by Fiona Murphy
“So are you and Wyatt going out this weekend?”
“He asked if we could go out tonight. I wasn’t up to it, so I made an excuse. When I offered to do lunch or something this weekend, he acted a little weird and said he was busy. He asked if we could do something next week.”
“Ah, well put those guilty feelings to rest. He’s not looking for anything more than a hookup. If he were interested in something more, he would have taken you out this weekend. Chances are he has another woman he’s taking out over the weekend, and he’s worried about you two running into his family or friends.”
“Asshole.” I wondered about the week-only dates.
“Whatever, don’t worry about him. He’s a means to an end. Do you think Dante could be trusted with helping out?”
“No, not after him telling Cesare about the virgin thing. While I like Dante, I don’t know if he’ll keep his mouth shut or help or what.”
“It’s fine then, it can be done without him. Although it would be better with his help. Okay, sweetie, I have to go, work is calling.”
I wish I had Lydia’s optimism. With a sigh, I go to get changed into something comfortable. I’m in old silky pajama pants and a soft T-shirt sewing a few squares by hand on the couch when the pounding starts, threatening to take the door off its hinges.
Heart beating fast, I check the peephole. Cesare. I yank open the door. “What the hell is the matter with you?”
I have to back up fast as the anger and aggression emanating from him threaten to knock me down. His eyes flick around the room as if he expected to find someone else. “Your little trick won’t work. I want you to know it and stop right fucking now.”
God he’s stunning in his rage: his color is heightened against the black of his beard, he seems even bigger as his chest works to contain his outrage. I have no doubt Cesare will see my confusion as genuine, because a tiny part of me is extremely confused. He really does want me despite what he said last night. “I don’t understand, what trick are you talking about?”
“This business with Wyatt Carter. You’re using him to make me jealous. It won’t work. Stay away from him,” Cesare roars.
Holy crap, it sure as hell worked. And suddenly I’m so fucking pissed off at him. How the hell could he want me yet deny the both of us what we both wanted so badly? “Excuse me? You told me you didn’t want me. You made it crystal fucking clear you didn’t want anything to do with me after I made a fool of myself offering myself to you. What I’m doing with Wyatt doesn’t have a damn thing to do with you. You aren’t even a part of the equation. I told you, I’m tired of living life the way I was. Wyatt has shown interest in me for weeks, he does want me. I told you, I don’t want love, I’m just looking for some fun. I’m tired of being a nearly thirty-year-old virgin. I doubt Wyatt cares one way or another. Who I fuck is none of your concern. You can leave now.”
Cesare moves as fast as lightning. His hands are around my arms, pulling me hard against him. “If he touches you, I’ll break him, and when I get done with you, you’ll wish you had never met him.”
He’s driving me out of my mind. How can he say no when a simple lunch date with another man has him hot enough to spontaneously combust?
“I already wish I had never met you.” I spit out the words. God, I hate the way I’m sinking into him. My stupid body craves his touch, is melting into his hard chest.
“Liar.” His kiss is hard, punishing, at first. I can’t fight him. I don’t want to fight him. I give him everything he demands, lost in the taste of him, the feel of him. Then he’s pushing me away. My body screams in angry frustration. I blink, and he’s gone. Damn him.
“Coward!” I screech at my open doorway before slamming the door closed. I turn to find Grover shivering in fear, in a little puddle of pee. Oh no, poor baby. Grover is terrified of men. I clean up the mess then Grover and cuddle him close until the tremors stop in both of us.
***
Cesare
I slam into my condo in a rage. Damn her, Alicia was making me fucking nuts. She was lying, she had better be fucking lying. I saw her face when Wyatt had his hand on her arm—it was clear she was uneasy. Alicia is using Wyatt to make me jealous, and it’s fucking working. Seeing Wyatt touch her made me want to break him and fuck her where she stood so she knew exactly who she belonged to. She didn’t want him, she wanted me. How the fuck could she let him lay a finger on her when she was already mine?
