by Amber Monroe
“Well….Jasmine is not my biological daughter. Neither is she your biological sister.”
“Wait, what?” I said as I put my hand on my heart. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. What?
“Jasmine’s mother, Kareisha, was a one night stand. We met at a party, and you know I was the man back then. I had a lot of women waiting to get with me and get dicked down-"
“TMI”
“TM- What?”
“TMI. Too. Much. Information.” I said while trying to hold back my laugh.
“Whatever. Anyways, Kareisha caught my eye because she was fine. Like fine. She was my type, brown skin, slender with curves in the right places. Even though I liked long hair on my women, she was rocking one of those asymmetrical hairstyles. She was cute and had been eyeing me all night. So anywho, I invited her back to my spot, and you know what went down.”
“What?” I said sarcastically.
“Well, if you want to know, I beat them walls up. Shit, I had her climbing walls too. She couldn’t handle all of me. I mean, I can’t lie; her shit was good. Too good.”
“TMI, daddy!” I shook my head.
“You asked.”
“I was being sarcastic.”
“I know, I just wanted you to know how your daddy had these hoes and even your mama, Chivonne. I’ll save that for another storytime.”
“Continue on.”
“After we finished, I let her stay the night since I really wore her out. But when morning came, I told her ass she had to go, and I’ll keep in contact. I was lying because, like I said, she couldn’t handle me and was too extra in the bedroom. Screaming all dramatically and shit. I guess she thought she would stroke my ego to earn her a spot with me. She was dead wrong because I knew what I was working with. She eventually dipped and she stole some money from my pants before she did. I knew right then I definitely wasn’t fucking with her after that.”
“So, where does Jasmine come in?”
“Literally six months later, she came to me saying she had my baby. A lot of people don’t know but I was a smart lil nigga, like 4.0 GPA and all that shit. I fucked up and didn’t take my ass to college, but I always kept my head in the books even after I graduated from high school. At the time she came around, I was just starting to get my life together. I was planning on going back to school and leaving the street life behind. I also met your mother around that time. She was a good girl, and I was trying to win her over by showing her I wasn’t like most street dudes. Anywho, I knew Kareisha was on some bullshit because if Jasmine was born six months after our first encounter, that meant she was already pregnant. Three months exactly, and she probably already knew and planned on my ass before she even came to the party. Either the real baby daddy wasn’t shit or didn’t want the baby, so she thought she could fake trap me. I asked for a DNA test several times, but she always went ghost on my ass every time we made an appointment.”
“So how did Jasmine end up with you?”
“Kareisha had been quiet for months, and that was a part of her plan because when I started to think she went away, she popped up and left Jasmine on my doorstep. At that time, your mother and I were pretty serious and moved in together. Jasmine was almost one years old, and I had no way of contacting Kareisha or knew of any family she had. I honestly didn’t know her. I couldn’t bring myself to place Jasmine into foster care because, during the time I kept her while looking for her stupid ass mama, I had grown to love her. And Jasmine grew to love me, she was my baby, and she didn’t deserve the life she was given.”
“That’s so sweet, daddy.”
“I know, but I got arrested probably just three months later and was looking at a serious time. I still feel like Kareisha had something to do with me going to jail. I don’t know how, but the way everything happened, it seemed like a setup. After a month of being locked up, your mother said she was pregnant. She seemed like she was going to hold everything down, and she was fine with raising Jasmine as her own.”
“But she folded and dipped. Never looking back ever again.” I said with so much hate in my heart. Maybe that’s why I never wanted kids because of her.
“Yeah, she dipped with my money and left y’all behind. I never intended for you and Jas to be separated. I didn’t know my mama put her up for adoption until it was done. I felt bad because I knew we were the only family she would have, and I wasn’t there to stop it. I haven’t talked to her in years because her punk ass foster mama stopped accepting my calls and returned my letters. I know she hates me. But I want her to one day know the truth and decide on her own if she wants to keep a reltionship with meor not. I know I’m not her real dad, but I still care for her like I am. She needs to know the truth, and if she wants me to be in her life, I’ll be there. I heard she got married.”
