Wanted by Her Lost Love

by Maya Banks

  She had the ridiculous urge to laugh. Embarrass her? The only embarrassing thing was how her mind was currently wandering way below the makeshift waistline of his towel.

  And of course, in his arrogance, he would assume—considering the “nature of their relationship”—that he could cavort about in the nude.

  Drawing up her shoulders, she turned around again and stared coolly at him. “If you think because we were once lovers that you can take up where we left off, you’re sadly mistaken.”

  He blinked in surprise and then anger replaced the surprise. “God, Kelly. Do you think so little of me that I would try to force you into a sexual relationship when you’re pregnant and unwell?”

  “You don’t want to know the answer to that.”

  He swore long and hard. “What makes you think I would ever want to sample my brother’s secondhand goods anyway?”

  She balled her hands into fists and forced a careless reply. “Well, since your brother didn’t mind, I assumed it was a family trait.”

  His blue eyes became ice chips and his jaw twitched spasmodically. Then he spun around and disappeared into his bedroom, the sound of the door slamming reverberating throughout the apartment.

  Kelly sighed and sank into a nearby armchair. What demon had forced her to throw more fuel on the flames she would never know. The need to defend herself had long since fled. He should have believed in her then. She didn’t really care what he chose to do now. The desire for him to stand behind her and protect her had fizzled when she realized that she’d never had his love or his faith.

  God, what was she doing here? Just being in New York again brought back too many memories she would be better off forgetting.

  Restless and sick at heart, she made her way back into the kitchen and took stock of the contents of the refrigerator and cabinets. Deciding that she had all the necessary ingredients for one of her favorite dishes, she began laying them out on the countertop. At least it would give her something to do and lunch would be taken care of. She’d always loved to cook for Ryan when they lived together.

  “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Ryan demanded, materializing out of nowhere and taking the pan she was holding from her. He steered her firmly away from the counter and back into the living room. “Sit,” he ordered once they reached the couch. He propped her feet up on the coffee table, placing a pillow under them. He stood back, his expression lacking the anger of just a few minutes ago.

  “Maybe you didn’t understand the doctor’s orders. You’re to rest. Stay off your feet.” He enunciated each word in clipped tones as if he were speaking to a dolt. Well, that wasn’t entirely untrue. She was the biggest dolt in the world for getting caught up in this mess.

  He seemed calm. And she was calm, too—at least for now. It was time to get things out in the open. “Ryan, we need to talk.”

  He looked surprised and a little wary over her change in tone, but he sat down across from her and regarded her with open curiosity. “Okay, talk.”

  “I want to know why you came to Houston.” She was careful to keep her emotions in check as she waited for his response.

  He didn’t look pleased with her question. He looked away, at the wall, his jaw tight.

  “And how did you know where to find me?” she continued when he remained silent.

  “I hired an investigator,” he said after a moment’s pause.

  Her mouth fell open. So much for being calm. “Why? So you could accuse me of being a whore all over again? So you could sweep in and upend my life? I don’t get it, Ryan. You hate me. I know what you think of me. You made it very clear when you threw me out of your life. Why the hell would you come looking to dig up the past again?”

  “Damn it, Kelly!” he exploded. “You disappeared without a word to anyone. You didn’t cash the check. I thought you were out there hurt and scared—or dead.”

  “Too bad for you I wasn’t.”

  “Don’t you make this about me,” he growled. It was obvious he had only a tenuous grip on his control. “You took what we had and threw it in my face. You decided I wasn’t enough for you. I looked for you because no matter what you had done or how badly I wanted to forget you, I couldn’t stand the thought of you being out there somewhere scared and alone.”

  He broke off and looked away. When he looked back at her, his eyes were shuttered. “I’ve answered your questions, now I want mine answered.”

  They both glanced up at the sound of the front door opening and, to Kelly’s horror, Ryan’s brother, Jarrod, stood in the entryway. “Hey Ryan, the doorman told me you were back….” His voice died when he saw her. “Uh…hi, Kelly.”

  Ryan watched as Kelly’s expression became glacial. Damn it, she was going to think he planned this. And while yes, the three of them certainly needed to hash out a few things, now wasn’t the time. He rose from his seat and headed in his brother’s direction.

  It had taken Ryan months to see beyond his rage and jealousy to be able to entertain resuming a normal relationship with his younger brother. Before Ryan hadn’t given a second thought to Jarrod coming and going at will. He had a key. Ryan had always encouraged him to drop in and had looked forward to his visits.

