Unfortunately, deep sleep was hard to come by, and my mind was still spinning in useless circles by the time I got to work. Thankfully, we had a lot to do, so it wasn’t until I got off the next morning that I realized I still had to deal with everything I’d been avoiding.
I was such an idiot. I tossed my gear into my locker harder than necessary. An idiot of idiots. First for buying those tickets, which were non-refundable. Then for allowing someone…I didn’t even remember who, to get me involved with the planning committee. Third, for doing what I knew Amy wouldn’t like right after we’d made up. Okay, well, we hadn’t really fixed our problem. But at least she was talking to me again. It had been a long four days before she’d broken her silence this time. And she’d only done that because I’d had the foresight enough to send her a stupid stuffed animal before I knew any of this would become an issue.
Before I had any more time to berate myself, my phone rang. My heart rose and fell when I saw Amy’s face on the screen.
“Hey, babe.” I held the phone up to my ear as I ducked into a back corner of the locker room to get some privacy.
“Hey yourself.”
“What’s up?” I asked, staving off the inevitable.
“Your mom said you were acting funny last night. She texted and asked me to check on you.”
“Of course she did.”
“What was that about?”
“Oh, nothing. Well, no. Actually, yeah, there is something.” I rubbed my eyes. “Look, I don’t know how else to say this, but…is there any way, any feasible way to get you out to the ball?”
“My gosh. Derrick, we’ve been over this. I can’t go. We’ve got a huge case the week after that—”
“Wait, wait, wait.” I put my hand on my forehead. “You said it was that weekend. Not the one after it.”
“The judge pushed it back. But I still need that weekend to prepare.”
“Then you can come. You just won’t.”
“Derrick.” She let out a long slow breath. “I told you. This is the case that’s going to make my career. And I know the ball is important to you, but—”
“Amy.” My laugh sounded hysterical. “I don’t know how else to tell you this. I need you. I need you here. I need you to marry me. I need you to be my date at a ball. I need you…and you’re never here. Ever. Heck, you don’t even want me to come visit.”
Silence. Then a sob on the other end. I closed my eyes and sat down on the locker room bench. “I know you’re busy. And I know you’re trying to make a career for yourself. And I support you. I always have. But—”
“You couldn’t care less about my career.”
“That’s not true, and you know it. But you can’t keep dodging things, Amy. Sooner or later, we’re going to have to figure things out.”
“We had them figured out. Until you decided you just had to move back.”
And there it was. All my fault again. I might as well be in this relationship with myself.
“I gotta go.” I stood. If I didn’t get some sleep soon, I was going to pass out on the road. “But we’re going to finish this conversation. Soon.”
I don’t understand, I prayed as I made my way out to my truck, exhaustion temporarily forgotten as frustration built inside me again. It wasn’t like I could just up and move back. I’d offered time and time again to fly her out, and my parents had extended the use of their guest room. She still hadn’t given me a date for the wedding, and the harder I pushed, the farther she seemed to be from picking one. After my conversation at church with Jessie, I really got the feeling a lot of this had to do with Jade. But what could I do with that?
My phone buzzed again as I climbed into the truck. I pulled it out and glanced at the screen. It was from Hernandez.
Dude, I forgot to ask you, is Barnes right? That your girl’s coming to the ball?
I made a face at my phone. She’s just a friend. I’m working on getting my fiancée out still. Why?
I just thought you should know, he texted back. You should probably just buy your girl a frequent flyer card.
I had the sudden urge to throw the phone out the window. Instead, I gritted my teeth and texted back. Why?
Because they’re moving the squadron picnic up. It’s in three weeks instead of six.
Crap. I’d completely forgotten about the squadron picnic.
Taking my keys out of the ignition, I got back out of the truck and slammed the door. Thankfully, Barnes had gotten there early and was already in his office. I knocked on the door frame.
“Sir?”
“Come in.” He looked up from the file he was reading. “Allen. What can I do for you?”
“I hate to ask this.” I wished it was acceptable to fidget with one’s uniform when talking to a superior. But it wasn’t. So instead, I did my best to stand still. “But I’m going to need permission to go to Colorado.”
Barnes put his paper down. “When?”
I swallowed. “Tomorrow.”
22
Payment
Derrick
The elevator dinged as I reached the sixteenth floor, and as several men in business suits stepped past me to get on as I got off, I suddenly felt underdressed. I checked my phone again for the suite number Amy’s mother had given me for her new office. Funny, now that I thought about it, it really wasn’t a new office. She’d been here since last spring. I guess she’d just never thought to invite me to see.
Slick black marble floors flecked with gold led the way in intricate patterns to a door made of red wood with a golden plaque that said Johnson and Marks. The room inside had several leather couches and chairs, and the walls were decorated with paintings that looked custom.
“Can I help you?” A young man wearing a headset and behind the desk leaned forward.
“Hi.” I smiled. “I’m here to see Amy Junder.”
