by Amber Monroe
A NOVEL BY
Amber L. Monroe
OneSeven, LLC
Inspiration
I could’ve sworn this love shit was easy
Well, that’s what the books say
They don’t tell you when you’re a little girl
It won’t quite work out that way - Asiahn “Love Train”
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@amberlatiece
Copyright © 2020 OneSeven, LLC
All rights reserved. No parts of this book may be reproduced without written authorization from the author, except for brief quotations to books and critical reviews. This story is a work of fiction. Characters, businesses, places, and events and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, is merely coincidental.
Contents
Attention:
Prologue
1. Bre
2. Wayne
3. Chianne
4. Bre
5. Bre
6. Raquel
7. Eric
8.Bre
9. Bre
10. Wayne
11. Chianne
12. Eric
13. Wayne
14. Bre
16. Bre
15. Raquel
17. Eric
18. Wayne
19. Bre
20. Wayne
21. Chianne
22. Bre
23. Eric
24. Bre
25. Wayne
26. Raquel
27. Eric
28. Bre
29. Aretha
30. Bre
31. Chianne
Epilogue
32. Bre
33. Eric
34. Chianne
35. Wayne
36. Raquel
37. Jemar
38. Bre
39. Bre
Attention:
This book contains themes of physical/verbal abuse and toxic relationships.
Some chapters in this book may be triggering for some readers. Please exercise discretion when engaging with this book.
Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
Website: https://www.thehotline.org/help/
Prologue
I was always told that I was a pretty girl, but I never let my looks take me places or get ahead in life. I was thick and curvy for my age and had long natural hair that was always kept up in some style. Although I was more mature than most sixteen-year-olds, I always acted my age and hung around kids my age too; I was never in a rush to grow up. My dark brown eyes, light caramel complexion, long eyelashes, and beautiful white teeth always caught the attention of older boys. I was too focused on school to pay attention to them, except this one guy; Jemar. When I laid eyes on him, I couldn’t stop looking. He was handsome and so charming to me, I soon fell in love with him. Jemar wasn’t the type to bring home to mom because of his short temper and lack of home training. He was never disrespectful towards adults, but I knew my mother wouldn’t approve because he was eighteen. So he was my little secret and only my best friend knew about him.
June 2015
I was wearing baby blue skinny jeans and a white crop top, light brown wedges, big gold hoops earrings, gold heart necklace, and gold bracelet. My natural hair was out, letting my curls blow in the wind. I was walking out of school mad because my best friend, Chianne, stayed behind so her grandmother could speak with the office about summer classes instead of going to the mall as planned. As I was heading out, I noticed him watching me as I walked by him. I never saw him around this area, which was odd because I grew up around the Saratoga area of DC and mainly knew everybody. I would’ve remembered his blemish-free beige complexion and tall statue. He was cute with his hazel-colored hooded-shaped eyes. His eyebrows were bushy and untrimmed, his lips were full and pink with a little discoloration because he probably smoked weed. He had a little mustache and chin hair. I could tell that he had just come from the barbershop because the lineup on his short sponge-twist looked fresh. Naturally, I was shy, but for some reason, I looked to make eye contact; he smiled at me. I smiled back and continued to walk down the street. I was halfway down the block until he walked up from behind me and smiled.
“Are you a stalker?” I asked. I noticed a small “H” tattoo under his right eye. I later found out that it was for his last name (Henríquez).
“Nope, I just want to know why you were walking so fast,” He replied as he tried to catch his breath.
“This is the pace I walk, is that a problem?” I said, stopping at the crosswalk, waiting for the “Walk” signal.
“Nope, I love a girl that enjoys the exercise. So do you have a man?” He asked as he looked me up and down then at my breasts.
“No,” I started walking across the street to 12th and Monroe. I couldn’t believe that he was still following me. I walked inside of Wings-to-Go and placed an order of lemon pepper wings, fries, and a drink. As soon as I was getting ready to pay, he put a $20 on the counter.
“Damn, it’s like that?” I said, smiling hard; I was so corny. I grabbed my food and sat down to eat. I offered him some and took a couple of wings. As we sat there eating, we began talking. We noticed that we had a few things in common, like how both of our fathers were from small islands; his father was Puerto Rican, and my father was Jamaican. Drake was our favorite rapper, and lemon pepper wings were our favorite wing flavor. It was just something about him that I liked, and I think that’s where I messed up. Of course, at the time, all I could think about was how cute and funny he was, but those looks and charm would only go so far.
∞∞∞
September 2015
I was over my boyfriend, Jemar’s house, in the bathroom, we had just come from the CVS.
“Did you use the bathroom yet?” He asked, opening the bathroom door. I waited for either a positive (+) or negative (-) symbol to appear on the pregnancy test. My eyes began to water when I saw the positive sign appear. My heart began to race, and it was hard for me to swallow. My boyfriend took the test and read it, and then he looked at me as I was now silent.