“Yeah, a few weeks ago. It was a lovely ceremony, and her husband, Domo, is a great guy. He reminds me of you.”
“Really? Well, despite my record and life in the street, I’m a good guy. So I know he’ll take care of her.”
“Well, you’ll always be a good guy in my eyes too,” I said as I walked over to hug him for the first time since he's been home. I must admit I was very standoffish when he first came home, because I didn’t know how to handle everything. I’ve never had a relationship with him. He was gone before I was even born. I’ve only known him through phone calls and letters. My grandmother used to take me to visit him, but after turning five, he didn’t want me to come anymore. He later told me in a letter that he knew I didn’t want to see him like that. It was something about the look in my eyes, and that pained him.
“Thanks, baby girl. I know we don’t have the normal dad/daughter relationship, but I swear I’m going to fix that. Just be open to letting me be the father I should’ve been.”
“I’m open to that.”
“And also be open to us starting a new life in California. I got permission from my probation officer for the relocation, and one of my friends said he has a job for me. I just need to go there to find a place. Your mother didn’t have access to all of my money, so I have enough for us to be comfortable for the first year.”
“Is this a legal job?” I asked.
“Yes, very legal. It’s a construction company, building those big buildings and fancy houses in LA.”
“When do you plan to go find a house?”
“Next week. I need to have something before my P.O officially sign off. I thought you and Big Mama would come with me so we can get a little vacation in and spend time together. I remember you telling me you loved the beach.”
“You did?”
“I remember everything you told me in those letters. I still have them. And with your permission, I plan to put it into a book. I want to write an autobiography about my life, and a lot of it will be a reference to our letters.”
“Really? You want to write?”
“I already started, but yeah. I always liked English in school and used to write poetry too.”
“That’s something I didn’t know. English was my favorite subject too.”
“I know. So what do you say? A fresh start?”
“Let’s go visit and find a house first, then I’ll let you know. DC is home to me, all that I’ve ever known, and my family is here. Not to mention, I have a god-daughter, and I know my best friend needs more than ever now that she’s here.”
“Bre, right? Kington’s little girl.”
“Yeah. You know her dad?”
“Yeah, we go way back. But that’s another story for another day.”
“Oh gosh, you and your stories, daddy. Y’all don’t have beef do you?”
“No! Kingsley and me became good friends before I got arrested. Hell, he’s the reason you know Bre, and he's the friend that referenced me to the guy that’s giving me that job in Cali.”
“Really? I thought we just coincidentally met in preschool.”
“Probably did, but Kingsley offered to pay for you to go to that school since Big Mama couldn’t really afford it
. He never wanted to overstep his boundaries, but he could identify with my struggle as a father.”
“Wow, I can’t believe that story never came up.”
“There’s probably a lot of stories that haven’t come up. So we’ll go visit Cali next week, and I’ll let you decide, but your grandma is also considering moving away too.”
“Ugh! Y’all not really giving me a choice.”
“I am. I trust you, and if you want me to get you your own place until you finish school, I do it. I want you to be happy.”
“Me too!”
“So, if you did move to Cali with us, would this be a problem for the baby’s father?”
“Remember how you just said, it’s a lot of stories that haven’t come up? Well, you and Kingsley’s relationship may get closer than what it was before.” I nervously smiled. My dad’s forehead wrinkled, and he crossed her arms across his chest.
“Well, get to sharing.” He said then titled his head.
Epilogue
A Year and four months later….
October
2017
32. Bre
“She is so precious and stays quiet during the service. Such an attentive baby.” Ms.Joyce said as she pinched Jenelle’s fat cheeks. She just smiled and giggled a little, but I could tell that she was ready for us to go.
“What I tell you about touching my baby like that.” My mother joked as she walked up to us. She laughed, but I knew she was very serious about her touching Jenelle. I just smiled and faked laughed with them.