Then it hits me all over again, the way she called me a coward. Alicia doesn’t belong to me. She can’t. I need to let her go, for her own good. Closing my eyes, I do something I haven’t done in over twenty years. I pray for strength I don’t have.
10
March
Alicia
I cringe as I wait for my computer to load. Even though his door is closed I can feel Cesare in his office, waiting to jump on something I’ve done. I’m sure there’s email waiting for me. Dante had refused to make me come in at seven for Cesare while Hannah was on vacation. I don’t think he realized it meant I would come in to find a pile of work waiting for me. It’s only Wednesday morning but I’m already crying for Friday.
I’ve redone every report for Cesare twice—once all I had to do was change the font size. He’s evil. I hate him. I just wish my stupid body did too. But no, my stomach still buzzes with bees when he looks my way, my stupid breasts still react when he stares at them because he has stared at them, the bastard. When he caught himself doing it he ordered me out of the room, as if it was my fault. Asshole.
Thirteen, thirteen fucking emails from Cesare. I whimper as I click on the first one. A demand for at least ten properties that meet a long list of parameters, another demand for all the properties shown to a client from last year, another demand for a report to be redone because I used the wrong font. I don’t even bother opening the next email. No. I’m done.
Getting up, I open his door without knocking. He looks up and his eyes narrow. He’s angry; tough, so am I. “What the hell do you think you’re doing—”
For the first time I’m able to ignore the way my stupid body reacts to the sight of him. “No, what the hell do you think you’re doing? Are you trying to make me quit? Is that what you want? Just say it and I’ll go, because I am not making enough money to be the whipping boy in this scenario. I’m fucking tired of it. I’m tired of doing reports three fucking times. I’m tired of you treating me like shit because you resent me because you want me. I’m done.
“Fuck you. I changed my mind: I wouldn’t take you if you got down on your fucking knees and begged me. I wouldn’t take you if you offered me every damn dime in your checking account. You are a horrible fucking person and I hate you. I really fucking hate you.” Damn it. Damn it, I am not fucking crying. I can’t stand that he’s seeing it, that’s he pushed me this far. I hate him. I try to get away but I don’t get far.
“I’m sorry. It’s okay. No, it’s okay, let it out.” His arms are around me and I hate how much I sag into him, the way my whole body sinks into him. Even when I swear I hate him I’m inhaling the scent of him, memorizing the way it feels to be in his arms, pressed against him. At least I’m getting his suit wet, maybe it will ruin it, I have no idea what tears do to silk. A large hand is running soothingly up and down my back. No one has ever held me this way before, no one has ever assured me it’s okay, never, I blame the way I cry harder on that.
Slowly the tears dry up, and I find I’m on Cesare’s lap. Half-heartedly I begin to push away, but he holds me tight. I give up because I don’t really want to move. A hand comes up to my chin, while a handkerchief in his other hand wipes my tears away. “Your eyes swollen with tears and your nose red and you’re still beautiful. I should have known.” He sees my doubt. “Yes, if I say you’re beautiful then you are.” His firm words have me smiling. If the great Cesare Sabatini says it, then it’s true. He sighs. “I’m sorry, Alicia. You don’t deserve the way I have been treating you. I have never been in a situation like this befor
e. I’m not handling it well. You should not pay for my frustration.”
Shaking his head. “There is an admin who has subbed for Hannah in the past, Gretchen. She’s on the marketing floor. Contact HR and have her come up to handle my inbox and my needs for the rest of the week.”
I swear there is no thought behind what I do next. Reaching out, I press my hand to his cheek, the idea of touching him too tempting to pass up. His eyes close, and I feel a fine shiver go through him at my touch. “Cesare,” I whisper as I move. Pressing my lips to his, I plead for what I can’t put into words. For a heartbeat he doesn’t move, then his mouth opens to mine. A hand is in my hair, holding me in place, never mind that I’m not going anywhere. Cesare deepens the kiss, and oh my god. Fire hot and sweet singes along my nerve endings. Close isn’t close enough, I’m fighting to get into his skin the way my body craves.
