by Dee Palmer
“We’re on our way.” My assertion is filled with determination and a spinning head of things that no longer matter.
“Good, and Finn?”
“Yes.”
“Hurry.” The call cuts before he can hear me cry out.
“Oh, god!” I stand, shaking with tears trickling down my face. Charge is the only one here, and his instant and welcome reaction is to engulf me in his strong protective embrace. His scent fills my nostrils and soothes my swirling sadness. “I have to find Hope. Her mother has had a heart attack.”
“We’ll leave immediately.” He takes my hand and begins to stride toward the front door. I love the sentiment, but I haul him to a standstill, shaking my head.
“Charge, I’ll need to pack some things.”
“Why?”
“I’m going back to England with her.”
“WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO do today?” Jørgen pushes the damp hair from his eyes to look at me as he stalks across the room. Fresh out of the shower, with droplets of water still trickling down his bare chest, he’s picture perfect, and this movie is about to get an adult content warning. Fuck, I wish I wasn’t so pre-occupied.
“Mope and wish that my best friend would forgive me.” I’m resting on the bed, with my back to the headboard, my knees tucked to my chin, and my arms wrapped tight, pulling the comforter like a cocoon around me. He sits beside me, and systematically removes each barrier, until I am on his lap and nestled in his protective arms.
“Same as yesterday then?”
“Pretty much.”
“Why not call your mother? I’m sure she’s dying to hear from you.”
“She’ll be mad at me, too.” I’ve perfected the pout, and my sullen tone is coming on a treat.
“For what?”
“Well, that list is getting longer, but off the top of my head, I would say lying to my best friend and breaking up her family, getting married secretly, and not calling her to tell her any or all of the above.”
“She’ll forgive you.”
“She will. She’s the best. All right, I’ll call her, it’s still really early in the UK, though, and she may not forgive me for waking her up at sparrow fart just for a catch-up.”
“You might be right.” Jørgen checks his watch, but I’ve already done the calculation. It’s not even three in the morning in London. “May I suggest we go out for supper?”
“What if Finn calls?” I can hear the panic in my voice. His hand finds mine, and he pulls it to his lips, kissing the fingertips softly.
“Then she’ll leave a message.” I dip his head to catch my line of vision just as it falls. “Hope, you have to consider this may take more time than you want, and there’s not much you can do to influence that.”
“I know.” The prickle of tears makes my nose tingle, which I fight with a rough rub when there’s a soft knock on the door. “Room service? I thought you said we’d go out for supper.”
“I did.” Jørgen looks as confused as I am, since we’ve already asked Housekeeping to come back later. He peeks through the spy hole and glances back at me.
“Finn!” I leap from the bed when he opens the door. I’m too excited, delirious even, to read the strange expression on her face. She’s here, and I couldn’t be happier. I stop myself from hugging her, but only just, as I skid to where she’s standing. Charge is holding her shoulders from behind, and only when I’m up close can I see her eyes are glazed, and his grip seems to be keeping her upright. My blood drains when she says my name, and her voice catches.
“Hope…”
“Oh, god, what’s happened? Is Pink okay? What’s wrong, Finn? Tell me.”
“Maybe we could come inside,” Charge says.
“Of course.” I take a step back, letting them both walk into our suite. Finn is clearly upset, and I can’t stand it. This is all my fault.
“I’m so sorry, Finn.” Closing the distance, I reach and take both of her hands in mine. She starts shaking her head before I utter the first word.
“Please, Hope, don’t. Please don’t apologise, not any more. I’m the one that should be apologising. I should’ve forgiven you before this.” Her eyes search mine, sad and sincere, and as much as I believe she means what she’s saying, she’s also scaring the crap out of me.
“Before what? Fuck, Finn, what the hell’s wrong?”
“Your mum. She’s had a heart attack.”
