by Bob Mauldin
When Heinlein finally parked on the opposite side of Galileo from McCaffrey, Marsha beamed aboard after a brief message telling Simon she would come directly to his ready-room. Entering alone, she said, “I know you’re worried. I would be, too, in your place. Let me tell the story and then you can ask questions.” After a detailed summary of events, she finished with, “And Doctor Penn won’t let her be beamed over. He insists on having her brought over by shuttle. He is still concerned about her mental state and says that no one knows what the effects are of beaming a known fragile mentality.”
Simon jumped on one word. “Fragile? Who decided Kitty is mentally fragile? She’s about the most stable person I know. Hell, she’s the one that kept me from going ballistic more that once in my life. And look at how everyone out here sees her. She’s a rock, damn it.”
Marsha looked at Simon pleadingly. “Simon, she’s a rock who is talking to dead people. How stable is that? She was out there alone for hours. By her own choice, too. Then when we get her back, she had tried to beat the control panel of her Mamba to pieces with her bare hands. Simon, please. Let Dr. Penn talk to her. Maybe she was just dreaming about Toni. But what about her wounds? I’ve talked to the doctor. I’ve seen her bare hands. Let him do his job, okay?”
Simon finally conceded that the doctor was qualified to make the decisions he had, although it was like pulling teeth to get the admission, and he headed for the flight deck.
Arriving as the medics were bringing the litter off the shuttle, Simon bulled his way through them to Kitty’s side. His eyes were drawn first to the bandaged hands lying outside the covering draped over her. Seeing her closed eyes and slack expression, he asked the doctor, “What’s wrong with her that she needs to be sedated?”
“Well, Captain,” Doctor Penn began, “the problem is that she seems to have taken a holiday.” At Simon’s puzzled look, he went on. “What I mean is that she has suffered a level of mental distress from which her subconscious needed to escape. Now, I’m not a psychiatrist, but I’ve seen this before. Since her subconscious can’t escape, she has, well, stepped out for a while. I can’t say for how long, but she is handling it. From what I can tell from the little she has said since we brought her back aboard, it seems that she has had a problem rationalizing the deaths she has caused by ordering her and Captain Grimes’ crew to attack and destroy that ship. The conversation with Toni Putnam that she believes she had while she was out in her Mamba is a manifestation of that conflict. It also appears to have been the catalyst that brought on this fugue. And, oddly enough, I think it is the key to her recovery. She thinks that Toni blamed her for getting killed. She also thinks that Toni came to her in her ship and forgave her. She needs time to work these things into a new gestalt she can live with. Give her time and encouragement and she will recover. In the meantime, no stress. Keep things light. Help her feel useful, but put no strain on her. That is my diagnosis and regimen of treatment. I know it’s not much, but the mind is a tricky thing. Trust me on this or go back to Earth and get a second opinion.”
Simon literally hovered as the med-techs carried Kitty to their quarters. It was quite a little procession that made its way from the flight deck of Galileo up to deck three and the Captain’s quarters: two med-techs with a stretcher between them, Simon on one side and the doctor on the other, Marsha and Gayle leading the way with Stephen guarding the rear. Simon felt a great weight leave his shoulders as he crossed the threshold into his quarters, the door cutting off the noise of the crowd that had formed in the corridor.
As each person sorted themselves out, Simon wandered the suite, at loose ends. The doctor, med-techs and Kitty were in the bedroom. Marsha, Gayle and Stephen sat or paced through the living room until a knock came at the door. Simon, startled, just looked at it and Gayle finally got up and opened it to let Lucy Grimes in. “Simon, I’m so sorry. I wish I’d known. I mean, I’d never have left her out there if I’d had any idea ...”