I move my legs on either side of Cesare, desperate to feel him pressing into that soaking wet part of me. The kiss is endless, time is lost until the moment he pulls away. We’re both gasping for air. Shaking his head, he groans into the skin of my neck. “We can’t. I can’t.”
“Please, please, Cesare. One night, just one night, no tomorrow. I won’t ask for more than your body and one night.”
A humorless laugh escapes him. Looking up at me, he slides his thumb over my swollen lips. “Your innocence betrays you to think that just one night could satisfy this hunger, for either of us.”
Maybe he’s right and one night wouldn’t be enough, but damn him for making me want him all over again. I push away from him, and this time he lets me go. As I walk away I know he’s not going to change his mind. I’m all out of moves—and hope.
11
Alicia
I’m watching the clock in the corner of my computer, desperate for it to move faster. Although the week has been easier since Gretchen came up to handle Cesare, it’s still been busy. Today Dante gave me the okay to leave at three. And I’m so ready for the weekend. I lock my computer, grab my purse and almost run for the exit. A little groan escapes me when I see Wyatt in front of me. I hang back, hoping he won’t see me. No luck.
“Hey, you’re out of here in a hurry on a Friday. You didn’t respond to my last text. I was really hoping to hang out again.”
How could he be so thick? I’ve been putting him off all week long. After Cesare showed up to my apartment, I felt I’d gotten the response I wanted. I also didn’t feel comfortable enough around Wyatt to pretend. “I’m sorry. I don’t see us going out again. This just isn’t a good time for me right now. I’m sorry.”
Anger flickers in his eyes. I back up and he fakes a smile. “Sure, no big deal. I better get back to work. Have a good night.”
Relieved he isn’t going to make a big deal out of it, I escape while there are still people around.
My weekend is quiet. Bethany and I have a long laughter-filled talk. No matter what’s happened, I am grateful for my job and all it has allowed me to do. I was finally able to afford to have all new tires put on Bethany’s car last week and have some other car repairs done that we’d been holding off on.
Friday night I slept the longest I have in weeks from pure exhaustion. Saturday I hadn’t slept well yet again. It’s Sunday as I think over the last encounter with Cesare, and the way I’m still filled with longing and need every time I see him. I have to quit. Whatever I’m feeling isn’t going away; in fact, it feels like it’s getting more intense. I don’t think it will magically disappear when I leave, but I do believe it won’t be as bad as seeing Cesare every day and knowing I can’t have him...or maybe I’m just hoping. I don’t know, but I can’t do it anymore.
Sitting down with my calendar and my bills even though I want to put in my notice on Monday to rip off the band-aid I see it would be best if I give it another week before putting in my two weeks’ notice. I call Zack. The conversation isn’t easy, but he’s more than happy to take me back. He’s confident he can even make it as if I’ve never left.
***
Alicia
On Monday I’m relieved Hannah is back. We talk about her week off, and I see pictures of the nursery she and her daughter completed. When she leaves Hannah gives me a hug and tells me if I ever want to talk, she’s here for me. I nod, knowing I won’t take her up on the offer.
Tuesday when I come into the office I notice it seems hushed, almost like it’s a library. Normally the office is a bustling, loud, place. When I get to my desk I find Hannah glum as she crochets a baby blanket. I’ve never seen her do that at her desk.
“What’s going on?”
Sighing heavily, “It’s Dante. Today is the twentieth anniversary of his father, you know.” I nod, instantly understanding. “Last night Dante started drinking and didn’t stop until the bar forced him out. He stumbled into the street and was knocked down by a cab.
“Thankfully the fool is fine, more or less. He broke his left wrist and has a concussion. Dante’s phone was misplaced in the emergency room. Cesare didn’t find out about it until this morning. He’s going to be out of the office for today. I’ve already cancelled all of his and Dante’s appointments for today. You might want to cancel any appointments Dante has for tomorrow too.”
“Is Dante in the hospital? Should I go see him?” Really, I mean Cesare. I’m desperate to see him to make sure he’s okay.