Releasing her hands with the shock of what must be a hurtful lie, I stumble back. “No, no, that can’t be right. Jørgen saw her just a few days ago. She was fine, wasn’t she?” Looking at Jørgen, he guides me to sit on the corner of the bed. The imperceptible nod in answer to my question offers little comfort when I can see she’s telling the truth.
“Arthur called me just now. She’s gone in for emergency surgery, and I’m so fucking sorry, Hope.”
“No…no, not my mum.” My heart feels like it’s been ripped from my chest, the raw cavity aches, and I’m hurtled back in time to when I nearly lost her before. Tears flood my cheeks, and I break. At least that time I was there.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry for everything.” Finn is on her knees in front of me, just as heartbroken with tears streaking her face. I know she is sorry; I know I am, and right now, I know neither of us cares about that.
“I have to see her.” Wiping my cheeks dry, I stand and help Finn to her feet. Urgency and desperation focuses my mind and beats down the rapidly rising fear. This is my mum, and she needs me.
“We can go to the airport and get whatever is the next flight out.” Finn sweeps my hair from my face, her determination is reassuring, and the bone-crunching hug is more than welcome.
“I can sort a plane and take you myself,” Charge offers.
“I have my plane on standby. Getting back is not a problem.” Jørgen counters, and when my eyes meet Finn’s, we exchange a look that makes my eyes roll and her lips quirk.
“It’s not a willy waving contest, guys; I just need to see my mum.”
Finn breaks and chuckles at my comment. “And that’s why I love you.”
“Humour always helps. I don’t want to think about this until I see her. She needs me, not a blubbering wreck.”
“Or two blubbering wrecks.” Her request is so tentative, I’m not sure I’m hearing her right.
“You’re coming, too?”
“If that’s okay?”
“Yes, yes, it is.” We crush together in a hug to end all hugs. The tears free fall when she whisper sobs in my ear.
“I’m sorry, for everything.”
“Me, too, babe, me, too.”
We’ve all had a restless flight, grabbing snippets of sleep, despite the sumptuous luxury of fully reclining loungers, sofas, and even a double bed at our disposal. The captain announces that we are about to begin our descent, and Jørgen takes that as his cue to head into the cockpit. Not sure why, but I take the opportunity to cross the cabin and sit next to Hope.
“How you holding up, honey?” I cover her tight fist in her lap with my hand. Her eyes meet mine and spring with instant tears.
“Finn, oh, god, Finn. I’m…I don’t know what to do. What do I do?…She can’t die, Finn, she can’t. She’s all I’ve got.”
“Shh shh.” She falls into herself, huddling and rocking the agony that must be tearing her apart. I feel impotent. All I can offer is a gentle stroke on the curve of her spine, and make a variety of soothing noises, pulling her close when she continues to shudder and shake with such sorrow, it’s killing me. “You’ve got me, too.”
“I’m sorry.” She sniffs, looking at me with wide, red-rimmed eyes filled with too many tears to contain. I’m absolutely gutted.
“I’m done with all this apologising. We’re not going to sit here apologising to each other. It’s over, forgotten, and forgiven, and I‘m here for you. You’re my best friend, and I forgot what that means. For that, I am truly sorry and that is the very last apology.”
“Agreed.”
&nbs
p; “You are not alone, Hope, and witnessing the way your husband looks at you, I think it’s safe to say you’re never going to be alone.”
“You mean Jørgen looks at me the exact same way Charge is looking at you right now?”
“Exactly.”
Two months later
“I TOLD YOU SHE WAS a fighter.” My grin splits my face, reflecting Hope’s wide red-lipped smile currently filling my phone screen. Our nightly video chat has replaced the non-stop chatter opportunities we had, sitting next to Toni’s hospital bed as she recovered from her surgery. And those were replaced with the all night chats at Toni’s home when she was discharged. Charge and I stayed for two weeks in the end. However, with Pink still away, a new stable hand starting, and Tug and Toxic acting weird every time we call, we both felt we needed to get back to the farm.
“She had to be. You saw her after surgery, if it wasn’t for the blip-blip sound on her monitor, I swear, my first thought was that I was too late.”
