by Fine, L. J.
She let out a dry laugh. “Oh yeah, I’m just peachy.”
The blank look he gave her prompted her to continue. “Seriously, I’m fine.” Then on impulse, she went to her tiptoes and pulled him into a hug. “Thank you,” she whispered, the shakiness of her voice belying her previous words.
Tentatively, he hugged her back before he set her back away from him. “No problem. I’m just glad I happened by when I did.”
“Yeah, speaking of. How’d you manage to be Johnny on the Spot?” There were about a million other questions she wanted to ask him right about now. Questions like: who was Tim and what happened to him? How was Ben involved? But somehow the one regarding Adam’s whereabouts was the only one to come out.
Could it be the poor lighting, or did she actually see a blush creep up onto his face? “I came to visit someone when I heard Paul yelling. Figured I’d better come see what he was doing, knowing you were staying here.”
Ah, she should have known. Clearing her throat to combat the awkwardness, she said, “Well, thanks again. I really don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t shown up.”
Flipping to the right key on her keyring, she turned to open her door when he spoke up to stop her. “I don’t think it’s a good idea that you stay here tonight.”
Frowning, she turned to face him. “What? Why?”
“You heard the part about Paul only living a mile down the road, right?” The look he gave her suggested she had absolutely no common sense at all and she had to admit he had a point. Paul could come back.
She took a deep breath then blew it back out. “Right. Um, Chloe’s working tonight but I guess I could go hang out at the bookstore until she closes.”
Adam shook his head and sighed as he dug his phone out of his pocket. “No, don’t do that. Come with me, you can hang at my place until Ben gets there.”
And that implied that she would be going home with Ben. “No, that plan doesn’t work. I can’t stay with Ben.”
“Why?” Adam looked up from his phone, a frown marring his brow.
Did she really have to tell him about this? Seemed she didn’t have any other choice.
“Because Ben and I got into a fight this morning and I don’t think he wants to see me again. That’s why,” she said quickly, all in one breath to get it out faster.
Adam actually laughed.
“Well, good luck trying to get him to let you stay somewhere else after he finds out what happened tonight.” She opened her mouth to protest but he cut her off. “Don’t worry about whatever it was you fought about this morning. I guarantee that it won’t matter in a few minutes. Go pack a bag. I’ll wait for you out here.”
“There’s no point in arguing with you, is there? Or trying to convince you not to call him?”
He flashed her a pearly white grin. “None.”
“Fine,” she said on a sigh. But before she turned to unlock her door, she had to ask. “What happened to Paul’s brother?”
That grin disappeared as quickly as he’d given it.
“I’ll let Ben tell you about that when you see him,” he said lifting his phone to his ear, presumably to call his twin to tattle on her.
Chapter Eleven
“Where the hell is she?”
Emma just exited the bathroom at the end of the long hallway that bisected Adam’s apartment when she heard the front door slam followed by Ben’s gruff inquiry as to her whereabouts. And he seemed distressed, which was a first. His usual languidly calm and centered voice sounded anxious, almost harassed.
Why was he so upset? She didn’t actually mean anything to him.
“Well, hello to you too, brother,” Adam dryly replied. From her vantage point, Emma couldn’t see them standing in the kitchen, but she could imagine Adam’s sarcastic facial expression as he crossed his arms over his chest.
“Quit fucking around. Where is she?” Ben growled. The familiar sound had her shivering impulsively. She could save them both the trouble by rounding the corner and announcing her presence, but it kind of sounded like Adam might be gearing up for a lecture. This might be the only opportunity she got to hear what was actually going on, so stayed put just outside the bathroom door and listened.
The soft jingle of a dog collar and the little grunts of a small pug caught her attention. The Captain, as Adam called him, nudged at her leg until she bent down to pick him up. He gave a contented snort as he rested his head against her arm and she felt a smile split her lips.
That was, until she heard Adam speak. “Relax. She’s using the bathroom. She’s fine.”
Or, you know, instead of a lecture he could just tell Ben where she was and be done with it. She braced herself for Ben’s appearance in the hallway but Adam spoke again, stopping him.
“Are you serious about her?” The question had a small gasp escaping her lips and from the silence in the other room, it seemed it had caught Ben off guard as well. Though she was pretty sure she already knew the answer, she held her breath in anticipation of his response anyway.
But he replied with neither a positive nor a negative, just a, “Why do you care?”
Adam sighed. “Because if you are, you aren’t going to be able to brush off what happened to her tonight. You won’t be able to distract her from the questions that you and I both know are coming. And if you are serious about her, she deserves to know the truth.”
Well, that didn’t sound ominous or anything. Just what was this truth she deserved to know? What if he did turn out to be some sort of murderer? She didn’t know if she would be able to handle something like that. Then again, every instinct she possessed told her that, in his grief, Paul had been exaggerating the actual events that took place. Gruff and intimidating though he may be, Ben would never intentionally hurt someone. She believed that to her marrow.
“I’ll tell her the truth,” he said softly. “I’ll tell her whatever she wants to know.”
His words had her heart pounding in her chest. Did that mean he was serious about her after all?