  But that was before Jarrod had slept with Kelly. Before the two most important people in his life had betrayed him. When he finally talked himself around to forgiving Jarrod and allowing him back into his life, he’d also considered that if he was willing to forgive his brother then perhaps he should also find Kelly and at least listen to her reasons why.

  Things weren’t perfect between him and his brother now. Maybe they never would be. But they were better and Jarrod had started coming around more, even if he was more cautious than he’d ever been in the past.

  Now Ryan had brought Kelly back and they’d all be forced to face the inevitable confrontation. A part of him dreaded it, but the other part of him knew he’d never be able to move forward unless this was fully resolved. But it would be done when he decided and not before. He and Kelly had too much to work out between them before they tackled the issue of Jarrod and her infidelity.

  “This isn’t a good time, man,” he said in a low voice when he reached his brother.

  Unease flickered across Jarrod’s face, and he glanced nervously over Ryan’s shoulder toward Kelly. “I can see that. I’ll come back another time.”

  Ryan turned and saw Kelly tremble and then her fingers flexed and curled into fists. She was as pale as death, her eyes large and haunted. “What did you want?” he prompted when Jarrod made no move to leave.

  “Nothing important. Just came over to say hi and to tell you Mom wanted us over for dinner Saturday night. I hadn’t seen you in a while. I know you’ve been busy with your resort deal. I’d hoped we could get together like old times.”

  Ryan sighed. He and Jarrod had always been close. Until Kelly. He hated this. Hated it all. Hated that a woman had come between him and the brother he’d all but raised after their father died.

  “I’ll call Mom later, okay? And we’ll get together. Just not right now.”

  “Yeah, I understand. I’ll see you later.” He backed toward the door, and Ryan followed. As Ryan gripped the doorknob to close it after Jarrod, his brother whispered, “Are you taking her back after what happened?”

  Ryan drew his brows together. “Aren’t you concerned that she could be carrying your child?”

  Jarrod flinched and his cheeks lost color. “Is that what she told you?”

  Ryan studied him for a moment, his brows drawing together as he observed Jarrod’s reaction to the suggestion. “No, she didn’t tell me that, but surely you know it’s possible.”

  “Uh-uh, can’t be mine,” Jarrod said, shaking his head emphatically.

  “So you say.”

  Jarrod stepped into the hall and then shoved his hands into his pockets as he stared back at Ryan. But he didn’t quite meet Ryan’s gaze. “I wore protection. Look, I’m sorry. I know this is a bad situation. But the baby c
an’t be mine.”

  Ryan watched him walk toward the elevator, the same frustrated helplessness clutching his throat. He stepped back and shut the door, angry. Angry at Kelly, angry at Jarrod and angry with himself all over again. So the baby was his unless…surely she hadn’t had other partners besides him and Jarrod. He wouldn’t even give that consideration.

  When he returned to the couch he wasn’t prepared for the absolute hatred and revulsion in Kelly’s expression. Before he could say anything she fixed him with a look that froze him to the bone.

  “If he ever comes over here again, I’m out of here. I won’t be in the same room with him.”

  Ryan was taken aback. “You know he’s here all the time.”

  Her teeth were clenched and her knuckles white. “I won’t stay here.”

  Why the hell was she so angry with Jarrod? If anyone deserved to be angry it was Jarrod, after Kelly had accused him of trying to rape her. Nothing about this entire situation made sense. And he was tired of trying to figure it out.

  “Jarrod said he wore protection,” he said, gauging her reaction.

  Pain rippled across her face. Not the reaction he’d imagined. “And of course you believed him,” she said in a voice that sounded like she was dangerously close to tears.

  “Are you saying he didn’t? Are you maintaining the baby is mine?” He’d had no idea how badly he wanted the baby to be his until now. His eyes pleaded with her to confirm it. To say that he was the father.

  The indecipherable mask was back on her face again. “I don’t maintain anything,” she said, frost dripping from her voice.

  Frustration hit him like a ton of bricks. She had shut herself off again and nothing was going to open her to him. He wanted to put his fist through the wall.

  “I’m going out for a while,” he finally ground out. “I’ll bring back lunch.”

  He turned and stalked out before he said things he’d only regret.

  As he made his way to the underground garage where his BMW was parked, his cell phone rang, rudely intruding on his thoughts. “What?” he barked into the receiver.

  “Ryan?” His mom’s voice bled through his dour mood.

  “Sorry, Mom, didn’t mean to snap.” He opened the door and slid into the seat, settling back, not bothering to start the engine yet.

  “Ryan, what’s wrong?”

  “Nothing, Mom, just a busy day. What’s up?”