“Don’t, I can’t even go there. I’ve had some awful nights in hospitals, and that was right up there with the best of the worst.”
“I feel sick just thinking about it.”
“Me, too, which is why I don’t. So, anyway, she’s good? Back to normal?”
“This is Mum we’re talking about. She’s never going to be normal.” Hope snorts at her own joke. “She’s doing really great. She gets tired easily, so not a hundred percent, but pretty damn near. And she’s got Arthur tending to her every need, which she loves. I’ve only had to stay over with her a few nights, which is a huge win for me. As much as I love her, I wouldn’t want to inflict her twenty-four-seven on my new husband; he’d never survive.”
“You might be right,”
“Families eh…can’t live with ’em…can’t kill ’em…apparently.”
“Speaking of, have you met his family?”
“No, not yet. Jørgen has delayed the gathering until Mum is fully recovered.”
“You make it sound like something ominous.”
“I do, don’t I? I think maybe it is at some level. He’s practically royalty over there, and I’m… Well, I’m me.” She shrugs, and her lips slide into an easy ‘whatever’ grin.
“Hell, yes, you are! Whoo hoo!” I jeer, swirling my right arm like it’s waving a big ass best friend banner.
“Ah, thanks, babe. Anyway, I won’t change, and I wouldn’t want to if I could. I have zero fucks to give if his family doesn’t like me. Jørgen loves me for me, and we’re happy. Literally nothing else matters.”
“You know, that sounds like a Happily Ever After if ever I heard one,” my tone goads, and I’m surprised when she doesn’t roll her eyes or snap back with a sassy quip.
“I prefer Jørgen’s one-day-at-a-time approach, so I’ll say ‘happy for now’.” Joy ignites the sparkle in her eyes, and I can honestly say I’ve never seen her look so…so what’s the word? I have never seen her so in love.
“I’m happy for you, Hope.”
“And you?”
“Oh, you know, same ol’, same ol’, four-fifths of the time, I’m better than fine, and then it hits me, one-fifth of me is missing.”
“He’ll come back. He loves you too much to just leave.” She tries to comfort, but every day is just as hard as the one before.
Absence doesn’t make the heart grow fonder; it makes it ache just a little bit more.
“What if he finds someone he loves more?” I muse, and she considers this for a nanosecond before scoffing her reply.
“Then I’d definitely like to meet them, because they would have to be ‘Miss-fucking-Universe’ to compete with the love he has for you.”
“I didn’t mean I don’t want him to find someone, I do. I just meant I don’t want him to move away to be with whomever. I still want him here. I want everyone here. I’d quite like you and Jørgen to live close by, too, if you could manage that.” I’m only partially joking.
“I’ll see what I can do.” She chuckles, and her knowing expression offers the right balance of empathy and humour.
“Sorry, I may still have a few abandonment issues.”
“Ya think?” She shakes her head softly, an undercurrent of light laughter carrying each word.
“Tell Toni I love her, miss her, and will see her soon.”
“I will. You take care of you, babe,”
“Take care of you, too. Love you.” I hover my finger on the screen and see that she does the same.
“Love you.” She says and swipes to end the call. I miss her face.
I don’t get the chance to wallow in the sadness that always follows ending a call with Hope. The front door swings open wide and wonderful.
“Pink!” I drop the phone on the cushion beside me and leap over the back of the sofa, hurtling toward Pink as fast as my legs can carry me.
“Hey, darlin’.” He grunts at the force of the hug, and I don’t think I will ever let go. However, the pungent smell of stale sweat, beer, and the inside of his truck forces me to relinquish my hold and waft the stench away from my nostrils.
“Ew, when did you last take a shower?”
“I’ve been driving for nineteen hours straight, so that long, at least.” He shuts the door and drops his duffle bag just inside the entrance.
“You look like shit.” Charge appears behind me.
“Good to see you too, brother.”
