“You should have seen how intense he was when he was interrogating me that first day.” I played with my straw. “Grilled me about my certifications and time spent teaching kids with special needs and background checks. You’d have thought he was in the FBI instead of the Air Force.”
“So that explains it.”
“What?”
He took a swig of his beer. “He’s Air Force. No wonder you don’t like him.”
“That is not why I don’t like him.”
“You won’t date them.”
“This guy doesn’t want to date me. He wants me out of his life. And I could say the same thing for him.”
Sam tilted his head and leaned back. “So why are you doing this then?”
I shrugged. “I really do love Jade. And you should see what they’re paying me.”
His eyebrows went up. “That much?”
I leaned in. “Let’s just say that they’re going to be paying for the rest of my master’s.”
His eyes nearly popped. “That much?”
“See the draw?”
“Okay. Wow. So if that’s the case, then here’s my proposition.” He cleared his throat. “You finish the summer with Jade and the egomaniac in uniform.”
“That’s what I’d planned to do.”
He held up a finger. “I’m not finished. But instead of enduring it alone, how about I check in on you to make sure you’re still alive every now and then.”
I snorted. “So when I don’t answer and you find my body, it won’t be too decomposed to show in an open-faced casket?”
“Hey, you’ve got this.” He smiled and nudged my shoulder, and I felt little butterflies flutter around at the bottom of my stomach. “You’ve wanted this master’s degree since college, right?”
“Right.”
“So go get it. And don’t let this guy stop you. When he starts being a dolt, just text me, and I’ll remind you of how awesome it’s going to feel when you graduate.”
I looked up to find him staring into my eyes with nearly the same intensity Tanner had held. But this time, I didn’t mind so much.
“Fine,” I said. “But you owe me another Shirley Temple.”
He laughed, and I smiled, glad I’d come after all.
We talked for an hour. There was a sinking feeling, though, that I couldn’t stop as it slowly filled my stomach.
It was stupid, really. But Madison’s story about the day she ruined my planner kept creeping back into my mind. I felt like that fateful day was bleeding into this one, like the lines in time and space were being blurred.
I was sitting here, enjoying myself with people who weren’t my family after being gone all week from my family. And even when I was home, I was studying. The parents I was working so hard to protect had hardly seen me since school got out, and now I was in a bar, sipping my cherry drink like I had all the time in the world.
It was just a memory, I told myself. And I couldn’t let memories stop me from ever having fun. The more I fought it, though, the more it haunted me, like the ghost of an evening gone wrong that hadn’t happened yet. Eventually, inevitably, the memories won out, and I knew I couldn’t force one more smile if my life depended on it. So I excused myself and headed out to the car.
The humidity hit me like a wave the moment I stepped outside. And though it had been bright and cheerful inside, the remnants of all the warm and fuzzy feelings Sam had gifted me disappeared as the sticky Arkansas air descended upon me like a curse. As I fumbled for my keys, I found myself wishing desperately for teleportation. All I wanted to do was go home.
“I thought you were having fun in there.” Madison’s voice made me jump, and I nearly dropped my keys before taking a deep breath and turning slowly to face her.
“Madison.” I put on a practiced I don’t care look, the one I used a lot with Derrick. “Tanner practically asked if I would have his babies. Of course I didn’t try.”
Madison pinched the bridge of her nose. “I was talking about Sam, but fine. Tanner was a little enthusiastic.”
I arched an eyebrow.
“Okay, really enthusiastic. But…” She shrugged. “At least he wasn’t up for casual dating. Isn’t that what you’re always complaining about? That most men today are too casual about courtship?”
“You know, Madison? I actually wanted a casual night out tonight. For once, I just wanted to leave my house and job and spend some time with other human beings my age. I didn’t expect you to pick up random guys and throw them at me. You know how much I hate that.” I put my hands on my temples and rubbed them.
She pouted. “You didn’t have to leave me like that.”
“I endured twenty minutes with that man! If you’re really so desperate—”
“All right, I get it. No need to yell.” She was quiet for a moment. When she spoke again, her voice was soft.
“Week that bad, huh?”
“Worse.” I let my head hang back, and before I knew it, I was telling her everything. But where it had sounded silly and ridiculous back with Sam and the others, I was hit by a sudden flood of melancholy. Sam’s planned texts to help me endure the summer had seemed like a good idea back inside, but now that I was out here in the dark, the situation seemed again like it was possibly more than I could handle. “I just can’t for the life of me figure out why Derrick is being such a—”
“This is about your mom, isn’t it?”
I looked up at the stars.
“And what brought that on?” she asked gently.
I took a long, deep breath. “When you told the planner story, it reminded me that my mom’s got an appointment tomorrow.”
“With the oncologist?”
I nodded again, not trusting myself to speak.
“Wait…the day I ruined your planner. That was the day—”
“The day she found her second lump.” I swallowed hard and stared at the asphalt beneath our feet.
“Aw, Jessie.” Madison pulled me into a hug, and I let her. “I wouldn’t have brought it up if I’d known…” She pulled back and studied my face. “She’s still in remission, though, isn’t she?”
