“Derrick.” Jessie’s dad was sitting in the living room with a beer and the paper. But when I walked in, he stood to shake my hand. “You look good.”
“Thank you, sir.” I held my hat and had to remind myself not to squeeze wrinkles into it. “How…” I lowered my voice. “How’s she doing tonight?”
“I’ve never seen her such a nervous wreck.” He smiled as though this pleased him. “Which is good. It means she likes you.”
“Hopefully, that’s enough.” I put my cover in my pocket before I squeezed it into one of those folded snowflakes.
“You know you have my full support with whatever you’re going to ask her tonight, provided I don’t need to bring a shotgun to the party.” His eyes twinkled. “But take it easy on her. She wants to believe it’s possible, but she’s a bit like a rabbit.”
Before I could ask him for any tips, we heard the sound of clicking in the hall. And what I saw left me breathless.
She looked like a Victorian princess, in that long, flowing blue dress and her hair up in pretty ringlets, a few falling delicately on her face. Her hair looked as though sapphires were scattered in it, though, knowing Jessie’s monetary sensibilities, they were probably just really good fakes. A similarly elegant bracelet dotted with blue stones hung from her wrist with a matching necklace across her chest, and her face practically glowed with her rosy cheeks and brilliant, emerald eyes.
The dress itself was far less revealing than the one Amy had worn to the ball last year. But it showed off her petite form just as nicely, maybe even better. The angles of the dress pointed the eyes down and then back up again to her lovely face.
“Jessie.” My stupid voice cracked like a teenager’s, and Mrs. Nickleby turned away to hide a grin, rather poorly, I might add. “You look magnificent.” It was a dumb thing to say, but it was the only actual word that coherently formed in my mind when I needed it.
It must not have been too awful, though, because she gave me a shy smile. “Thank you.”
We stood that way for a moment until I realized how awkward I was making it by waiting. So I turned back to Mr. Nickleby “Oh, um, I’m not sure what time they’ll release us. I’m guessing around eleven-thirty.”
“Wait!” Jessie’s mother ran to the kitchen and returned, stopping so fast she nearly crashed into her husband. “I need a picture!”
“Mom,” Jessie said, but her mother ignored her and waited until we were smiling and close enough for her satisfaction. And though I followed Jessie’s example and released her immediately following the picture, I prayed such photographs would eventually become so commonplace that she wouldn’t even spare a second thought if I touched her on the arm or back or waist. But for now, I only shook her father’s hand again and thanked her mother for letting me borrow her before opening the door and following her to the truck.
She waited as I opened the truck door and helped her up, and her mother, who had followed us out, handed up her purse. As soon as the door was closed, I went around to my side, but my mind was still stuck on the way my skin felt, burning pleasantly from the places she had touched it. Which was ridiculous, since we’d touched each other a million times while passing off a sleeping Jade or trading the backpack or bumping into each other in the entryway at my house. But tonight was different. Every touch, every glance was electric. Even being in the same car together felt strange. And I prayed that was a good thing.
“I don’t know what the ladies told you,” I said as we pulled out. “But tonight’s going to have lots of ceremony. It might seem a little outdated…or a lot outdated at first. But there’s significance in everything. And when you’re done, it’s all kind of cool.”
“They told me.” She smiled. “Kim let me borrow her copy of the handbook for Air Force wives.”
I let out a laugh. “And you actually read it?” Talk about the driest read of all time.
“Actually, it was really interesting. I’m looking forward to seeing the Missing Man table.” She paused, and her cheeks brightened slightly. “I mean, I don’t want it to have to be there, but the ceremony itself seemed really—”
“I get it.” I nodded. “The gravity of it all is really…it means something.”
“Exactly. A lot of that stuff doesn’t happen in public anymore, and I’m looking forward to being a part of it.”
My heart leaped a little as we got on the highway, and I had to remind myself to stay at a sane speed. The evening still had a long way to go. But its beginning was already more promising than I’d dared to hope. Maybe Jessie wasn’t so out of reach after all.
34
The Missing Man
Jessie
This was ridiculous. Derrick was the same guy I drove in this same truck with day in and day out as we squabbled over what was best for Jade and where to eat lunch. He was the guy who had tossed his flipflop at me when I refused to go swimming because of the approaching thunderstorm. He was the same one I’d wanted to strangle for the first month of the summer.
But good grief, he was hot. His stiff, fitted jacket accentuated the contrast between his trim waist and his broad shoulders. When I’d come down the hall to greet him, I’d had to work unbelievably hard not to stop right at the mouth of the hallway and gawk like a fangirl. His shiny black shoes clicked when he walked, and though he always carried himself well, he stood erect and alert now as though he commanded the scene. All signs of the boy were gone, and he looked every inch a man, the kind that might grin at you and wink from a World War II postcard. And when he put that hat on to walk me out to the car, it about did me in.
How had I missed how freaking attractive this man was? Only as I continued to shoot him sideways glances did I remember how handsome I’d thought he was on our first meeting.
“What’s so funny?” he asked.
“Oh,” I smiled at my lap and shook my head. “I was just thinking about the first time we met.”