“Oh, Aretha, you do know Bre gave birth to her?” Ms. Joyce shaded.
“And?” My mother countered.
“That’s your grandbaby and Bre’s baby.”
“They both are my babies.” My mother rolled her eyes playfully. She and Ms.Joyce grew up together, so that was how they interacted with each other.
“Well, Ms.Bre is no longer a baby. She has blossomed into a beautiful and mature young woman.”
“Thank you,” I said.
“I know, and did you hear the announcement that she finished high school a year early and even has some college credits. And she’s now the manager for one of her dad’s many businesses. She’s also starting her music career back up.”
“Mama…” I whispered. She was talking too much, and was lowkey bragging in front of the church; we just got out of service. Since having Jenelle, I knew I needed a strong sense of guidance and started going to church once Jenelle was about four months. We’ve been going since then, and eventually, my mom would join us. It was a part of our path of healing, and things have been really been good. We have been thinking about going to counseling as a family as well. We haven’t been able to be on one page, but slowly but surely everybody was opening up to the idea.
“Well, she’s thinking about it.” She sucked her teeth. I couldn’t help but smile because she’s been doing that lately. She was always telling somebody about my recent accomplishments. It’s probably because I’ve expressed that she never acknowledged the things I was doing right but was quick to tell me what I was doing wrong. She quickly fixed that by always communicating with me and telling others about what I’ve been up to. I was so happy to be done with school because now I had more time for Jenelle and working. However, I was interested in higher education, so I signed up for UDC part-time. I was only seventeen now, but I felt like I had the perfect head start to get college out of the way. For now, I was undecided because I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. I mean, I wanted to make music, but I didn’t know how realistic that would be. I wanted to have a career that I loved and one where I could financially take care of Jenelle. Recently I’ve been posting little videos of my singing to Jenelle on social media, and the feedback was good. Still, it wasn’t enough to persuade me to make it a career.
“Well that’s good Aretha, you seem really happy about her accomplishments even though she had a baby before schedule.” Ms. Joyce voiced. I rolled my eyes because she was one of many people who just had to throw that in a conversation.
“Didn't the pastor just preach about things being on God’s time? Jenelle came right on time and has been the peace my family needed during some uncircumstantial times. And even if it seems like she was made out of wedlock, my daughter hasn’t missed a beat. She finished school, has a full-time job, a car, and is working on getting her own house now. Bre can actually be a role-model to your twenty-seven-year-old daughter who didn’t finish middle school and is still at home with you.” My mother said. I had to place my hand over my mouth, so Ms. Joyce wouldn’t see the smile on my face. My mother read her ass, and all she could do was smirk then act like another member wanted her attention.
“Mama, you didn’t have to read her like that,” I said as we started to walking to my car. And you heard my mama right, I had my own car. It was a white 2015 Jetta that I paid for on my own a few months ago.
“Hmph, that was nothing. I could’ve mentioned how she wasn’t even married when she had any of her kids. Or how the man she claims is the father of her grown kids, got a whole family, and don’t even claim her children.”
“Mama, we just left the church. Don’t let the devil tempt you,” I said as I placed Nelle into her car seat.
“I’m not. I’m good, God got me and knows my heart.” She said as she placed her hand over her heart.
“I know.” After making sure Jenelle was good, I pulled her bottle out of her bag and gave it to her. Homegirl only let me breastfeed her until she was like ten months, then stopped wanting my milk. I was hurt but also relieved because she didn’t rely on my supply anymore. I felt my phone vibrate in my coat pocket and rolled my eyes.
“Chastity?” My mother asked, already knowing who was calling. After we met in the hospital, Chasity kept her word about wanting to be Nelle’s life. But, she wasn’t around as much to really develop a relationship with her. I understood that she worked a lot and tried to make time, but I was getting tired of the inconsistencies like with her son. Jemar was around whenever he made time for Nelle. At first, I wasn’t bothered because that was all on him, but as Nelle is starting to grow, it doesn’t seem healthy to have a part-time dad. She was beginning to get used to people’s faces, and she rarely knew his ass when he came around. She never cried, but her interactions with him seemed a little distant.