  “I was hoping you and Jarrod would have dinner with me tomorrow night.”

  Ryan closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose between two fingers. There was no easy way to say this and his mom would know soon enough now that Jarrod had been over. Best she know now so she could get used to it. “Mom, you should know…Kelly is with me…and she’s pregnant.”

  There was a sharp intake of breath on the other end followed by thick silence. “I see,” she finally said. “I guess inviting Roberta is out of the question.”

  Ryan blew out his breath at his mother’s snippy tone. Roberta Maxwell was a woman his mom had been shoving at him ever since Kelly had disappeared.

  Though his mother had never come out and said I told you so, she didn’t have to. It was there as plain as if she’d hung a banner.

  She’d never approved of Kelly. Never liked that Ryan was marrying her. She’d been polite, though. Ryan had demanded it of her. He wouldn’t allow any of his family to disrespect the woman he’d chosen to be his wife.

  After what had happened with Jarrod and Kelly, he’d expected his mother to be more smug; but she’d been oddly sympathetic. The last thing he wanted at the moment, though, was to bring Kelly to an awkward dinner where his mom would sit with that pinched look on her face and Jarrod would say God knows what.

  He’d wondered what would happen when the inevitable confrontation with Jarrod occurred. Now he knew, and it hadn’t gone at all as he’d imagined.

  “I think we’ll do dinner another time. Kelly and I aren’t up to it at the moment.”

  He said his goodbyes and hung up, starting the car and slamming it into Reverse. He needed some distance before he went off the deep end.

  He drove aimlessly and ended up at his office building before he even realized that he was heading in that direction. He didn’t often drive, and usually only when he was leaving the city. He kept his car parked and used his car service. But today he hadn’t been in any mood to wait for pickup.

  He parked and went up to his office, acknowledging Jansen’s look of surprise since he’d just told his assistant that morning that he wouldn’t be in for several days.

  He waved off Jansen’s question of whether or not he needed anything and shut the door to his office. Then he flopped into his chair and swiveled around to stare out the window.

  The weather had turned cold and gray, much more suited to his mood. After spending several days in Texas, where it was a good deal warmer, even in winter, coming back to the cold of the Northeast was a bit of an adjustment.

  His cell phone rang, and he almost didn’t answer. It was Cam, and Cam would want to know what had prompted his departure from Moon Island. Ryan was supposed to fly back to New York with Cam and Devon but he’d left in a hurry with a flimsily uttered excuse.

  Deciding not to delay the inevitable, he put the phone to his ear.

  “You and Dev make it back?”

  “There you are. Been trying to call you for the past twenty-four hours. Where the hell did you go in such a hurry?” Cam demanded.

  Ryan sighed. “My investigator called. He found Kelly.” There was dead silence and then he heard Cam murmuring to someone else. Probably Dev.

  “And?” Cam finally said.

  “She was in Houston. I left the island to go and see if it was her.”

  “And?” Cam asked again.

  “It was. I brought her back to New York with me.”

  “You did what? Why the hell did you do that?”

  Ryan sighed at the incredulity in Cam’s voice. And then because he needed to unload on someone, he said, “She’s pregnant, Cam.”

  “Oh, Christ. What is with all the pregnant women showing up? I’ll ask you the same question I asked Rafael when Bryony appeared out of nowhere. How do you know it’s yours?”

  “I don’t believe I said it was mine,” Ryan said mildly. “What I said was that she’s pregnant.”

  “Uh-huh, and you’d just bring your ex-fiancée back to New York with you because she’s pregnant with someone else’s baby?”

  “Don’t be a smart-ass. The thing is, it could be my baby. Or it could be my brother’s. Are you seeing my problem now?”

  “Man, I’d say you have a whole hell of a lot of problems that I’m glad I don’t have. What does she say about all of this?”

  “That’s just it. She’s pissed. At me. She acts like I’ve wronged her. I don’t get it. She hasn’t said whose baby it is. She hasn’t denied that it’s my child but neither has she confirmed that it’s mine.”

  “Has it ever occurred to you that she doesn’t know?” Cam asked dryly.

  Ryan scowled and then pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers.

  “Sorry, man, it had to be said. If she was sleeping with you and your brother plus God knows who else, she probably doesn’t have a clue who the baby daddy is.”

  “God, stop with the snark. You’re giving me a headache. Kelly isn’t some whore.”

  “I never said she was.”

  “You implied it.”

