by Sadie Moss
The last thing I remember is… exploding, I guess is the best term for what happened. I sent out daggers of light everywhere, and some of them hit Salinas, but they were coming out of me from everywhere. Oh, shit! Did some of them hit the sins? Are they all right?
Over to the side of the room, a door opens. I didn’t realize there was even a door there until now. It’s hidden in the wall, obscured even more by the hazy light. Heaven likes to operate like that.
Anderson walks in, dressed impeccably as usual and beaming broadly. His already wide smile stretches even further when his gaze lands on me and he finds me awake.
He looks… proud of me. It’s weird, to be honest. I’ve never seen him look at me like that.
“Trinity.” He steps closer to my bed. “I’m so glad that you’re awake.”
“Um, thank you, sir.”
I don’t quite trust my legs, so I don’t stand up just yet, choosing instead to stay sitting. I hope he doesn’t take it as a sign of rudeness or insubordination. Anderson is definitely one of those angels who’s big on rules and tradition and decorum.
“What’s going on?” I ask, my voice a little scratchy.
“What’s going on?” Anderson’s eyebrows shoot up. He looks amused, then his expression turns serious. He shakes his head, smiling to himself as if he’s forgotten something obvious. “Of course. You were out for quite a bit. You wouldn’t know. Well, congratulations are in order.”
I blink. “They are?”
“Yes. You did quite an astonishing thing. You defeated a demon who was plotting to take over Earth. That is far more than any of us expected of you.”
“Oh. Uh…” I bite my bottom lip, not quite sure how to put my next thought into words. “I wasn’t sure you would care.”
Anderson waves a hand. His features have always reminded me of Morgan Freeman, and it lends a certain gravitas to everything he says and does. I’m pretty sure that’s why he picked that form.
“It’s true that we didn’t consider the portals to be of immediate concern, but Salinas’s plan would have completely tipped the balance in Hell’s favor. You’ve done a great thing, Trinity. And going up against him like that? Well, we are impressed, to say the least.”
A little rush of pride goes through me. As frustrating as it was that none of my angel superiors seemed to take the portals seriously, it’s nice to know they aren’t mad at me for taking on Salinas. That they’re actually impressed.
“And you managed to accomplish your original assignment too,” Anderson continues. He shakes his head, giving a low whistle. “Redeeming the seven sins. To be honest, I wasn’t sure it was even possible. But you did it. Going into Hell to help humanity and save them from a demonic threat, putting their lives on the line to protect and care for another person—an angel, no less—and keep her from being hurt? Those are all very selfless, compassionate acts. You proved that the sins were in fact redeemable.” He puts his hands together in an almost-clap and smiles at me. “Well done.”
My chest feels warm, my heart beating harder. Is he serious?
Holy crap! The sins are redeemed. I did it.
And that means they’re probably here in Heaven somewhere. I can’t see any of them letting me be separated from them for long while I was knocked out—even Ryland, if only because he and his brothers promised to keep me safe, and his pride will demand he fulfill that promise.
I can’t really take credit for their redemption though. Or at least, I don’t feel like I can. I didn’t really do much. It wasn’t like I lectured them on good behavior or something like that. I’m not sure I was even the best example of being a good person.
This was all on their own. They’re the ones who changed and found other parts of themselves. I knew all along that they weren’t purely evil, that there was more to each one of them.
I feel so happy for them, so proud.
“That’s really great,” I blurt out, grinning at Anderson. “Thank you.”
“We should be thanking you, Trinity,” he tells me.
I blush, pressing my lips together to keep my smile from getting too big. But I can barely contain my glee.
“So…” I scoot toward the edge of the bed. “Um, can I go see them? Is that okay?”
“See them?” Anderson’s brows pull together, and he sounds confused.
“Yes. Are they around? Or are they back on Earth?”
Understanding lights up in the older angel’s eyes, and he sighs. “Oh, my dear girl. I see you don’t understand. They are sin. Sin personified. The moment they were redeemed, they allowed virtue into their hearts, not sin, and so they betrayed their very nature. They stopped existing. In being redeemed, the sins were destroyed.”
It feels like someone’s just dropped a rock into the pit of my stomach. Like my limbs have all gone numb. I feel my head lift to stare at Anderson, but I’m barely conscious of the movement.
“You… they… what?”
Anderson nods. “I’m afraid they’re gone, Trinity. None of us knew this would happen, but their redemption was also their end.”
No.
No.
Chapter Fifteen
TRINITY
My body is frozen, held rigid and motionless. I’m still gaping at Anderson, my jaw dangling as if I’ve forgotten it’s attached to me.
I don’t understand. How can he say all of this so blithely? How can he not care?
“But you told me to redeem them so that they could be on the side of—on our side!”
“Well, yes,” Anderson says, dipping his head. “And if they had survived their redemption, they would be on our side now. None of us knew this would happen, although we had considered the possibility.”
“Considered the possibility?” My voice is loud and harsh. My hands are shaking. “And you didn’t tell me? You didn’t think to mention that little detail? That by redeeming them, I might kill them?”
