by Amber Monroe
“Maybe it is too much for Aunty Rere to deal with. She probably just needs time to think about everything. Don’t forget that she was pregnant with your brother, Wayne, at fifteen and had your sister Jessica a year later.” Keisha said, walking into the kitchen and grabbing some snacks. We went downstairs to her room. Grandma Pep ended up building a room for her a couple of years ago because sharing a room with her thirteen- and fourteen-year-old sisters wasn’t going to work. Keisha had a girly ass room. It was plenty of pink and Marilyn Monroe all around. One thing I admired about Keisha was that she worked hard for everything she had. Our grandmother made sure they were taken care of, but Keisha got a part-time job to help out and buy her own stuff, so Grandma Pep didn’t have to. Grandma Pep and her sister, Kiara, bought her a car last year, and Keisha decided to help with the payments. That’s how I hoped things would’ve worked out for me. I just wanted my mother to give me a chance to get things right before she wrote me off.
“That is true, I guess I didn’t think about that,” I said, taking off my coat and placing it on a chair near her bed. I saw Keisha notice my stomach; it was starting to become noticeable, especially since I’ve always had a flat stomach. She reached her hand out and rubbed my stomach as I smiled.
“How far along are you?” She asked.
“Four months and some change.”
“What does your boyfriend think?” She asked.
“At first he thought we could manage, but now I think he’s just as scared as me. It’s different now, I can feel it and see it. I feel kind of stupid for thinking that this could all work out, but I was wrong?” I confessed. I could no longer keep this in and needed to talk to somebody about what I was going through.
“Why do you think that? Last night you had a plan and was certain about it.”
“Ever since I moved in with him, he has been neglecting me. We don’t chill like we used to, and he barely comes home now. I was over Chianne’s house for three days in a row. He was supposed to pick me back up after he left the barbershop. I called like thirty times, but his phone kept going to voicemail. When he finally answered, he told me that he had to drop something off to somebody at the party. I made him come get me because I didn’t believe him. I had to pee, so I went to use the bathroom. When I went back outside, that’s when I saw KD. On the ride back from the party, he told me he was dropping me off again. He didn’t ask me how I was feeling or if I was hungry. He was about to leave me at home again and not care about us. I think he’s seeing somebody else.”
“I don’t want to lie to you and say you’re overacting, but he probably is. I mean, if I was a guy, I would be there for you and not run away. If he didn’t want to step up to the plate, why did he ask you to move in?” I asked.
“Guilt probably because I had no one else to go to. My dad was overseas at the time, visiting his family. Raquel is in college, and Wayne barely has a pot to piss in himself.”
“You had us. Why didn’t you ask grandma to let you stay here?”
“Keke, this house is already filled to capacity. I don’t want her to worry about another mouth to feed.”
“You are family, not a stranger. I know that she would not mind at all and would stress herself out thinking about you being out there.”
“It is fine, Keisha, but I want to prove to the family that I can handle myself. But if things get worse, I promise I would ask her.”
“You should not wait until it gets worse, but our door will always be open to you.”
“I don’t want to make things uncomfortable, but I should tell you,” I said, shifting the topic. I felt like shit was going to get worse, but I was hoping that it wouldn’t. And I was tired of talking about my drama. I needed to tell her something else that I was dreading.
“What- what’s wrong?” She said, sitting up in the bed.
“I don’t know how to tell you without knowing if I’m 100% sure.”
“Sure about what?”
“I think I saw your mother last week in D.C,” I confessed. She was silent for about five minutes.
“That’s not possible. It was probably someone that looked like her.” Keisha finally said.
“I thought the same thing, but I called her name, and she looked back. I don’t know if the lady could have the same name, but she looked so much like your mother that I could remember. She looked good though, nice and clean looking. I don’t want to worry you, but I thought you should know. Has she tried to reach out or anything?”
“Not to me, I think my brother or sisters would’ve said something if they heard from her.”