“Telling it like it is, is all. Good to see you, man.” They share a quick, rough man hug, patting each other on the back before breaking apart.
“Yeah, you, too, Charge. Where are Tug and Tox?” He drags his hand through his much shorter hair and tries to rub some of the tiredness from his face. It doesn’t work; he looks utterly exhausted.
“Out with Max.” I brush off that conversation for another time. I’m so giddy that he’s back, I can’t keep still. Clapping my hands excitedly, bouncing on my toes, and beaming at Charge and Pink like an idiot. “Oh, my god, oh, my god, I can’t believe you’re back. You are back, right? I mean for good?”
“So it would seem.” His throat bobs with a slow swallow and something flashes sad in his eyes, but he blinks them shut too quickly for me to be sure what I’m seeing. My enthusiasm flatlines, and I’m washed with a fresh wave of worry.
“Well, don’t sound so damn pleased about it,” Charge clips, as Pink walks between us and heads toward the stairs.
“Pleased is the last thing I am,” he mutters low and barely audible.
“What’s wrong? What happened?” Catching his hand before he reaches the first step, I stop him.
“It’s complicated, darlin’, and I’m beat. I need to crash, maybe sleep for a fortnight.” His hand slips from mine to grab the banister rail, and it looks like he’s dragging the weight of the world with him as he takes each heavy step up the stairs.
“You sure you don’t want to talk about it?” I call out, exchanging worried looks with Charge.
“Talking ain’t gonna fix this. It’s a done deal.” His cryptic comment sounds as defeated as his tone.
“Whenever you’re ready, you know we’re here for you,” I call out, and it takes all kinds of strength to not climb after him. It helps that Charge has a firm grip on my shoulder, preventing me from doing just that.
“And that’s why I’m home.”
“Take your time, man,” Charge says and Pink gives him a two-fingered salute, before disappearing down the corridor. My head is a whirlwind of mixed emotions, the overriding one, however, is relief. The breath I’m holding escapes only when I hear his bedroom door click shut. He’s home.
“Did you sleep at all? You’re never up at this time.” Pink pauses halfway down the stairs, after a comical doubletake at me sitting on the bottom step. I’ve been so worried he’d get up and leave, I’ve perched on this step for a bum-numbingly long time, and the coffee in my cup is now stone cold.
“I may have been here a while. I’m a little happy you’re back.”
“I missed you, too,
darlin’.” He reaches the bottom and holds out his hand to help me up, pulling me into the best hug ever. I breathe him in, listening to the steady thump of his heartbeat against my ear. He kisses the top of my head, and when I look up, my heart breaks all over again.
“You want to tell me about her?” I say softly. His eyes glaze, only before he gets to reply, the front door opens. The sexiest sight, and one I hope I will never get used to, fills the doorway—my handsome husband returning from his morning run, glistening with sweat and barely breathless.
“It’s a long story, Finn.” He steps past me, glances back, and the downward curl of his lips makes my chest hurt.
“Your story wouldn’t have anything to do with why there’s a woman in a wedding dress running down our drive now, would it?” Charge holds the door wide, and we both rush to where he’s standing before he’s finished speaking.
“Fuck! Buttercup!” Pink’s words are lost in the wake of the dust circling and the sound of his bare feet skidding on the porch as he races down the drive.
“Well, that’s not something you see every day.” I chuckle.
“What? You up before midday on the weekend?” Charge ruffles my hair, and I slap his rock-hard midriff.
“Arse.”
My chest feels like it’s going to explode. I’m still dead from the long drive. I’m a wreck, running on empty, with zero reserves and a severe lack of sleep. For a moment, I think I must be hallucinating. This can’t be real. Each stride brings me closer, clears my vision, and I can see very clearly now. This is as real as it gets. Tears streak her face in long dirty lines from her red, swollen eyes, and the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen. Her dress looks like it has swept up half the surface of the drive, and, just like Cinderella, she’s only got one shoe on her feet. She looks perfect, and the reality of the image has brought me violently back to life.