“What am I supposed to do?” I asked, trying to read his face for some type of emotion.
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to say. I’m not ready to be a father.” He said, shrugging his shoulders.
“And I’m not ready to be a mother. We are in this together. You promised me that if the test came out positive, you were going to be there for me.”
“I know what I said, but I thought you weren’t going to be pregnant. I’ll be here for you- I mean us. If I have to get a real job, then fine, I’ll get one for us.” A small smile appeared on my face, but then I thought back on a lot of promises he made and has never kept one. I was scared and couldn’t tell my mother because I was only sixteen years old and just started high school. How am I going to break the news to my mother and family? I sat there thinking and knew I had to do something.
“Can you take me to the Unity Healthcare clinic?” I asked as I cleaned up the trash and began to wash my hands.
“For what?” Jemar asked.
“I need to get some information and talk to a doctor.”
“Alright.” He said then grabbed his keys to his 1996 Impala SS then we headed out. I said a quick prayer. “Dear Lord, I’m sorry for disobeying you, and I know this is your punishment for me. I ask that you help me through this obstacle and give me the strength and guidance throughout it all. I’m sorry.”
On our way to the clinic, I sat there thinking about how our irresponsibility led to this mistake. I was the good girl that did everything my mother
told me to do, but now look at me; young and pregnant. I thought back on how I met Jemar and was kind of feeling sorry for myself. This was not supposed to be my story, my life, or a way to my happy ending. My eyes focused on the trees and cars passing by as I slowly drifted off to la-la land.
1. Bre
December 2015
Going to the clinic that day made me feel a little better about my situation. I was informed that I had options, but I think I was already set on keeping the baby. I've always wanted to be a mom, and if even it's happening sooner than expected, I'm going to be ready. And for the most part, although Jemar seemed hesitant at first, he was on board now. And I was so relieved because I definitely can't picture myself doing this alone. After all, it's definitely his fault that I was in this situation. No, he didn't force me to have sex with him or force his seeds in me, but he was careless about not wearing protection. I guess I could've made sure we always wore protection or even gotten on birth control. It's just that I trusted him enough to not put me in this situation since I was young, and we haven't even been together long. Ugh! The more I think about it, this was definitely all on me. I should've protected myself better, and now I'm in this for the long haul. I was three months pregnant now, and I was able to keep everything under the radar for the most part. My mother, Aretha, worked a lot, so avoiding her was pretty easy because she was hardly home. When she was home, I made sure to stay in my room and pretend like I was going through one of those teenage mood swings. I was going through mood swings, but it wasn’t because of my sixteen-year-old hormones. My mom acted like she was prepared for these days and gave me the space I needed. And the more I kept this charade up, the more I started to believe it. I mean, for the most part, things were the same in a house.
My big brother, Wayne, and his baby mama, Aniyah and their kids, were on and off living with us. Whenever Aniyah and her mother got into it, she would move in for about a couple weeks then go back home. My mother didn't like the back and forth, but she tolerated Aniyah because she birthed her first grandkids. You could tell by the minimal communication she had with her and the little conversations she had with Wayne about not having to stay with Aniyah for the sake of the kids. Now, don't get my mother wrong, she was all for two-parent homes. She always expressed to our grandmother, Grandma Pep, about wanting to protect Wayne from Aniyah's toxic ass. I've known Aniyah since Wayne started dating her in 9th grade, and she seemed cool. Did I find it crazy for her to get pregnant within their first year of them dating? Yes, but who was I to judge or question? Anywho, my oldest sister Raquel was born a year after Wayne and was the only one who was living on her own. She was currently attending Florida A&M University and came home during every break. Quel made really good money at a job that she could never fully explain or give details about. My mom was skeptical about it, but since she was safe and seemed to like her job, she let it be. Next is Eric, my pain in the ass little/big brother. Eric and I are a year apart, just like Wayne and Raquel. Since my mother had Wayne and Raquel when she was sixteen and seventeen, she took a semi break before having her next kid at twenty. Eric was the baby boy and a momma's boy at heart. And he suffered from that light-skin syndrome; self-absorbed, emotional, and annoying. He was always irritating. And last but not least, my baby sister Alexis. We all thought my mother was done having kids once she turned thirty, but she surprised us when she told us that she was expecting another baby. However, imagine how even more shocked we were when we also discovered she wasn't pregnant by our father. My mother has been happy about every pregnancy, whether planned or not, because she and my father were great co-parents. Alexis's father seemed like a great guy at first, but once Alexis was born, he showed his true colors. I think my father was a little heartbroken, but he tried to get over it since they weren't together when the conception happened. They were off and on, and when things were on, there was always another baby on the way. My father never expressed how he really felt about my mother's pregnancy, but once Alexis was born, we saw it. He was never rude or mean to Alexis, but how he interacted with us was different from how he interacted with her. I know he didn't mean any harm, but I guess his feelings got