“So you and Dre, are y’all dating?” I asked, changing the subject. I could tell that what I just told her bothered her.
“No, not yet. We are taking things slow, I think. I just broke up with Dwayne last night.”
“What? Is that why he was leaving with those girls? He looked really pissed off as he was getting in the car.” I didn’t say anything, but while I was headed out the door of the house party, I saw Dwayne.
“Well, we broke up before I got to the party. I got into a fight with the light skin girl he was walking out with.”
“That was her? What happened?”
“Long story, short- I was tired of his shit. He played me long enough, and he said some things I could never forgive him for. You think because you’re with a person for three years, you know them. I didn’t know him at all after last night, and I’m glad it’s over. As far as that light skin chick, I thought she was the problem of our relationship, but it was all Dwayne.”
“Well, sometimes, your heart can be blinded. Hopefully, Dre will change your mind about that. I saw the way you were looking at him.” I said, teasing her. I was so happy for her because I have been peeped that she liked him. I spent some summers with Keisha, and we always hung around Dre, KD, Craig, Domo, and Jay. Keisha always gave Dre a certain look, and I thought they would eventually get together. However, when she told me that Dwayne was her boyfriend, I lost hope in the idea of her and Dre. Dwayne was cool when I met him, but Keisha never looked at him the same way she looked at Dre.
“He’s special, but I’m just very cautious because it can go really good or bad.”
“I think he is the one though, it’s something about y’all chemistry. I wish I had that chemistry with someone.”
“It’s not too late,” She said.
“Yes it is, I have someone else’s baby. Who would want me?”
“Somebody mature, who will love you and your baby.”
I wanted to believe Keisha, but I had barely any in hope in that. I think if Jemar and I don’t work out, I plan to be single for the rest of life. It will just be my child and me, and I’m alright with that.
I hung out with Keisha for a few hours then had Chianne come back to get me. I went back to Jemar’s after doing some thinking. It was evident that he didn’t want to be with me anymore, and I don’t think I wanted to with him either. However, I didn’t have anywhere else to go, and I was still afraid to face my family, especially my dad. So my plan was to get my shit together as fast as possible, so I could get my own place and be financially stable for my child. I know Chianne said I could stay with her. Still, I didn’t feel comfortable because although her grandmother was sweet, she was the same woman who gave her sister up for adoption. I wasn't going to take my chances with her at all and would just stay with Jemar as long as I could. This was about my child and less about me.
March
2016
10. Wayne
March 2016
It was now March, and nobody could’ve prepared me for the shit I was about to go through. I arrived at work on time and got straight to it. I worked at this electric company. It wasn’t my ideal job, but I didn’t have any plans after college, and my dad knew somebody who would hire me. I only planned to stay here until I found something better, but it’s been about three years, and I just got comfortable. The pay is decent, but not enough to get me further in life. I mean, if I actually pursued further trainin
g, I could probably see more money, but I kept putting it off.
“Allen, Boss man wants to see you before you leave.” Larry, a co-worker, said as I was clocking out. I put my tools and equipment up in my locker then made my way to my boss’s office.
“Come in,” Mr. Morris said after I knocked on his door. I walked in and sat down in the old brown leather chair in front of his desk. Mr. Morris was cool and has known my dad since middle school. He was in his late thirties and put me in mind of Omar Epps.
“What’s up Mr. Morris?” I asked.
“Nothing much. How’s the fam?” He asked while closing the tabs out on his computer.
“They’re good.”
“Good.” He said as if he was trying to avoid eye contact with me.
“So what’s up? Larry told me to come holla at you.”
“Yeah….I needed to talk to you.”
“Mr. Morris, you’re killing me with the suspense, man. What’s up?”
“I’m sorry that I have to say this, but I have to let you go, son.”