He nodded as he typed something into his computer. “And what time is your appointment?”
“I don’t have one.”
He stopped typing and looked up.
“I’m her fiancée.”
Understanding came to his eyes. And was that…pity?
“I see. I’m so sorry, sir, but Amy’s with a client right now. Would you mind having a seat? I’ll let her know you’re here.”
“Sure.” I sat in one of the leather seats away from the door and tried not to look up as he made the call.
“Miss Junder? A gentleman is here to see you.” He paused. “He says he’s your fiancé.” He nodded. “Yes. Yes, I’ll wait for your call then.” Finally, he turned back to me and smiled as if I hadn’t been able to hear him. “Miss Junder will see you as soon as she’s finished with this client.”
“Thanks.” I pulled out my phone. Hopefully, she’d be done soon. I had a million words I’d rehearsed in the plane and in the car ride over. And now they just needed to be said.
Let me say all the right things, I prayed as I glanced at the dark door beside reception. I have a really bad feeling about this. Because whether I wanted to admit it or not, Amy and I were at a crossroads. And something had to give.
Thirty-eight candy games later, the guy behind the desk nodded at me. “Sir? Miss Junder will see you now.” As he spoke, the door beside his desk opened, and a beautiful young woman stepped out.
I hadn’t seen her in months, but the moment Amy gave that little dimpled smile, the pain from our separation that I’d been burying floated to the surface like cream. But with it, a tightness in my chest, one I’d never felt before in her presence. Back before I’d left, when we were together all the time, I used to think she helped me breathe easier. Now a too-tight rubber band seemed to be all that was holding my chest together.
“Derrick,” she said in a soft voice, her blue eyes wide and sparkling. The rubber band seemed to grow tighter when she said my name.
After staring at one another from across the waiting room, she ran a hand through her bangs and laughed a little. When had she gotten bangs? “Um, come inside.”
My heart fell a little as I followed her through the door and down two halls.
Not that I could expect her to hug and kiss me in the waiting room, I chided myself. She was at work, and if she’d shown up at my work, I wouldn’t have been able to give a public display of affection either. At least, not in my uniform. It’s not you, Derrick, I told myself. It’s just the rules. And yet, the silence of our walk only served to heighten my anxiety.
She led me into a spacious office with a wide desk the same color as all the red wood on the walls and doors. One of the walls was taken up by floor-to-ceiling bookshelves, and a ficus grew in the corner by the bay window.
I turned in a circle and gave a low whistle. “This is nice.” This was weird. Why was this so weird? And why hadn’t we hugged yet? I would have tried, but she hadn’t even come close enough for me to nab a handshake.
“Thanks.” She looked around as well. “I still have a few things I’d like to do, but most of it feels right.”
A few things. That didn’t sound like I’m-moving-to-another-state language at all.
“So,” she said, turning her soft blue eyes on me again. “What are you—”
“Come here, you.” I opened my arms, and she came. But even as she leaned against my chest, it felt strangely awkward. Hugging her had never felt awkward before.
“I am here,” I said before anything could get any worse, “to kidnap you.”
“To kidnap me.” She stepped back and smiled. “Usually the victim isn’t warned, you know.”
“Well,” I shrugged, arms still wrapped around her, “I might be aware of just how much makeup my kidnappee requires on average to feel put together.”
She laughed. “And why, precisely, am I being kidnapped?”
“Because,” I said, pulling back enough to see her reaction, “my squadron’s annual summer picnic is coming up. And I really want to show you off.” I forced a hard laugh. “My coworkers don’t think you exist. They’re taking bets.” I watched her carefully as I spoke. “I even had to hire a stand-in for the ball in case you couldn’t come—”
Her eyes looked like they might fall out of her head. “You did what?”
I held my hands up. “Just so my sergeant would leave me alone and quit pestering me to date his daughter.”
“Wow.” She shook her head and smiled. “Just…wow.” Well. At least she wasn’t angry?
I shoved my hands in my pockets and tried not to think about how much she used to like holding my hand. But then, that was before she had her own office and wore fitted pantsuits and had a secretary to take her calls, including the ones from her fiancé. That was before she pulled out of my arms and went to stand across the room and started leaning against her desk with her arms crossed as she looked at me expectantly.
“I know…something’s wrong,” I blurted. “And I came because we need to figure out what it is.”
She picked up a file and stared at the folder. So I crossed the room again and took the file out of her hands before taking them in mine.
“I don’t know what I need to do to fix this,” I said, willing her to look me in the eye. “But whatever’s happened between us, I wish you would just tell me.”
Another pause.
“Because I’ll do what you want. I’ll tell Jessie I don’t need her to go to the ball. Heck, I’ll hang in the back the whole time so Sergeant Barnes doesn’t see me and I can attend without attending. And if you’re that busy, I’ll fly here as much as possible until our wedding.” Inwardly, I cringed at the hole that would put in our honeymoon travel savings. But at this rate, our future travel seemed like a bit of a distant dream anyway. “But I can’t,” I said, leaning down so we were face-to-face, “fix any of it until you tell me what’s wrong. I need to know what happened that makes you want to avoid me at all costs.” What’s preventing you from picking a wedding date, I almost added. But one thing at a time.
