“The truth is, you hurt us all,” Hal says. “We have viewers promising not to watch us anymore if you don’t come back.”
Lacey is now standing in the aisle next to Gwen and her aunt. “Stand up, you two.” When they do as she asks, Lacey says, “America, I’d like to introduce you to Ben’s former friend, pediatric dentist Gwen Phalen, and her aunt June. I think we all remember how Ben outed his sham of a relationship with Gwen right here on Wake Up America!”
The audience gives them a round of applause, then they wait to see what’s going to go down next.
“Gwen, you must have been absolutely humiliated by Ben’s last appearance on our show,” Lacey says, before holding the mic up to Gwen’s mouth.
“I was very angry at Ben. But I just want to point out that I didn’t do anything wrong by taking him to my cousin’s engagement party. People go out as friends all the time.”
“I don’t know,” Lacey tells her. “You did lie to your family about Ben being your boyfriend.”
Gwen’s face turns red. “Sometimes you have to stretch the truth when people won’t stay out of your personal business.” She glares at her aunt.
June pulls the microphone to her and loudly declares, “We’ve forgiven Gwen. In fact, I may have been a little … pushy about setting her up with my chiropractor, Dr. Kwak.”
“I know you only had my happiness in mind, Aunt June.” Gwen pulls her aunt in for a hug.
“What do you say, Gwen? Do you forgive Ben?” Lacey interjects.
I give her a pleading look before she finally says, “Yes, I do. Ben’s been trying to make it up to me ever since that episode and I don’t think a jerk would go to all that trouble.”
“It’s true,” June says. “He sent lovely flowers, then he had a most interesting singing telegram come by the house. The tallest woman I’ve ever seen dressed like Cher. She even let me video her on my camera so we can enjoy her performance again and again.”
“So, you forgive him too?” Lacey asks June.
“I do,” she answers with a nod. Smiling up at me, she says, “I think you’ve learned your lesson, young man.”
Gwen cuts in with, “Lacey, I’d like to clarify something. Ben and I went on one date, but we both agreed that what we had was the beginning of a great friendship. When I asked him to go with me to the engagement party, it was only as a friend, even though we did mislead my family.”
Lacey turns back to the stage. “What do you think about that, Serafina? Does that change anything for you?”
My heart stops while I wait for her to answer. The entire studio goes completely silent as she parts her lips. She doesn’t speak right away, though. Instead, she looks at me and gives me the tiniest nod I think I’ve ever seen. Then she says, “I made some mistakes, too. I should have stuck around when Mr. Spock got sick, and I should have told the truth about being the one to give him Cheez Whiz. On that note, I shouldn’t have sprayed Cheez Whiz all over the coffee table. I also should have never looked at Ben’s phone without his permission.”
Relief fills my body, making me feel like a helium balloon lifting off. “I should never have signed up for your dating app. And I should have told you that I did the moment things between us shifted from colleagues to, well, something more.” I continue, “Serafina, I miss you so much. I can hardly breathe, as corny as that sounds. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I certainly can’t laugh without you. I’ve spent the last two weeks pretty much positive that I ruined my only shot at happiness, because even though statistically there should be several thousand women I’d be compatible with in New York, I’m convinced that you’re the only one who could ever make me feel so alive and so happy. You’re the only one I’ve ever fallen so wonderfully, stupidly, in love with.”
The audience lets out a collective “Awwww …” then someone shouts, “Kiss him!”
Serafina smiles at me, but she still looks worried. “I don’t know, Ben. It’s one thing to dress up in that outfit and say nice things, but you wanted to ruin my business. I just don’t know if I can trust you.”
Swallowing hard, I tell her, “I wouldn’t trust me either, which is why I contacted Charley and asked if I could help run a few numbers for you regarding your dating app.”
I smile at Charley, who’s sitting in the audience. She looks at Serafina, gives her a shrug, then shouts, “Turns out, he’s really good at math.”