“I’m a little afraid to know. I was in full jerk mode that day.”
I chuckled. “Actually, I thought you were pretty cute.” I met his eyes. “Until you opened your mouth.”
He threw his head back and laughed, and suddenly, the truck cab seemed to have enough air in it to breathe again.
“What are those little rectangular decorations?” I asked.
“Which ones?”
“On your chest.” On the chest I had the stupid, sudden desire to touch again, like when I’d leaned against him on the bridge.
He kept his eyes on the road. “Those are my ribbons. If you’re part of a group that does something good or is in a certain conflict or you do something your superiors take notice of, you get a ribbon.”
“Oh. That’s neat.” Yep. This man could be on the front of a historical romance cover, and I’d probably buy every copy on the shelf.
The parking lot was crowded when we got to a building Derrick called “the club”. And though it was probably ridiculous, I felt absolutely giddy as he came around to help me down from the truck in my heels. The costume jewelry Kim had convinced me to buy made me feel like a princess as it sparkled in the light of the sunset, and the swish of the long gown against my legs made me stand taller beside him. And as he took my arm on his, which was the appropriate way in the military, apparently, to hold hands in uniform, I felt more confident and more terrified than I ever had in my life. It was hard not to feel proud on his arm, and yet, we were essentially walking into a lion’s den, at least, based on all my reading. So many people to see and judge whether or not what I did was proper.
When we entered the building, however, beneath the large concrete overhang that looked like a spaceship docking, I immediately relaxed. There were scores of people already inside. And instead of generals and colonels waiting to inspect us, as I’d feared there would be, men and women in uniform and their significant others lazily wandered the bar area as they snacked on hors d’oeuvres and sipped wine and fancy drinks.
A photographer stood in front of a backdrop and snapped pict
ures of couples. Two men and one woman smiled in greeting as we made our way inside.
“Allen.” A tall man in uniform with dark graying hair and about four times as many ribbons as Derrick had, shook Derrick’s hand. He looked vaguely familiar, but I couldn’t place him. The silver nameplate on his chest said Coleman. “It’s good to see you. And who is this lovely lady?”
“Thank you, sir. This is Jessie Nickleby.”
“Nickleby.” He squinted at me. “That name sounds familiar.”
“I…I teach at Hogs Elementary out of the Harris Road exit,” I said.
His eyes lit up. “That’s where I’ve seen you before. My daughter is going into fourth grade there. She had Mr. Isaacs last year.”
I grinned, but this time, it wasn’t hard. “Mr. Isaacs is fantastic.”
“He is. What grade do you teach?”
After a little more chit chat, we bid the man farewell, and I leaned over. “Who was that?”
“The base commander, Colonel Coleman.”
“Oh.” Butterflies erupted in my stomach again. “Did I do all right?”
His arm squeezed mine a little tighter. “You knocked it out of the park.”
I wished I could bottle up the way he was looking at me right now, blue eyes full of wonder and awe, though I had no clue what for. They softened as they moved to my lips.
“Thanks again for coming,” he murmured.
“Thanks for bringing me.” I looked down. “And for all this, of course.”
“Jessie, if you’d wanted to wear the moon, all you had to do was ask.”
I was saved from having to reply to such a heartstopping answer when it was announced that the ball would be starting soon in another room. We made our way with the crowd to the back of the building through two open doors to a much larger room with a wooden dance floor and a stage behind it, the kind of room that would host a wedding. Another row of who I guessed to be very important people awaited us. Derrick led me through that line as well, introducing me to everyone in turn and shaking hands. When we finished the line, I was relieved to recognize a few faces like Kim, Maria, and Liz in the crowd. We didn’t have time to chat, but I was glad to see them nonetheless. By the time we found our seats, I felt as though I were walking through clouds. Clouds I couldn’t remember the name or rank of, but important clouds nonetheless.
Soon the ceremony began with an address from Colonel Coleman and a prayer from the chaplain. The Missing Man Table ceremony made me glad my mascara was waterproof.
And as different speakers came and said the kind of things you might expect to hear in a movie before a battle, I began to feel wistful. This was only for tonight, I’d promised myself. I wasn’t ready to make the kind of commitment I feared Derrick wanted, and this had been a business deal after all. After my talk with Kim and the others, I had been sure military life wasn’t for me. At least, not yet. I wasn’t ready to make that kind of choice.
But this…being a part of something bigger than myself, being a support to the ones who had sworn to serve others with their life…I wanted that. I wanted to be a part of it, too. And yet, as strongly as I felt the pull toward duty when I saw the table, there was another part of me that wanted to run as far as I could as fast as I could. Because every man that should have been at that table had been someone’s son. Father. Brother. Best friend.
Someone’s heart and soul had never come home.
Without speaking, Derrick silently handed me a handkerchief as the tears rolled down my face. I took it with a weak smile. Best to let him think I was just crying for the missing man. It was probably best he didn’t know I was crying for the one standing beside me as well.
Eventually, dinner was served, and I got control of myself again. In fact, I even had fun. While it was rather typical catered food, marinated chicken and mushrooms drizzled with gravy with herbed potatoes and asparagus on the side, the conversation with a few of Derrick’s friends was lively.