No answer.
“Amy—” I groaned.
“It’s not what,” she said in a small voice. “It’s who.”
“I’m confused.”
When her eyes met mine again, they were no longer soft, like a summer sky. Instead, they were hard and cold.
“You up and left me without even asking me how I felt about it.”
I gawked, dumbfounded.
“Just called one day to announce that you had pulled some strings, and you were requesting a transfer back to Arkansas.”
“Well, yeah.” I nodded. “I didn’t think that would be a surprise. You knew the military is a transient lifestyle. I warned you over and over again I could get orders to leave any day.”
“But you didn’t just get orders, did you?” She leaned forward, eyes bright. “You requested them. Geez, Derrick, it’s not that you moved. It’s why you moved. It’s why you do everything!”
“I don’t—”
“Jade, Derrick. It’s Jade. Everything in your world revolves around Jade.”
I felt like someone had just punched me in the side. “Jade? Jade needs me.”
“Your sister has parents, in case you’ve forgotten. And you have me. Or at least, I thought you did. But after you proposed to me, and you spun me all those wonderful tales of traveling together and adventures and a lifetime of us, then you were gone. And I couldn’t seem to buy a minute of your time without your sister being dragged into everything. It’s like you can’t breathe without her.”
My mind flicked back to the conversation with Jessie from the week before, and before I knew it, her words were in my mouth.
“In case you forgot, my sister has Down Syndrome. Yeah, she’s doing great now. But you don’t understand. People with her condition are prone to health problems. And physical problems.”
“That didn’t seem to bother you before.”
My throat started to swell, and my eyes pricked at the corners, but I forced myself to croak through it anyway. “When I got that call last spring, though, and my parents told me that she—”
“Yes, I know what happened. You’ve already told me more times than I can count.”
“My parents aren’t young anymore, Amy. There’s a good chance Jade will live with us one day. Because she deserves a good life, and I’m not going to abandon her.” How could she not have known all this? How had we not had this conversation before?
“Derrick.” Amy stepped forward and squeezed one of my hands. But for the first time, I couldn’t return the squeeze. “I’m not saying you have to abandon her. I’m not that cold-hearted. But everyone has to find a happy medium in life. Boundaries, you know?”
“Oh.” I took my hand from hers and crossed my arms. “And what kind of happy medium are you suggesting for my baby sister in the case that my parents die?”
“Well,” she looked at the picture on the wall behind me, “there’s always adult daycare. Or one of those homes—”
An emotion I’d never felt for the woman standing in front of me flamed up in my chest. It felt a lot like the time I’d made that stupid bet in junior high that I could drink a whole bottle of hot sauce by myself.
“So you’ve been putting me off because my sister has special needs?”
“It’s not just because of that. It’s because you’re obsessed. Gosh, you treat her like…like your daughter!”
“I’m her brother. If I don’t look out for her, who will?”
“Your parents, Derrick! The ones who birthed her.”
“Are you really this opposed to spending our lives with someone who might need us? Because if you are, then we might as well just skip kids.”
“She’s not your kid!”
The silence was deafening after her shout died. Amy closed her eyes and muttered something beneath her breath then went to stare out the window.
“We’re done,” I said quietly as sounds of her quiet sobs filled the air. “Aren’t we?”
She didn’t turn. “We were done the moment you asked to leave Colorado.”
I nodded and ground my teeth. As I turned t
o open the door, however, I felt a hand on my arm. When I turned, she was holding her ring out, her eyes dripping with mascara and her face red and blotchy.
“Here,” she whispered. “Have it back.”
I stared at the ring for a long time before shaking my head.
“I had to wait like a client. Consider it payment for your time.” Then I left and didn’t look back.
23
Your Fault
Jessie
Another Saturday with Derrick and Jade. My mom had given me a suspicious look when as I’d left the house, and I knew I deserved it. This was beginning to be a weekly thing.
I looked around as I stepped into the little cafe. I felt more than a little guilty for being here this morning in particular, as my parents had hoped to spend the whole Fourth of July together. But after enduring a whole week of Derrick’s strange moods and exceptional silence, his text that morning had set off more than one alarm bell.
I hate to ask this of you, but I need to break something to my parents this morning, and I really need moral support. Could you be at Mugs Cafe by nine?
If he was asking me for moral support, it must be big. At first, I was inclined to say no, as I wanted no part in any drama that involved Mrs. Allen. But my conscience nagged at me when I remembered the way she’d spoken to Derrick that one morning, telling him Amy was the only thing he’d ever gotten right.
Also, he really had been acting funny all week.
So with many apologies and the promise of spending the rest of the day together, I’d set off to join the Allen clan for breakfast.
My Little Rock Airman Page 14