“What?! Why?” I yelled. I wasn’t trying to be disrespectful, but Mr. Morris knew I needed this job. Yeah, my mother was still helping me out from time to time, but I was trying to save up and get my own spot this year.
“You know, I don’t actually own this company, I’m just the supervisor. The actual owner of the company wants to make some changes and hire those who have completed certain certifications. Now, it’s my fault for not being on you and telling you to get the other certification done. Still, he’s not letting me give anyone any slack to finally get it done. And not to mention, he wants those who have a degree too. Shit has changed around here, and I don’t think I’ll even be around long.”
“A degree? Man, I have my high school diploma, that doesn’t mean shit?”
“It’s not enough anymore, at least nowadays. I’m sorry, son. I tried to plead your case and told him that you were good and had a family to take care of. But you know them cracka’ ass crackers don’t care about a black man trying to feed his family. It’s his company and his say so. Your last day is today. You can pick up your last check on Friday and return your uniform.” He said as he ran his hand down his face like he was more stressed than I was. I didn’t have a backup plan, hell I never thought I needed one. I was hoping to leave this sorry-ass job before they got rid of me. I honestly couldn’t be upset because I got too comfortable. Usually, when you got comfortable, shit just started coming up.
“Thanks for the opportunity, Mr. Morris,” I said as I got up from my seat.
“I’m sorry again, son. You can file for unemployment until you find something else.”
“Yeah, I’ll consider it,” I said as I opened up the office and walked out.
∞∞∞
As I walked from the Rhode Island train station to Aniyah’s house, I kept thinking about how it couldn’t get any worse. I was so deep into my thoughts that I didn’t notice Roon walking next to me.
“Man, you gotta stop doing that shit. That’s how niggas get caught slippin’.”
“Not right now, bruh. I’m not in the mood.” I stressed. Roon was my boy, but I wasn’t in the mood for his streetphonics. I had to make something shake and soon because I have a family to care for. If I would’ve known that I was going to lose my job only three months into the new year, I would’ve saved more and definitely put in more overtime. Not to mention, I would’ve waited to buy Aniyah her engagement ring. During Christmas and even after, we spent a lot of time together, and I decided to stop waiting around and just make shit official. I was going to propose on her birthday, which was two weeks away. I planned on getting us a hotel, go out to eat, then have the room set up all romantically and shit so I could propose when we got back.
“Fuck wrong with you? Aniyah getting on your nerves?”
“Nah. I’m about to go to her crib and hope she relieve some of this stress. I got fired today.” I shared.
“Damn. why?”
“Something about the owner wanting niggas with degrees to work for him. A high school diploma doesn’t mean shit anymore.”
“It never meant shit to me but a piece of paper telling the world you’re not dumb,” Roon said, then started to light a blunt he must've had behind his ear.
“Facts. Now I have to figure out what’s next. I was trying to get my own crib and shit. I’m about to propose to Aniyah. I can’t propose the way I want to without having money now.”
“Propose? You sure, son?”
“Yeah. It’s time to stop playing games and just get this shit over with. We’ve been together long enough, might as well.”
“Shit, I’ll make her ass wait a little longer. What is she bringing to the table? Your shit has to be 50/50.”
“Yeah, I know. I mean, she’s in school now trying to become an RN.”
“Just like the majority of the bitches in the hood.” Roon joked.
“Well, she’s trying. I see her effort.”
“You give her way more credit than she deserves. But I’m about to check out one of my spots. Look, if you need a job until you find one in the white man’s world, I may have something so that you could feed your family and get a spot for them.”
“Thanks, man, but you know I’m not trying to get involved in that street shit.”
“I just need somebody to count my money and make sure niggas ain’t stiffing me. I know you’re good at counting and with numbers. I don’t trust many people, but you’re my man- more like my right hand.”
“I’ll think about it and let you know,” I said as we dapped up. Then ee went our separate ways.