As she tried to wrap her brain around that little nugget of knowledge, he turned the corner and appeared at the entrance of the hallway. He looked all disheveled with his short dark hair in disarray as though he had driven his fingers through it more than once. Not that the messy look didn’t work for him. Hell, anything he did worked for him, and that was part of her problem.
Their eyes connected and she could see the resignation in his dark stare. Immediately, she knew he was aware that she had heard them. Rather than anger at her eavesdropping, his expression seemed to contain relief.
“You okay, Sugar?” His low rumble vibrated down the hall and into her body, the sound somehow comforting. Or maybe it was the vulnerability she saw on his face when he asked the question.
“Yeah, I’m good.” Her voice cracked so she cleared her throat and stood a little straighter, careful not the jostle The Captain.
“You sure about that?” There went that hand running through his hair again, and was it her imagination or was it shaking a little?
“I promise you, I’m okay.” She chewed on her bottom lip, debating whether or not she should continue. There was no getting around the inevitable, so she said, “But I think we need to talk.”
He nodded. “You’re right. We do.”
It surprised her when he started making his way toward her. She didn’t think that they would have this conversation here. The Captain whined but went easily when Ben took him from her and set him on the floor. As they walked down the hall to what she guessed was a spare bedroom, he kept her hand firmly in his, almost as if he were afraid she would bolt given the first opportunity.
Yeah right. Nothing could make her take off right now, she wanted to hear what he had to say.
He opened the door to the spare room and calmly shut it behind them while she took a seat on the bed. He didn’t move from the door, he leaned up against it, eyeing her warily and she again got the impression that this was a tactic to keep her here.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, she crossed her legs and hugged her middle. “How about you start at the beginning. Who was Tim?”
For a second he screwed his eyes tight and she knew that he didn’t want to talk about this. Normally, just that look on his face would have her dropping it, but they needed to get this out. Knowing him, he probably hadn’t spoken to anyone since it happened and keeping something like this bottle up wasn’t healthy.
Opening his eyes, he slid his back down the door until his ass hit the floor. He propped his elbows up on his knees.
“Time was my best friend, back in my hoodlum days.” The twinkle in his eyes when he looked at her had a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips. But that twinkle was short lived, as was her smile, when he continued. “Tim was also Paul’s little brother.” He sighed and ran that hand through his hair again. “Look, I’ll save you all the gritty details but I think you can guess by now that Tim and I used to get into a lot of trouble together.”
“Yeah, I gathered that.”
“It was a Saturday night and the two of us decided that we wanted to get wasted.” He shrugged. “Nothing really new there. That was a pretty normal Saturday or hell, weekend, for us. This particular night, we invited some girls over.” His gaze shot to her face then. To gauge her reaction? “Again, not new.”
Ah, yes. Definitely to gauge her reaction and despite the fact that this had happened however-long-ago before they had met, she felt an irritating pang of jealousy. So he hadn’t slept with as many women as she might think – his words – but he had still slept around. Shouldn’t be so surprising given how well the man knew his way around the bedroom. Wanting him to continue, she didn’t give her irrational feelings a visible reaction. Instead, she went with a nod and an “okay”.
“By the point this story does get new, we were so fucked up I don’t think any of us could see straight. I took one of the girls up to my room and left Tim downstairs with the other one. They were playing a video game or something. I honestly don’t remember. Fuck, I don’t even remember the girl’s names. We’d just met them when we were out the night before and I was so gone that they didn’t register.” His gaze shifted away from her then to focus on the wall behind her. She didn’t mind. He needed to do what he needed to do to get it out.
“Apparently, while I was messing around upstairs, they ran out of alcohol. And Tim –“ His voice broke and he cleared his throat. “Stupid fucking bastard,” he murmured shaking his head and wiping at the side of his face. He took a deep breath and got the rest out all in a rush. “Tim decided it would be a good idea to run down to the store and get some more liquor. The girl he was with didn’t see a problem with that plan and went with him. When I came back downstairs the fucker had taken my keys and my car was gone.”
Emma gasped then held her breath, already knowing where this story was headed as dread and remorse formed a lump in her throat.
“He wrapped the car around a telephone pole, totaled it. Killed himself and the girl.”
“Oh, Ben. That’s horrible, I’m so sorry.” The tortured look in his eyes made her want to get down on the floor with him and wrap her arms around him. The way he tensed up at her words, however, kept her right where she was.
“So that’s what happened to Tim.” He ran his hands down his face then rested his head back against the door to look at her through the slits of his eyes.
Uncertainty once again had her chewing on her bottom lip. “That’s tragic, Ben. It really is and I’m so sorry for your loss.”
He gave a bitter laugh. “You know, I think that’s the first time anyone’s said that to me. Outside of my brothers anyway.”
Confusion pulled her mouth into a frown. “That doesn’t even make sense. He was your best friend.”
“Yeah, well.” He looked down at his hands. “Not a lot of sympathy when people blame you for your best friend’s death.”
Now that pissed her off. “I fail to see how any of that was your fault.”