Simon held up a hand. “Lucy, thank you. For everything you’ve done. You may think that you’ve done nothing, but I think just being here now is a help. It helps me that’s sure. And Kitty isn’t in a coma or something, just sedated. She knows you’re here, I’ll bet. And how could you, or anyone, have known what was going to happen? Don’t beat yourself up over it. Second-guessing doesn’t help, and I don’t need another basket-case out here. Unless it’s me, that is.” A lop-sided grin played across his face. “The doctor said she’s on holiday. Maybe I should join her. Leave you in charge of this menagerie. Maybe then you could pay the penance you think you owe.” At the look on her face, he laughed. “Oh? Don’t think you screwed up that bad, do you? Well, relax. I don’t either. And neither does anyone here. So grab a drink and sit down for a while.”
Doctor Penn came out of the bedroom preceded by the med-techs. The two men left with their stretcher and the doctor turned to Simon. “She’s resting comfortably now, and awake, Captain, and wants to see you. She’s not made of glass, but I still don’t want her stressed. Answer all questions truthfully, and only two visitors at a time, if one is you, Captain, for the next couple of days. I’ll stop in and check on her twice daily, and you can call me if necessary. After that, well, we’ll just have to see. Now, can anyone get me some quarters or do I need to go back to Heinlein? “
Simon called his Supply Officer to make arrangements for Doctor Penn’s stay and then dismissed the doctor from his thoughts as he went into the bedroom to see his wife. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, he reached out and brushed a stray lock of hair from her cheek. “You gave me quite a scare, Kittyn. The doctor says you’ll be okay. Can I get you anything?” He leaned over and kissed her on the forehead.
As he started to raise up, Kitty put both arms around his neck and pulled him down into a kiss that spoke volumes on its own. “I know how I’d feel if I lost you, Simon,” she said sleepily, “so I think I know how you feel right now. I’m sorry. Sorry I caused all this fuss. Sorry I worried you. And sorry that I worried everyone else, too.” Tears ran down her cheeks and Simon wiped them away.
“The doctor said no stress, Dear. So let’s table this for now with one thing from me: nothing that happened was your fault. Some people react differently to combat. You got your first taste with no warning. You thought you were ready, but few people are really ready for something like that without a lot of training.” He looked down, and in a voice filled with shame, said, “I used you. I thought all we needed to do was show our presence and readiness to fight. Still, the responsibility is mine, and if you disagree, we can discuss it later. When the doctor says you can, and not before. Right now, though, there are some people who want to visit for a few minutes. They want to say encouraging things and offer moral support. Think you’re up to it?”
Kitty glanced at the door and nodded slowly. “If you stay here with me. I need that, right now.” Simon nodded and went to the door. Opening it, he beckoned for Gayle to come in. As she sat down in the place recently vacated by Simon, she reached out to place a hand on Kitty’s shoulder.
Leaning down to kiss Kitty on the cheek, she whispered in her ear, “If you ever scare me like that again, I’ll show you what real stress is all about, you hear me?” Raising back up, she said for Simon to hear, “If you need anything, just ask. As long as Simon keeps Heinlein in the area, I’ll be available. I was so scared, Kitty. We all were. We’re just happy to have you safe.” Which more or less set the tone for Marsha, Lucy and Stephen as well.
Kitty muttered a few inanities to each of her visitors trying to apologize for the situation. To a person, each refused to let her take any blame for the situation. “As a matter of fact,” Lucy said, “I think someone should recommend you for the Solar Cross. You planned the action and it went off without a hitch.” At Kitty’s look of horror, she could only ask, “What’s wrong? What did I say?”
Kitty couldn’t get the words to come out in sequence. “Murderer. No. Can’t.” Tears ran down her cheeks and Simon st
epped between the two women. To the stricken Lucy he quietly explained the situation and Kitty’s state of mind as he ushered her out of the room. Turning back to Kitty, he sat and offered his support and love.
After a few minutes, Simon told her, “I’ll be right back. Let me run this bunch off and we can have some time to ourselves.” Sliding out of her bandaged hands with ease, he winked. “I’m not leaving, Dear. Just getting rid of the well-wishers. I’ll leave the door open a crack, so you’ll know I’m still here.”