∞∞∞
I got to Aniyah’s mother’s house in about five minutes. I usually picked the girls up first, but I was hoping that Aniyah could give me a pick-me-up since I was having a bad day. As soon as I was by the gate that led to her house, I immediately saw the black Charger that Ms.Brenda told me about, parked right outside of their crib. Now it could’ve been anybody’s car since there were others houses around, but it was right in front of their crib, and that couldn’t be a coincidence. My heart was beating fast as fuck, but I wasn’t trying to assume anything. Maybe her cousin did get a new car, or he was driving somebody else’s shit. I took my time walking to the front door because I was trying to kill all the thoughts in head that telling me that some shit was going down. I don’t believe that Aniyah would be this foul and play me like this. I hope she wouldn’t.
Knock-Knock-Knock
“Who is it?” I heard Ms.MarKeisha yell. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t need her tipping her daughter off about my presence. “I said, who is it?” She said again as she opened the door and her face said it all. Her brown skin seemed to lose a little color once she saw that it was me. That was all I needed to see. I rushed past her and headed straight Aniyah’s room.
“Don’t fuck up my house, Wayne.” Her mother yelled after me. That bitch didn’t care that her hoe ass daughter was cheating on me, hell she probably encourages that shit. All she cared about was this raggedy-ass Section8 house that she would never own. At least our house was paid off and given to my mother by her parents.
“Fuck this raggedy house,” I mumbled as I climbed the stairs two at a time. The first thing I noticed was that Aniyah’s door was cracked. I slowly pushed the door open some more and couldn’t believe what I was seeing. My girlfriend, the mother of my kids, and my future wife was on her bed naked except with some white dingy ankle socks on. She was on the bed with some dusty nigga’s dick in her mouth while another nigga was fingering her with his crusty ass fingers. The room was reeking of ass, weed, and feet, shit was disgusting.
“This is beyond some hoe shit,” I said, startling everyone in the room. The dude who was getting head, had a smirk on his face like he felt accomplished or something. I definitely knew them from around the way, but I didn’t have any beef or anything with them. I don’t know why this nigga was mugging on me, but I honestly had no smoke. This was between Aniyah and
me.
“Wayne, what are you doing here? Where are the kids?” Aniyah said as she tried to cover herself up with a sheet. It was honestly too late for that shit, we all done saw her naked ass.
“Fuck you mean where the kids at? They still at Ms.Brenda’s. I’m glad I didn’t pick them up first. I wouldn’t want them to see their hoe ass mama getting a train ran on her.”
“Wayne..”
“Shut the fuck up. You’re a dirty ass hoe. Now I understand why my mama doesn’t like your ass or how Roon is always telling me not to rush marrying your ass. You ain’t shit, nor are the niggas that’s in here with you.”
“Fuck you.” The one who was mugging on me said while he kept his dick out. He was one of those RichHomieQuan looking niggas.
“Nigga fuck you. You feeling bold because you getting your dick sucked by my baby mama.”
“Today. I hit this shit at least three-four times a week. When she’s not answering your calls, it’s because she riding this dick before we go pick up your kids.” He boasted. It was taking everything in me to not rush this nigga, even though I knew I had hands- I didn’t know what these niggas were up to. I definitely wasn’t trying to get shot or jumped over this bitch.
“So this why you-” I was about to say, “not fucking me,” but I wasn’t trying to seem like I cared in front of these niggas.
“Why she not fucking you? Yeah, I told her she can’t be fucking with me if she fucking you. I can’t have some other nigga in my shit while I’m paying her bills. She chose me. Hell, she told me y’all broke up after Christmas.”
“Word? That’s what’s up, bruh. I didn’t mean to interrupt. Continue on.” I said, then backed out of the room. Aniyah didn’t even say anything, but her eyes said more; they showed remorse and also hurt. I walked back down the stairs and pulled my phone out when I got down to the living room.
“Yo,” Roon answered.
“Aye, I need a ride ASAP.”
“You good?”