“She should be. This is supposed to be just a blood test.” I pulled away and fiddled with my unicorn house key. “But it came back once. And I don’t…” I sniffed. “I can’t do it again. I just can’t.”
Madison crossed her arms and looked down at her feet, where she traced the white parking space lines with her shoes. “I know this is tough. Believe me, I love your mom. She’s impossible not to love.”
I gave her a half-smile. It was true.
“But you can’t live your life around fear for your mother. Jess, I hate to say it, but you really have no idea how to have fun. You live your life on what-ifs and—What are you doing?”
I unlocked the car and threw my purse into the passenger seat and flashed her a tight smile. “Thanks for inviting me tonight. I know you were trying.” But she caught my door before I could shut it.
“I mean, Jessie. You have got to learn to let go sometime.”
“Night, Madison.” I pulled my door shut and drove home. I had a letter to write.
9
Jerk
Derrick
“You’re quiet this morning.” I glanced at Jessie as we pulled onto the highway. It was only her fifth day as Jade’s nanny, and her ability to stay angry and silent must already be blowing records out of the water.
“Yep.” She wrapped her arms around herself and glared at the road.
I passed a sedan and looked at her again. “This wouldn’t happen to have to do with the cereal mixup this morning, would it?” Even as I remembered the fiasco that had been this morning, I couldn’t help smiling a little. One small step at a time. Maybe when their patron saint of kindergarten failed, my parents would finally listen and leave Jade to me.
But Jessie only set her jaw as she glowered straight ahead.
“Because I can’t blame you for not knowing that her second favorite cereal is
Fruity O’s. That stuff probably doesn’t come up much in school discussions.” I paused to turn the music down since Jade had fallen asleep in her car seat. “You did a good job of getting the milk out of your hair, though.”
No response. I finally shrugged and began to flip through radio stations, but before I found one, Jessie finally spoke.
“She won’t eat with forks.”
“What?” I turned to look at Jessie.
“She only likes to eat with spoons. She pretends not to know her alphabet, but she can write the whole thing if she’s motivated enough, as well as her first and last name and the name of that dog she likes to draw, the pink one with purple whiskers. She’s memorized entire books about rocks, and her favorite food is spaghetti.”
She was still staring straight ahead, but my face heated uncomfortably when a single tear rolled down her cheek. Great. I’d made her cry.
Driving her crazy had seemed sort of fun thus far, and driving her away had sounded even better. But now, as I played the morning…and the rest of the week back in my head, I had to admit that with each day, I’d grown less annoying and more of a colossal jerk.
But Jessie wasn’t done. “She’s an introvert,” she said, her voice husky as she wiped her cheek on her shoulder. “She likes watching other children, though. Her best friend is Daisy Wilkes, and she wants to be a geologist when she grows up. She doesn’t like long conversations, but she can already name more kinds of rocks and minerals than most college students.”
Okay, so maybe I had been wrong about her, at least about her not knowing Jade. The woman knew a lot about my sister. I didn’t know she had a best friend named Daisy. Heck, I hadn’t even been aware she had a best friend at school. Not that that qualified Jessie to look after Jade full-time, but…if I was truthful, this woman seemed like she cared an awful lot about my little sister.
I rubbed a hand down my face and groaned. “Look. I’m not trying to be a jerk—”
“Too late.” She crossed her arms.
“You’re right. And I’m sorry.” I took a deep breath and blew it out slowly, my conscience poking at me. At least tell her the reason you need to take care of Jade. But I wasn’t going to do that. Because if I did, she’d assure me that she wasn’t going to be like the last few nannies, and I’d have to be even ruder and tell her that just wasn’t good enough for me. At least, not when it came to Jade. But when I glanced at Jessie again, her face was red and her eyes still shone.
Maybe I could be vague, just so she would know I had a reason. She’d already put up with me all week. She deserved to know something at least.
Vague might work.
“I know I seem overprotective.” I slowed as we came to a stop sign. “And it’s nothing personal. I swear. I just…” I paused when the light changed to green. This was it. I had to tell her. “Something happened last spring,” I said slowly. “I’m not supposed to go into details, but it was actually the reason I moved here.”
For the first time since getting in the truck, she peeked at me, her green eyes wide under wet lashes. As if I didn’t feel bad enough already. “Is that why you’re trying to get me fired?”
Dang, she was smart. Or maybe I was just that obvious. I rubbed my neck. “How about this? Jade likes you, and you obviously do know a lot about her…more than I thought. What if we call it a truce and do this together?”
“You mean,” she said slowly, “take care of her together all summer?”
I wasn’t about to fold and hand over my sister to be alone with a stranger all summer. But for some reason, I realized in that moment that I did want Jessie Nickleby’s trust. Or at least, I wanted her not to think I was really as awful as I’d been carrying on. If she truly was as dedicated to her work as she seemed, she deserved better than that.
“My parents won’t dock your pay if that’s what you’re worried about. They’re just happy when their schedule goes without a hitch.” I came to another stoplight and gathered the courage to look at her again. “And I promise, I’m really not as much of a jerk as I was this week. At least, I try not to be.” I did my best to give her a repentant smile. “Deal?”