Simon walked into the living room of his suite to find all the visitors still there. Gayle was in the process of telling her version to Lucy and literally wringing her hands. Stephen, seated beside her, could no longer take it and reached out and took one of her hands in both of his and just held it as she finished. This gesture didn’t go unnoticed by Simon or anyone else, but no one saw fit to comment on it. He went back to the matter at hand, which was running everyone out of his quarters. That mission finally accomplished, he went back to the bedroom to find Kitty snoring on the bed. Smiling at a memory that rose in his mind, he drew up a chair, brought a glass of scotch, a glass of Kitty’s favorite herbal tea and a few papers into the room and sat down to keep vigil over his wife.
Three days brought considerable improvement in Kitty. A continuous stream of visitors had come and gone during normal business hours on this first day of Dr. Penn allowing visitors. Her aide, Lt. Commander Kimura, assigned against her wishes, came to her with a strange look on her face. “Ma’am, your last visitor of the day is here, but I strongly advise that you turn him away. It’s Agent Daniels.” Simon and the doctor had conspired to keep her physical as well as mental stress to a minimum and used newly promoted Lt. Commander Kimura to screen her visitors and monitor her condition.
“I will be the judge of that, Commander,” Kitty said kindly. “Let him in. I need a diversion from all the well-wishers. And be polite. There isn’t any reason to be rude.”
“Please be seated, Agent,” Kitty said as the agent walked into the living room, waving to a chair placed on the other side of the small table from her. “Coffee?” At his nod, she called Rukia and ordered two cups, and perversely, a pot, to be brought. “Well, Agent, how have you been? Keeping busy looking for plots and subverting our people?”
“Keeping busy interviewing anyone who will talk to me, Captain. Making friends and influencing people. No subversions or mutinies planned, if you are interested,” he answered lightly. The coffee arrived and Kitty waved Commander Kimura away.
“I think I would like some privacy, if you please, Commander. If you really must flutter about, do it on the other side of the door.” She watched the woman leave, wounded pride showing in every step. “You can bet that Simon will know about my little indiscretion before the hour is up, Agent. Sometimes I feel like a prisoner and take my pleasures where I can find them. Now, what can I do for you? You will forgive me if I don’t shake hands?’
“Captain, considering our history, I wouldn’t take offense if your hands weren’t bandaged. How are you doing, by the way?”
She lifted her hands up out of her lap and looked at them for a moment and set them back down. “Physically, as well as can be expected. The doctor says the bandages can come off tomorrow and the stitches out in another week. Mentally, well, most of the people around me are treating me like I’m about to explode. Look at the Commander, for example. Believe it or not, getting her to leave the room surprised me. I thought I’d have to fight her over it. I don’t think I’m going to explode, but who am I to judge?”
Agent Daniels poured coffee into the two cups, helped Kitty hold one in her bandaged hands, and took a sip from his. “Well, Captain, I’m glad you worded yourself the way you did, because it touches on one of the two reasons I’m here. Let me tell you what the first reason is: I’m the government stoolie. They’re going to want to know everything that happened out there. I’m betting that they’ll say that their need to know is based on what could happen to Earth because of your actions. So, when you feel up to it, I’d like to request an interview. Not today. It’s way too soon, by my estimation, but I wanted to get my bid in.” He took another sip from his cup and went on. “It’s been my experience that one should always go to the horse’s mouth for information. Which is why I’d like to talk to Marsha Kane and Lucy Grimes if and when they become available for interviews.”
A look Kitty interpreted as discomfort passed over the agent’s face. “The second reason I’m here indirectly concerns the rumors running around the ship that say you’re a ticking time-bomb ready to explode. I don’t see a time-bomb ready to explode, Captain. I see a woman who could very easily have another nervous break-down. And for what little it’s worth, I’m here to offer my support.”
Daniels took a deep breath, closed his eyes and seemed to come to some inner decision. “In nineteen seventy, I went to Viet Nam. I enlisted. For my country, you know? They trained me to shoot a rifle and sent me to a place where all the people who didn’t look like me either wanted me dead or didn’t care one way or the other.