“Yep. I appreciate her calling to check up on Nelle, but it’s so inconsistent. Nelle barely knows her.” I shared. I let the phone go to voicemail. I closed the door and proceeded to get into myself. My mother drove herself and was parked a few cars down from mine.
“I know, she’s like her son. That’s why I don’t know why she came to the hospital talking about taking you to court, and they’re not even around as much.”
“I thought the same thing. However, the more Jenelle grows up, and they see she doesn’t know them, they can’t blame me.”
“Right, and they better not assume anything other than the truth that they weren’t around. Hell, doesn’t his dad reach out more than her?”
“Yeah, and that baffles me because he’s in prison. He calls and asks for pictures. I don’t know if Jenelle will ever meet him, but at least she’ll know about him.”
“Mhm. Well, y’all go ahead and head home. Dinner is at six, and make sure you bring something.” My mother said as she started to walk away slowly.
“Oh yeah, I need to head home, change and put her down for a nap. Daddy and I are bringing the jerk chicken and oxtails.”
“No, your dad is bringing chicken and oxtails.” My mother smirked.
“We live together.”
“And? Your brother is bringing the girls, and I think Roon and Kay are stopping by too. So we need plenty of food.”
“Ugh! Fine, I’ll bring something pre-made.” I said as I closed my door, started the car to warm it up, and rolled the window down a little.
“Thanks, baby. See you later, nana’s baby.” My mother said to Jenelle, who was smiling at her through the window.
“See
you, mama,” I said then drove off.
∞∞∞
“How is Eric late to his own party?” I asked as I took a seat on the couch. About five months ago, my mother wanted us to start having family dinners on Sundays. It was cute at first, but now it was annoying because everybody started coming late and not bringing food as they were told to. I loved my family, so I dealt with it, and it gave us time together throughout the week since our lives were different now.
“I know, right,” Raquel said as she sat next to me with Nelle in her arms. She was eating a piece of cake and giving Nelle a bit.
“Quel, you’re going to ruin her appetite.” I scolded. I mean, we should have been eating by now, but we waiting for Eric to grace us with his presence.
“Sorry, but she saw me eating and reached for a piece of it. I couldn’t tell Titi’s baby, no.” She frowned. I didn’t say anything but rolled my eyes because I was so used to them spoiling Nelle. Honestly, it would probably be because of my family’s overly affectionate love towards Nelle, she would feel loved. And because of the father figures in her like Eric, Wayne, my dad, and Ricardo, she will probably not miss her dad’s presence.
“When was the last time she saw her daddy?” Quel asked, wiping some crumbs off Nelle’s face. She let her down to the floor, and Nelle took off to her toys a few feet away.
“She saw Jemar probably two weeks ago.”
“I wasn’t talking about Jemar. I was talking about Ricky.” She smirked. I rolled my eyes so hard that they probably could’ve gotten stuck.
“Girl, Ricky is her god-daddy. Jemar is her daddy daddy.” I blew out a harsh breath of air. I was tired of having this conversation with Quel and my family. They always made little comments about Ricky being more of Nelle’s father than Jemar. It definitely seemed that way, but I wasn’t going to say anything and have Nelle thinking Ricky was really her dad.
“You act like Jemar really cares. However, I bet if Ricky was around, he would be around Jenelle more. It’s no secret that he’s jealous of the relationship Ricky has with you and Nelle. Anytime Ricky comes into town, it’s funny how Jemar just comes around and wants to spend time with her. Wasn’t Ricky just here two weeks ago, and that was the last time Jemar saw Nelle.” I didn’t say anything because she was right. It seemed like when Ricky came in town to visit his family and us, Jemar ironically wanted to come around. And when Ricky was gone, so was Jemar.