place my hand over my heart and to my head, she mirrors my movement, and I swear, there’s not another person on the planet. Several endless seconds pass, and our moment is broken when I speak again. “I have no doubt about
us, and I’m secure enough to know you feel the same. These guys, they love you, and I respect that they want what we have. I had no idea they had even stopped being intimate, and it definitely didn’t affect us, did it?” She shakes her head in agreement. “Anyway, if that intimacy resumes until they find someone, then fine, but—”
“But?” Tug interrupts, and the pitch of panic in his tone makes Finn chuckle nervously when we all look her way.
“This is surreal,” She laughs lightly.
“Just a little.” Pink nods at me to continue, and when Finn is looking at me, I do.
“All I’m saying is if something happens when you are with any of them, it’s not cheating. I want to know, not the details, but I don’t want any lies. That would be a problem.”
“I wouldn’t lie,” Finn is quick to add.
“I know, baby.” I wink.
“You all really think this is a good idea?”
“We do,” Toxic says, and Tug and Pink nod.
“You’re sure?” Finn directs the question solely at me. I can see the concern in her eyes. I stand and walk over to her, sweep my hand down her cheek, and cup her face. Pressing my lips against hers, she smiles against my mouth, likely feeling what I feel in that light contact, loved. I return to my seat, and after pausing a moment more for mutual reflection, I give my considered response.
“I think total abstinence would be a recipe for too much tension.”
Finn scoffs, “Ya think?” Her wide-eyed and incredulous stare takes in each of us. Testosterone is rolling off my brothers in waves so thick that even I’m aware of, now that it’s all been brought to a head, that is. I push on to try and reassure her of where I’m coming from at least; the others can handle themselves, that’s up to them.
“It’s unnecessary when we all have the same goal. We want each other to be happy and, in your cases, find someone to call your own.” I look pointedly at each of my brothers.
“I can’t tell you how weird this feels now.” Finn gives a little shiver.
“I’m not saying I want you to …” I puff out a heavy breath, struggling to articulate a somewhat challenging proposal. I look purposefully at each of the guys. “Look, I’m just saying, if it happens, it’s no big deal. It’s just sex with someone we all love.”
“Honestly, after this conversation it’s going to feel like the first time all over again.” Finn wrinkles her nose at the prospect of possible first-time awkwardness, although I don’t remember that being the situation with any of us.
“You don’t have to do anything you’re not happy with, Finn. That’s always been the case.” Toxic says.
“I’m not happy with you guys not being happy.” She leans across the island and holds Tug’s hand, then Toxic’s. “I think the best thing we can do is spend some time together where you can tell me what you really want.” She lifts her hands free and lays both in my open palm. I clasp them between mine. “If you can find this, then I’ll happily let you go.” She holds my gaze and then looks back at each of them with a tender smile that they each accept as a deal re-negotiated.
“And if that means sex, we’re okay with that?”
“Jesus, Tug,” I groan, snapping my hands free to rub the chagrin from my face.
“No, I don’t mean to be a dick about it, but I want to make sure there’s no misunderstanding. We’re all okay if it happens.”
“Yes,” I say with as easy a smile as I can muster.
“Yes.” Finn nods and keeps her eyes locked on mine.
“Mine for life, just find someone for these guys sooner rather than later.” I wink, and she snickers.
“Yes, Sir.”
AFTER OUR LITTLE CHAT, I head back upstairs to shower and change into some cute cut-offs, a pale blue spaghetti top, and one of Pink’s checked shirts, which I’ve tied in a loose knot that sits just below my belly button. My hair is tied up in a floppy bun and, barefoot, I’ve returned to the kitchen to join Pink and Tug for another coffee. Charge and Toxic have gone for supplies, and we’re all chilling, just waiting for the day to begin. The sun is reaching midmorning height, and I’m starting to think we may have to postpone our adventure when I hear footsteps along the corridor above us.
“Oh, my god, I slept like the dead. That bed is so damn comfortable, I don’t know why you gave it up…oh, wait, maybe I do.” Hope sashays across to where I am now standing and bumps playfully against me, winking at Pink and Tug who are drinking the last of the coffee. I’m setting up a fresh pot when the force of her hip bump sends me flying.
“Good morning, Hope.” I steady myself and narrow my eyes.
“Good morning, Seraphim.” She smirks and watches me grimace.
“Blugh. Please, you know I hate that name.”
“Oh, really? I kinda like it. You’re our little angel, so it suits you,” Tug says. Even if I still don’t like the name, this makes me smile, right up until the moment Hope slaps her hand to her mouth and mock retches.