Derrick put his napkin on the table and stood. And before I could register what he was up to, he was holding his hand out.
“May I have this dance?”
My mind scrambled for something, anything to say. Here I was in the middle of one of my fairy tales, and all I could do was nod and let him lead me out to the floor. All the witty comebacks and snarky comments I usually reserved just for him flew out the door as he pulled me close and put his hand on the small of my back. The smell of his cologne enveloped me, and the way he wrapped his left hand around mine made me feel as though a wave of peace had washed over me. And I never wanted to come back up for air.
If only I could stay here in this moment, swaying back and forth with my head against his chest, lost in the rhythm, safe from the world and all it had to offer.
“Thank you.”
I looked up to find him staring down at me, and I was captured by his gaze.
“For coming,” he said softly, brushing the back of his hand across my cheek.
“Why?” I whispered.
“Why what?”
“Why are you so determined to keep me around?” I nodded at the rest of the dancers. “You could have invited about any girl, and she would have said yes. Why me?”
The corner of his mouth turned up as he cupped my jaw in his hand. “Because you,” he whispered back, “are smart. And kind. And you strive to fill the needs around you. You face challenges head-on, and you’re the strongest woman I’ve ever met.” He bent until our foreheads were touching. “You are worth waiting for.”
He reached into his pocket, but before I could see what he was pulling out, one of the women beside us lost her balance when the heel of her shoe broke off. She stumbled into him, and whatever he’d been holding bounced onto the floor. A hush settled over those around us when it stopped moving enough to see that it was a little blue velvet box. During its bouncing, the box had snapped open. And inside, winking at me in the low lights, sat the rose ring from the shop window.
I seemed incapable of doing anything but staring, open-mouthed, at the ring, but Derrick, smooth as always, leaned over and swiped up the box. Then, ignoring the onlookers and the excited whispers, he took my hand and led me outside.
The air was surprisingly chilly for a late summer night, but for once, I welcomed it. The evening…it had been so magical. But with the cool air came the stark reminder of what my ever-sensical mind had been trying to warn me of since the table ceremony. And before I could get control of myself like any sane person, I burst into tears.
“Jessie!” Derrick was at my side, wiping the tears from my face, his eyes wide. “Before you say anything, just know that I didn’t mean—”
“No,” I sobbed. “Derrick, that’s the problem.”
He stared at me.
“It’s perfect,” I whispered tearfully, waving my hand back at the building. “All of it. It’s all perfect, like a dream, and that’s the problem.”
He frowned down at the little box in his hand. “I don’t understand.”
“I mean, this is everything I ever could have dreamed of. Here and now. But Derrick, this isn’t real life.”
“I still don’t follow.”
“What I mean is that tonight…it’s beautiful. And romantic. And perfect. And you…gosh, you look like you belong on some vintage poster.”
“And that’s…bad?”
“No! You’re not letting me finish! What I mean is what next? This…tonight. It’s all just a lie to dress up the truth about this kind of life.”
He gave a harsh laugh. “And what exactly are we lying about?”
“This life! You’re always leaving and changing work schedules, and the government owns you before your own family does. And people…people die.”
“I still don’t see the lie. This is the military. Yeah, the life is hard. No one ever said it wasn’t. That was kind of the point of the empty table.”
“But it tries to paint a picture. All these beautiful people and smiling faces. But no one mentions the constant moving and u
prooting the kids and giving birth away from your family and maybe your spouse, and when your husband deploys even though you’re already stationed in Europe, and then you die. And I’m left with the kids alone across the ocean from my family.” I sobbed even harder, but the words wouldn’t quit spilling out. “The military can try to paint and polish life up all it wants, but none of that’s in the manual.”
“Jessie…” He huffed then groaned. “My job isn’t technically that dangerous. Not nearly as bad as others, at least. When I’m gone, I’ll be fixing planes, not rushing into enemy—”
“But you can’t guarantee that!”
“Look.” He stepped closer, and the light in his eyes was no longer gentle. “This job is a part of who I am. It has to be. When you put on the uniform and swear to serve the Commander and Chief with your life, it becomes a part of you, whether you like it or not.” His voice softened slightly. “But you’re only looking at the hard parts. There’s so much good, too! I’m going to take you all over the world to all those places you’re constantly reading to Jade about. You said you wanted an adventure. Well, I can give you one. I can give you more adventures than you can count.”
I tried to think of something to say, but the part of my brain that should have come up with more words felt broken. Unfortunately, he seemed to take this as encouragement to go on.
“Is this life easy? No. You have to be a strong person to live it. But that’s why I want you. You’re strong and smart, and you make life beautiful.” He reached up and brushed a lock of hair out of my eyes. And it felt so good it hurt. “Come with me,” he whispered again. “Be my partner in crime. We’ll see the world and set it on fire as we go.”
For one moment, I was sure I could. Because I wanted this. In fact, I wanted more than this. I wanted to wake up beside him in the morning. I did want to see the world, and I wanted him to kiss me silly every night while we did it. I wanted to carry his children and to grow old and gray together. Because there would never be anyone like Derrick Allen.
My Little Rock Airman Page 22