“Child, that is the last thing you want to do right now. He’s home as of an hour ago. Cesare said he’d work from Dante’s, but I know he’s not really going to be up to it. I’ve gotten one email from him and that was to cancel his appointments, like I hadn’t already done that.”
I nod. I can’t think of a good reason to see Cesare and my heart aches for both Cesare and Dante. I could not imagine what they are going through. The day is quiet. I spend it reading after I’ve caught up on all my work. Hannah leaves for the day with a small wave a little after three.
I’m lost in my book when my cell phone rings. It’s Bethany’s ringtone, and instantly I’m concerned. A quick glance at the clock tells me it’s almost four. Bethany has known since she was a little kid to only call me at work if it was an emergency. “What’s the matter?” I don’t hesitate to answer.
She sniffles, and fear kicks me hard in the gut. “I fucked up. I fucked up so bad. I’m sorry. I don’t know what to do.”
“Take a deep breath and tell me what happened.” I brace for the worst.
“I went to a party last night and got drunk. I know I shouldn’t have, but the party was only a few blocks away, so I drove home. When I got home, I sideswiped Kelsey’s car. The BMW her dad bought her for Christmas.” Holy fuck. I remember Bethany talking about how Kelsey loved and hated the car. Loved that it was a BMW, but hated it didn’t come with all the upgrades she wanted. “She completely flipped her shit. I kept saying I would pay to have it fixed. I begged her not to file against my insurance, with that speeding ticket I have from last year it will shoot up. Only she’s still angry from me telling her that since you got the new job, I wanted to move out and get my own place. She’s threatening to call the police and report I was driving after drinking.”
My stomach drops. If Bethany is charged with drunk driving, there is no way she’ll get into a physician assistant program. “Where are you?”
“At home, hiding in my room.”
“Is she there?”
“Yeah.”
“Put her on the phone.”
“Okay.”
Fucking hell. I log into my bank’s website. I’m the lowest I’ve been in a long time, since I just spent almost two thousand all told getting Bethany’s car and her hotel upgraded. The savings account that held the money I’ve been saving for Bethany’s master’s program is at nineteen thousand. Which should cover the first payment due at whichever school she gets into, either Duke or Iowa.
In my trading account, the place I’ve been able to turn the measly paychecks for the last seven years into enough to live off, I’m sitting at the lowest I’ve been in
over a year. With the turmoil of the market, I didn’t think it was safe. I have a little over ten thousand in a strong solid stock, so I could pull off a trade in two days I’ve been doing for years on margin. Trading on margin was by nature a risky thing to do since I was borrowing against the value of a stock. This trade was worth the risk, it would net me at least a thirty percent return.
“Ms. Jeffries, your little sister screwed up.” I have always hated the way Kelsey calls me Ms. Jeffries. It’s a dig, not done out of respect. Kelsey Kane, the daughter of a former stripper and a rich guy with more money than sense. She is a spoiled brat who has zero empathy and doesn’t care about anyone but herself.
I’ve hated her since the moment I met her two years ago. But I never said a word to Bethany. Kelsey could be generous, when it suited her, like buying clothes for Bethany so she could have someone to go shopping with or covering dinner, so she had someone to eat with, and even the apartment they’re sharing. Bethany pays five hundred for rent and bills because all the costs are covered by Kelsey’s father.
“I understand that, Kelsey. I know she’s apologized and so will I. I’m sorry. Let’s not go around in circles here. What is it going to take for you to drop the threat of reporting it to the police?”
“A new car, the one I wanted. Fifty thousand dollars.” The little bitch was waiting for it—it’s clear as she spits it out.
I can’t stop the gasp; it feels like someone kicked me in the stomach. Is she fucking crazy, fifty thousand dollars? I don’t have fifty thousand dollars. Where the hell am I going to get that amount of money? My eyes search out the two windows on my screen, wondering how the hell I could make it happen.
“I’ll give you until Friday, or I go to the cops. I recorded Bethany apologizing and admitting she was drunk.” Any hope it was all a bluff, a sick joke to pay Bethany back for wanting to move out, is gone. Kelsey sounded malicious, she wanted to hear I couldn’t come up with the money.