  “Look, you’re getting pissed at the wrong person here. I’m just asking—as a friend—whether you’ve lost your everloving mind. But then again, I thought you were insane for hiring an investigator to find her. Well, you found her and now you have to deal with the fallout. I’ll tell you just what I told Rafael when he was faced with similar issues. Call your lawyer. Get paternity testing done.”

  “I don’t want it to come to that,” Ryan said quietly. “Damn it, I just want to know what went wrong.” He broke off and shook his head. This was a po
intless conversation to be having. Cam was an unforgiving bastard on his best day. As soon as he heard what Kelly had done, he’d basically written her off. Cam might be a hard-ass but he was a loyal hard-ass.

  Cam was silent for a moment. “Look man, I’m sorry. I get that this has you tied in knots. Personally, I think you ought to go out, have a few drinks and get laid. Come off that self-imposed celibacy stint you’ve been on since you threw her out. But I know you won’t so I won’t go there.”

  Ryan laughed and shook his head.

  “Dev wants to talk to you a minute so hang on.”

  “See ya,” Ryan muttered to empty air.

  A second later, Dev came on the phone.

  “I won’t repeat all Cam has said other than to ditto everything. What I wanted to tell you is that I’ll be out of pocket for a while.”

  “Oh? Eloping with Ashley?”

  Dev muttered a not-so-nice directive and Ryan chuckled.

  “No, there’s an issue with the construction and we’ve already suffered so many delays on this project that I don’t want to risk any more. I’m going down there myself. It’ll be quicker than conference calls and playing phone tag.”

  Ryan frowned and then leaned back in his chair. “How soon were you planning to leave?”

  “Day after tomorrow. I’d go sooner, but I can’t. And Cam is going to be out of the country starting tomorrow and I can’t very well ask Rafe to leave his honeymoon.”

  “Ah. So really you and Cam were calling to see if I’d do it.”

  “Well, yeah, but after hearing what’s on your plate, I’ll go. I can break away after tomorrow.”

  Ryan thought a moment and then made a split-second decision. “No, I’ll go.”

  “Whoa. Wait a minute. I thought you had Kelly with you. A pregnant Kelly.”

  “Yeah, I do. I’ll take her with me. It’ll be perfect. It’ll give us time away from… It’ll give us some time alone to sort things out.”

  Ryan could hear Dev sigh all the way through the phone.

  “You honestly want her back? After everything that’s happened?”

  Ryan gripped the phone and stared out his window. “I don’t know yet. I need some answers before I make that kind of decision. But if she’s pregnant with my baby, I’m not letting her go again.”

  “Okay, you go. I’ll email you all the issues. Just keep me posted and let me know if you have problems. I can be there at a moment’s notice.”

  “Will do. Look, I know you and Cam think I’m nuts, but I appreciate you having my back.”

  Dev’s dry response was immediate. “Yeah, you’re nuts. But whatever makes you happy, man.”

  Ryan hung up and stared at the phone for a long moment before summoning Jansen. He gave him a list of instructions, starting with the need for Kelly to see an obstetrician immediately. She’d need a doctor’s clearance to travel, but if the doctor gave the okay, he planned for them to spend a few days alone. And maybe they could start putting the pieces back together.

  Then he started a shopping list, ignoring Jansen’s grimace. Kelly needed outfitting from head to toe.

  Five

  Kelly sat cross-legged on her bed, staring into empty space. She couldn’t stay here. She’d been stupid to think that she could exist in an environment where she was exposed to Jarrod.

  It had been all she could do to keep it together. She was furious that she’d sat there while that bastard stood in the doorway with his bewildered look of innocence, but she’d been paralyzed the moment he’d walked into Ryan’s apartment.

  She hated the feeling of helplessness and she’d never, never allow herself to be such a passive respondent again. Going forward, if she saw the bastard, she’d kick his ass, pregnant or not. And then she’d tell Ryan precisely what he could do with his precious brother.

  She hated Jarrod with a passion she reserved for few things in her life. And she hated Ryan for turning his back on her when she absolutely needed him the most.

  No, she couldn’t stay here. Not a minute longer.

  She forced herself to consider her alternatives. This time she wasn’t fleeing on ragged impulse without caring which way the wind blew her. No, she would come up with a solid plan of action. She’d go someplace quiet and safe—a good place to raise her son or daughter.

  “You’re leaving, aren’t you?”

  Ryan’s voice came from the door. She started guiltily and finally raised her eyes to his. Angry because she allowed herself to feel guilt even for a second, she hardened her gaze as she stared back at him.

  “There’s no reason for me to stay.”

  “Come with me into the living room,” he said, holding his hand out to her.