in the way when he was around the product of my mother's relationship with another man. And Alexis never said anything, but I noticed that as she got older, she always kept to herself when my dad came around. I think she wanted a relationship with him since her dad was absent. She's a sweetheart and looks up to me a lot, so I try to be careful about what I say and do around her. My mother spoiled Eric and Alexis the most because he was the baby boy, and she was the baby girl. It got on my nerves because those two were always the last to be called on if she ever needed something. I would be called first, then Wayne and Raquel, and as much as I loved my mother, I hated being her go-to. There were five of us, but somehow I was the one who was responsible for cooking when she worked late, cleaning when she worked the weekends, caring for Alexis, making sure Eric and his friends didn't burn the house down and watching out for Aniyah's freeloading ass. Sometimes I felt like my mother was already grooming me to be a mother way before I was even ready to. I never complained to her or expressed my frustrations because my mother worked hard to take care of us. She never complained about the money she dished out for bills, groceries, clothes, and shoes. Not to mention haircuts, salon appointments, school projects/trips, birthdays, and Christmas. She never even asked for us to step up and help out more financially. Hell, she still gave Wayne money for whatever he needed as well as his kids. I was beyond grateful for her but also knew that's why I was scared to tell her that I was pregnant. She expected more from me and telling her this news would crush her. My only job was to excel in school, look after the house, graduate, and go to college. That's all she ever wanted for me because she reminded me weekly of it. She never pressed Wayne or Raquel to go to college after their high school graduation. Raquel went off to Florida because she wanted to get away from the family. Wayne already had two kids, so college was off the board. Eric made decent grades, but not worthy enough to apply for school and luck up with scholarships. That left Alexis and me, and since I was older, it was my job to lead the way Alexis followed. Again, more pressure and responsibility.
If you read, Good Girl, Bad Habits, my cousin Keisha's story, then you know a little about my mother, Aretha. If not, I'll give you a quick rundown about Aretha Mae Moore. She is the fifth child born from Kelsey Mae and Kalvin Moore. She was thought to be the last child that her parents wanted to have and so they spoiled her. Her oldest sisters babied her and showered her with love, except for the twins, Coretta and Loretta. The twins couldn't stand her and always bullied her behind their parents back. She never knew why they were so mean to her, but as she got older, she knew that it was nothing but jealousy. Growing up, she was a good child that listened to her parents, did well in school, went to church, and was very popular around the neighborhood. My grandparents lived in DC since they married and bought a three-bedroom house to start a family. By the time my mother was born, her oldest sisters Gloria and Charlotte were already out of the house, so while the twins shared a room, she got her own. As far as I know, she had a normal childhood because she had everything she could ever want. I think my grandparents were willing to spoil her since she was such a good kid and never give them a problem, unlike the twins. It wasn't until my mother hit puberty and started to shape out where the good girl image would soon be erased. My mother wasn't fast or into boys except for one, my dad Kingsley, her first and only love. They met in seventh grade, became best friends then lovers. It's actually a cute story if you ever hear about it. Even when she first got pregnant, he got a job and supported her and Wayne. They love each other a lot, but for some reason, they can never stay together long. I think it was because my mother never wanted to get married. I stayed in a child's place and never asked her why, but my dad and I are best friends, and he tried to explain it to me. From witnessing her parents and sisters' relationship after having Raquel, she no longer wanted marriage. However, in m
y father's culture, marriage was expected, especially before babies. Still, his family let it go because they assumed eventually it will happen. But it didn't and probably never would. So over the years, they would get together, have another baby then break up once my father brought up marriage. After I was born, my dad decided to find a woman who wanted to get married, and my mother seemed to not care. But I think she did because she ended up falling for the first guy she met after my dad got engaged. Long story short, my dad didn't get married because of my mother, but was left heartbroken and never dated anyone else since then. Moving forward, over time, my parents agreed to co-parent and just remain friends. I guess it never really mattered to us since we were always used to them being on and off. It never really affected my views on relationships and marriage either. I still want that fairytale happy ending love story. However, I might have messed up my own story.
2. Wayne
“Right there….ahhhhh,” Aniyah screamed.
“Like that?” I asked as I squeezed her hips more and went deeper inside her.
“Yes!” She screamed. A smile crept on my face because I knew I was the shit in the bedroom. Even though Aniyah has been my only partner, she never complained and always did shit like this to remind me that I was slangin’ the D right. I wasn’t insecure or anything, but since Aniyah was the only one, I wondered if I was only good to her or if I could please any woman. I can’t lie and say that I didn’t think about testing it out, but I was too much of a faithful guy to do some shit like that. So every now and then, I would try new shit out with Aniyah to keep it steamy in the bedroom and stretch my ego. However, there were a few things she never let me do, but I never tripped.