Maybe it was partly her words, but most definitely it was the sharp confident tone with which she delivered them that had his eyes snapping to hers.
“I did tell you what people thought of me before that happened, right?”
“Yeah, so? It doesn’t change the fact that it wasn’t your fault.”
She understood that he felt guilty, she really did. More than likely she would feel the same way. It’s a natural human emotion. But facts were facts and this wasn’t his fault.
“Ben, you didn’t put the keys in his hand. Hell, you weren’t even in the room when he made the decision to leave. You said yourself that this was a typical night for you. You had no way of knowing what he would do.”
“I was still the one that got him so fucked up in the first place, Emma. It was still my car that he took. So, nice as that sentiment is, none of that matters. Not to me, or the people in this town. And especially not to Paul.”
Emma’s eyes narrowed at that asshole’s name. “Okay. Let’s talk about Paul for a minute. He’s such a concerned big brother now, but where the hell was he when all this went down? If you were such a bad influence on Tim, why didn’t Paul intervene? Did he even try?”
A deep frown line formed down the center of Ben’s forehead. “Not really, actually. Paul kind of ignored Tim. Especially when he started getting into trouble on a regular basis. I think he was embarrassed by him.”
The impulse to roll her eyes was so strong she couldn’t suppress it. “I’m sure he was such a model citizen even back then. I’ve met him twice and both times he was thoroughly shit-faced. And let’s not forget the last time I saw him he attacked me in a dark parking lot. Oh, what a stand up guy.”
Ben’s eyes darkened and his next words came out on a low growl. “That cocksucker better hope I don’t run into him anytime soon. It’s different when he comes at me like that. But you?” He shook his head, the muscle in his jaw getting a workout. The menace in his eyes then would have been frightening if his words hadn’t triggered something very important.
“Wait. When he comes at you? He’s gone after you before? I mean, aside from only verbally?”
He shot her a level look. “Baby, he blames me for the death of his little brother. Of course he’s come after me before.”
The fact that retaliation for hurting a loved one seemed a given to him was proof positive that Ben wasn’t as worthless as he thought he was. In fact, his worth as a human, in her estimation, was pretty damn immeasurable. But the fact that he felt he deserved that retaliation for something he didn’t do was intolerable.
Then, she didn’t know why, but yet another dot connected in her brain. “That scar on your side. That’s not from falling out of a tree, is it?”
A pregnant pause ensued as he shifted his ass uncomfortably against the door. “No, it’s not.” Three simple words. No elaboration or explanation.
“What was it, then? Paul?” She didn’t care if he pressed her to drop it this time. She needed to know the answer.
“Yeah, it was Paul,” he said on a weary sigh. “It was a few months after the accident. Fucker got me with a knife before I knew he was there.”
“Jesus,” she breathed. She had a moment of shock and mournfulness for all he had been through, before those feelings slid right on down into fury and outrage on his behalf. “That. Is such. Bullshit.”
The corners of his lips twitched and something akin to tender amusement lit his eyes. “Don’t worry, Sugar. I survived.”
She rolled her eyes again.
“Well, let’s all give Paul a fucking medal for being citizen of the year. It’s ridiculous the way these people treat you, Ben. You don’t deserve it. Especially shit like that.” She threw a pointed look to his covered abdomen.
Licking his lips, he shook his head. “But I do, Emma.”
Pushing the fingers of both hands into his hair, he tilted his head down to cradle his forehead in his palms.
Oka
y. That despondent tone in his voice was it. Abandoning her perch on the edge of the bed, she got down onto her knees in front of him and pulled his hands away from his face. Taking his face in her hands, she forced his gaze to lock with hers. “You. Did not. Kill. Tim.”
He tried to pull his head away from her but she wouldn’t let him. “What happened to him was not your fault. And all those people who think it was, especially Paul, can go to hell. He’s probably ashamed of himself for being such a shitty brother and blames you for it because it’s easier. And you’re already blaming yourself enough. You had your reasons for wanting to escape reality by doing the things you did? Well, so did Tim and, believe me, they weren’t because of you. Your friendship was probably the only relief, joy and acceptance he’d ever felt. You weren’t the one who hurt him.”
Suddenly, without warning, his arms shot around her, knocking her off balance and into his body. His mouth came down on hers in a hard, eager kiss. One big hand moved to cradle the back of her head, titling it for better access.
He swallowed her moan as she wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her fingers in his hair. There was so much more to this man than met the eye and it broke her heart that he couldn’t see it. Right now, in this moment, she was determined to change that.
Breaking the kiss, he rested his forehead against hers.
“I’ve never met a woman like you, Emma,” he whispered reverently. “No one sees me the way you do. Past all the bullshit and all the armor. Damn, baby. How’d I do this before I met you?”
Heart pounding in her throat, she leaned up and kissed his lips softly.
“I have no clue,” she said with a smile. Of course, she was only half serious but the part of her that was, really did wonder how he’d managed to turn his life completely around with virtually no support system. He had his brothers, but from what she could gather, he didn’t let them in much. Not even Adam.
Speaking of…he was just down the hall.