My voice breaks on the word “kill,” and the pit in my stomach seems to deepen and expand somehow.
Anderson narrows his eyes, looking a little annoyed. “No, we didn’t think it was worth telling you. It wasn’t exactly relevant to your mission, and as you are well aware, you’ve had issues with following rules and directives in the past. That was why you fell, after all—breaking regulations because of your softness. So long as the sins existed as sins, they were tempting people to do evil things and winning souls for Hell. Now that they are gone, that massive source of temptation for mortals is gone, and we will start winning more souls to our side.”
He waggles his head back and forth. “I’ll grant you, it would’ve been even better if they had remained alive and been able to actively recruit for Heaven, but this is still a big win for us, Trinity.”
My heart feels like it’s cracking open.
No. Fuck, no.
I led them to their doom. I as good as killed them. They never would’ve done any of this stuff if it wasn’t for me, and now…
Now…
“We’ve decided to not only let you back into Heaven but to give you a promotion for going the extra mile,” Anderson continues, the lines on his face smoothing out as he smiles again. “You’ll receive your next assignment from the committee shortly. For now, you’d better rest up. That was quite the battle you were in.”
I can hardly hear his words. It sounds like he’s speaking to me through a thick fog.
The sins are dead.
They’re gone.
And I never even got to tell them how much they meant to me.
I never got to tell them that I love them.
“You’re going to be given more responsibility, and I know that it can be a lot to handle at first,” Anderson says. “But I’m sure you’ll be up for it. We’re quite pleased with you, Trinity. I hope you’ll continue to impress us.”
He starts to leave the same way he came in, apparently oblivious to my heartbreak. Or maybe he just doesn’t care. I don’t know. I feel like I’m not even able to feel anything properly.
Like I’ve been stabbed, but I’m just staring at myself bleeding out and not really feeling it.
Is this what shock feels like? This must be what shock feels like.
Anderson’s wings rustle softly as he pushes the door open, and as they do, I catch a glimpse of something.
What is that?
It’s like a mark was burned into one of his wings, so that you can only see it in a certain light. I shift a little, trying to get a better look at it, but it vanishes from sight again as he takes another step. The door shuts silently behind him as he leaves, and I blink, staring after him.
That mark. I’ve seen it before…
Oh, fuck.
It hits me like a ton of bricks. I didn’t get a great look at it, but that mark on Anderson’s wing looked a heck of a lot like the one Salinas put on me so that supernaturals could track me and find me.
But why does Anderson have it on his wing?
Angel wings often shift in color, almost pearlescent in their appearance. Anderson must’ve thought no one would notice the mark, since it’s hidden right near the spot where his wing meets his back. And the light did have to hit it in a certain way for me to realize it was there. I’ve never noticed it before now, even though I’ve spoken with Anderson dozens of times.
But that still doesn’t answer the question—why? Why would he be carrying Salinas’s mark?
My first thought is that maybe the man I just spoke to was Salinas or another one of his minions in disguise. But Salinas is dead, isn’t he? And I don’t know of anyone who’s able to do that. Demons and angels are such opposites, we couldn’t imitate one another’s composition like that.
So that means it probably was really Anderson. And that means…
Is Anderson in league with demons? With Salinas?
The mark isn’t exactly the same as mine, but it wouldn’t be, would it? My mark was meant to draw people to kill me, and this mark must be for some other purpose. Some kind of binding mark, maybe? Like a contract?
I try to think back through all of my interactions with Anderson. I can’t think of anything that seemed like a warning sign to me, anything that I should’ve latched onto. He was dismissive of the demon portals, but that honestly didn’t surprise me too much. It disappointed me, sure—but it fit with what I know of the angelic committees and heavenly bureaucracy.
But… I never spoke to any other angels about my assignment. I didn’t go to the support group and tell them because I was worried they’d be angry I got a chance to go home and they didn’t. And I didn’t talk to any angels from Upstairs because I had no way to reach them and none of them reached out to me.
So what proof do I have that the committee was ever actually considering my case? That I was ever truly eligible to come home? That this assignment was anything other than bullshit?
Anderson could’ve made the entire thing up to get me to lure the sins in and destroy them.
I’m not sure exactly how destroying the sins ties into Salinas’s plan, but Anderson was probably right about everything he just said. That he realized I have a soft spot for people, that I would be willing to bend the rules, that I’m weak, at least according to his worldview. That I’d be able to get through to the sins precisely because I’m not like other angels.
My stomach churns painfully.
Dammit, I feel so naïve and stupid. Maybe it’s not fair of me to be so hard on myself since I had no way of knowing it all was a lie, but that doesn’t change the result of things.
It doesn’t change what I did, unwittingly or not.
Tears burn my eyes, and I give in to my grief for a second, letting the full weight of the loss settle over me. Over the past couple weeks, I started to realize the true depth of my feelings for the seven brothers who became such a huge part of my life in such a short time.
I never worked up the guts to say it out loud, but I knew it in my heart.
I loved them.
Not because of or in spite of their sins.
Because of them. Because of who they were as people—the beautiful parts and the complex parts.
I loved them.
And I killed them.