“Not to toot my own horn, but I really am. And what I discovered, based on the beta testing of your dating app, is that couples who participated had a fourteen percent chance of finding someone compatible, which is remarkable given the small sample size. When I compared the questionnaire you designed to those of the top five dating sites — not including those intended for hookups — I discovered that yours creates a much more comprehensive picture of each person than the usual sites. Setting aside star signs, your questions manage to get to the heart of who a person is, what their beliefs are, and what their quote-unquote love languages are. You and Charley have created what could become the most effective means of finding love ever—”
I’ve never wooed someone with my math skills, but I know I’ve succeeded when Serafina jumps up and throws herself into my arms. After spinning her around, I reach up so I can hold her cheeks in both hands and kiss her with everything in me. I only pull back long enough to say, “This is an I’m sorry, I love you, I missed you, and I want to be with you forever kiss.”
The first few bars of “If I Could Turn Back Time” suddenly blare over the speakers. Serafina and I step back and watch as a giant man in drag struts out onto the stage. This must be Madonna from Drag-o-Grams. All I can say is, wow!
When she turns to the audience and serenades them in a pitch-perfect Cher impersonation, it isn’t long before everyone is singing along with her.
I lean down and whisper in Serafina’s ear, “I guess this is our song.”
“It’s a little strange, but it really can’t be helped, can it?” She smiles back at me.
“Nope, there’s nothing we can do about it.”
“You do realize the odds are very high that we are it for each other. I crunched the numbers and came up with ninety-eight point six nine five percent, actually.”
“Nerd,” she says while snuggling into me.
“And proud of it.”
Epilogue
Serafina
“Ben, the timer on your oven just went off!” I call out to my fabulous boyfriend of three months. We’ve been practically inseparable since we made up on Wake Up America! So much so, that even Mr. Spock lets me snuggle with him. When a cat you’ve inadvertently almost exploded doesn’t hold a grudge, that’s a pretty good sign.
If I had to guess, I’d say that Mr. Spock is an Aquarius. This insight has helped me understand his innate needs. Traditionally of a water sign, Aquarians don’t hold a single clear shape and they defy categorization. Simply knowing this quirk helps make it easier to accept their moods.
My relationship with Ben’s cat has started me on a path of exploring a new category for my app, Your Pet and Their Star Sign. I’ve even spoken with Ben’s workmate Carla several times about her dog Chewy’s anal sac situation. When I found out Chewy was born on July 10th, making him a Cancer, so many parts of his personality became clear. Cancers demand a lot of attention in their relationships. Chewy was smart enough to discover that when he dragged his bum against the carpet, he got a lot more attention. So, Carla learned to ignore the behavior and now gives him lots of love just for lying quietly on his bed.
Ben comes sauntering into the kitchen with the phone pressed up against his ear. “That sounds great, Dev, and while I’d love to be at the launch, Serafina and I have already booked tickets to Florence during that week.”
He nuzzles up against my side and starts to nibble on my ear. I can hear Dev saying, “Put me on speakerphone and stop kissing each other long enough for me to tell you my news.”
Ben pushes the speaker button and then puts the phone down onto
the counter before pulling me into his arms to kiss me properly. Neither of us pays any attention to Dev until he practically yells, “Are either of you listening to me?”
“Sorry, Dev,” I say with a laugh. “What was that?”
“I just heard from NASA that they want Ben at the launch because they are considering him for a spot on the Mars team. That’s the mothership, man! You’ve got to go!”
Ben doesn’t even pause. He just says, “But Serafina lives in New York, so while I’m flattered, I can’t take the job, even if they offer it to me.”
“What?!” Dev and I yell at the same time.
Ben shrugs. “I need to be where you are. You’re my happiness.”
“I’m gonna throw up,” Dev says.
I pull Ben into my arms. “I work from home. I can do that as easily from Florida as I can from New York.”
“But you love New York,” Ben says.
“I love you more.” Then, I add, “Plus, I’d love to spend as much time with my grandparents as I can while they’re still around.”
Holding me tightly, Ben says, “We’re going to have to get a big enough place so they can both have their own bedroom and bathroom … maybe their own wing now that I think about it.”
“Why, Ben Williams, are you asking me to move in with you?” I ask as a wave of delight pours through me.