“I don’t know whether to swoon or hurl. Are they always this—”
“Lovely? Yes, they are.” I cut her off before she says something that will make me slap her. She may be the world’s biggest cynic when it comes to men, but that’s just because she’s never been in love. A life choice sustained by her ‘only ever a one-night stand’ rule. “Coffee?”
“Oh, god, yes, and carbs, I need carbs.” She hops on to the empty stool and flops her head dramatically onto her folded arms on the counter.
“I was about to fix some pancakes for Finn, or I can cook up some bacon?” Pink walks over to the fridge and takes out the gallon carton of milk. I hand him a large mixing bowl and the flour, tipping on my toes to give him a kiss. This is all so natural, why does it have to change?
“Pancakes sound perfect.” Hope perks up, interrupting my internal doubts. I shake my thoughts away. One day at a time.
My phone vibrates in my back pocket, which reminds me…
“Hope, do you want to tell me why I woke up to a dozen missed calls from your mum? I tried to call her back, but it just goes to voicemail.” I hold my phone out and she takes it, scrolling through the long list of missed calls and messages.
“She’s on a cruise so the signal is a little erratic. I left my phone at home, and I forgot to tell her I was coming here, so she’s probably a little worried.”
“Ya think?” I turn abruptly to face her. My mouth gapes with genuine surprise, and my mind wrestles with increasing suspicion.
“Hey, my bad, but don’t give me that look.”
“This look is shock that you didn’t flatline the minute your phone was out of your hand.”
“You’re funny. I just forgot it. This trip wasn’t exactly planned, and I’ve had a lot on my mind recently,” she mutters handing back my phone.
“Yeah, I’m getting that.” She looks away from my enquiring gaze, and I take that for what it is—a shut down. I swallow the hurt that rises in my throat and tell myself she just needs time; it seems we all do.
“Maybe I can send her an email from your computer?” Hope asks.
“Of course. Mine is in Charge’s office; it’s just through there.” I point to the door at the far end of the lounge.
“Is he in there?”
“No. He’s gone with Toxic to get supplies. They will load up the jeep for us when they get back and join us later this evening. Thought we could help Pink at the stables and get the horses ready for the trek.”
“Again with the jokes. I’m gonna need some industrial strength thread to stitch these sides back together, Misses.” She holds her arms across her waist folding over with an exuberant fake laugh.
“I know, but that look on your face was worth it,” I retort.
“Not a riding fan, eh, Hope?” Pink asks, hand whisking the batter for the pancakes.
“I’m an animal lover, Pink, but the only riding I do is on the two legged variety.” She pulls a knowing smile, and I notice her eyes fix on Pink’s bicep as he works the whisk. I can’t blame
her; there is something so sexy about a man in the kitchen.
“Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it, I converted this city girl, and it only took one ride.”
“So I heard.” Hope wiggles her brow, and Pink laughs as Tug chokes on his coffee.
“Hope!” I lunge toward her and use my hand to try and shut that mouth of hers before she says anything else to embarrass me. She has enough ammunition in that memory bank to make this a very long stay. She leaps out of my reach.
“I’m gone. Give me a shout when the food is ready.” She scuttles away and dashes toward Charge’s office.
“Yes, ma’am!” Pink calls after her.
“Oooh, that’s cute. I could get used to that.” She blows him a kiss, and I don’t know if that new knot in my tummy is from the way she’s now flirting with Pink, or that I should perhaps let her.
No, this is Hope. She’s a born flirt, and this is nothing more. From what I understand, the boys are looking for more; they want to find ‘the one’, not ‘the one-night stand’.
“And that is more like the Hope I know and love.” I admit to the others, setting up the table for breakfast with Tug as Pink begins cooking up some of his delicious pancakes. If I’m honest, I’m more comfortable with this version of my best friend than I am with the one that’s clearly keeping something from me.
“She’s funny,” Tug says. I nod and head back to where the action is…mmm pancakes.
“She is a handful, but I couldn’t love her any more if we were real sisters.” The smile plastered wide across my face is genuine and heartfelt.
“Like us four.” Pink throws his arm over my shoulder and squishes me against his solid frame.
“Yeah.” I fail to keep my tone even remotely upbeat.
“Hey, hey, what’s up?” Tug is quick to round the island and is pulling me into another tight, rib-crushing hug.
“I’m not a fan of change.” I shrug, looking up at them both as they stand around me as if protecting me with their bodies.