Drawing in a shuddering breath, I wipe the backs of my hands over my eyes, brushing away my tears. Hot anger burns in my stomach, expanding outward to fill the rest of me. I focus on the anger, because it helps burn away some of the pain, making it easier to function.
Anderson said something about having a new “assignment” for me. He probably thinks he can still manipulate me, that I have no idea what’s going on.
Are there other angels on his side? Or is he the only one?
I have no doubt that whatever my new assignment is, it’ll be something to help Anderson and Salinas continue to try to conquer Earth. My angel light was stronger than it’s ever been, but it probably couldn’t have killed a demon as powerful as Salinas. There’s a good chance he’s still alive, and even if he really is dead, Anderson will probably continue with the attempt on his own.
Well, there’s no way I’m helping either of them do that. I have to find some way out of here.
Part of me wants to run from the room, grab the first angel I see, and tell them everything. But the truth is, I don’t know how deep this goes. I don’t know if there are other angels who are in on this, and I can’t take the risk of one of them reporting back to Anderson, tipping him off that I know he’s in league with demons.
Dammit. If only I had some help. I spent so long alone on Earth, and then suddenly, I wasn’t alone at all. I had first one, then four, then seven people in my life. On my side. It was… it was wonderful, actually. I had a feeling of belonging to something, really being a part of a group, and now it’s gone and I’ll probably never get that again.
The sins are dead. And I killed them. I caused them to cease to exist. The only people that I felt truly close to, the only people that knew me, and they’re gone.
My jaw clenches. I’m not going to just sit around and wait for Anderson to come back and try to manipulate me into helping him again. And I can’t risk trying to report him.
So that means I have to stop him myself.
First, I need to get out of here. I need to get back down to Earth, and maybe back down to Hell if I can manage it. I need to figure out what the “nuclear option” Salinas mentioned is and how to prevent it.
A quick inspection of the wall Anderson went through reveals the door. It’s invisible to the eye, but I can feel it with my fingertips when I press up against it. My wings pop out, shaking and stretching a little. I wish I could draw my angelic sword, but that would attract too much of the wrong kind of attention.
Slowly, I push on the door, and it swings open smoothly. But as soon as I step out of the room, my footsteps falter.
Oh, Anderson, you lying son of a bitch.
I’m not really Upstairs.
Of course I’m not.
Even if Anderson does have some other angels on his side, it would’ve been too risky for him to bring me Upstairs in case I figured out what’s going on and blabbed to the wrong person. Or even if I didn’t figure it out, I might’ve mentioned the sins, revealing that I’d been sent on a bogus, off-the-books assignment by Anderson. That would’ve raised too many alarm bells and risked exposing him.
This hallway around me looks like a good approximation of Heaven, probably in case I caught a glimpse through the doorway as Anderson entered and exited. But on either end, I can see the flickering flames and smoke that mean I’m still in Hell.
Good.
Not that I’m happy to still be Below, but this puts me closer to my enemies, which is exactly where I want to be. At least until I get the answers I need.
But it also means there’s not even a chance that I’ll run into a sympathetic angel who will help me in case Anderson shows back up. I’m literally surrounded by demons, and despite my earlier discovery that not all demons are bad, I can’t trust any of the ones working for Salinas.
That means I need to find a
way to get out of here quickly without anyone seeing me.
Swiveling my head, I glance up and down the corridor. I don’t see any kind of security camera setup—but then, I’m not sure that sort of thing is even possible Downstairs. There might be magical alarm systems though.
My whole body feels like it’s buzzing with nerves as I step out into the decidedly-not-Heaven area. All around me, sleek black walls like obsidian rise up. I can see what look like spires in between some of them.
Salinas seems to be a rather high-ranking demon. Is this his castle? Or fortress? I don’t know how the hierarchy down here works, exactly, but I can imagine him having something like that.
Pressing myself against the stone—and letting out a pained hiss when I find that it’s extremely warm—I keep to the shadows as I move through the complex. I have to find the exit. I know that there has to be one, somewhere. But there doesn’t seem to be much rhyme or reason to this freaking place. What kind of insane architect designed it?
Maybe it was one of the damned? I guess if someone was being tortured in Hell for all eternity, there’s a good chance their architectural designs would get crazier and more twisted over time.
At one point, I end up creeping down a hallway I’m certain I’ve been in before, and I stop, glancing around with a grimace. Fuck. Did I retrace my steps somehow? Double back without meaning to?
Up ahead, I hear voices.
Oh no.
I press myself harder against the stone, pulling my wings back in to make myself smaller. The heat of the wall hurts a bit—a human would definitely be getting burned, but I think my angelic nature protects me from the worst of it.
It’s too late for me to run. I brace myself for a fight and hope that there aren’t too many demons. I’ll have to try to kill them quickly, before they can make too much noise or sound the alarm.
My stomach churns a little at the thought of having to kill, but I don’t have any choice. And when I think about what Salinas and Anderson and their henchmen took from me, hot anger burns through my veins again, filling me with battle rage.
I draw my angelic blade from the ether as the sound of footsteps grows nearer, my heart thudding heavily in my chest.