She studied me warily for a moment from behind one of her light brown curls, and I couldn’t help thinking how she looked a lot like a suspicious little cat. Determined to redeem myself, though, I held her gaze. Just forgive me and let us move on, I wanted to say. Anything to make her stop looking at me like I was a Class A villain. Finally, she nodded, and I let myself take a deep breath. This was going to be a long summer.
10
Games
Jessie
I felt as though someone had put me through a wringer by the time we pulled into the gravel lot in front of the equine center. My conversation with Madison from the night before, as well as the feeling of defeat from my mother’s newest doctor appointment, were weighing me down like a ton of rocks. If I had to handle one more thing, my brain might actually explode.
And here he was, promising to take a step back. Could I trust him to really do that, though? I wasn’t sure. All I knew was that after five whole days, this war had to come to an end. I pulled out my phone.
Remind me again. How much do I want this degree?
Sam’s response was lightning fast, and threatened to make me smile.
Jess, you daily have battles of the will with six-year-olds. You can beat this guy. Show him that messing around with Jessie Nickleby is a mistake.
Thanks, I typed back. I needed that.
I got a smiley face back. Anytime.
But when we got to the center, I didn’t have to show him. Because true to his word, Derrick didn’t make a fuss when I climbed out of the truck and moved to the backseat to wake Jade up and pull her out of her car seat.
“I’m going inside to sign her in,” he called over his shoulder as he headed into the one-story brick building. I nodded and continued unbuckling Jade. Breathing was easier as soon as he was in the building. A storm of emotions was already swirling around in my head faster than I could count them.
After a night of restless sleep as the doctor’s voice mail and Madison’s words had gone round and round in my head, I had awakened in a mood no better than it had been the night before. Then breakfast had been a royal disaster. Jade’s cereal box was empty when I got there, and Derrick hadn’t bothered telling me that Jade didn’t like the cereal I picked until after I’d poured it out, added milk, and stuck it in front of her. Jade had refused to take a single bite, and when I’d tried bringing a spoonful of it to her lips, she’d thrown the bowl at me. Thankfully, she’d missed, though I’d gotten more than my share of milk in my hair.
Anger and frustration welled up inside me as I recalled the way his blue eyes had laughed while I stood there in shock, milk dripping from my ear. I was also exhausted from arguing with him and fighting with Jade. But if I was honest with myself, I couldn’t deny that I also had an inkling of respect for the way he wanted to protect his sister. What had happened to make him so obsessed, and why wasn’t he allowed to talk about it?
“I don’t want to!” Jade grumbled as I took her hand and we walked toward the building.
“You like horses, don’t you?” I gave Jade a smile. “I know you do because you put them on your mommy’s Christmas card.”
Jade didn’t answer, and I smiled to myself. Jade didn’t like being wrong. It seemed to run in the family.
We walked into a little reception room that smelled like earth and animals. But the smell wasn’t overpowering. Actually, it seemed perfectly fitting, considering we were surrounded by fields of green with horses dotting the pastures.
“Who’s this with Jade?” The receptionist peered over the counter at me. The sign in front of her said Mrs. Robinson in big, scripty letters. Her brown eyes moved up and down my figure before a sly smile lit her face. Then she glanced back at Derrick, who was signing a clipboard. “She’s sure pretty, whoever she is. Is this your mystery girlfriend?” Then she laughed, as though she’d just told
a funny joke. My cheeks heated, but before I could introduce myself, Derrick spoke up.
“That is Jade’s new nanny.” He kept his eyes on the sign-in sheet. “Amy is still in Colorado.”
“Hm-hm.” Mrs. Robinson leaned back and flipped through a file from her desk with her long, acrylic nails. “And I’m the next Miss Arkansas.”
“Hi, I’m Jessie, Jade’s teacher from school.” I leaned over to shake Mrs. Robinson’s hand before any more assumptions or insinuations could be made.
“Latasha. Nice to meet you.” She shook my hand then put her hands on her hips even though she was sitting down. Then she scowled at Derrick. “I already like her better than you.”
“She’s prettier,” Derrick said, still studying the paper.
He thought I was pretty? My face grew hot again. That was uncomfortable for a number of reasons.
But Derrick didn’t seem to think anything of it. For some reason, I found this was a bit of a relief and a disappointment. No. Not a disappointment. Just…I was going to ignore him.
Instead, he looked back at Latasha and grinned. “But what about my personal charm?”
She snorted and shook her head. “If you were that charming, you’d have a real girlfriend here with you.” She glanced back at Jessie. “Or you’d ask this one. She seems like she could up your worldly game if anyone could.”
I wanted to melt into a puddle, but Derrick didn’t miss a beat.
“Always a critic.” He leaned down and scooped Jade up before she could throw another fit, which looked to be exactly what she wanted to do while we stood in the lobby. “Hey, Geode.” He kissed the top of her head. “Let’s go back and get ready.” And before she could argue, he hoisted her up on his shoulder and moved toward the door. I followed, hoping everyone would forget the conversation that had just taken place.
My Little Rock Airman Page 6