“I was in-country less than two weeks when I went out on my first patrol and we got into a fire-fight. I was so scared I pissed myself. I’m not ashamed to admit it now. When it was all over I had squeezed the trigger so hard that it or my finger should have broken. It took my squad leader to pull my finger off that trigger, and I’d never fired a shot. The safety was still on. We lost three people in that fire-fight and even today I wonder if any of those three might have lived if I had done my job right. I’d never have known what I was shooting at, but maybe, just maybe, some of those guys would still be alive. So, what I’m saying is that I know what you’re going through. What it boils down to, Captain, is that in a war, you do things that you would not normally do. Now, I don’t know you personally, but because I had to investigate you,” here he shrugged his shoulders and gave a deprecating wave of his hands, “I do know a bit about you. And what I know is that you are not some indiscriminate killer. I saw enough of those in ‘Nam. Those are the kind of people who will get you killed, not save your life.
“These aren’t normal times, Captain. I don’t remember who it was that said this, but, extraordinary times call for extraordinary measures. And I will add my own bit to that truism. It calls for extraordinary people. Now I’m the last person on the face of the planet, hey, I made a joke there, to curry favor with anybody, but I see you, and I see Simon, and I see the hundreds upon hundreds of other people here as extraordinary people. The scuttlebutt that I have says that you did what needed to be done. That’s nothing to be ashamed of or beat yourself up over. It’s just a fact of life. And if the stories I’ve been hearing from the people I’ve been talking to have any validity at all, sooner or later there will be a lot more of this. I, for one, will feel a lot better knowing that you and Simon and Marsha Kane and Lucy Grimes and all the others, down to the last pod jockey, are out here.
Daniels stood up and made ready to leave. “Just for your information, Captain, that’s the report I intend to give the next time I get back to Earth. I’ll probably get off then, too. My superiors will see that report and think that I’ve been compromised. I don’t know how much good it will do you and your people, but there you have it Beyond that, all I want to say is that I wish you the best of luck and a speedy recovery.”
Lt. Commander Kimura came back in as the agent opened the door and left. “Ma’am, I guess you know that I heard everything that was said in here. The Captain, your husband, ordered me to tell him everything that went on while he was gone. You know he only has the best of intentions, and I know it, too, or I would never have agreed to do it, but I think I’ve just run into something I should keep to myself.”
Kitty nodded. “I think so, too, Commander. Simon will know he was here, so we won’t keep it secret, but let’s not burden him with the full conversation, shall we? All Agent Daniels did was to drop in and ask for an interview at a future date and wish me a speedy recovery.
” At her aide’s nod of agreement, Kitty stood up and said, “Well, then. I think we should plan dinner, don’t you? Something to distract Simon from our last visitor. Let’s call the mess hall and see if we can get someone to put together his favorites: meatloaf and banana pudding. Now would be a good time to surprise him.”
A week later, Kitty walked out of the sick bay with her stitches out. She had already been feeding herself and tying her shoes for days, but still felt a line had been crossed. Getting dressed was still a bit of a problem, so Commander Kimura remained as Kitty’s aide.
Simon had joined her during the stitch removal and listened to Dr. Penn’s admonitions about how she should treat herself for the next week then broached the subject he had been wanting to talk about for a while. “Doc, look, Kitty’s been telling me everything you’ve been telling her after every meeting you two have had, so I know your opinion of her mental state, and my own assessment coincides with yours, that there’s nothing wrong with her mind. What I want is for you to release her back to active duty if you think it appropriate. Before you make a decision, I’d like to say that for the next few months, I want to keep her near me as an adviser.” He gently took her hand and pulled her closer. “I want her back in command of her ship eventually, but we’ve got this meeting with the Vice-President coming up, negotiations for bases on Earth, and some kind of official status for our people so they don’t get harassed or jailed for whatever they know about what’s going on out here. Executive level discussions and decisions. What do you think?”
Dr. Penn looked thoughtfully at Kitty. “I think that the decision is up to her. As you said, I think she’s ready to take up her duties. If she thinks she’s ready, fine. Otherwise, let her progress at her own pace. I consider her discharged with only once-a-week visits. In about a month, we should be finished completely, which should make you happy, no?” This last he said to Kitty.