He drops down on one knee in front of me and says, “I’m asking you to marry me. What do you say, my beautiful, fiery Libra? Do you want to make an honest man out of this Gemini?”
I jump up and down and clap while answering, “I do, I really do!”
Dev speaks up, sounding super choked up. “This is so sweet. Can you send me a picture of the ring? You did get her a ring didn’t you, Ben?”
“Of course I got her a ring,” he says, pulling a small bag of Tempty cat treats out of his pocket.
I narrow my eyes at them, hoping he doesn’t expect me to dig around in the Chicken Delites. But thankfully, instead of handing the bag to me, he shakes it and Mr. Spock comes running. Around his neck is a ribbon with one heck of a glittery diamond ring hanging from it.
“Aww, Mr. Spock? Are you in on the proposal?”
“Tell me you didn’t tie the ring around your cat’s neck, Ben,” Dev says.
“He did,” I tell him, tears filling my eyes. “And I absolutely love that Mr. Spock’s okay with having me as his furless mom.”
Ben tugs at the bow and the ribbon falls off. He deftly catches the ring in his left hand and holds it up to me while Dev says, “Okay, well as long as you love it, that’s the important thing. I think it’s a bit cheesy, but…” When we don’t answer him, because we’ve started kissing again, he says, “I’m going to hang up. This is kind of getting awkward.”
If being an astrology aficionado has taught me one thing, it’s this. When the stars are in the right alignment, there is nothing that can get in the way of your success. Don’t tell Ben, but I had both of our natal charts done and we were absolutely meant for each other. As long as none of our kids are Taurus, we should be good to go.
Coming Really Freaking Soon…
Text in Show: An Accidentally in Love Story, Book 4
It’s a dog text dog world…
Event-planner Autumn Jones has been itching to get out of Boise, Idaho her entire life, but things never seemed to work out. So when her older sister Helen asks her to come to New York to coordinate a dog show for the Manhattan Kennel Club, she’s on a Greyhound faster than ??? a greyhound out of a starting gate. When Autumn arrives, she winds up in the middle of the bizarre world of highly competitive rich women, their neglectful professional husbands, and their ridiculously spoiled fur babies. But not even the nuttiest of show dog owners will deter her from making it big in the Big Apple.
Jack Campbell is the veterinarian of Manhattan’s upper crust. He spends his days caring for pampered poodles sporting diamonded-encrusted collar and placating their highly anxious dog-moms. So when he meets Autumn Jones, she’s the breath of fresh air he’s been waiting to inhale.
This is the best book you’ll ever read by two fucking amazing writers who need to make millions of dollars this year so just buy the fucking book, then tell everyone you know to do the same, mmkay?
GET IT HERE
Afterword
A Note from Melanie and Whitney:
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read Ben and Sera’s story! If you enjoyed it, please take a moment to leave a review. Reviews are a true gift to writers. They are the best way for other readers to find our work.
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Whitney Dineen
Melanie Summers
About the Authors
WHITNEY DINEEN
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USA Today Bestseller Whitney Dineen is a rock star in her own head. While delusional about her singing abilities, there's been a plethora of validation that she's a fairly decent author (AMAZING!!!). After winning many writing awards and selling nearly a kabillion books (math may not be her forte, either), she's decided to let the voices in her head say whatever they want (sorry, Mom). She also won a fourth-place ribbon in a fifth-grade swim meet in backstroke. So, there's that.
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Whitney loves to play with her kids (a.k.a. dazzle them with her amazing flossing abilities), bake stuff, eat stuff, and write books for people who "get" her. She thinks french fries are the perfect food and Mrs. Roper is her spirit animal.
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MELANIE SUMMERS
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Melanie Summers lives in Edmonton, Canada, with her husband, three kiddos, and two cuddly dogs. When she's not writing, she loves reading (obviously), snuggling up on the couch with her family for movie night (which would not be complete without lots of popcorn and milkshakes), and long walks in the woods near her house. Melanie also loves shutting down restaurants with her girlfriends. Well, not
literally shutting them down, like calling the health inspector or something. More like just staying until they turn the lights off.
Text Wars: May the Text be With You ... (An Accidentally in Love Story Book 3) Page 23